Topographia Hibernica

by Blindboy Boatclub

You don't fully appreciate how large a donkey's head is until it's beside you in a Fiat Punto. The view in my mirror was furry and violent. I was driving blind.

Driving with a donkey stuffed in the back seat; jackdaws pecking brains out through the roof of a confessional box; cat piss and astronauts. This is the world not as you see it, but as it is, twisted from the maverick mind of Blindboyboatclub.

These are stories of the strange unsettlings in the souls of men caught in between the past and the possible; stories of heart-blinding rage and disquieting compassion.

Taking its title from a twelfth-century English manuscript of the same name, which dehumanised the people and culture of Ireland to facilitate domination, Topographia Hibernica is a collection that unravels the knotted threads of humanity, nature and colonisation from a contemporary Irish perspective.

Called 'one of the most gifted writers of his generation' by the Irish Times , Blindboyboatclub is the essential voice for the Irish condition in the twenty-first century. Topographia Hibernica is his unmissable new short-story collection.

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction, Irish Literature, Ireland, Horror, Short Story Collection, Audiobook

278 pages, Hardcover

First published November 1, 2023

About the author

Blindboy Boatclub is one half of the famed artist duo the Rubberbandits. Along with Mr. Chrome, the Rubberbandits started working together in 2000 but shot to international fame in 2010 upon the release of their song 'Horse Outside'. Their debut album 'Serious About Men' was released in 2011.

The duo are famed for their satirical and biting takes on Irish culture and are easily identifiable by their masks, made of plastic shopping bags, used to hide their identities. The Rubberbandits are self-proclaimed Gas Cuntists, an art movement they founded that has been described as 'Dada and Fluxus on a horn'.

In 2015, the duo represented Ireland at the Venice Biennale.

Reviews

[Denchrollie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible collection of short stories that offer a slice of life to modern day Ireland and its culture. The original Topographica Hibernica was a piece of propaganda by Gerald of Wales from the 12th century, in which he describes the Irish as savage and backwards, fucking animals and committing heresy. English and later British authorities used it to justify their occupation of my little island. Blindboy rejects the original by reclaiming the title and shining a light on our culture, warts and all.

The Poitin Maker comments on Irish folklore and its uses historically to cope with life's hardships. An anxious moonshiner blames the death of his family on the fairies and is terrified his living child will be stolen and turned into a changeling.

Rat Lungworm comments on the boomer generation of rural Ireland, the ones who refused to emigrate and spent their days line dancing and pub talking about the IRA. The hidden embarassment of the woman forced to get an abortion is never directly said but as with many parts of our history, we understand what "getting the ferry to Liverpool" means in context. It also talks of the lengths people will go to avoid addressing hardships, losing themselves in silly Facebook conspiracy groups.

Blindboy writes in a distinct Hiberno-Irish style, using Limerick slang and harkening back to other great Irish writers. I believe some of it might be hard to understand if you have never lived in Ireland but it feels like a breath of fresh air to someone who lives here. I believe these characters live everywhere in Ireland. Even at its most exagerrated moments, such as in the hypermasculine satire "I'll give you Barcelona", I understood exactly what Blindboy was ripping the piss out of - auld boys that exist in every gym in Ireland, acting like they're still 25 and giving it the big'un in the showers. I've seen this in real life and if you go to the gym in Ireland, you have too.

Other stories, such as "St Augustine's Suntan", a dark look at the (literally) crumbling Catholic church in Ireland and the strange sense of guilt that permeates every Irish Catholic. As you read these stories, you begin to see the threads that connect the themes of this book. Masculinity and its role in the mental health crisis this country experiences, the slow death of our nations enviroment, the post Celtic Tiger greed that covers our emerald green island with a plastic smiling leprechaun - Blindboy sees all the problems in Ireland today and it seems he's the only one who understands them on a deeper level.

If you're young and Irish, this is compulsory reading. If you have any interest in Ireland and its place in the world, this is compulsory reading. No author, teacher, comedian or politician of the 21st century has captured the spirit of Ireland as well as Blindboy has here.

Go raibh maith agat as do chuid oibre, a Blindboy agus na bac leis an scriobh!

[Tom Mooney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bit of a mixed bag but he's always worth it.

[S V B · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was just as great/horrible/hilarious/unsettling as I hoped it would be! If you've listened to any of Blindboy's podcasts you'll know the vibe, I listened to the audiobook and would 100% recommend it because his delivery is DELICIOUS.

Geddon Purple Brosnan

[Dan Giffney · Rating 5 out of 5]

The story of The poitín maker and their child was probably my favourite

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just know he had such a laugh writing some of these

[Liam · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5*

[Deborah]

Completely unfamiliar to me until he was selected by a member of my book club, Blindboy Boatclub is an Irish musician, artist and author who writes (and podcasts) some of the most creative and out-there stuff I have ever come across, and that’s saying something. Topographia Hibernica is a collection of short stories, and the first thing to say is that they are not for the faint-hearted. Because this book starts with two stories that contain distressing scenes of animal suffering, my initial reaction was that this was not a book I would be able to read because that’s a red line for me unless there is a really good reason for it (there is still one story in the book, ‘The Pistils of the Dandelions’, that I’m not able to read). However, I found Blindboy’s podcast, and after several episodes, admit I'm hooked by his tumbling, rambunctious talent for what I suppose is blarney – warm wit combined with a seductive, surreal humour (and a lot of swearing). I finished the remaining tumult of stories with great pleasure - a mixture of the comic, sad, worrying and inspiring, all in a style that is utterly fresh to the ear, inventive and authentic. The only sensible comparisons I came up with are Flann O’Brien and Spike Milligan, but I think he's streets ahead of the latter, at least for current generations. He clearly has a fascination for mythology and folklore, but what is unusual is his ability to link ancient stories and beliefs to the present times in ways that are original and insightful. Consequently, it's well worth getting past the hurdle of the first two stories in this book.

I should add that Blindboy seems to have a strongly compassionate nature, despite (and maybe because of) the occasional depictions of suffering, as well as an extraordinary facility with language. My affinity with his style may be purely personal, perhaps coming from living in Birmingham for many years, where the large Irish population has influenced the local sense of humour as well as the language - it feels familiar, like coming home. Either way, he writes beautifully and has an extraordinary gift for natural dialogue and haunting description. The way he can pluck an idea from the air and riff on it is just glorious. How wonderful to discover a new writer whom I happily class among my top three: Laurence Sterne, James Joyce, and Russell Hoban. Fabulous stuff.

[Anya · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to much of this because the accent sounds so great but honestly he is trying very hard to write quirky stories (too hard which makes it not quite flow) and it all doesn’t quite work, which meant I had very little patience to actually listen to all of them from beginning to end. Many I abandoned half way through. Sometimes the difference between amazing writing and shite is small but very apparent, and it’s hard for me to pinpoint what that difference might be. Pity, as he seems very well meaning in his efforts!

[Peanut · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goodreads let me give half stars please !!This one was a lot darker than his usual offering but I enjoyed it all the same :•) I did miss the same amount of divilment that’s usually in all of his stories though.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5 ⭐️: moving and at times brutal, this is an epic collection of short stories that presents Ireland in all of its glory. The stories feel like they’re located somewhere between myth and modernity, and they feature characters that are flawed and deeply human. They’re vivid, too. If you read this, you’ll meet a weightlifting taxi driver; a chain-smoking lawyer with a racing greyhound named after her; a man who feeds jackdaws in an old cathedral with petrol station sausage rolls, and another who rescues an abused donkey in his Fiat Punto. The writing is poetic with hints of humour. It can also be raw and unflinching, with some darker moments of suffering and cruelty (the parts involving animals were hard to read…though I’ll concede that they were true to the stories and didn’t feel out of place in that sense). What’s great is that Blindboy doesn’t shy away from the darker bits of Ireland’s history. He confronts issues like colonisation, poverty, ageing, loneliness, and mental health, while also celebrating the resilience and humour of the Irish people. If you’re a fan of Blindboy, you’ll love this. I hadn’t read any of his stories before but I’m converted!

[Luke Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been taking a lot of comfort from Blindboy’s podcast of late so it felt like I had a great entry point to this coherent but eclectic book of short stories. Curated not dissimilar to a setlist for a gig, I really appreciated the transitions across time, making for an interesting variation and dynamic. Modern setting stories such as ‘Pamela Fags’, ‘Rat Lungworm’ and ‘Covert Japes’ made impact through twisted humour, tiptoeing into surrealism. ‘St Augustine’s Suntan’ had a real sharpness to it, whilst the ‘Cat Piss Astronaut’ seemed like it could be autobiographical, drawing the reader in towards many emotional extremities, with hilarious wit punctuated by a deep melancholia. ‘The Poitín Maker’ was the standout story for me… it had a classic and traditional quality to me, effortlessly rooted in a completely different time and place. It contains a humanity to it that lands the same way I experience a Steinbeck novel. A true modern talent.

[Mark Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard Blindboy read out 4 or 5 of these short stories on his podcast, a podcast that’s been curated and released every single week for seven years straight, which is mad.

Absolutely mint artist and human being and if you haven’t already well worth listening to and reading. It’s meditative and comforting amongst all the shite out in the world, an ongoing and authentic embrace of the oral tradition of storytelling.

This collection is his latest and amongst others features a donkey selling Christmas trees on a roundabout, a once strapping young man debilitated by eating slugs, Irish mythology, and an unhinged religious fanatic selling a pricy bass guitar in a dodgy city centre pub. Defo recommend.

[Peter Cox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blindboy writes with a barbaric beauty, his use of language is unexpected and his stories are so freaking weird! My personal favourites were the poitin maker, the pistils of the dandelions, cat piss Astronaut and I'll give you Barcelona.

This was a joy to read, not just because of the stories themselves but because of the way he uses language.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

I actually had to stop reading this so many times and skipped some stories part way through, the animal cruelty was just so sad and the writing in so so raw and emotive (which is amazing) but too many feels and too bloody depressing.

[Belinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pamela the solicitor for president!

[Alison Harvey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Undoubtably has literary merit but graphic descriptions of animal cruelty and death made this unbearable to read, did not finish.

[Tom Vernon · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I close my eyes and let him pierce my skull, to tear the little pages from my head where my sins are written. And he will drop them in a ditch for the weasels to read with their teeth.”

4.5/5

A wonderful collection of short stories ranging across many different narratives and themes. This was my first time reading a collection of short stories from an English language author - my Murakami burn out last year perhaps tainted the idea of short stories for me, but this was a very welcome and very pleasant surprise

I was introduced to the author’s, Blindboy Boatclub’s, long running podcast by a friend of mine, and discovering his work has been an absolute highlight this year. I would highly recommend his podcast and documentaries, and would happily do the same here for Topographia Hibernica.

[Darragh Sinnott · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very eclectic and eccentric mix of short stories by blindboy (who I’ve really come to enjoy). Loved some stories and they still stick with me, especially ‘The Poitín Maker’ - a story about olden Irish mythology, superstition and the hardships of rural life in 19th century rural Ireland. Another fave is ‘the cat piss Astronaut’ - which really highlighted the experience of highly functioning autistic children growing up in Ireland. Finally, I giggled a lot reading ‘I’ll give you Barcelona’ - which reminds me of the old fellas in the gym very accurately.

Others were slightly less enjoyable though, hence the 4/5 - maybe they just have a bit too much hidden meaning for me to understand??

Overall really enjoyed the book!!
A very unique style of writing throughout

[Alan P · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bit of a mixed bag for me, but overall a good collection. I liked more stories than I disliked but, unfortunately, the longest story in the collection I hated 😅

My rankings, from fave to least fave:

Really liked:
Covert Japes (my fave)
The Pistils of the Dandelions
Pamela Fags
I'll Give You Barcelona

Liked:
The Cat Piss Astronaut
The Donkey

Were Grand:
St. Augustine's Suntan
Rat Lungworm

Disliked:
Topigraphia Hibernica

Really Disliked:
The Poitín Maker (seems to be a bit of a fan favourite though)

[Keith Kavanagh · Rating 5 out of 5]

the last time I finished a book this fast was racing connor mcgrath to read the deathly hallows
and funnily enough blindboy's third tome of tales is tonally as dark as the films are physically, but oddly specific and interesting as learning of a cast member buying an ice cream van but I suppose what else are you supposed to do if you're rupert grint
I'll give you barcelona was a personal favourite, read in on a sunday in parc ciutadella and I recommend read you book tomorra

[Cian Aherne · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Hon Limerick

[Davita · Rating 2 out of 5]

Vond dit echt saai

[Rach Stanton]

I adore Blindboy’s podcasts but couldn’t get into these stories at all.

I haven’t scored it because I didn’t want to upset Blindboy.

[Kat Guiry · Rating 4 out of 5]

some bangers, some not bangers

[Thaddeus Umrigar · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a brilliant, characterful study of the nexus of myth and contemporary culture through the lens of Ireland.

One of the strongest voices I’ve read in a while. Between each story moving between
the physical power of cult pulpy gross out lit (eg Bank’s ‘Wasp Factory’ or Palahunik’s ‘Guts’) whilst retaining the supposedly higher poetic, mythical and religious themes of the modern Irish ‘tradition’.

Written to be read aloud, often first on the podcast, you get a strong sense of personal authenticity to the writing which whilst technically difficult does show. The only technical downside is I think that he often fixates on images. That includes two mentions of animals licking the wound of their offspring’s missing eye in this book, and multiple mentions of ‘capillary action’ of ‘bootcut jeans’ sucking up various liquids from various floors elsewhere. I presume this sort of thing could be flagged by an editor, but overall the work benefits from being seemingly true to his initial vision.

His turn of phrase is often genuinely genius and casts new light on each word in the sequence. My favourite phrase from the collection:

The slug is the oyster of the porch.

9/10

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some stories are fine-tuned, ring true on an emotional level and prove affecting. Others are Limmy-like amusements—albeit lumbering ones—some luridly saturated with vulgar shock appeal, some not. There’s effective wordsmithery at times, and a preoccupation with animals encourages a symbiotic relationship between stories that feels more vital than the shared Ireland setting. However, you can’t shake the niggling sense that the writer isn’t entirely himself and that the collection, on the whole, fails to speak with a satisfying voice.

[Liam Liddane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Will have to simmer on this one; could change this to a 5 star review.

Uncomfortable, evil and yet somehow realistic, this book is full of a fantastic variety of absurdist humour that is wholly isolated to the city of Limerick and the works of Roald Dahl. I think if the reanimated corpse of Roald Dahl were to chance upon Blindboy Boatclub he would find a kindred spirit in penship who smells just as bad as himself.

Would definitely only recommend to those that can bare stomach churning descriptions of animal abuse.

[B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice lil collection of short stories, your enjoyment and understanding of some of the stories here might hinge a bit on your familiarity with modern irish life, culture and slang but it's definitly worth a go

[James Durkan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Topographica Hibernica / Blindboy Boatclub

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨

~ You can try to remove all the religious iconography from a cathedral, pretend it's just an old building, blow out the ears and eyes of God, but something else will fill that space… ~

I seem over time to have missed the Blindboy hype, sure there was Rubberbandits and Horse Outside but since then Ive jot much listened to the podcast or read anything. Until now.

I read this as a brief interlude in between books and I’m delighted I did. This has single handily restored my faith in short stories. Top mentions are “I’ll give you Barcelona”, “Pamela Fags”, and “The Donkey”. My fave though was “The Pistils of the Dandelions”, my heart broke.

All is written as it would be spoken, and it really just all worked. Notes on a changing world, a changing Ireland, the nature is so vividly written. Would’ve been 5 star but a few in between just weren’t for me.

I’ve The Gospel and Boulevard Wren preserved for myself now, looking forward to reading more.

📚 Borrowed from #GraiguenamanaghLibrary as part of @kilkennylibrary and @librariesireland 📚

Read: 06/02/25 - 08/02/25
Release Date: 09/11/23
ISBN: 9781529371628

[Jenny Kenyon · Rating 5 out of 5]

“the jackdaws build their nests in the confessional boxes of the deconsecrated Augustinian cathedral. I come here in the mornings to feed them petrol station sausage rolls”

so maybe 2024 is the year i start actually writing reviews?

anyone who knows me well (at all) will have heard me bang on about Blindboy’s podcast, so i definitely didn’t approach these short stories from an unbiased perspective, but, holy hell, did this knock me off my feet.

a mind-bending, hallucinogenic, painful, violent assortment of tales and characters i’m not sure i’ll ever forget, from Pamela Fags and her greyhound to Joop and his salted slugs.

sorry, world, i’ll be singing this book’s praises until the jackdaws fly home to roost.