Narcissistic Abuse: A Therapist’s Guide to Identifying, Escaping, and Healing from Toxic and Manipulative People

by Vanessa Reiser

Licensed therapist and narcissism expert Vanessa Reiser offers a guide to identifying narcissistic abuse, especially in interpersonal relationships, sharing practical strategies for healing. Gaslighting. Love bombing. Hoovering. Triangulating. These are all insidious weapons in the narcissist’s toolkit. Narcissism can be hard to diagnose, but it is one of the hallmarks of abusive relationships. As a therapist specializing in narcissism and domestic abuse, Vanessa Reiser has strategies to help victims to identify, understand, and heal from abusive relationships. With a blend of information, education, and stories, Reiser defines what narcissistic abuse is, breaks down how it’s a form of domestic violence and how narcissists think and operate, uncovering their mindset and motivations, so readers can spot a narcissist more accurately, avoid toxic relationships, escape dangerous situations, and heal from mental, emotional and/or physical trauma. Readers will learn how Identify dangerous behaviors and warning signs of narcissistic abuse Create an exit strategy to safely escape from an abuser Heal from the psychological damage and trauma. Explaining narcissistic personality disorder, clarifying common misconceptions about narcissism, and detailing how narcissism works on a spectrum of benign to malignant, Narcissistic Abuse gives readers a clear picture of what narcissistic abuse entails, using specific situations and examples to show how narcissistic traits translate into real-life behaviors. Reiser describes the five stages of narcissistic abuse (luring, love bombing, mask slipping, discarding, and the smear campaign) and lists common stages and emotions that come after the relationship with a narcissist has been severed (including devastation, confusion, sadness, anger, understanding, and healing). With practical tools and a warm, empathetic tone, Narcissistic Abuse provides a clear path for readers to break the cycle and find a path back to themselves.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health, Audiobook

320 pages, Paperback

Published October 29, 2024

Reviews

[Alexandra Peter · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for the opportunity to read this as an ARC for my honest review.

I was very excited to receive this book as a survivor of narcisstic abuse and because i have not read a book similar to this.

However, this book is significantly lacking in sources, there are many claims made in this book that do not appear to be backed up by research or peer reviewed sources. That's the biggest issue I had with this book.

There were several generalizations of things like "all narcissists do this" but again with nothing to back it up.

It reads more like an opinion book rather than an educational/informational novel. It is not objective for the most part and leans heavily subjective.

I do not know that I would recommend this book for those reasons unless there were to be more cited sources throughout. Ideally I would imagine this book is supposed to come across as educational, researched, etc. With plenty of evidence to back claims up. More like a scientific or psychological book. If the author included more research and sources, it would have been a much more beneficial read for me.

[wellreadtraveler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well this was a learning experience for sure. I feel like so many people throw around the word “ Narcissist” when talking about a person without even knowing the true definition. Did you know 1 in 6 adults is a Narcissist? I mean I guarantee we all know someone who fits this label to a tee or unfortunately will come across this person in the future and you need to empower yourself.
Narcissistic Abuse goes over the nine different criteria’s that make up this disorder which I found to be very eye opening however I feel like my attention was grabbed by the information about gaslighting. Man have I experienced this first hand. It’s really hard to say you liked a book when it’s about a pretty heavy topic but the book is laid out well and the author does a great job of explaining how to identify and deal with these types of people. I definitely recommend this book to educate yourself or to pass onto someone who is dealing with a narcissist themselves.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sadly, many of us have encountered a narcissist, whether in romantic, family, work, or other relationships. Too often, narcissists blend into the environment and present themselves as charming, generous, caring, compassionate, and more, but they truly aren't who or what they pretend to be.
This book provided validation for me as someone who's encountered narcissists. It comforted me to know that there are patterns that I can spot, and that I'm not alone in feeling the way I have.
This book is heteronormative, which was a disappointment.

*Thanks to Netgalley for an eARC. All opinions contained within this review are my own.

[Christine M Cocchiola · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an expert in coercive control, a therapist, a survivor and someone working alongside Vanessa in this field - I am so excited to recommend her book to anyone who has experienced or is wondering if they are experiencing narcissistic abuse. This book is extremely validating yet more than that it's almost as if you are a client in Vanessa's office as she navigates guiding you through the various ways that narcissistic abusers abuse and best clinical interventions to support yourself. This book will support you whether you are staying, escaping, or living in the afterlife of this abuse.

[Ginny Priem · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vanessa approaches this book in the same manner I anticipate her to support her patients -- with compassion, empathy, experience, knowledge, and personal experience. Her authenticity comes through as an advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse in helping them move from surviving to thriving. This is a must read for anyone whose light has been dimmed by manipulation, emotional or psychological abuse.

[sarah]

I went into this with pretty low expectations because I don't like to expect too much out of nonfictions about mental health/relationships, and that actually worked in my favor. While I didn't enjoy that the author kept making definitive statements about what a narcissist is or what they do, I did see a lot of characteristics in people from my past that I no longer talk to because of their narcissitic behaviors. I think it can be harmful to make blanket statements about what a group of people are like and that really brought down my enjoyment of this book. The fact that there were some helpful tips sprinkled throughout was the thing that saved this for me. For example, not every single narcissist is going to financially abuse you, the recommendation to save money where they cannot see it was a useful tip. I have done a lot of healing and growth since I left my narcissistic ex, and I think this book would've made me feel worse if I had read it sooner. Overall, I had an ok time but the blanket statements really made this a difficult read. I'm also not the type of person to follow what a nonfiction book tells me I should be doing so I'm probably not the target audience for this.






Thank you to Hachette Books and Balance for providing me with an eBook copy to review on NetGalley.

[Marisa Forman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vanessa Reiser’s book on narcissistic abuse is an insightful and deeply compassionate guide that sheds light on one of the most insidious forms of emotional manipulation. Drawing from her expertise as a licensed therapist and her own personal experiences, Reiser masterfully combines professional knowledge with relatable, real-life scenarios to create a resource that is both educational and empowering.

Her writing is clear, empathetic, and engaging, making complex psychological concepts accessible to readers at all levels. What sets this book apart is its focus on healing and recovery, offering practical strategies and actionable steps for breaking free from the cycle of abuse and rebuilding one’s sense of self. Reiser’s tone is warm and encouraging, offering a sense of hope and solidarity to anyone feeling trapped or isolated in their experience.

This book is a must-read for survivors, loved ones seeking to understand, and even mental health professionals looking to deepen their understanding of narcissistic abuse. Reiser has truly created a guidebook for reclaiming your power and finding freedom. A five-star masterpiece that will resonate deeply with its readers!

[Kiara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Narcissistic Abuse is a fairly new concept. There are a lot of critiques on the lack of cases and case studies presented in the book to further some points. Often, I believe there is no true way to analyze narcissistic behavior in a study setting to create intensive research. If one of the major components is the mask of a narcissistic and never letting it slip to others- it would be hard to be study. In addition to that, I believe that the 1 in 6 is not accurate and has no real validity given the fact a narcissist won’t admit to it and rather deflect that label. The author does a great job of highlighting all the behaviors of a narcissist. With this term being thrown around it’s important a licensed professional distinguishes a true narcissist vs someone’s ex boyfriend who cheated and lied. I think this is a great place to start for women questioning if they are going through psychological (or other types of) abuse.

Drop of 1 star for inadvertently minimizing the victims of true human trafficking

[Beth Eats And Reads Walsh · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting book, though I wish it were a little more research based & less anecdotal. The author seems to take most of the book from her own experience (both as a victim in a narcissistic relationship & as a therapist dealing with clients who also suffered at the hands of a narcissist). At times the book reads a little cavalierly/casually (ie, “This creates false hope and unrealistic expectations, given the Prince Charming bullshit being fed to us extremely early on”) and it seems repetitive at times.
So though it wasn’t particularly *helpful*, it was definitely validating to read about narcissists and how their disordered behavior affects others.

[Natalie Rahm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! There are very few books out there that give you as much information as this one. I feel like the author does a great job of explaining this type of abuse. I had so many aha moments reading it. Her narc sounds similar to mine. I’ve been dealing with him for almost 30 years. I left 4 years ago but the legal battle has been a rough one. They will push you over a cliff if they could and some have! Thank you for your years of research and putting together such an amazing book that was spot on, at least it was for me. Hugs to anyone dealing with this, it’s almost been the death of me and reading others experiences helps me feel like I’m not freaking crazy and I’m not alone.

[Tessa · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was sent to me as a giveaway winner.

This book was wide ranging, but did feel like it was written without solid source material. The author's experiences with a narcissist informed a lot of the information within, and the book lacks the gravitas of a book grounded in facts and research.

I think any book that informs people about the dangers of partner abuse is valid and important. If you are completely unfamiliar with narcissism this could be a good beginning before you move on to more informed guides.

[Kirsti · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author, a social worker, escaped an abusive narcissist. She is also an ultramarathoner, so to raise awareness about destructive narcissists, she ran across New York State in a wedding gown. This book offers practical strategies to spot an abusive narcissist and extensive advice and pep talks on how to escape one.

[Casey Pestona · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book focused primarily on intimate partner violence and really did offer much regarding narcissism in families or other relationships. As a social worker currently working on their masters, I was hoping this book would go more in depth, but felt that a lot of the book was reductive. It was also quite repetitive.

[Bookwises · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is educational and written with empathy. It explains how narcissists manipulate and how to protect yourself from them. I liked the practical tips for healing after abuse. Highly recommended for anyone in toxic relationships.

[Joseph DeLisle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Great information though somewhat repetitive. Would like to have had more case studies to make the info more tangible.

[Courtney · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't mind that this book wasn't constantly siting studies, etc. I know enough about that. I like to learn from real, lived experience. It just didn't land for me.

[Becky Fleming · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is fine, I've read a lot around this topic so some of it was relatable and rang true, but I didn't engage with the writing style and skipped quite a lot.

[Michelle Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

Required reading. Not everyone is a narcissist but everyone has toxic traits. This book will help you in identifying those in yourself and others. With this knowledge it is easier to put things in perspective to heal from past trauma and unhealthy relationships, set boundaries, and move forward with a peaceful mindset. Her chapter on trauma bonding and specifically the section on shame vs guilt were especially helpful for me.