What do you think?
Rate this book
Not You
Shortly after graduating high school, Megan purposefully conceives a child in one of many failed attempts to secure the acceptance she desperately wants from anyone who would offer.
She soon finds herself in a variety of dire straits that includes 12 months in a maternity home and her subsequent surrender to mental illness. It would take the births of three more children to finally find the self-respect necessary to become the responsible mother her children deserved.
Not You details the struggles of a single mother who has the task of overcoming the self-loathing that imprisons her inside of one bad choice after another. For the woman who has been mocked and abused, has lost a baby, lost herself, or has lost her community due to decisions she’s felt were necessary, this memoir will appeal to anyone who has had to find the courage to love themselves first.
She soon finds herself in a variety of dire straits that includes 12 months in a maternity home and her subsequent surrender to mental illness. It would take the births of three more children to finally find the self-respect necessary to become the responsible mother her children deserved.
Not You details the struggles of a single mother who has the task of overcoming the self-loathing that imprisons her inside of one bad choice after another. For the woman who has been mocked and abused, has lost a baby, lost herself, or has lost her community due to decisions she’s felt were necessary, this memoir will appeal to anyone who has had to find the courage to love themselves first.
266 pages, Paperback
Published May 7, 2024
1 person is currently reading
10 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
February 18, 2024
"It had taken us just that one time for me to conceive, my being too stupid to understand that all Adam wanted was to know how good it felt to shoot his baby-making juice outside the constraints of a condom." Not You is a memoir about a damaged woman, Megan Harris M. who uses her reproductive capacity to try and ensure love and stability after a loveless childhood. It doesn't work out well, across a series of men, and for her children, both living and stillborn who clearly aren't ends in themselves but means to ends. Megan also experiences domestic and family violence at the hands of one of these partners, and struggles to leave his orbit through the effects of coercive control.
There's no denying Megan's mother was awful to her, including by suggesting ways to make suicide a success. However it's also hard to deny Megan's mother was right about how Megan uses pregnancy: "turn me into some kind of stupid but cunning, woman who could only be as ambitious as her vagina allowed, like I didn't have anything else going for me. So yeah, lie down and get pregnant, and then use the baby as an excuse." Megan presents this viewpoint as totally untrue, but in the next breath, gets pregnant again and says: "I was incredibly elated that I would finally be tied to him forever."
I found Megan hard to like in Not You. Her claims of being "a shitty-ass mother for subjecting my son to his lifestyle of crime" were thin and unconvincing. Ditto moments of self-realisation: "I had become a human parasite, and never realised it." Despite her own actions relating to using her reproductive capabilities, Megan is very quick to judge a Mexican woman who pretends she is pregnant to get food and a place to sleep. Not sure it was necessary to throw in the racism about her percentage of Mexican blood, I think the publisher should have picked that up.
In my opinion, Not You is bleak, and poorly written, annoyingly repetitive in many places. The only characters you're likely to end with any sympathy for are Megan's children. They were robbed of childhoods as Megan ignored their needs while trying to fill the gaping hole in herself by using their presence to trap men: "I was basically a ward of the state looking for anyone to adopt me and my child." It's hard to relate to someone who sees human lives as hooks to get her own needs met by a disappointing series of men.
Even the drama about the teen abortion that begins the book feels disingenuous. Megan had no trouble later in life doing exactly the same thing with a new partner, "terminating our pregnancy at his request", but was more upset about not realising "at the time that ending the life inside of me was just the beginning of the end for me and him" than the loss of any potential child. Despite all this, there is no excuse for domestic and family violence. So, I am glad, particularly for the kids, that Megan got out of the dangerous relationship, and got her life together and started to address her obvious need for therapy. I hope it works out and it helps Megan close the door to more dangerous men.
Thanks to NetGalley & Apprentice House Press for sending me a copy to read.
There's no denying Megan's mother was awful to her, including by suggesting ways to make suicide a success. However it's also hard to deny Megan's mother was right about how Megan uses pregnancy: "turn me into some kind of stupid but cunning, woman who could only be as ambitious as her vagina allowed, like I didn't have anything else going for me. So yeah, lie down and get pregnant, and then use the baby as an excuse." Megan presents this viewpoint as totally untrue, but in the next breath, gets pregnant again and says: "I was incredibly elated that I would finally be tied to him forever."
I found Megan hard to like in Not You. Her claims of being "a shitty-ass mother for subjecting my son to his lifestyle of crime" were thin and unconvincing. Ditto moments of self-realisation: "I had become a human parasite, and never realised it." Despite her own actions relating to using her reproductive capabilities, Megan is very quick to judge a Mexican woman who pretends she is pregnant to get food and a place to sleep. Not sure it was necessary to throw in the racism about her percentage of Mexican blood, I think the publisher should have picked that up.
In my opinion, Not You is bleak, and poorly written, annoyingly repetitive in many places. The only characters you're likely to end with any sympathy for are Megan's children. They were robbed of childhoods as Megan ignored their needs while trying to fill the gaping hole in herself by using their presence to trap men: "I was basically a ward of the state looking for anyone to adopt me and my child." It's hard to relate to someone who sees human lives as hooks to get her own needs met by a disappointing series of men.
Even the drama about the teen abortion that begins the book feels disingenuous. Megan had no trouble later in life doing exactly the same thing with a new partner, "terminating our pregnancy at his request", but was more upset about not realising "at the time that ending the life inside of me was just the beginning of the end for me and him" than the loss of any potential child. Despite all this, there is no excuse for domestic and family violence. So, I am glad, particularly for the kids, that Megan got out of the dangerous relationship, and got her life together and started to address her obvious need for therapy. I hope it works out and it helps Megan close the door to more dangerous men.
Thanks to NetGalley & Apprentice House Press for sending me a copy to read.
April 13, 2024
Not You by Megan Harris. Thanks to @mindbuckmedia for the gifted copy ⭐️⭐️⭐️
A single mother, Megan goes through pregnancies and bad choices with men, why she attempts to get over her self-loathing and become not only responsible for her children, but herself too.
This was a hard memoir to read. Megan had such a difficult time repeating the same unhealthy behaviors over and over; it was shocking especially knowing it is a memoir and real life. I loved that it took place in Maryland and I recognized many places… even the hospital that I was born in. This was a very fast and engaging read; I finished it in a few hours.
“All I wanted was to belong to someone who would accept me and keep me safe.”
Not You comes out 5/7.
A single mother, Megan goes through pregnancies and bad choices with men, why she attempts to get over her self-loathing and become not only responsible for her children, but herself too.
This was a hard memoir to read. Megan had such a difficult time repeating the same unhealthy behaviors over and over; it was shocking especially knowing it is a memoir and real life. I loved that it took place in Maryland and I recognized many places… even the hospital that I was born in. This was a very fast and engaging read; I finished it in a few hours.
“All I wanted was to belong to someone who would accept me and keep me safe.”
Not You comes out 5/7.
May 22, 2024
*some spoilers may be included in this review
“Not You: A Memoir” focuses mainly on Megan’s turbulent relationship with her mother and an abusive relationship she was in with the father of three of her children. In the opening, Megan struggles with emotions after having an abortion, she’s attempting to find her way in the world as a young woman, and she’s constantly seeking love and acceptance from male companions. She is also dealing with anxiety and depression, which is mostly brought on by her mother, who encourages Megan’s thoughts of suicide. Her mother actually tells her HOW to commit suicide— by slitting her wrists over the tub so she won’t make a mess. Over the course of time, Megan will also suffer the loss of two babies, endure repeated physical abuse, and also deal with the pain of the mysterious, untimely death of her sister.
Megan does an amazing job keeping the mood and tone of the story. There is always something going on, and the book is never boring. “Not You: A Memoir” was honest and raw, and it was particularly difficult to read the passages of the loss of Megan’s two babies, each one unexpected and shocking. I was in tears a few times while reading this book and had to stop my reading for a few moments to absorb what happened to Megan and consider how she might deal with the deaths. In the end, Megan does rise above, but some of the scars will of course always be with her.
I would highly recommend “Not You: A Memoir” to those who struggle with mental illness, family issues, and abusive relationships. It’s also the perfect read for those who enjoy memoirs of struggle to success.
“Not You: A Memoir” focuses mainly on Megan’s turbulent relationship with her mother and an abusive relationship she was in with the father of three of her children. In the opening, Megan struggles with emotions after having an abortion, she’s attempting to find her way in the world as a young woman, and she’s constantly seeking love and acceptance from male companions. She is also dealing with anxiety and depression, which is mostly brought on by her mother, who encourages Megan’s thoughts of suicide. Her mother actually tells her HOW to commit suicide— by slitting her wrists over the tub so she won’t make a mess. Over the course of time, Megan will also suffer the loss of two babies, endure repeated physical abuse, and also deal with the pain of the mysterious, untimely death of her sister.
Megan does an amazing job keeping the mood and tone of the story. There is always something going on, and the book is never boring. “Not You: A Memoir” was honest and raw, and it was particularly difficult to read the passages of the loss of Megan’s two babies, each one unexpected and shocking. I was in tears a few times while reading this book and had to stop my reading for a few moments to absorb what happened to Megan and consider how she might deal with the deaths. In the end, Megan does rise above, but some of the scars will of course always be with her.
I would highly recommend “Not You: A Memoir” to those who struggle with mental illness, family issues, and abusive relationships. It’s also the perfect read for those who enjoy memoirs of struggle to success.
May 9, 2024
3 stars.
it tells a memoir of Megan, who’s got pregnant at her teenage where she was dismissed by her baby’s father and even her family.
even when she managed to earn some money, she keep entering the toxic cycle and keep getting into bad decisions.
i admit that as the reader; we have no rights to judge someone’s life memoir. honestly i was so frustated reading it since i just couldn’t relate it, but i keep reminding myself that it’s the ‘manipulated—abuse effects’ that made someone lose herself.
it portrays exactly how someone’s trying to get out the toxic cycle a lot and choosing bad decisions all the time.
i love how the author wrote to empathize us and as reader, we can fully know what her feelings at that time.
additionally i also kinda hope the author tells how her life before pregnant (in several details like her high school life, etc). so we can really see the significance of ‘losing herself’ while facing all these struggles piece of life.
it’s overall an okay read for me and honestly it’s my first time reading this type of genre, so it’s quite interesting.
it tells a memoir of Megan, who’s got pregnant at her teenage where she was dismissed by her baby’s father and even her family.
even when she managed to earn some money, she keep entering the toxic cycle and keep getting into bad decisions.
i admit that as the reader; we have no rights to judge someone’s life memoir. honestly i was so frustated reading it since i just couldn’t relate it, but i keep reminding myself that it’s the ‘manipulated—abuse effects’ that made someone lose herself.
it portrays exactly how someone’s trying to get out the toxic cycle a lot and choosing bad decisions all the time.
i love how the author wrote to empathize us and as reader, we can fully know what her feelings at that time.
additionally i also kinda hope the author tells how her life before pregnant (in several details like her high school life, etc). so we can really see the significance of ‘losing herself’ while facing all these struggles piece of life.
it’s overall an okay read for me and honestly it’s my first time reading this type of genre, so it’s quite interesting.
April 8, 2024
Amidst an abundance of memoirs in literature, "Not You" stands out as an indicator to honesty and perseveranc, it takes a strong person to not be moved by Megan Harris M's moving account of her turbulent journey through parenthood, self-loathing, and finally self-acceptance!
.
"Not You" highlights Megan's journey from the lowest point of self-worth to the highest point of hopelessness. Her story seizes hold of your heart from the first page and won't let go. Although Megan's honest story about her experiences serves as a sobering reminder of the difficult circumstances many people have to face, it also offers optimism and motivation, I really found this very intriguing and heart-shattering book!
.
The memoir details Megan's choice, motivated by an unquenchable need for acceptance, to become pregnant not long after graduating from high school. A string of errors and tribulations ensue, encompassing a year spent in a maternity home and a struggle with mental illness!
.
Through her wonderful prose, Megan lays bare the struggles of a single mother fighting against the shackles of self-loathing! Her story resonates with anyone who has felt marginalized, lost, or abandoned by society. It speaks to those who have grappled with their own demons, yet found the courage to reclaim their worth and embrace self-love! I highly recommend this to every reader with a heart, everyone must read Megan's emotional journey!
.
"Not You" highlights Megan's journey from the lowest point of self-worth to the highest point of hopelessness. Her story seizes hold of your heart from the first page and won't let go. Although Megan's honest story about her experiences serves as a sobering reminder of the difficult circumstances many people have to face, it also offers optimism and motivation, I really found this very intriguing and heart-shattering book!
.
The memoir details Megan's choice, motivated by an unquenchable need for acceptance, to become pregnant not long after graduating from high school. A string of errors and tribulations ensue, encompassing a year spent in a maternity home and a struggle with mental illness!
.
Through her wonderful prose, Megan lays bare the struggles of a single mother fighting against the shackles of self-loathing! Her story resonates with anyone who has felt marginalized, lost, or abandoned by society. It speaks to those who have grappled with their own demons, yet found the courage to reclaim their worth and embrace self-love! I highly recommend this to every reader with a heart, everyone must read Megan's emotional journey!
April 30, 2024
At first, I wasn't sure if this would be a book that I could get into. However, Megan's story ended up captivating me. As I read though, I couldn't help thinking, has she never heard of birth control? Her family was a dysfunctional mess and her mother belittled her non-stop. As a result, Megan looked for love and acceptance by becoming pregnant over and over again with irresponsible men, hoping she could make a family.
Megan suffered during her young life, but raised her two sons, worked at a hospital, and attended school. Always reflective about her life choices, the men who abused her, and her relationship with her mother, Megan was determined to be a better mother than her own. Through her introspection and belief in herself and a better life, she finally ended the hellish cycle she had been in.
Thank you Netgalley, publisher, and author for this ARC.
Megan suffered during her young life, but raised her two sons, worked at a hospital, and attended school. Always reflective about her life choices, the men who abused her, and her relationship with her mother, Megan was determined to be a better mother than her own. Through her introspection and belief in herself and a better life, she finally ended the hellish cycle she had been in.
Thank you Netgalley, publisher, and author for this ARC.
February 10, 2024
A story of extreme struggle and also one of hope. This memoir was heartbreaking to read at times but I was always amazed at the author’s determination and strength. The writing is incredible and descriptive. It felt like I was right there with her in these situations of despair. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
October 5, 2024
Such a powerful story told through beautiful, emotional prose!
February 12, 2025
Unfortunately, Megan Harris M.'s "Not You" fell flat in my eyes. The single-mom trope is tired and overused, rendering what could have been an empowering tale into a predictable and uninspired narrative. The author’s personal story, while relatable to many, offers nothing new or insightful to the countless other women who have walked a similar path.
Beyond the clichéd plot, I found the writing itself to be lackluster, making it challenging to remain engaged. There were several points where I considered adding this book to my Did Not Finish list, but I chose to see it through to the end. Sadly, it didn't improve.
In conclusion, "Not You" is a poorly executed story that missed the mark in terms of both originality and writing quality. It’s a hard pass for me, and I can’t recommend investing your time in this one.
Beyond the clichéd plot, I found the writing itself to be lackluster, making it challenging to remain engaged. There were several points where I considered adding this book to my Did Not Finish list, but I chose to see it through to the end. Sadly, it didn't improve.
In conclusion, "Not You" is a poorly executed story that missed the mark in terms of both originality and writing quality. It’s a hard pass for me, and I can’t recommend investing your time in this one.
July 2, 2024
Whoa, after reading "Not You" by Megan Harris, I'm in complete shock. It's honest, unvarnished, and all you might desire in a memoir. I was captivated by Megan's emotional rollercoaster of a journey from self-loathing to self-love from the very first page. It serves as a reminder that there is always hope, no matter how difficult life gets. Anyone seeking empowerment and motivation should read this!
.
"Not You" is a monument to the human spirit's persistence rather than just a memoir. For those forging their own pathways of self-discovery and repentance, Megan's story offers perspective. It serves as a reminder that, whatever how pitch-black the night may appear, dawn always comes with the prospect of fresh life!
.
So grab yourself a copy of 'Not You,' and get ready to be swept away! Trust me, this is one journey you won't want to miss! From me, five stars, a brutally honest and powerful memoir that has electrified every neuron of my brain!
.
"Not You" is a monument to the human spirit's persistence rather than just a memoir. For those forging their own pathways of self-discovery and repentance, Megan's story offers perspective. It serves as a reminder that, whatever how pitch-black the night may appear, dawn always comes with the prospect of fresh life!
.
So grab yourself a copy of 'Not You,' and get ready to be swept away! Trust me, this is one journey you won't want to miss! From me, five stars, a brutally honest and powerful memoir that has electrified every neuron of my brain!
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews