Burnt Jesus

by Landon Alspiret

Leon Spingle's subpar walk through life is divinely sidetracked when a disfigured Son of God drags him into a cosmic murder mystery. Someone is knocking off alternate reality Jesusi and the key to finding the godkiller lies in Leon. With reluctant allies like Atomic Jesus, Mauled Jesus, and a spirited disciple named Dewey, Leon must face absurd dangers and dire introspection if reality has any hope of not unraveling. Dripping with sacrilegious wit, Burnt Jesus explores science fiction and religion with a piercing eye and unflinching bravery.

Genres: Humor

232 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 1, 2013

Reviews

[Dianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just when you think you’ve read just about every genre, with every possible plot, and scenario, along comes Burnt Jesus by Landon Alspiret. First, not to worry, lightening will not strike you, second, you may still suffer from anxiety and looking over your shoulder at times, again, not to worry. Third, you may suffer from sore laugh muscles, once you get over the “did he really say that?” feeling.

Leon was a blandly regular guy, he probably sets the standard for the definition of non-descript, over-looked, etc. when, one day, along comes a severely disfigured man who claims to be Jesus, from another plane of existence and he needs help from Leon to stop the mysterious murderer who is killing off all of the Jesusi from other realities. Is it Lucifer? If not, then who is it? Has Leon’s life finally taken on some excitement or has he gone over the edge? Once all of the remaining alternate reality Jesusi can get together, it is only with Leon’s help, that the answers may be found. What does this journey mean for Leon? Will he come out unscathed, or will some monumental change come over him? What of those from other realities? And…what’s so special about Leon’s appendix?

Burnt Jesus and his alternate reality selves are detailed, intelligent and a little hyper, preferring riddles to straightforward answers.
Are you looking for something a little out there, different, humorous, irreverent, yet harmless? Landon Alpsiret’s style is quirky, yet entertaining, playing with words, playing minds, pushing the envelope of creative writing! I see a cult following behind Mr. Alspiret’s writing, an yes, even mainstream readers looking for something a little different!

I'd like to thank the author for providing me an experience unlike any I have ever had in exchange for my honest review.

Publication Date: December 4, 2013
Publisher: Revision Books
Genre: Adult Fiction/Humor
Number of Pages: 240
Available from: Amazon

[Jaime Skelton · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's rare that I shove other things aside to read a book - and yet Burnt Jesus had me hooked so quickly, I had read through most of it in one evening (my body forced an agreement that it was time to get some sleep about three-quarters of the way through).

Doctor Who Meets Jesus - that's how I summed up the novel's tone at the beginning, and the assessment is pretty head-strong. If you're a fan of the alternate-dimension, space-and-time genre, you'll feel right at home in a matter of chapters, but those who shirk sci-fi won't find themselves overwhelmed with technicalities. Like the protagonist, Leon, you'll soon finding yourself simply accepting the concept of conventions of Jesusi and the magical appendix.

Burnt Jesus is neither irreverent nor preachy, and remains humorous without being obscene. The pacing is quick, and while the book keeps a humorous beat, main characters still develop and grow over the course of antics meant to save the universe. My only complaint - and one likely to be nullified with a later edition of this book - is the occasional typographical error. The laughter and smiles the story left behind, however, leaves me ultimately more than satisfied with this little gem.

[Keith Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I came across this book, I was first hooked by the cover and title, then the whole idea of multiple Jesusi. Since I love alternate realities, dimension hopping, and so on, I thought this would be right up my street. And it was.

This book is well written and filled with unique ideas. I can't imagine religious readers being offended by anything here, but if they were, I would say they were very insecure and/or have very thin skin. This tongue-in-cheek tale doesn't try to put down religion but instead multiplies it across many universes.

If there WERE such a thing as alternate dimensions, the concept of Jesusi dying in different ways and at different times in history makes perfect sense. In fact, it's fascinating to think how much history would change if the Jesus we know had not been crucified but instead burned at a stake or drowned in a pool -- or perhaps he just slipped on a banana skin and banged his head; odds are that this would happen in some realities!

[Pop Bop · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who Expected Subtle, Deadpan Humor, and A Decent Mystery

So, between the setup and the title I figured this was going to be a heavy-handed slog to nowhere. Boy, was I wrong.

The short plot version is that every alternate reality has its own Jesus, each one martyred in a different way. Every now and then they get together in a convention center in Vegas. Problem is, this time not too many Jesusi show up, and the ones who do start getting killed. Burnt Jesus takes on the job of finding some mortal, (our hero Leon), who has a special hidden talent that the Jesusi need to solve the mystery and prevent further crimes.

Here are the best parts - Burnt Jesus is mellow and funny, Leon is not a sad sack nebbish, the murder mystery plot is fine, (think "Ten Little Indians"-ish), and the various Jesusi are very cleverly drawn and distinguished. The alternate world building, (portals, the Jesusi's various "powers", Lucifer's guest appearance, the rules regarding how the Jesusi travel between realties, and so on), are clever, creative, and logical, in an absurd way. The crosstalk among and between the Jesusi is sometimes very funny, sharp and fast paced.

There is no heavy-handed moralizing and no tedious cheap shots about religion. No rants. It's all very breezy and elegant, and rather good humored. Between the loads of throwaway lines and a considerable number of well crafted set pieces this was a remarkably, and admittedly surprisingly, satisfying read. A very rewarding find.

(Please note that I found this book a while ago while browsing Amazon Kindle freebies. I have no connection at all to either the author or the publisher of this book.)

[Roger Eschbacher · Rating 4 out of 5]

What if you found yourself in the middle of a meta-universal murder mystery where alternate reality 'Jesusi' (Jesuses?) were being picked off by a mysterious fiend? That's the very strange situation ordinary schlub Leon Spingle finds himself in when the title character, Burnt Jesus, enlists his aid to track down the murderer and save the remaining Sons of God from being wiped out completely.

Author Alspiret spins an interesting yarn that is well-paced, suspenseful, and sprinkled with just the right amount of humor.

On a side note: The book's description uses the word 'sacrilegious,' but I would soften that to 'irreverent.' As a person of faith (and avid sf/f reader) I wasn't the least bit offended by this innovative and interesting twist on our reality's 'Jesus story.'

Recommended.