Conflicted Hearts

by D.G. Kaye

Somehow I believed it was my obligation to try to do the right thing by her because she had given birth to me.

Burdened with constant worry for her father and the guilt caused by her mother’s narcissism, D.G. Kaye had a short childhood. When she moved away from home at age eighteen, she began to grow into herself, overcoming her lack of guidance and her insecurities. Her life experiences became her teachers, and she learned from the mistakes and choices she made along the way, plagued by the guilt she carried for her mother.

Conflicted Hearts is a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and acceptance, an exploration of the quest for solace from emotional guilt.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

209 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 6, 2013

About the author

D.G. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

Kaye writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and the lessons that were taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome some of the many obstacles that challenged her. From an emotionally neglected childhood, to growing up with a narcissistic mother, leaving her with a severely deflated self-esteem, D.G. began seeking a path to rise above her issues.

When Kaye isn't writing intimate memoirs, she'll bring her natural sense of humor into her other works.

D.G. began writing when pen and paper became tools to express her pent-up emotions during a turbulent childhood. She began writing notes and cards for the people she loved and admired when she was afraid to use her own voice. She journaled about life, and her opinions on people and events. Later she began writing poetry and health articles for a Canadian magazine as her interest was piqued by natural healthcare.

D.G. began reading extensively on the subject of natural health care after encountering quite a few serious health issues. Against many odds, Kaye has overcome adversity several times throughout her life.

Kaye looks for the good and the positive in everything and believes in paying it forward.

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”


Her Favourite Saying: "Live. Laugh. Love …and don’t forget to breathe!" is her website logo, to remind herself and others that we often forget to take a pause.


You can find D.G. on social media and her author and blog pages:

www.dgkayewriter.com
www.goodreads.com/dgkaye
www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7
www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
www.google.com/+DebbyDGKayeGies
www.twitter.com/@pokercubster
www.facebook.com/dgkaye
www.about.me/d.g.kaye.writer

Books: www.smarturl.it/bookconflictedhearts
www.smarturl.it/bookMenoWhatAMemoir
www.smarturl.it/bookwordswecarry
www.smarturl.it/bookHaveBags

Reviews

[Aquileana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading DG Kaye' s book was a very touching and captivating experience.
The author develops a personal memoir buoyed up by a sort of introspective narrative journey.

While opening past doors which lead to childhood, the book lights up several aspects involved with the fact of growing up.

Then we get to know more about further episodes, which are linked to adolescence to that attempt to explain what means to become an adult, being able to handle love and to take responsabilities for our own acts.

I enjoyed the progression in the book as life is being retold as a lively biography, almost like the script of a movie.

The relationships are deeply analised and we can get a thorough approach to the author's life.

The book flows smoothly and, as a reader, I felt deeply identified with the main character, who is no more than the author herself.

I truly recommend "Conflicted Hearts".
The book might be raw, joyful, naughty, sad... Versatile, multiple and unexpected...
Just like life is.

[Luna Saint Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

I give this author kudos for revealing the deepest parts of her soul and sharing her experience with readers. Many readers, myself included, will identify with many of this author’s feelings of loss and abandonment in childhood. The guilt, anger and resentment felt growing up and the sense of urgency to break free was well-described—even to the point of triggering in me some of the feelings I also experienced. These are feelings that when held inside eat away at us and make us physically and emotionally unhealthy. Letting go of the guilt, anger and sadness is sage advice. This is a must-read self-help memoir for those who have harbored resentment and have yet to let go.

[Lucinda Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s not often I get to read a book by someone who understands what it is to be tethered to a mother with NPD. So often we are asked, “why did you not just walk away?” This author did leave home at 18, but that did not prevent her mother from interfering in her life and when she eventually went no contact she was overcome with guilt. It didn’t matter that her two brothers and a sister also shared in the abuse, rarely physical, but mental – which believe me is far worse. I could resonate with the words on every page, and if you have a mother who just does not seem to love you, then this is a must-read.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

A candid examination of childhood maternal neglect which leads the author on a lifelong journey towards healing: "Conflicted Hearts A Daughter's Quest for Solace from Emotional Guilt" by Canadian memoirist D.G. Kaye.

A stunning beauty, Kaye would eventually realize that this was her mothers single and only positive trait. The "privilege of beauty" afforded her mother the attention she craved from others. A vain narcissist, she smoked, drank, and gambled heavily, spending most of her time (also family vacations) at the Fort Erie Racetrack, bingo halls, night clubs, and partying with friends. With four children she scarcely paid attention too, a husband she fought with and separated from multiple times, there was much drama and stress before Kaye's parents divorced. The children spent a great deal of time with their hardworking immigrant Russian Orthodox grandparents, and enjoyed a happy loving relationship with their Aunty Sherry, who married later in life, and loved Kaye as if she were her own.

In young adulthood, Kaye was drawn into relationships with married men or those who had problems including alcoholism. Eventually supporting herself working in the Casinos dealing cards, she married a loving thoughtful husband. Throughout the story, Kaye struggled with various choices and moral dilemmas. As her mother aged, and became medically fragile (due to years of heavy smoking), her care, understandably became a duty and obligation for her children. The repetitive conflict without resolution, made this story seem slightly tiresome towards the ending. Another example is when Kaye traveled to Greece, this might have been more interesting with more details about her friends, the country, culture etc. Instead Kaye focused on a single stressful incident and the difficulty getting around on her broken foot. Overall, Kaye was able to come to terms with the adversity of her life and reach out to readers with this genuine heartfelt story.
D.G. Kaye has authored other non-fiction books, and lives in Toronto with her husband.

[Deborah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first time, reading a memoir. I am mostly a fiction reader, and occasionally I dip into the biography of a famous name that interests me, but memoir? Not something I’d considered trying.
I decided to read this particular memoir after meeting the author online, chatting on our respective blogs and by email. The other draw was that it promised some insight into a narcissistic personality (the author’s mother), and I’ve always been fascinated by the psychology of personality disorders - a pretty useful trait for me as an author, as it gives me lots of scope for developing my characters.
So with this in mind, I opened up Conflicted Hearts and was instantly drawn into the tale. All too often, we quote Mark Twain’s idiom, ‘truth is stranger than fiction’, and here that indeed holds true. I was enthralled by the story of this woman who was only truly interested in herself, and in being admired by others, and the toll this took on her husband and children. The total inability to recognise that anything about her way of life was wrong, or to acknowledge the lifelong negative influence it would have on her offspring, was staggering, all the more so considering that this was not fiction.
This memoir is, of course, told from the perspective of one of those children, and chronicles the author’s journey from her difficult childhood through the relative emancipation of leaving home and exploring her own life, to the later responsibilities of the mature adult.
Kaye’s writing style is fluid and exceedingly readable, expressing the story in a series of vignettes of her life, sometimes emotionally raw and at other times charming and funny. I’d like to thank her for her honesty, and for sharing what has clearly been a difficult journey with such an outlook of hope and positivity, albeit at times somewhat strained.
Memoirs? If they are as absorbing and enlightening as this one, I may read a few more.

[Christina Gregory · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book truly felt like sitting with a friend over coffee, only better because unlike traditional conversations where you cannot know the other’s thoughts, by reading them they become far more personal.

In the beginning, it is made clear what a strong, compassionate, and loving person the author is. From the onset, one is pulled into a quickly paced narrative written in such a manner so as to draw one in to see, feel, and experience the vicissitudes of what is the mother/daughter relationship. To actually feel the guilt and anguish that one so close can evoke in another. Each struggle shows Kaye building strength to face the next trial, which again adds to her compassion and admirable empathy…her love for and desire to help all she comes in contact with.

Kaye writes in a way that the reader cannot help but feel a multitude of perspectives – observer, friend, confidant, and simultaneously a fellow champion throughout her trials and triumphs…her disappointments, her fighting for and achieving her dreams.

We get to experience first-hand all these events, good or bad, that shaped her inherent character. We, too, become the friends with whom she shares her life, learned from and experienced adventures with.

I truly believe this is a poignant truth in so many relationships today, especially the most pivotal of parent/child. Those words, actions, teachings, are what shape us early in life and ultimately affect us for the rest of our lives.

Kaye writes so inspirationally about overcoming so very much with grace, style, and love. This book is about triumph, of letting go and embracing life for all the gifts we are continually blessed with.

[Lisa Thomson · Rating 5 out of 5]

D.G. Kaye takes you into her life in an irresistible way. You feel like a fly on the wall of her childhood home(s). She had many homes and consequently, young Kaye had not known a world of stability. Ever since she could remember as a small child, her parents fought and often her narcissistic mother 'won'. She didn't know from one day to the next whether her father would leave them.

As a child and adolescent, Kaye had no understanding of her mother's personality. On the one hand, she admired her mother's beauty and on the other, she feared her temper. The relationship was one fraught with contradictions beyond comprehension. All Kaye wanted was to make her mother happy and keep her from destroying her father's emotional health. This is far too much for any child to bear, but Kaye did for many years.

The memoir takes the reader through her childhood difficulties, her adolescent rebellion and finally freedom, into her young adult romances and career. Finally, D.G. shares how she met the love of her life but as well, the ongoing heartache of dealing with her narcissistic mother and her own health issues. Kaye is not only a fabulous writer, but she is a true warrior. If you want inspiration for overcoming life's challenges, or if you are dealing with a narcissistic parent, then this is a must read.

[Miriam Hurdle · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her book Conflicted Hearts, Kaye recounted her vivid memories of painful experience growing up with a narcissist mother whose interest was partying, smoking, gambling and getting male’s attention to herself. Her mother threw out her father frequently and had male companions in the house with the children’s presence. Kaye’s father returned home long enough to make babies but had no guarantee to stay. She felt sad for her father. She couldn’t concentrate at school. Instead, she expected the disappearance of her father or anger from her mother. She did not receive the nurturing needed for a happy childhood. Instead of being a child, she felt responsible and be the parent to her father. Later, she found out that the paternal grandparents didn’t like her because her mother was pregnant with her and caused her parents’ marriage. She felt it was her fault, and that she was the reason for her father to marry her mother. She considered herself as the black sheep, the accident. If her father married someone else, he would have been happier. Her mother was never home and had babysitter watching the four children until Kaye was twelve and became a babysitter.

Aunty Sherry was the only adult to show her guidance, concern and attention. Sherry got married in her forties and didn’t have children.

Kaye moved to an apartment at age eighteen. She went to university part-time studying classical music and singing, but never made it. She then supported herself by working in the Casinos dealing cards. During those years, Kaye had relationships with married men. Eventually she married a loving, thoughtful husband. Eventually she got married to a love and caring husband.

As a mother and a grandmother, I couldn’t imagine such a person as Kaye’s self-centered mother. I felt horrified when Kaye’s baby brother wandered off a mile away while the mother was asleep late in the morning recovering from the late-night party. Children are the ones who suffer the most in a dysfunctional home. Kaye’s parents had problems with their marriage, yet four babies were brought into the world. I feel that Kaye’s mother had sex for pleasure and didn’t understand the consequence. Kaye should never feel responsible for causing the parents to get married. Regardless, Kaye became a sensitive person and led a happy life.

[Sherrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Imagine feeling frustrated and powerless in a situation you're desperate to resolve. When you're a child, that angst multiplies immensely because you are only that--a child. You have no power to speak out about what you're feeling, and neither are you permitted to ask questions that might soothe your inner turmoil, because the cause of your dilemmas are adult matters that apparently shouldn't concern you." ~ D.G. Kaye, Conflicted Hearts

My Thoughts:

At the beginning of Chapter 8 of Conflicted Hearts , the same chapter from which the above quote is taken, D.G. Kaye writes the following:

"We are the products of our parents. How can they teach us what they didn't know?"

Likely, these words resonate with more than one reader with parents from the same generation as Kaye's.

The author's fluid writing style and storyteller's voice gives the reader a sense of sitting down over a steaming cup of coffee or tea with a friend. The friend begins to tell you what life was like for her as a child. You sit in disbelief, wondering how this positive, strong, loving woman lived through the parenting received at the mind and hands of her mother.

Yet, our author and friend lives with a guilt burdening her for far too long. This is the skin she wants to shed--the skin of her guilt feelings. It appears to this reader nothing has been D.G. Kaye's fault with respect to her mother and her mother's behavior. The guilt is just another layer applied like frosting on a cake. Only this isn't frosting. It isn't sweet, and it leaves an acid taste in your mouth.

D.G. Kaye is not ashamed nor abashed about telling her story and sharing it with those willing to read. Her truthful memories will unfasten for others the doors to walk through to the other side of life. Life filled with love, happiness, and respect.

Thank you to the author for the gift of her words.

My Recommendation:

I highly recommend this book for anyone who lived through an emotionally and verbally abusive childhood, one like D.G. Kaye's. Remember, you are not the one at fault, and reading Kaye's memoir will help you understand that.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for a fair and honest review. Opinions expressed are my own.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Conflicted Hearts by D.G. Kaye reads like a personal conversation between two best friends. The level of intimacy shared by the author is second to none of any self-help book I’ve read to date; and I’ve read many.

I refer to Kaye’s memoir as a self-help book because it reflects timeless struggles we all share and reveals the author’s many attempts at dealing with them – some successful, some not.

Kaye draws us into a world of deep and conflicting emotions, where she struggles to find balance and a semblance of inner peace. Her mother – demanding and narcissistic – thought only of herself and disregarded the needs of her family, especially those of her children and husband. This propelled the author, the eldest of her three siblings, to step up to the plate and act the parent. In so doing – coupled with also attempting to meet the needs of her mother and father – she forfeited her childhood. As an adult, it took many years for her to reconcile her own needs with those of her mother.

The candor and intimacy shared by the author often brought me to tears, as I reflected on the similarities in my own life. I had read a few chapters when I had to put the book down due to illness. When I picked it up again a few weeks later, I became so engrossed that I read straight through to the end.

For me, the mark of a good book is one that pulls us out of our rote way of life and immerses us in another world, broadens our imagination, heightens our level of awareness, or deepens our life experience. A book that does two or more of these is exceptional. Conflicted Hearts is one such book. It left me emotionally stirred in a very positive way.

Any book that moves me to reflection is a book I will always carry in my heart. Thank you, D.G. Kaye, for this timeless gift …

[Ann Fields · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is part women’s fiction, part memoir. It chronicles the highlights (and lowlights) of a daughter’s life as she moves from co-dependence to freedom; from duty and obligation to choice; from emotional insecurity to a healthy emotional base; from fractured to wholeness.

If you think back to a sporting event you’ve attended, you may recall sitting on the sidelines cheering, booing, shaking a fist or clapping. If you’re in touch with that experience, then you’ll understand when I say that Conflicted Hearts is that type of read.

You’ll become a fan of Kaye, while sitting on the sidelines, reading her life story. You'll cheer for her when she makes “good” decisions and boo when she makes “bad” ones. You'll clap for her when she learns a tough lesson and frown when she cycles through the same issue. You will sigh, displeased when she reaches for familiar, but harmful behavior and rejoice when she demands to be treated as worthy.

One can't help but become a fan of Kaye because she allows us full access to her experiences, her mind and her emotions. She withholds nothing, which was not only brave of her but also wise. It is her honesty, wisdom and courage that drew me in from page one and kept me invested until the end.

I found this a highly enjoyable read, very insightful, touching and well written with a satisfying ending. I don't need any other reasons to recommend this book but I will say that I admire the cover. It artistically depicts the content and title. Truly a work of art from cover to cover and in between.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, what a memoir. I'm not sure what I should praise more: the honesty about the writer's tough journey, or the way she drew the right and rather inspirational conclusions from it for her life.
You will feel for the little girl who becomes a 'pawn in her parents chess game', victim of emotional cruelty and exposed to forces she, as child, has no way of fighting.
You will feel joy over the few happy patches, redeeming moments and helpers, such as aunty Shelly, and you will root for her as she grows up and manages to learn from her mistakes, understand her past and present and build a future for herself.
Mothers are also just human beings, many good and some not so good at all. I applaud Kaye for acknowledging that her mother wasn't one of the good ones, accepting this hard truth and moving on with her life.
That said, the book is incredibly reflective and balanced. This is not a book built on hate or revenge but on wisdom and maturity.
The author has led a very interesting life and has much to say that will resonate with readers open to grow as people. There is also observational humour and warmth, which make this a book hard to put down and one very hard to forget.
Simply wonderful and refreshingly realistic.

[Carol Balawyder · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a memoir about the power of guilt. It is a story about a woman's boundless compassion towards an emotionally abusive mother and the toll it takes on her own health and happiness.
The story has many layers: her loving relationship with her father, her siblings, her dear aunt and her different romances.
But basically it is a memoir of letting go of guilt. Kaye shows us how strong a mother/daughter bond is, even when it is destructive. Her wish to get out of the relationship is held back by guilt - a guilt which in itself is toxic.
Kaye is not a best selling author, nor is she a rock or movie star nor won any Olympic Gold medals. As memoirs go, she is on the bottom rung of "important" people to read about. Yet, her memoir is one of these books that I couldn't put down.
She especially shines in the romance sections and writes with a good mastery of suspense.
Perhaps its only flaw is that it is at times a bit repetitious but overall for anyone who loves strong, courageous and loving protagonist MG Kaye proves to be one in her own memoir.

[Christoph Fischer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Conflicted Heart is an emotional and amazing read. It is a few years old and a sequel is in the making but that doesn't make it any less of a worthy read. We've heard about motherlove and the best they can do. Now let's hear from someone who tells what happens when it doesn't work so well.
The author writes with raw honesty about her tough childhood and her personal journey. Cruelty and abuse don't have to be physical. This little girl became a victim of her parent's war with each other.
It isn't all doom and gloom, though. The author writes with humour at times and there are also some happy memories included, all of which have helped the writer to evolve as a person and draw a line under her past. Accepting hard truths and moving on is hard and I am impressed how thoughtful and balanced this memoir is.
There is warmth, humour and much entertainment to be had as well. The author had an interesting childhood and career and a beautiful writing style. Honest and refreshing, despite the difficult subject. A great achievement.

[Kurt Springs · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a remarkable memoir of a daughter's battle to be free of a domineering, toxic mother. A young girl, D. G. Kaye was too young to realize how her mother liked to use people, even her children, to get what she wanted. D. G. Kaye's mother became pregnant with her daughter to force D. G. Kaye's father to marry her. This was a hard burden to bare, as her paternal grandparents could never see past the taint this left on their oldest grandchild. Once she came of age, D. G. moved out to gain her own life, but her mother's manipulative nature seemed to follow her.

For someone who had a loving family life, reading about how a mother can do such things to her children seems unimaginiable. This is a book about a woman's remarkable battle through guilt and a emotionally toxic environment that nearly claimed her life. As much as any fictitious or historic warrior, this D. G. Kaye has fought—and perhaps still fights—the good fight, has persevered and even thrived.

[Deborah Bowman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST-READ BOOK!

A MUST-READ BOOK!

How can you sum up a life...your own or someone else's? It's a daunting task. Even a quiet, reserved life is hard to put into words. But what if all you have ever known is adversity, conflict, and neglect from your first remembered, conscious thought. How can beauty and serenity survive in a toxic wasteland? Yet, a sensitive, caring individual did just that--D.G. Kaye and she shares her amazing true life story with us mere mortals. A guilt ridden young girl, who carries her guilt through life, but haven't many of us been there? Even knowing the guilt is not justified doesn't make the pain go away. Throw in heartbreak, abuse, an incurable immune-deficiency disease, and almost losing the love of her life...how do you cope? How do you become spiritual, giving, loving, and caring? Read "Conflicted Hearts" by D.G. Kate, and you will know a true angel walks among us.

[John Maberry · Rating 4 out of 5]

It takes courage to write a memoir and, in the jargon of a few decades ago, "let it all hang out. I've been there and done that, myself. It's a heartfelt chronicle of someone who eventually overcame the control that a narcissistic mother exercised over her family--husband and children alike. That brought much pain and emotional turmoil to the family, especially the author. She suffered from neglect and disdain, at the same time felt what some might think misplaced guilt. Perhaps coming from hearing things she shouldn't, as this snippet reveals: "[M]uch was said around us children under the assumption that we weren't listening...Well I was listening" Too well, it seems, when her mother demanded much and offered little. While it may not have the gravitas or the literary skill of Frank McCourt's Angela's Ashes, few memoirs do--my own included. It's still well worth reading the narrative that D.G. Kaye offers which shows how one can finally have that happy and successful life.

[Annie Edmonds · Rating 5 out of 5]

We just never know what others are going through

We all have something that either keeps us going or holds us back. This is a true story of how to preserve when the odds are against you. It's about having an open a true heart. About treating others the way we ourselves want to be treated. Life isn't easy. I am so glad I have a person like D.G. in my life. She is always positive. She always has a kind word to lift you up. The love in her heart shines through even when she's telling her own personal life story. Staying true to your own heart is the message I got from this book. Never let some else's venom change who you are. Even when that venom is coming from your own flesh and blood. This story will make you laugh, cry, and hopefully make you see that in the end we all have choices to make in order to live the best lives we can. I love you D.G. Kate!

[Jacqui · Rating 5 out of 5]

The preview for the book reads: A lifetime of guilt -- What does it take to finally break free? And that's exactly what this book is. This young woman's guilt over parents who couldn't love her, a childhood that included none of the nurturing events so critical to children, and mistakes she made because she was a child--all this she believed caused her parents to be so distant and uncaring. Add to this heartbreak, abuse, an incurable immune-deficiency disease, and almost losing the love of her life.-- thank God children are resilient. You will want to hug this child and tell her it's just not her fault.

Told with DG Kaye's honesty and openness, and a writing style that draws readers right into the emotion, plan to give this book to anyone suffering from childhood issues that simply aren't their fault and they can't fix.

[Janice Spina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Story of Courage and Resilience!

Conflicted Hearts is a story of an amazing woman who had to endured hardships throughout her life beginning with a heartless mother. As a young child she learned how to survive and make her way without her mother's love.

This author poured out her heart in a cathartic way in order to deal with telling her story. She has faced adversity, serious illness both herself and her husband's and somehow came out stronger.

Reading this book has been an eye opener for me. We all have to deal with our own demons and disappointments in life but it is how we handle them and come out on top, stronger and more resilient. I would highly recommend this book!

[Jeannie Bushnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

D.G. Kaye's memoir exposes her fractured heart to readers through a beautifully woven tapestry that reveals the vulnerability and depth of character the author possesses as a result of having worked to overcome and repair the damage wrought by a self-obsessed and abusive mother. The truths expressed throughout her personal journey are universal. Anyone who has experienced damaging effects from the dysfunction of others will relate to the honesty, guilt, and heartache reflected in Kaye's words. As her story unfolds, readers quickly find themselves captivated and inspired.

[Linda Bethea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Toxic Mom

Fascinating read about author's attempts to deal with a toxic mother. I was not jealous of this poor daughter. Good job.

[Alex Craigie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This candid memoir of the author’s life raised many different emotions in me. Her mother is described as not only Helen of Troy but also the Trojan horse, using “her beauty as a weapon”. She was a largely absent mother whose attitude towards her children incensed me. Ms Gies, the oldest of the four of the siblings, gradually took on the responsibility for them and did the household chores, fed them and took them to school from the age of twelve.
Her father was a kindly man but weak. His wife repeatedly threw him out of the family home and when his own pleading to come back failed, he’d ask his young daughter to ask on his behalf. To grow up in such a dysfunctional family must have been horrific and the author’s resilience is remarkable.
There’s a refreshing honesty to this memoir and nothing is left out that might cause censure. Her affair with a married man led to a rift with her father thanks to her mother breaking her promise not to mention it. Soon afterwards, this rift was mended. She eventually ended the relationship because she could see the unhappiness it was causing him.
Another relationship became dangerously coercive and my heart went out to her for experiencing this on top of the other burdens she carried.
Aunt Sherry and two particularly good friends helped to keep her on an even keel and provided the support that was lacking in the home. She also describes meeting her husband at a point in her life when she wasn’t looking for anyone else in it. This was a beautiful account and her love for him shines through her description of her life with him.
There are health battles as well as continual battles with her mother who manages to sow discord throughout her life. There’s also laughter amongst the poignancy and her account of her holiday in Greece features not one but two amazing coincidences.
The author poses several hypotheses during her tale. One of her chapters begins with the words “Does time soften us, or is it the fear of being old and alone that makes us cling to those who are closest?” I found these interesting and my reflection on them added to my enjoyment.
Many memoirs are sanitised and bland, but not this one. I lived through her ups and downs through it and recommend it to others as a moving account full of candour and self-awareness.

[Mark Bierman · Rating 4 out of 5]

If there was ever a story that gives a perfect example of peeling away the protective layers in which many of us enshroud ourselves, you’ve just found it.
D.G. courageously shares her story of being raised by an emotionally, and often physically, distant mother and the damaging consequences. I think most of us read stories to connect with the characters, and I found myself to be highly engaged with the younger D.G., as she tries to navigate through the emotional turmoil of her mother’s rejection; no child should ever have to go through that.
In spite of her mother’s alienation, D.G. does find strong supporters, within her family and in romantic partners. The reader cannot help but feel relief and joy every time these people turn up in her life.
I grew to admire D.G.’s resilience, kind heart, and appreciated her brutal honesty. The pages are choc full of valuable life lessons.
Life is rarely fair, but there are bright spots that we can soak up, and D.G. is certainly one that has learned to do just that. No one is spared from disappointment and varying degrees of trauma. We all need to find our ‘people’ who will support us.
I recommend this book for anyone with a pulse.
I’m giving this book, FOUR STARS!

[D.L. Finn · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Conflicted Hearts” is a wonderful insight of a girl growing up with an unavailable mother and father lost in that world. I could easily relate to the role of caretaker being thrust on a young girl and the guilt she carried. The blame her paternal grandparents had toward her because her father had to marry her mother was heavy, as was her parents' on and off living arrangements and mother’s self-absorption toward her children. The guilt followed Ms. Kaye into adulthood, as she always tried to do the right thing. I appreciated how mistakes made had given her the lessons needed. One situation that made me cringe was during a trip to Greece and a broken foot. But people came into her life just when they were needed. I found that very heartening. It was hard to read about the abusive relationship she ended up in, and I was relieved when they parted ways. I loved watching the author make her way to her happily ever after. I found this an inspiring journey of how Ms. Kaye navigated her home life and then left it behind to find herself and love. I highly recommend this memoir.

[Jeanine Lunsford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author D. G. Kaye takes her readers on a journey down the memory lane of her fractured past riddled with painful recollections of her narcissistic mother and timid father.
Forced to grow up as a child substituting for her mother (including cooking, housework, and the care of her 3 younger siblings), the author learned to cope with the selfishness of her self-absorbed mother by tuning out her own needs, especially her need for a mother's love and affection.
I was glad her Aunt Sherry was there for her, though she was really the only adult who seemed to care. All the other adults in her life were emotionally absent.
The author moves into the difficulties of adulthood confused and guilt-ridden but learns, even in the midst of illness and heartbreak how to love herself and to "climb life's peaks and prevail".
I highly recommend this book; especially for anyone struggling with the wounds of a fractured past.

[John Dolan · Rating 5 out of 5]

“As far back as I can remember, I liked to write about my feelings.”
Thus begins D.G. Kaye’s profoundly emotional ‘Conflicted Hearts’, an account of her relationship with her fractured family – especially with her irascible, narcissistic mother. This book is a deep dive into an unhappy, affection-starved childhood, and of the consequences of that in later life.
“When [my mother] had money, she disappeared, and as puzzling as I found it, I never missed her, as you can’t really miss someone who has never been there.”
This book is not an easy read, and it must have taken significant courage to write. Yet for all that – and despite the toxic relationships and ill health it faithfully records – it carries a message of hope; that one can rise above damage and neglect, and carve out a life for oneself. The ghosts of the past will, perhaps, forever persist, but maybe through these words the author has managed to lay a few of them to rest.