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When
Life has not been kind to Theo Emerson.
Loss, grief, and fear has plagued his every waking moment for the past several years. He was not dealt an easy hand, but yet, he persists in the difficult game that is life. In this LGBTQ+ New Adult novel, follow Theo through his final year of college with his future as an Olympian athlete right in reach, and his idea of love teetering away from him.
Loss, grief, and fear has plagued his every waking moment for the past several years. He was not dealt an easy hand, but yet, he persists in the difficult game that is life. In this LGBTQ+ New Adult novel, follow Theo through his final year of college with his future as an Olympian athlete right in reach, and his idea of love teetering away from him.
553 pages, ebook
Published June 1, 2023
6 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
July 25, 2024
okay, let’s start off with why this book took me so long: 1) I lost my Kindle about halfway through and simply waited until it showed back up again.
In no capacity was I expecting to love this book as much as I do. Getting to watch these two boys PAINFULLY SLOW fall in love with each other was something truly beautiful. Theo as a character reminds me a lot of me in someways when I was in my severe depression years, and it healed me in a whole new way I didn’t even know was possible.
The storytelling and world building was something I wasn’t expecting, but it was so beautiful and perfect that I could literally FEEL the cold air or hear the water at the pool during some BIG moments for Theo. Levi and Ezra are two characters that I feel are my two best friends right now (shoutout to Steph and Kasey) because they just,, know what I needed in my times of loss and hurt and despair. I know I can always rely on them for a 3 AM phone call if I need it or just a shoulder to cry on.
I truly didn’t know I needed this book until I was done reading it and I will forever be thankful for Hayl for taking on this massive project and actually publishing it!!! YOU FUCKING DID IT AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!
In no capacity was I expecting to love this book as much as I do. Getting to watch these two boys PAINFULLY SLOW fall in love with each other was something truly beautiful. Theo as a character reminds me a lot of me in someways when I was in my severe depression years, and it healed me in a whole new way I didn’t even know was possible.
The storytelling and world building was something I wasn’t expecting, but it was so beautiful and perfect that I could literally FEEL the cold air or hear the water at the pool during some BIG moments for Theo. Levi and Ezra are two characters that I feel are my two best friends right now (shoutout to Steph and Kasey) because they just,, know what I needed in my times of loss and hurt and despair. I know I can always rely on them for a 3 AM phone call if I need it or just a shoulder to cry on.
I truly didn’t know I needed this book until I was done reading it and I will forever be thankful for Hayl for taking on this massive project and actually publishing it!!! YOU FUCKING DID IT AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!
January 9, 2024
This review is SPOILER-FREE and discusses the characters and overall writing :)
Firstly, I feel the need to state: this is a LONG book. It is also incredible. Don’t let the length dissuade you from deciding to take it on, because from the get-go, you’ll begin to love the characters and suddenly the length of it is like you’ve struck gold.
Theo is a lovable character, with clear reasoning behind each of his decisions that really ground your decision to root for him throughout the entirety of the novel. His goals are understandable and relatable, and so are his struggles. Often, I find that many books tackling homophobia often deal with a very cut and dry version, one that lacks realism or the conflicting feelings of experiencing it. I’m glad to say that ‘When’ completely avoided that as a downfall, because the way that Hayl wrote the homophobia in this book felt so realistic. It didn’t feel cliche, it didn’t feel cut-and-dry, it didn’t feel simple. It had all the depth of real life. They clearly conveyed the conflicts of loving your family whilst also dealing with the downsides of their homophobia. As someone who has gone through this, I genuinely felt like it told a story of my own experiences, and that’s something I love. It encompasses real life and it doesn’t sugarcoat it, whilst still ensuring the novel is easy to read and has you on the edge of your seat. His swimming career, although predictable from the beginning, still made for a very rewarding scene near the end of the novel. I knew where he would end up, but that didn’t take away from my excitement to see him get there - I was rooting for him from the beginning all the way to the finish line.
Hayl managed to balance the discussion of suicide and grief perfectly within the novel. It didn’t feel overbearing or too little - Augustus’ presence in the book did not feel like a burden. Many people, including myself, tend to skip over flashback chapters in similar books solely because it isn’t interesting enough to keep us engaged, but this book did. And that was a massive thing for me. The flashbacks blend well into the novel, and although the transition is smooth, it’s clear which parts are flashbacks and which are present day. I enjoyed learning more about Augustus (and his and Theo’s relationship) as the novel progressed, and it didn’t feel like something I wanted to skip through. Augustus’ presence didn’t take away from the relationship built between Theo and Ezra, but rather it added to it and actually helped the development of their relationship.
There are no smut scenes in this book, but the kissing and intimacy scenes were so good that the book didn’t feel lacking at all. I looked forward to the intimacy scenes, but the chemistry between Ezra and Theo was there regardless - the gradual buildup to becoming involved with each other was enjoyable to read and went at a steady pace. It didn’t feel too quick or too slow. They worked well as friends, and they worked well as boyfriends. The dynamic between them was something I loved reading :) I remember having to stop reading just to squeal - and trust me, I am not that kind of person. But I loved their relationship so much, and watching it evolve throughout the novel was amusing and something I loved.
I also feel the need to mention how much I enjoyed Theo and Levi’s friendship develop as well. It was consistent and felt relatable too. In novels with romantic relationships, side characters are often ignored, and therefore so are their ties to the main characters. But in ‘When’, Levi was a constant reminder of how valuable having a friend is; someone to defend you, to be by your side, to cover your back. Although he and Theo had some falling-outs, it only made me more excited to see them recover from it, rather than discouraging me from reading on. I loved the relevance that Levi had in Theo’s life, and how he wasn’t pushed to the side in lieu of a new relationship forming.
Perhaps less notably, I really liked Theo’s dynamic with his siblings and his mum. I loved Riley’s enthusiasm and care for him, and her depth, despite being a minor character in relation to the others. I looked forward to reading scenes with her in, and her concern for Theo didn’t feel forced in any way. In addition, I enjoyed reading his scenes with Connelly and Jim as well, although they were also minor characters. I don’t have as much to say about them, but I do feel obliged to say that none of these characters felt empty to me. They all had purpose and meaning, they all had varying personalities that worked. If you took any one of them out, you would feel their absence. The cast of characters was perfect for this novel.
I’m sure I could write more, but all in all, read this book! It was such a bummer when I finished, because I wanted to pick it up and read it all over again. The characters were incredible and had so much distinction, and the writing style was gorgeous. I finished this in 9 hours, started it in the evening then woke up and read it again until I finished. When I say I couldn’t put it down, I’m not joking. I was awake until 2am, because I needed to read the next chapter. This novel had such a strong drive, with a lovable cast of characters and a plot that was solid and something enjoyable to read.
Well done for writing such a stunning novel and I’ll definitely be reading even more of your stuff :)
Firstly, I feel the need to state: this is a LONG book. It is also incredible. Don’t let the length dissuade you from deciding to take it on, because from the get-go, you’ll begin to love the characters and suddenly the length of it is like you’ve struck gold.
Theo is a lovable character, with clear reasoning behind each of his decisions that really ground your decision to root for him throughout the entirety of the novel. His goals are understandable and relatable, and so are his struggles. Often, I find that many books tackling homophobia often deal with a very cut and dry version, one that lacks realism or the conflicting feelings of experiencing it. I’m glad to say that ‘When’ completely avoided that as a downfall, because the way that Hayl wrote the homophobia in this book felt so realistic. It didn’t feel cliche, it didn’t feel cut-and-dry, it didn’t feel simple. It had all the depth of real life. They clearly conveyed the conflicts of loving your family whilst also dealing with the downsides of their homophobia. As someone who has gone through this, I genuinely felt like it told a story of my own experiences, and that’s something I love. It encompasses real life and it doesn’t sugarcoat it, whilst still ensuring the novel is easy to read and has you on the edge of your seat. His swimming career, although predictable from the beginning, still made for a very rewarding scene near the end of the novel. I knew where he would end up, but that didn’t take away from my excitement to see him get there - I was rooting for him from the beginning all the way to the finish line.
Hayl managed to balance the discussion of suicide and grief perfectly within the novel. It didn’t feel overbearing or too little - Augustus’ presence in the book did not feel like a burden. Many people, including myself, tend to skip over flashback chapters in similar books solely because it isn’t interesting enough to keep us engaged, but this book did. And that was a massive thing for me. The flashbacks blend well into the novel, and although the transition is smooth, it’s clear which parts are flashbacks and which are present day. I enjoyed learning more about Augustus (and his and Theo’s relationship) as the novel progressed, and it didn’t feel like something I wanted to skip through. Augustus’ presence didn’t take away from the relationship built between Theo and Ezra, but rather it added to it and actually helped the development of their relationship.
There are no smut scenes in this book, but the kissing and intimacy scenes were so good that the book didn’t feel lacking at all. I looked forward to the intimacy scenes, but the chemistry between Ezra and Theo was there regardless - the gradual buildup to becoming involved with each other was enjoyable to read and went at a steady pace. It didn’t feel too quick or too slow. They worked well as friends, and they worked well as boyfriends. The dynamic between them was something I loved reading :) I remember having to stop reading just to squeal - and trust me, I am not that kind of person. But I loved their relationship so much, and watching it evolve throughout the novel was amusing and something I loved.
I also feel the need to mention how much I enjoyed Theo and Levi’s friendship develop as well. It was consistent and felt relatable too. In novels with romantic relationships, side characters are often ignored, and therefore so are their ties to the main characters. But in ‘When’, Levi was a constant reminder of how valuable having a friend is; someone to defend you, to be by your side, to cover your back. Although he and Theo had some falling-outs, it only made me more excited to see them recover from it, rather than discouraging me from reading on. I loved the relevance that Levi had in Theo’s life, and how he wasn’t pushed to the side in lieu of a new relationship forming.
Perhaps less notably, I really liked Theo’s dynamic with his siblings and his mum. I loved Riley’s enthusiasm and care for him, and her depth, despite being a minor character in relation to the others. I looked forward to reading scenes with her in, and her concern for Theo didn’t feel forced in any way. In addition, I enjoyed reading his scenes with Connelly and Jim as well, although they were also minor characters. I don’t have as much to say about them, but I do feel obliged to say that none of these characters felt empty to me. They all had purpose and meaning, they all had varying personalities that worked. If you took any one of them out, you would feel their absence. The cast of characters was perfect for this novel.
I’m sure I could write more, but all in all, read this book! It was such a bummer when I finished, because I wanted to pick it up and read it all over again. The characters were incredible and had so much distinction, and the writing style was gorgeous. I finished this in 9 hours, started it in the evening then woke up and read it again until I finished. When I say I couldn’t put it down, I’m not joking. I was awake until 2am, because I needed to read the next chapter. This novel had such a strong drive, with a lovable cast of characters and a plot that was solid and something enjoyable to read.
Well done for writing such a stunning novel and I’ll definitely be reading even more of your stuff :)
January 9, 2024
such an incredible story!!! not only is this an incredible romance story with a slow burn but there’s incredible character development and world building. its truly easy to become deeply immersed into the story and find yourself deeply attached to Theo, his relationships, and his story. i’d be a liar to say i didn’t cry several times. such an inspiring story that deals with heavy topics in an honest and engaging way. a beautifully crafted story that can inspire a lot of hope even when it seems like the world is constantly against you.
January 9, 2024
this book made me cry several times, it’s beautifully written and i would recommend it 🤍
January 16, 2024
This book is so amazing. It simultaneously rips my heart to shreds and stitches it back together. It really just has so much power and just makes you feel the emotions that are happening
January 9, 2024
One of the best books I have ever read. Romance, grief, diversity, humor in the darkest of times. It’s SO good. It hits all the points. You’ll cry, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry again. Amazing. Perfect length to fit in all the important details but not so long it drags out. Theo, Ezra, and Levi have my whole heart ❤️
January 12, 2024
Truly an emotional story that takes you through the heartbreak of losing someone you love and learning to love again. Coming to terms with your lgbtq+ identity growing up in a place not so accepting and so much more. This book made me cry at points but warmed my heart and made me laugh as well! I'd recommend this book to anybody, 10/10 will read again!!!
June 8, 2024
Beautiful, heartbreaking and inspiring story about young love, loss and moving through those things. This is an LGBTQ+ story and perfect for Allies, reading becomes understanding and understanding leads to compassion. This author has a wonderful way of capturing so many huge emotions with their words! It’s wonderful! Please read!
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews