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Daddy Issues, Mommy Issues: For Women
Women evaluate their lives in terms of the quality of their relationships. But it is difficult to have meaningful relationships when you’re not even aware of your own feelings and thoughts. When you have been disregarding them for so long. When you are constantly putting someone else first. Women need to be more selfish.
You probably have Daddy Issues if your feelings were not cherished as a child, especially by a masculine father figure. Whether it was malicious abuse or neglect or simply immaturity on the part of your parents doesn’t really matter in this context—that will matter later, when you try to have a relationship with them as an adult. What matters in childhood is how you reacted to the vacuum of cherishing, how you processed it in your vulnerable state. Trauma separates you from your innocence—you develop armor, or coping strategies to defend yourself. These same strategies that help you survive childhood, though, sabotage your adult relationships, including the relationship you have with your Self. So it’s important to examine the effect of the trauma even more than the source itself.
No one wants to marry their dad. But if you don’t deal with your Daddy Issues, you often wind up with him again and again. Your psyche will try to heal buried trauma by subconsciously or unconsciously recreating the same circumstances over and over with men who fill in for your father, even if at first they seem the opposite.
Women have been told in so many ways our feelings don’t matter. Both our social episcripting, which values work and money over everything else, and often our personal scripts have both caused us to believe that all we need is economic independence.
Love is never earned by good behavior—love is given freely because we exist in a world of sharing caring people. But a girl with Mommy Issues grows up believing the exact love must always be earned. Love is equated by selflessly p
leasing another, again by overgiving, not receiving. Often this means taking care of mother’s emotional needs at the cost of one’s own.
When you can’t depend on your mother, when you don’t receive validation, you feel invisible. You acquire abandonment issues and separation anxiety. You think, “If no one knows I’m here, will they even notice if I’m gone?”
Being in a scripted unconscious or even sub-conscious pattern makes it difficult to make decisions. You don’t know if you should listen to your own instincts and intuition or to your messaging. Even the subject of the decision is you think you want things that ultimately, you don’t really want.
The gift of this work is that though things will still bother you, they won’t be as crippling. You can be triggered and not react. You can choose a different response. It really is a matter of retraining—and the courage to try.
You will never live a pain-free life. That’s not possible in the duality we have on Earth. It’s disappointing to hear that sometimes, but it’s important to accept that reality. The victories come from knowing things are painful but you can handle it. Life is always going to surprise you, but you build your confidence to deal with it. And that knowing is a result of your experience doing this work, honoring your thoughts and feelings regardless of the outcome.
You probably have Daddy Issues if your feelings were not cherished as a child, especially by a masculine father figure. Whether it was malicious abuse or neglect or simply immaturity on the part of your parents doesn’t really matter in this context—that will matter later, when you try to have a relationship with them as an adult. What matters in childhood is how you reacted to the vacuum of cherishing, how you processed it in your vulnerable state. Trauma separates you from your innocence—you develop armor, or coping strategies to defend yourself. These same strategies that help you survive childhood, though, sabotage your adult relationships, including the relationship you have with your Self. So it’s important to examine the effect of the trauma even more than the source itself.
No one wants to marry their dad. But if you don’t deal with your Daddy Issues, you often wind up with him again and again. Your psyche will try to heal buried trauma by subconsciously or unconsciously recreating the same circumstances over and over with men who fill in for your father, even if at first they seem the opposite.
Women have been told in so many ways our feelings don’t matter. Both our social episcripting, which values work and money over everything else, and often our personal scripts have both caused us to believe that all we need is economic independence.
Love is never earned by good behavior—love is given freely because we exist in a world of sharing caring people. But a girl with Mommy Issues grows up believing the exact love must always be earned. Love is equated by selflessly p
leasing another, again by overgiving, not receiving. Often this means taking care of mother’s emotional needs at the cost of one’s own.
When you can’t depend on your mother, when you don’t receive validation, you feel invisible. You acquire abandonment issues and separation anxiety. You think, “If no one knows I’m here, will they even notice if I’m gone?”
Being in a scripted unconscious or even sub-conscious pattern makes it difficult to make decisions. You don’t know if you should listen to your own instincts and intuition or to your messaging. Even the subject of the decision is you think you want things that ultimately, you don’t really want.
The gift of this work is that though things will still bother you, they won’t be as crippling. You can be triggered and not react. You can choose a different response. It really is a matter of retraining—and the courage to try.
You will never live a pain-free life. That’s not possible in the duality we have on Earth. It’s disappointing to hear that sometimes, but it’s important to accept that reality. The victories come from knowing things are painful but you can handle it. Life is always going to surprise you, but you build your confidence to deal with it. And that knowing is a result of your experience doing this work, honoring your thoughts and feelings regardless of the outcome.
119 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 4, 2024
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September 1, 2024
Hay una misconcepción perjudicial acerca de los daddy issues y por ello fué dificil para mi admitir que los tenía. Tengo un padre provedor, presente y que siempre se ha esforzado por hacerme feliz y protegerme, aun así, el es el causante de mis peores traumas. Recientemente sobrepaso los limites de mi privacidad, le di su espacio, volvi a intentar habar con el pero fué imposible mantenerme diplomática mientras el aplicaba su mejor gaslighting. Esto me hizo volver a un hombre tóxico, abusador y agresivo, que por alguna razón se sentía como hogar. En mi lógica y por orgullo, mi casa ya no podia ser un hogar ¿pero cómo voy a encontrar un verdadero hogar si no se como crearlo en primer lugar? No se puede, simplemente repetí el ciclo. Empecé entonces a entregar mi cuerpo antes de un compromiso con hombres cuyas fantasías sexuales consistian en violación, mi perfeccionismo creció exponencialmente par ser alguien digna de orgullo, un orgullo que buscaba causar en cualquier persona porque mi padre jamás lo había expresado. Me convertí en Wendy de Peter Pan, esperando pacientemente en la ventana, esperando a un niño. Y ya me cancé, quiero crecer pero ya no tengo energías para ello.
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