Break Free and Move On: Understanding the Narcissist and Yourself

by Cate Bryant

Narcissists are everywhere. A narcissist is someone who ruthlessly twists and turns their victims out of shape in such a way that it is excruciatingly difficult to get free. Entanglement with a narcissist is like an addiction. First the victim has to come to terms with the fact that a narcissist will not change. Then the focus must be on getting free. Emotional and psychological problems are explained in plain English. Also, development in neuroscience have made clear the way that the body’s biochemistry affects feelings and behaviour. The trauma bond and cognitive dissonance trap victims who are struggling to become survivors. Understanding how this happens is key to breaking free and going on to live a fabulous life and never again getting chosen by a narcissist.

Many sufferers read about other victims’ experiences and contribute in internet groups and blogs. To some extent, talking about an experience and sharing with others can be a part of the initial breaking free process but it is important not to get stuck in this phase. Recent research and ideas have been suggested that can move the victim into a survivor stage and get back their sense of identity and self-control.

Break Free and Move On begins with a comprehensive description of narcissistic behaviours, an explanation of common terms and jargon, the cycle of relationship stages, and then addresses the thorny issue of what type of people narcissists choose. Traditionally it was believed that there were two types of victims, either codependent or exceedingly empathic or a combination of both. The latest alternative theory about a typical victim, who becomes a survivor, is someone who is high in Conscientiousness and Agreeableness. This changes many preconceived ideas. First-person narratives are interspersed in the text with analysis, illustrating many of the points that are being made. A series of case studies are examined in the final chapter.

The usual method of getting free from a narcissist is no contact and, if possible, therapy. However, there are problems with therapists who do not understand the nature of a narcissistic relationship and who can re-traumatise the victim. The aftermath of being trauma bonded in a narcissistic relationship is discussed in detail and includes ideas of breaking free that may be helpful to those who have not been able to move on to a normal life and be free of the fear of getting involved with another narcissist.

152 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 9, 2024

Reviews

[Etta Valentine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've just started reading posts about narcissists on the internet but got confused with so much jargon, such as 'grey rock', 'supply', etc. This books includes a comprehensive definition of every term every used in relation to narcissism. The case studies are brilliant, along with analysis, presenting interesting and sometimes unusual aspects of narcissism in all its awfulness.

[Phoebe Cannan]

This book has the best description of narcissism that I have ever read. The case histories are really interesting.