It's the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken, and Clear

by Carol A. Fleming

Speak Your Mind Effectively!
The best, most direct way to convey your intelligence, expertise, professionalism, and personality to other people is through talking to them. But most people have no idea what they sound like. And even if they do, they don’t think they can change it. It’s the Way You Say It is a thorough, nuts-and-bolts guide to becoming aware and taking control of how you communicate with others.

Dr. Carol Fleming provides detailed advice and scores of exercises for

•Understanding how others hear you
•Dealing with specific speech problems
•Varying your vocal patterns to make your speech more dynamic
•Using grammar and vocabulary to increase your clarity and impact
•Reinforcing your message with nonverbal cues
•Conquering stage fright

An entire section of the book focuses on communication issues in the workplace—interviews, presentations, voice mail, and more. Dr. Fleming puts a human face on her advice through vivid before-and-after stories of forty men and women who came to her for help.

“No other skills will position you ahead of your competition as much as good speaking and presentation skills. No book approaches the depth and breadth of Dr. Carol Fleming’s It’s the Way You Say It.”
—Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE, keynote speaker, executive speech coach, and president of Fripp & Associates

Genres: Communication, Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Business, Personal Development, Audiobook

263 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 6, 2010

About the author

Dr. Fleming is a Personal Communication Coach and the Founder of The Sound of Your Voice. She specializes in vocal development and communication training and is dedicated to helping men and women increase their Communication Skills by refining their voice, words, and demeanor.
Her book "It's the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate Well-spoken and Clear" has just been published. What you say is important, but how you say it, and how you look when you say it, is even more important. The book will help you become more articulate, well-spoken, poised and gracious. Considerable attention is given to the various forms and subtleties of non-verbal communication. You will not find a more comprehensive guide to speaking improvement than this book. Dr. Fleming is also the author of the best-selling series The Sound of Your Voice and The Serious Business of Small Talk.
If you wonder whether that frog in your throat and those sweeping hand gestures affect your success in business, talk to Dr. Carol Fleming. Dr. Fleming is in private practice since 1980.
"

Reviews

[Heather Clawson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a self-help book on correcting the way you talk - both the "what you say" and the "how you sound" components. While I thought the book was interesting and slam-full of information and examples, I thought the author's tendency to make somewhat admonishing comments to the reader to be highly distracting. For example, in her chapter on "Breathy Talkers," Dr. Fleming gives a bulleted list on how to combat this problem, the last bullet being the statement that this type of speaking can be a medical issue. She suggests seeing an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat doctor) for an evaluation to determine if your problem is physiological in nature. Her closing statements for this suggestion are, "This medical visit is no big deal. It doesn't hurt, takes little time and can provide much relief. Be a grown-up and go."

Uh, excuse me? Am I three? I know there are plenty of people out there who hate going to the doctor (any doctor) and will avoid it all costs but really - do you think that you (someone I don't know) telling me not to be a baby is going to somehow launch me to the doctor's office if I'm one of those individuals who refuses to go? Give me a break.

But my favorite, by far, was this pearl, uttered in the middle of her chapter on "Developing The Resonant Voice." "Maintaing the lower pitch, go 'Hohoho' like the Jolly Green Giant, letting the tone come from deep in the chest...If you have never even heard of the Jolly Green Giant, you might use Santa Claus as an image. If you have never had an image of Santa Clause, I can't help you."

WTF?

First of all, I'm guessing that making the statement "I can't help you," in the middle of a self-help book (even if done in semi-jest!) is tatamount to the president of America giving a speech on how the head of the government is not doing a very good job. Secondly, if you seriously thought that some of your readers wouldn't know who the Jolly Green Giant or Santa Claus was, then why use them as an example? In short, why would you even make that statement? My guess is that the author was trying to be amusing but frankly, I've seen funnier things dead on the side of the road in the middle of the desert.

In short, this was an interesting book, but it's self-published and it shows. (I'm doing you a favor by not mentioning the multiple grammar and organizational faux pas. Trust me.)

[Junsong Li · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book that helps me step ahead and chat

I am so lucky to come across this book. I used to be a person that stayed along in any kind of events; I didn’t know how to start conversation, and didn’t know what to expect from a smalltalk, which I didn’t even know was called “smalltalk.”

This book is full of concrete case studies on communication. I learned how to get the ball rolling on start, how to proceed with a bridge and get meaningful conversation going.

This has changed my lifestyle too. I find I become outgoing. I am willing to talk to anyone whom I think he/she is willing to have a quick smalltalk at anywhere, and yes, of course, just like any smalltalk, with a reasonable expectation of the depth of topics.

Strongly recommended.

[Bunnyhugger]

I think this book could be very useful provided you are willing to put the work in. The author covers specific speech issues (such as talking too fast, too softly, too high, or fading at the end of sentences) and offers ways to address them. The exercises laid out involve recording yourself (in a group setting as well as by yourself) and obtaining objective feedback from friends. There are some issues I would like to work on but it's unlikely to be in the near future. (And, rather embarrassing to admit, I'll first have to figure out the updated equivalent of the tape recorder...)

[Kelly Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book to help with speaking and preaching for Christian leadership or anyone that wants to become a great orator. It definitely has a lot of gems and nuggets to take away. Be prepared to take your time with this study book. A note book would be great to jot down points and definition words. The book has a vast vocabulary section that one must retain when trying to better yourself. Also this book would be great for singers, it teaches you how to manipulate your voice to maximize your singing abilities. Great great read but very detailed. By the time I finished I felt like I could be a voice and diction teacher lol

[GM · Rating 3 out of 5]

not a generic "how to structure your presentations well" book - more about being aware of your own speaking habits (e.g. speaking too fast, raspy, high pitched)

more interesting than anticipated. read it for my performance review tbh

[Abeer · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author needs a coach to teach her how to be an articulate! Just read the preface and you’ll get a feel of how she goes all over the place without having a solid point to communicate.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many people don't like the sound of their own voice (whether it's too high-pitched, squeaky, husky, or soft). It doesn't have to be that way. We need to record ourselves speaking, practice enunciating, lower/raise our pitch, and ask friends to listen and point out when we lapse into bad habits.

[Nathan Hatch · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I liked

To be honest, I picked up this book from the library because all of the more popular books about small talk had long waiting lists. I suspected that a book by a speech therapist wouldn't be relevant to me, but I was wrong!

First of all, speech therapy is only a small part of the book—the first 25%. The rest of it focuses on higher-level advice about politeness and nonverbal communication, which is exactly what I'd been looking for. It's succinct and well organized, with clear section headings. Easy to skip sections that don't apply to you.

Warning: The rest of this essay is more of a summary than a review. It's a good book and I want to remember the details.

In the speech therapy section, Dr. Fleming offers a fresh perspective on communication focusing on the sound itself. I'd never consciously noticed that most declarative sentences end on a descending pitch. Or that it's good to use a base vocal pitch a major third higher than the lowest note you can sing, in order to give some room to go lower for emphasis. Or the (extremely subtle) physiological difference in pronunciation between "can't do" and "can do." After discussing these specific details, she suggests ways to make your voice more pleasant to hear, using "vocal variety" like Audrey Hepburn (variation in rate, pitch, and volume) and "resonance" like Morgan Freeman (lots of yawning).

This auditory perspective made me ponder the connections between verbal communication and music performance. Recording yourself to hear how you sound is one obvious parallel. And any of the following quotes could apply to music:

This is the fun of small talk: you never know where you'll end up. I liken it to the flow of jazz when players riff off each other and improvise.

The attention of the audience is going to fatigue after about six minutes.

Small amounts of text can be useful to create a schema, which is a mental framework for managing the information being provided by the speaker.

You will be anxious to talk and may speak too rapidly for your listener. Since your information is old to you, it will not feel as if you are speaking rapidly.

You will be doing people a great favor if you consciously articulate your speech with more energy in the face.

Sometimes we overestimate the audience's ability to identify our main points and only mention these little jewels of meaning once.

Have an opening statement that tells people the general nature of your topic and why they should listen. This is the best place to catch their interest and where they will decide if they are going to pay attention.

See if you can't organize your information under three subtopic headings. This format is simple but useful because it respects the cognitive capacity of the average audience and has saved many a speaker from floundering in a sea of confusing details.

Obviously, you should try to look your best because people tend to believe that the better looking you are the more positive traits you have. Good-looking people are thought to be smarter, more successful, and just better in every way. Like it or not, this is just how it works.

My single favorite piece of advice from this book is about posture. Fleming suggests that you "Pretend you have a crown on your head and a long ermine cloak on your shoulders. Walk for some distance with this image. This keeps your head up (to balance the crown) and your shoulders back (from the weight of the cape)." It's fun to imagine, easy to remember, effective, and important. As the author says, "You probably make thoughtful choices when you dress yourself, but it is your posture that will actually determine how well you look in your wardrobe."

Dr. Fleming is able to explain the reasons behind certain aspects of social interaction that are often taken for granted. Do you remember how, in a circle of self-introductions, everyone is supposed to include a "fun fact" about themselves? Here's why: "You are giving people enough information so that they can approach you and start a conversation easily, based on what you have told them." And here's why everyone tells you to make eye contact: "to monitor communication success, emotional responses, and to signal turn-taking."

She breaks down common words to help fully understand them. What is "politeness," exactly? According to Fleming, it requires walking a careful line between "warmth" (showing abundant interest in the other person) and "respect" (showing deference to their status). Similarly, what does it mean to be "approachable"? Fleming suggests that you observe what other people do that makes it seem easy to walk up and start a conversation.

The book uses acronyms and vocabulary words to anchor the important concepts:

"free information": specific details beyond what your listener asked for, which provide inspiration for new conversation topics

"conversation piece": some unusual accessory or article of clothing that provides a starting point for a conversation

"verbal bouquet": decorative language that isn't important in itself, but demonstrates that you're putting in some effort to be polite

"SOFTEN": an acronym from "Making Contact" by Arthur Wassmer, which summarizes a handy set of approachable nonverbal behaviors: Smile, Open posture, Forward lean, Touch, Eye contact, Nod

"ARE": a three-step process for starting a conversation with a stranger: "Anchor" (open with an observation about something around you, such as the weather), "Reveal" (offer free information about yourself), "Encourage" (ask a question of them).

In particular, the concept of free information reminded me of what in improv comedy is called an "offer": an unsolicited new detail to be incorporated into the scene. The following quotes are worth pondering both for social gatherings and for improv:

One of the most important uses of having a purpose in social situations is that it gives you a reason to disengage. The importance of your purpose must outweigh your desire to be nice.

It is difficult to trust those who reveal little because we can only guess what they're thinking, feeling, and believing.

If you are the one to start the conversation, you will be perceived as the leader, the adult. You are taking the social risk, assuming the burden of coming up with topics, remembering names, introducing people, and moving the conversation. You are making other people comfortable and creating the rapport that leads to sociability and to business development. You can see there is a real payoff to showing initiative in small talk.

When conversations sag and die, it will most likely be because of minimal responses and no free information.

Social conversations tend to be limited in time, so make that person feel that he is receiving the whole of your attention.

Finally, some inspiration to remind us that small talk is big:

[Small talk] is the most important communication skill you can develop because it is how you bring all new people into your life.

If you think that small talk is "idle chitchat" and just "talking about the weather," you have been fooled by the superficial characteristics of initial conversation. It is, in fact, the time to make nice murmurings to each other, to present a smiling face, and establish yourself as an agreeable person.

What I didn't like

Opening with the chapter on speech therapy is a bold choice. Most readers will only find one or two of those fifteen subsections to be relevant to them, and they might be tempted to dismiss the entire book based on that experience.

[Arooj · Rating 3 out of 5]

First half of the book talks about the vocal aspect of speaking and touches on speech impediments. I didn't find it relevant. Second half touches on persuasive speech and was packed with a lot of useful tips.

[Komi · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was so boring.. like I was all for it for 1/4 the book, but I started noticing she talked more about her patients than anything else. I would have just preferred to have a list or instructions on how to improve my speaking skills instead of this intricate story that was woven by her.

[Liza]

Should be combined with https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8...

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great for anyone who wants to present better.

[Vee Son · Rating 4 out of 5]

Boring,
Not a fun read, and not memorable.
Simple suggestions such as slow down and be more deliberate.
Common sense.

[Sagar Hirani · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not upto that mark and not useful.
Not as expected

[Leslie Yong · Rating 4 out of 5]

"It's the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken, and Clear" by Carol A. Fleming is a comprehensive guide to improving your communication skills.
Here's what you can expect from the book:

Key Takeaways
- *Assessing Your Voice*: The book provides insights into assessing your vocal strengths and weaknesses, helping you identify areas for improvement.
- *Resolving Specific Problems*: Fleming offers practical advice on overcoming common issues like fast talking, loud talking, soft talking, raspy voice, and more.
- *Developing a Dynamic Voice*: You'll learn techniques to express vocal variety, get emphatic, develop a resonant voice, and achieve perfect pitch.
- *Becoming Well-Spoken*: The book covers essential topics like using simple declarative sentences, speaking your mind effectively, and offering gracious responses.
- *Unifying Verbal and Nonverbal Messages*: Fleming emphasizes the importance of confidence, body language, and eye contact in effective communication.
- *Business Communication*: You'll find guidance on making impressive self-introductions, acing interviews, leaving effective voice mail messages, and delivering presentations.

Overall, this book is a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their communication skills, whether for personal or professional purposes.

[Ingrid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full book notes here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j...

I read this book so that I could improve my speaking and articulation skills in my work life. This book helps you uncover what type of speaking cadence you may have, what is the root of your speech issues, and how you might be able to overcome those issues and become a well spoken individual. I took off a star because this book was published in 2011 and the author surmises that the individual reading her book has a CD player to listen to the CD paired with this book. Safe to say that there are hardly any CD players / Laptops with CD players in existence today so the format of those audial lessons is outdated and it would have been great if they were available on Spotify or YouTube or a platform that is widely accessible. I also took off a star because in some of the examples the author provided to explain , she uses stories from her real life former clients and the way in which she talks about some of them for a cheap laugh or two for the sake of the book was pretty unsettling to me.
Content and value wise though I would recommend this book.

[Jorge F. Reyes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very enlightening

As English as my second language. Carol explains the different situations that could be affecting you as a person in a simple way. Using real life experiences cases that makes the problem whatever it could be not an impossible one to resolve. She is clear from the beginning that it takes work. She doesn’t try to sell you something that is magical, but if you work hard Carol is providing you the tools to attain your goals.

[Tram Nguyen · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some of the good points in here. Yet the book isn't really organized. So I found myself lost in the author's rambling words many times. It is definitely worth my time, though I don't think this is the best self-help book yet.

[coolwind · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book on talking skill. I think not so many people notice how to better use the voice. This book has given a lot of practical tips on how to improve. I also like the section on small talk. It is very comprehensive and helpful.

[Lolo · Rating 2 out of 5]

An ok book, but not for me.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too much lengthy anecdotes and it seems that the author looses her train of thought sometimes. I couldn't put up the energy to skip the less interesting parts in search for the exercises/ pointers.

[Susan Daniluk · Rating 2 out of 5]

Was not what I expected....more physiological than psycho-social

[Alyona Trotsenko · Rating 4 out of 5]

Какой у вас голос? Запишите на диктофон и потом начинайте работать над ним. А в этой книге сказано как именно нужно работать над голосом!

[Anita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not me in 2020 being elated by this help book from 2010. I do recommend listening to the audiobook and reading it at the same time and over a longer period of time, and actually doing the exercises.

[camie · Rating 2 out of 5]

it was ok, but it was pretty much general knowledge

it did cover a lot of ground tho

[Ruth Gates · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much packed into 230 pages.
This book is a keeper for future reminders of how to succeed in articulating yourself.

[Robin Tobin (On the back porch reading) · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were some interesting points. POPSUGAR 2023

[Noel · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s what you’d think it would be. Speak up and speak clearly.

[Mr DS · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good at addressing specific problems

Seemed to be good at addressing specific problems, but limited support for general improvements when not suffering a specific concern.

[Beth Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional tools! Very helpful.