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You Can Have My Back #3
You Can Have My Back (Light Novel), Vol. 3
It is revealed that Leorino is the reincarnation of Ionia, and he and Prince Gravis finally understand each other’s feelings. However, the mastermind secretly communicating with the enemy country is on the move again, and the footsteps of war are approaching...
434 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 1, 2024
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80 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
November 12, 2024
A beautiful love story comes to a close here in volume three. The romance is just as intense and filled with unconditional devotion as it has been throughout, but it's the emotional moments with some side characters that really surprised me. There is much needed closure, and Lucas finally gets his chance to heal.
This series has always been at its strongest when focused on the romance, so while volume two had made the political plot secondary to characterization, it was necessary. The plot comes back in this final volume, and while it's nice to have answers, it was too much all at once. Unfortunately, this made the second half of the book feel rushed.
While there were definitely scenes that slowed down and provided some beautiful moments, I wish they had been integrated better.
Overall, even with some aspects in this final volume that disappointed me, I enjoyed this series very much and will remember it fondly.
This series has always been at its strongest when focused on the romance, so while volume two had made the political plot secondary to characterization, it was necessary. The plot comes back in this final volume, and while it's nice to have answers, it was too much all at once. Unfortunately, this made the second half of the book feel rushed.
While there were definitely scenes that slowed down and provided some beautiful moments, I wish they had been integrated better.
Overall, even with some aspects in this final volume that disappointed me, I enjoyed this series very much and will remember it fondly.
April 6, 2025
I am honestly not sure what I thought about this book.
It took me all month to read because I actively did not want to read it and could not convince myself to pick it up, but once I started reading it, I would knock out chapter after chapter in a daze.
I hated so much about the first 300 pages that I wrote up 2000 words critically analyzing it and complaining about it, but I loved the last 100 pages so much that I almost look back at the rest of the book fondly.
I am... torn. But I think, in the end, I can say that I liked this book, and that I liked this series, and, in a way, that I respect it, especially taking the author's note at the end into consideration. There was a lot about this series that nearly drove me to madness, but there was so much about it that I loved as well -- and there is so much that at first I hated, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, and now I have a weird begrudging respect for it, and I really don't know what to think about this series as whole.
I want to start with the positives.
I really liked the ending. The politics and warfare that span nearly two decades was my favorite part of the whole series, and I felt that it ended satisfactorily. It was a little on the nose at times with the direct parallels between the events of eighteen years ago and now, but I understand what the author was doing in creating these direct parallels -- she was putting the same people, or their decedents, in the same situation in order to help them heal and overcome the failures and tragedies of their past. And the part of me that like cycles like this, especially when they are finally broken, can't help but like this ending.
But what I really liked was the ending in regards to the royal family. On one hand, I just like it because it was the kind of interwoven, complex political drama that I adore in novels. On the other hands, I really like how it explored certain ideas, including trauma; the duty one has to and from one's bloodline; the duality of how you can feel toward people due to your complex relationship and/or you knowing something they do not; and the power the new generation has to end the cycles of abuse from the previous generations. It just felt... right, for this story, and for Gravis -- especially for Gravis, as a large part of his character arc was centered on overcoming, and atoning for, the mistakes of the past and refusing to allow the cycles of death and suffering to continue.
And when I think about the entire series through this lens, my whole perspective on the story changes. This series truly is about this idea of change. It is about, as the author notes at the end, the idea of finding self-affirmation and self-worth and exploring the trauma and pain that can live inside anyone regardless of status, but it is also about this idea of overcoming past trauma and of ending cycles of hatred and abuse. And although there is a lot about this series that pissed me off, through that lens, I understand why (most) of those things happened. The ending justifies them occurring, or at least explains why they happened in the first place.
That being said, I cannot deny that reading this book was infuriating at times, especially in regards to how Leorino was constantly being treated. Upon a lot of reflection, I am attempting to collect the remainder of my thoughts into three broad categories
First: what this book feels like to read when you're neurodivergent.
Throughout all three books, Leorino is often put in social situations he is not able to navigate appropriately because he was never taught how to do so by his family. On one hand, this is extremely annoying — his family was so obsessed with sheltering him, due to his beauty and injury, that they didn’t give him the proper social education he would need to navigate society… despite the fact that his beauty and injury would, if anything, mean that he needs that social education even more than others do. He is extremely beautiful, so he needs to know how people look at him, how to leverage status, how to keep them at arms length, etc. He cannot fight or run away, so he needs to know how to read a room and sense danger. He is also a noble, so even if they planned on keeping him sheltered his entire life, a level of social education is expected just so he doesn't make a fool of himself when he has to interact with others or attend important social events.
But all of this aside, what feels more egregious to me is the other hand — how these repeated situations, again and again, read to someone who is neurodivergent. Leorino was never taught the proper ways to navigate society and is, therefore, navigating society based on his own set of rules and expectations of how people think/act — much like neurodivergent people do. And beause he is following his own social code, and not the 'correct socially approved' social code, he is punished. Repeatedly. By enemies and allies alike.
For example, in volume two, Leorino helps a young lady go on a walk with the man she likes, because he is being considerate of her feelings toward said man and wanted to help her take her shot at happiness. However, this scene is not resolved by Leorino feeling as if he did something good — it is resolved by people telling him he was cruel and heartless to help her when her feelings were not reciprocated, and it was neglectful of the man’s feelings, considering he’s in love with Leorino (even though Leorino has turned down his advances multiple times).
This scene, like many others, really bothered me -- as evident by the fact that I am still thinking about it eight months later. It seems like everyone in this social situation knew what he did was the wrong thing to do, except for Leorino, who was following his own internal logic of how to handle the situation — internal logic that was being fueled by consideration and sympathy for the girl, and yet he is called cruel over it. It is impossible for me to not be upset by this, as it so heavily aligns with the neurodivergent experience; you think you are doing the right thing only to find out there was some contrived social etiquette you were breaking because no one told you the social rules you had to follow.
And my annoyance is only increased by the fact that it seems no one ever educates Leorino. Even at the end, in the extras, he makes an apparent social mistake, is mocked for it, and does not understand why it was a mistake. The scene is 'solved' by Gravis basically covering for him and intimidating the person doing the mocking, which normally is something I am fond of seeing, but here it just felt really bad to think that still no one was helping Leorino learn how to navigate these kinds of situations. It almost feels as if they like seeing him naïve and ignorant, so they don't want to educate him on these matters. (The only thing, it seems, Leorino is directly educated about is how to hide his "I just had sex" face, which doesn't even happen until he's been seen like that by a ton of people, because no one was willing to 'embarrass' him and themselves by bringing up. So instead Leorino gets to be embarrassed about looking like that the whole time because no one said anything for days.) (I am so tired).
Second: I could write a feminist critical analysis of Leorino
Honestly, I feel like I've already talked enough about this in my review on my review for the second volume. In short, I am extremely annoyed that Leorino is continuously put in positions where he is expected to carry, empathize, and help heal the emotional baggage of the men in his life when very, very few very, very rarely do the same for him. I am also extremely annoyed with the continued pattern of Leorino being victim blamed --- though, credit where credit is due, Gravis does check himself in this volume and makes a conscious effort to not victim blame Leorino after the whole soirée event.
However, I cannot let the soirée event go unmentioned. Brief spoilers to follow --
Again, credit where credit is due, Gravis actively chooses to not victim blame Leorino for this... when Leorino is fully conscious. Yes, I know this is a manifestation of Gravis' anger at himself for not protecting Leorino, but it still felt really horrible to read. But even though Gravis does not victim blame Leorino this time, Leorino victim blames himself. He talks about how he lost Gravis' trust, how he was in the wrong, how he shouldn't have put himself in that situation, how he shouldn't have gone at all.
And I won't lie. That fucking hurt.
Knowing that Leorino has been put in so many situations where he was blamed for the actions of others that he now feels the need to blame himself really, really hurts. And it feels really bad to read. Even though I understand Gravis' perspective and fear around losing Leorino the same way he lost Ionia, I cannot like a relationship that has one party so fearful of disappointing and hurting the other that they are willing to take the blame for things that are not their fault and give up their agency to make the other happy. And that is exactly what Leorino becomes willing to do -- he becomes willing to completely distance himself from the fight and just stay at home, safe and waiting for Gravis to come back. And I hated that, for two main reasons. One,
As for the second reason I hated it... my feelings on it are a bit more complicated, and are actually a mix of me hating it and wanting to praise it, after more thought. Simply put, I hated it because it felt like a disservice to Leorino's character. This new version of Leorino who wanted to stay safe at home, who refused to even attend the strategy meetings, did not seem like the same Leorino who fought so hard in the first book to walk again, to remember the past, to be included, to search for the truth, to gain independence. It did not feel like the same Leorino who pushed himself to his limits to get the results he needed, and who endangered himself in pursuit of his goal. Am I saying those last two are good things? No, but they are a key component of his character --- Leorino understands his limitations, pushes just up against them, and sometimes past them (with consequences) because he is ruthlessly dedicated to achieving his goal, even if it puts himself at risk.
And therein lies the complication. While I feel like Leorino choosing to step back and give up his place in this fight is a disservice to everything he's been fighting for this whole time, given that a significant part of Leorino's character is his willingness to sacrifice himself to achieve his goal, if his goal is now to stay by Gravis' side, it does make sense for him to be willing to give up his freedom and agency to achieve that goal, because Leorino is inherently self-sacrificing like that. So, in this light, I can kind of understand the logic behind it, but I still don't like it -- because I only came to this realization after working on this review for two hours. That is to say, it was not evident at all and required me to do a lot of deep thinking about Leorino's character to come to that theory -- and even now, I don't know if I believe it. It makes sense, given what we're told about Leorino's character, but it still didn't feel right for him -- or right for the story, as during that whole section, Leorino felt more like a side or background character than a main character, and he is THE main character. Also, if that is how Leorino is thinking, we as the reader are never told that; if anything, we are more clearly told that Leorino's sudden submissiveness comes from the accumulation of his lessons that his is weak and powerless and his desire to not burden Gravis further.
I really mean it when I say I could write a critical analysis of this series, and that I have no idea what I really think about it.
But I do want to end on what was, for me, the high note of this book --
Disability Rep & those 50 or so pages that re-won me over
I praised the first book extensively for having Leorino be a disabled character who is not magically cured of his disability (even though magic exists in this universe) or given a tool to allow him to overcome his limitations, and instead allowed him to be a character who is forced to acknowledge and work within the limits of his body, while also fighting to be seen and respected as an autonomous individual despite those limitations.
I lamented the second book for having scene after scene and character after character remind Leorino how weak and powerless he is, as if he did not know that better than anyone. I hated seeing him being forced, by others, to give in and accept his weakness and slowly become convinced that it is not worth him trying to fight, as he will only endanger himself and has no hope of fighting back. I hated seeing his struggle for autonomy being belittled again and again until even Leorino himself felt completely powerless. (Again, Josef is the only bitch I respect, as he is the only one who still wanted to help Leorino within his limits and taught him how to use a dagger to defend himself).
And in this book? I nearly stopped reading completely, as Leorino became a shell of the character I loved in the first book. As he gave up on wanting to be involved in the fight and the planning and strategizing. As he agreed to just stay at home and have news come to him. I understand that his priorities shifted from wanting autonomy to wanting to be near Gravis above all else, and that being safe would allow him to achieve that second goal. I understand that by gaining all these new allies, Leorino was no longer alone and could afford to pull back and let others work on his behalf -- I also acknowledge that I wanted Leorino to rely more on others. I also understand that with Leorino's disability, there is not much he could actually do in an active war.
But I kept reading. And I am glad I did, because the Leorino I loved from the first book came back to me.
I won't get into specific details b/c spoilers, but Leorino is put in a situation where he is forced to fight his way out or die, and he chooses to fight, and it is everything I wanted and more. He is able to take what he learned in defense and apply it. He uses Ionia's memories to guide him. He pushes his body, is forced to rest, then pushes again. He never gives up, and even directly endangers himself to get the upper hand. He is ultimately recused by others, but he is fighting, viciously and with full independence, the whole time.
And it was like the blooming of flowers after winter.
After a whole book and a half where Leorino was constantly being suppressed and told he was weak and kept out of danger, he was able to prove that if he had to, he could fight. It was not unrealistic, though. He was not magically able to overcome his limits. He was injured severely in the process. But he wasn't going to go down without a fight, and that is the Leorino I remember from the first book. That is the Leorino who forced himself to walk again as soon as possible. That is the Leorino who threw himself into danger to get information. That is the Leorino who fought to be seen as himself and be allowed independence.
I do not know if others would say this is good disability representation, considering everything else that happens to him in this series, but I really like this section because it felt both like good representation of a disabled person being able to fight back within their limits, and a good and natural climax to Leorino's character. It was the moment where I started liking the book again, and the moment where I began to think about the whole book differently. I don't know if it justifies or excuses a lot of what happened before it, and really I don't think it does, but I do think it was a very strong ending for the series, and a strong ending for Leorino.
It took me all month to read because I actively did not want to read it and could not convince myself to pick it up, but once I started reading it, I would knock out chapter after chapter in a daze.
I hated so much about the first 300 pages that I wrote up 2000 words critically analyzing it and complaining about it, but I loved the last 100 pages so much that I almost look back at the rest of the book fondly.
I am... torn. But I think, in the end, I can say that I liked this book, and that I liked this series, and, in a way, that I respect it, especially taking the author's note at the end into consideration. There was a lot about this series that nearly drove me to madness, but there was so much about it that I loved as well -- and there is so much that at first I hated, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, and now I have a weird begrudging respect for it, and I really don't know what to think about this series as whole.
I want to start with the positives.
I really liked the ending. The politics and warfare that span nearly two decades was my favorite part of the whole series, and I felt that it ended satisfactorily. It was a little on the nose at times with the direct parallels between the events of eighteen years ago and now, but I understand what the author was doing in creating these direct parallels -- she was putting the same people, or their decedents, in the same situation in order to help them heal and overcome the failures and tragedies of their past. And the part of me that like cycles like this, especially when they are finally broken, can't help but like this ending.
But what I really liked was the ending in regards to the royal family. On one hand, I just like it because it was the kind of interwoven, complex political drama that I adore in novels. On the other hands, I really like how it explored certain ideas, including trauma; the duty one has to and from one's bloodline; the duality of how you can feel toward people due to your complex relationship and/or you knowing something they do not; and the power the new generation has to end the cycles of abuse from the previous generations. It just felt... right, for this story, and for Gravis -- especially for Gravis, as a large part of his character arc was centered on overcoming, and atoning for, the mistakes of the past and refusing to allow the cycles of death and suffering to continue.
And when I think about the entire series through this lens, my whole perspective on the story changes. This series truly is about this idea of change. It is about, as the author notes at the end, the idea of finding self-affirmation and self-worth and exploring the trauma and pain that can live inside anyone regardless of status, but it is also about this idea of overcoming past trauma and of ending cycles of hatred and abuse. And although there is a lot about this series that pissed me off, through that lens, I understand why (most) of those things happened. The ending justifies them occurring, or at least explains why they happened in the first place.
That being said, I cannot deny that reading this book was infuriating at times, especially in regards to how Leorino was constantly being treated. Upon a lot of reflection, I am attempting to collect the remainder of my thoughts into three broad categories
First: what this book feels like to read when you're neurodivergent.
Throughout all three books, Leorino is often put in social situations he is not able to navigate appropriately because he was never taught how to do so by his family. On one hand, this is extremely annoying — his family was so obsessed with sheltering him, due to his beauty and injury, that they didn’t give him the proper social education he would need to navigate society… despite the fact that his beauty and injury would, if anything, mean that he needs that social education even more than others do. He is extremely beautiful, so he needs to know how people look at him, how to leverage status, how to keep them at arms length, etc. He cannot fight or run away, so he needs to know how to read a room and sense danger. He is also a noble, so even if they planned on keeping him sheltered his entire life, a level of social education is expected just so he doesn't make a fool of himself when he has to interact with others or attend important social events.
But all of this aside, what feels more egregious to me is the other hand — how these repeated situations, again and again, read to someone who is neurodivergent. Leorino was never taught the proper ways to navigate society and is, therefore, navigating society based on his own set of rules and expectations of how people think/act — much like neurodivergent people do. And beause he is following his own social code, and not the 'correct socially approved' social code, he is punished. Repeatedly. By enemies and allies alike.
For example, in volume two, Leorino helps a young lady go on a walk with the man she likes, because he is being considerate of her feelings toward said man and wanted to help her take her shot at happiness. However, this scene is not resolved by Leorino feeling as if he did something good — it is resolved by people telling him he was cruel and heartless to help her when her feelings were not reciprocated, and it was neglectful of the man’s feelings, considering he’s in love with Leorino (even though Leorino has turned down his advances multiple times).
This scene, like many others, really bothered me -- as evident by the fact that I am still thinking about it eight months later. It seems like everyone in this social situation knew what he did was the wrong thing to do, except for Leorino, who was following his own internal logic of how to handle the situation — internal logic that was being fueled by consideration and sympathy for the girl, and yet he is called cruel over it. It is impossible for me to not be upset by this, as it so heavily aligns with the neurodivergent experience; you think you are doing the right thing only to find out there was some contrived social etiquette you were breaking because no one told you the social rules you had to follow.
And my annoyance is only increased by the fact that it seems no one ever educates Leorino. Even at the end, in the extras, he makes an apparent social mistake, is mocked for it, and does not understand why it was a mistake. The scene is 'solved' by Gravis basically covering for him and intimidating the person doing the mocking, which normally is something I am fond of seeing, but here it just felt really bad to think that still no one was helping Leorino learn how to navigate these kinds of situations. It almost feels as if they like seeing him naïve and ignorant, so they don't want to educate him on these matters. (The only thing, it seems, Leorino is directly educated about is how to hide his "I just had sex" face, which doesn't even happen until he's been seen like that by a ton of people, because no one was willing to 'embarrass' him and themselves by bringing up. So instead Leorino gets to be embarrassed about looking like that the whole time because no one said anything for days.) (I am so tired).
Second: I could write a feminist critical analysis of Leorino
Honestly, I feel like I've already talked enough about this in my review on my review for the second volume. In short, I am extremely annoyed that Leorino is continuously put in positions where he is expected to carry, empathize, and help heal the emotional baggage of the men in his life when very, very few very, very rarely do the same for him. I am also extremely annoyed with the continued pattern of Leorino being victim blamed --- though, credit where credit is due, Gravis does check himself in this volume and makes a conscious effort to not victim blame Leorino after the whole soirée event.
However, I cannot let the soirée event go unmentioned. Brief spoilers to follow --
Again, credit where credit is due, Gravis actively chooses to not victim blame Leorino for this... when Leorino is fully conscious. Yes, I know this is a manifestation of Gravis' anger at himself for not protecting Leorino, but it still felt really horrible to read. But even though Gravis does not victim blame Leorino this time, Leorino victim blames himself. He talks about how he lost Gravis' trust, how he was in the wrong, how he shouldn't have put himself in that situation, how he shouldn't have gone at all.
And I won't lie. That fucking hurt.
Knowing that Leorino has been put in so many situations where he was blamed for the actions of others that he now feels the need to blame himself really, really hurts. And it feels really bad to read. Even though I understand Gravis' perspective and fear around losing Leorino the same way he lost Ionia, I cannot like a relationship that has one party so fearful of disappointing and hurting the other that they are willing to take the blame for things that are not their fault and give up their agency to make the other happy. And that is exactly what Leorino becomes willing to do -- he becomes willing to completely distance himself from the fight and just stay at home, safe and waiting for Gravis to come back. And I hated that, for two main reasons. One,
As for the second reason I hated it... my feelings on it are a bit more complicated, and are actually a mix of me hating it and wanting to praise it, after more thought. Simply put, I hated it because it felt like a disservice to Leorino's character. This new version of Leorino who wanted to stay safe at home, who refused to even attend the strategy meetings, did not seem like the same Leorino who fought so hard in the first book to walk again, to remember the past, to be included, to search for the truth, to gain independence. It did not feel like the same Leorino who pushed himself to his limits to get the results he needed, and who endangered himself in pursuit of his goal. Am I saying those last two are good things? No, but they are a key component of his character --- Leorino understands his limitations, pushes just up against them, and sometimes past them (with consequences) because he is ruthlessly dedicated to achieving his goal, even if it puts himself at risk.
And therein lies the complication. While I feel like Leorino choosing to step back and give up his place in this fight is a disservice to everything he's been fighting for this whole time, given that a significant part of Leorino's character is his willingness to sacrifice himself to achieve his goal, if his goal is now to stay by Gravis' side, it does make sense for him to be willing to give up his freedom and agency to achieve that goal, because Leorino is inherently self-sacrificing like that. So, in this light, I can kind of understand the logic behind it, but I still don't like it -- because I only came to this realization after working on this review for two hours. That is to say, it was not evident at all and required me to do a lot of deep thinking about Leorino's character to come to that theory -- and even now, I don't know if I believe it. It makes sense, given what we're told about Leorino's character, but it still didn't feel right for him -- or right for the story, as during that whole section, Leorino felt more like a side or background character than a main character, and he is THE main character. Also, if that is how Leorino is thinking, we as the reader are never told that; if anything, we are more clearly told that Leorino's sudden submissiveness comes from the accumulation of his lessons that his is weak and powerless and his desire to not burden Gravis further.
I really mean it when I say I could write a critical analysis of this series, and that I have no idea what I really think about it.
But I do want to end on what was, for me, the high note of this book --
Disability Rep & those 50 or so pages that re-won me over
I praised the first book extensively for having Leorino be a disabled character who is not magically cured of his disability (even though magic exists in this universe) or given a tool to allow him to overcome his limitations, and instead allowed him to be a character who is forced to acknowledge and work within the limits of his body, while also fighting to be seen and respected as an autonomous individual despite those limitations.
I lamented the second book for having scene after scene and character after character remind Leorino how weak and powerless he is, as if he did not know that better than anyone. I hated seeing him being forced, by others, to give in and accept his weakness and slowly become convinced that it is not worth him trying to fight, as he will only endanger himself and has no hope of fighting back. I hated seeing his struggle for autonomy being belittled again and again until even Leorino himself felt completely powerless. (Again, Josef is the only bitch I respect, as he is the only one who still wanted to help Leorino within his limits and taught him how to use a dagger to defend himself).
And in this book? I nearly stopped reading completely, as Leorino became a shell of the character I loved in the first book. As he gave up on wanting to be involved in the fight and the planning and strategizing. As he agreed to just stay at home and have news come to him. I understand that his priorities shifted from wanting autonomy to wanting to be near Gravis above all else, and that being safe would allow him to achieve that second goal. I understand that by gaining all these new allies, Leorino was no longer alone and could afford to pull back and let others work on his behalf -- I also acknowledge that I wanted Leorino to rely more on others. I also understand that with Leorino's disability, there is not much he could actually do in an active war.
But I kept reading. And I am glad I did, because the Leorino I loved from the first book came back to me.
I won't get into specific details b/c spoilers, but Leorino is put in a situation where he is forced to fight his way out or die, and he chooses to fight, and it is everything I wanted and more. He is able to take what he learned in defense and apply it. He uses Ionia's memories to guide him. He pushes his body, is forced to rest, then pushes again. He never gives up, and even directly endangers himself to get the upper hand. He is ultimately recused by others, but he is fighting, viciously and with full independence, the whole time.
And it was like the blooming of flowers after winter.
After a whole book and a half where Leorino was constantly being suppressed and told he was weak and kept out of danger, he was able to prove that if he had to, he could fight. It was not unrealistic, though. He was not magically able to overcome his limits. He was injured severely in the process. But he wasn't going to go down without a fight, and that is the Leorino I remember from the first book. That is the Leorino who forced himself to walk again as soon as possible. That is the Leorino who threw himself into danger to get information. That is the Leorino who fought to be seen as himself and be allowed independence.
I do not know if others would say this is good disability representation, considering everything else that happens to him in this series, but I really like this section because it felt both like good representation of a disabled person being able to fight back within their limits, and a good and natural climax to Leorino's character. It was the moment where I started liking the book again, and the moment where I began to think about the whole book differently. I don't know if it justifies or excuses a lot of what happened before it, and really I don't think it does, but I do think it was a very strong ending for the series, and a strong ending for Leorino.
May 29, 2025
5/5 🌟
Amazing! By far the best book I’ve read in a long time—I loved it. The angst was absolutely delicious. The pain, the tenderness, the intensity—it was all so worth it. I was in full waterworks during so many scenes. It was just… beautiful.
This book is criminally underrated. It's almost diabolical.
Leorino’s journey is one of true strength. He learns how to rely on those he loves, and in doing so, reveals a quiet, unshakable resilience. Despite being kidnapped multiple times and facing vile people who treated him as prey, Leorino stood tall in his own way. His strength wasn’t always loud, but it was undeniable.
And he is not Ionia.
Ionia’s life was tragic—full of heartbreak and impossibility. The past made it impossible for him to truly be with Gravis, even if he loved him. He had Lucas, and what stunned me most was that even in death, Ionia chose Lucas. That final revelation broke and healed me at the same time.
But Leorino? He will always choose Gravis. He is exactly what Gravis needs—what Gravis deserves.
Gravis suffered deeply. But through that pain, he came to understand what he truly wanted. And he was willing to sacrifice everything for it—for Leorino. That devotion was everything.
Lucas was amazing. My heart ached for him. He didn’t get the happy ending he hoped for with the man he still holds in his heart. But thanks to Leorino, he received Ionia’s final message—his love, his wish to spend eternity together. That moment… it brought so much closure. I may never fully understand Ionia, but the way it ended—bittersweet and beautiful—was perfect in its own way.
The twists and turns with the Royal family left me shocked. Jaw on the floor. I still can’t believe it. I only wish Gravis had trusted Leorino more—shared the burden of the kingdom’s darkest secrets. Because if anyone could carry it with him, it’s Leorino. He would gladly stand by Gravis through it all, loving him even more because of it.
I loved this story so much. Definitely a must-reread. Truly unforgettable.
Amazing! By far the best book I’ve read in a long time—I loved it. The angst was absolutely delicious. The pain, the tenderness, the intensity—it was all so worth it. I was in full waterworks during so many scenes. It was just… beautiful.
This book is criminally underrated. It's almost diabolical.
Leorino’s journey is one of true strength. He learns how to rely on those he loves, and in doing so, reveals a quiet, unshakable resilience. Despite being kidnapped multiple times and facing vile people who treated him as prey, Leorino stood tall in his own way. His strength wasn’t always loud, but it was undeniable.
And he is not Ionia.
Ionia’s life was tragic—full of heartbreak and impossibility. The past made it impossible for him to truly be with Gravis, even if he loved him. He had Lucas, and what stunned me most was that even in death, Ionia chose Lucas. That final revelation broke and healed me at the same time.
But Leorino? He will always choose Gravis. He is exactly what Gravis needs—what Gravis deserves.
Gravis suffered deeply. But through that pain, he came to understand what he truly wanted. And he was willing to sacrifice everything for it—for Leorino. That devotion was everything.
Lucas was amazing. My heart ached for him. He didn’t get the happy ending he hoped for with the man he still holds in his heart. But thanks to Leorino, he received Ionia’s final message—his love, his wish to spend eternity together. That moment… it brought so much closure. I may never fully understand Ionia, but the way it ended—bittersweet and beautiful—was perfect in its own way.
The twists and turns with the Royal family left me shocked. Jaw on the floor. I still can’t believe it. I only wish Gravis had trusted Leorino more—shared the burden of the kingdom’s darkest secrets. Because if anyone could carry it with him, it’s Leorino. He would gladly stand by Gravis through it all, loving him even more because of it.
I loved this story so much. Definitely a must-reread. Truly unforgettable.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 17, 2025
This was so bittersweet but overall a good ending. So much suffering came to fruition and its not suffering that can ever be fixed, only lightened. I don’t know what to say without spoilers so i will just say, lot of war in this book and no major beloved characters die
October 13, 2024
In truth, I am DNF-ing this book. I wanted to finish it, as I manged to get through the previous two, and I don't like not finishing a series, but I instead just skipped to the end so I know how the story concluded. While the romance is sweet and I liked the reincarnation aspect (also the art isn't pretty), the writing and dialogue are so bad. I think some things are lost in translation, but as much as I want to support BL light novels as they are made available in English (especially fantasy), this just isn't one of them.
December 21, 2024
Good God…this book, no this series was a complete heart wrenching, emotionally draining, incredibly confusing, diabolically upsetting, dumpster fire of a rollercoaster….that I honestly did not think I would live through reading. But here I stand (BARELY) on the other side…you basically have to get through two books of CONSTANT “AGAIN?!” And “WHO IS THIS GUY AND WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!” And the occasional “Well damn! That was hot!” If you can make it through all that…this third and I swear (FINAL!?) book, then it’s worth it. This last book tied a lot of things together, (even though some “conclusions?!”) came out of LITERAL nowhere or at least were NOT made crystal clear beforehand. That aside…I’m glad to be done with this book and this series, bless her editing team for sticking with her because I could never….these people are angels for working with this women and her ideas.
October 7, 2024
I loved this series. It was filled with heartbreak and joy alike. But I especially related to Leorino’s struggle with independence and his feelings of inadequacy as a physically disabled person. His character truly resonated with me. The love that him and Gravis share is beautiful beyond comparison. That being said, I felt the final volume was a bit rushed. I would’ve loved to have more information about the events happening in the last half of the book.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this series and will continue to think of it fondly.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this series and will continue to think of it fondly.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 10, 2024
Wow, I'm not even sure where to start. I throughly enjoyed the series and I'm very pleased with the ending. Man something that comes up in this volume guts me and makes me want to scream heavy dark stuff there but yeah. Really glad I picked it up and love whenever Garvis is on his way to save the day <3 and Leorino doing all he can with what he can do is fun to read even when you know it's gonna get him in trouble but Garvis will always come so you just enjoy the ride 😉 not sure if I'm even making sense but yeah enjoyed it!
November 29, 2023
This is the last volume of the main story in this BL series. The remaining volumes are one volume of extra stories and one volume of spin-off.
Given that each volume is more than twice as long as an average LN volume and high ratings on chil-chil, I expected that the characters would go on some epic adventures before reading it. There were some actions but not as much as I expected. The story may even be considered rather straightforward with most of the surprises were packed in the second half of vol 3. But it just gives a new spin to everything it does that it was refreshing to read. For example, I like that MC eventually accepts that he is physically weak and half-crippled, and there is nothing he can do about it, and if stayed being protected would keep him safe and everyone around him peace of mind, then he is willing to do so. Also, most novels tend to tell the story from the perspective of one or 2 main characters. But this series tells the story from any of the characters whoever is appropriate so it avoids the situation where MC has to do some stupid or irrational or inappropriate things in order to tell the readers what happens next. This is also the first BL I read that says if both of them had not be men, they would not be able to get married because there have been too much inbreeding between their families. I also like how the author implicitly mocks the nature of noble families’ lineage with a horse auction in vol 2.
It’s also beautifully written and the characters has emotional depth that I don’t typically see in LNs. After reading it, I can see why it’s so highly rated despite its rather simple plot.
Given that each volume is more than twice as long as an average LN volume and high ratings on chil-chil, I expected that the characters would go on some epic adventures before reading it. There were some actions but not as much as I expected. The story may even be considered rather straightforward with most of the surprises were packed in the second half of vol 3. But it just gives a new spin to everything it does that it was refreshing to read. For example, I like that MC eventually accepts that he is physically weak and half-crippled, and there is nothing he can do about it, and if stayed being protected would keep him safe and everyone around him peace of mind, then he is willing to do so. Also, most novels tend to tell the story from the perspective of one or 2 main characters. But this series tells the story from any of the characters whoever is appropriate so it avoids the situation where MC has to do some stupid or irrational or inappropriate things in order to tell the readers what happens next. This is also the first BL I read that says if both of them had not be men, they would not be able to get married because there have been too much inbreeding between their families. I also like how the author implicitly mocks the nature of noble families’ lineage with a horse auction in vol 2.
It’s also beautifully written and the characters has emotional depth that I don’t typically see in LNs. After reading it, I can see why it’s so highly rated despite its rather simple plot.
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