正向界線練習：照顧好自己，尊重他人，界線使我們專注在最重要的事上

by Sharon Martin, 謝明憲 (Translator)

所有人際關係的煩惱，都跟「界線」有關
為情感、時間、身體、物品設下界線
一次解決職場、婚姻、親子、友誼的人際困擾

超越了以往對界線的認知！
界線不只是用來自我保護、抵抗外力的防禦機制
界線更是把精力留給自己，專注發展美好生活的正向指引

（〇）界線的目的是好好照顧自己。
（✕）界線不是為了控制別人，要別人來照顧自己。

（〇）表達界線時，我們會透過溝通請別人改變他們的行為。
（✕）界線是表達請求，而不是要求，或試圖強迫別人按照我們的意願做事。

（〇）界線是雙向的，我們必須尊重他人的界線，不僅僅是堅持自己的界線。
（✕）界線是單向的，只顧表達自己的需求，而忽略了傾聽對方的需求。

界線是一條分界線，界定了什麼是我的（我的身體、感受、財產、責任等等）和什麼不是我的。界線傳達了我們希望別人如何對待我們，什麼是我們可以接受和不可以接受的，以及我們希望在身體和情感上與他人保持多少距離。

本書的第一部，將帶你了解我們需要界線的理由；第二部，告知別人界線的方法，以及當界線被侵犯時該如何應對；第三部，與哪些人建立界線，對象包括：同事、伴侶、子女、親戚、朋友；第四部，你也將練習尊重他人的界線，為自己建立健康的限制和習慣。

學會設定界線，可以增強個人的自尊和自信，並幫助建立充滿尊重和令人滿意的人際關係。本書是全方位的界線實踐手冊，透過書中的練習，我們將在堅定表達自己的同時，也學會不去挑戰或侵犯他人的界線，減少互動中的控制、衝突與摩擦。

為物品設下界線：保有自己的空間、物資和財產。

為情感設下界線：保有自己的想法和感受，免於受忽視或背叛的情感傷害。

為時間設下界線：保有自己的時間，不應允你不想做的事也不工作過度。

為身體設下界線：保有自己的身體自主權，並接受伴侶對性的坦誠。

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction, Health

380 pages, Paperback

Published September 19, 2023

Reviews

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best self-help books I've ever read, and I make it a point to read several books in this genre each year.

The Better Boundaries Workbook is full of practical information and guidance to help you understand the importance of having boundaries, how to set effective boundaries, how to communicate them, and how to handle violations, how to fine-tune them. It discusses how to set boundaries with the wide variety of people in your life: children, friends, colleagues, employees, bosses, family, and significant others. This is a workbook, with plenty of opportunities to explore using the information in your own specific situations.

I can't think of anyone who wouldn't benefit in some way from reading this book. Highly recommended.

My thanks to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications, Inc for permitting me to read an ARC of this book which is scheduled to be published on 11/1/21. All opinions expressed in this review are my own and are freely given.

[Ashley Peterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Better Boundaries Workbook by Sharon Martin uses a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) approach, incorporating mindfulness and self-compassion, to help readers establish boundaries to function better in relationships. The author is a psychotherapist, and if you’re into mental health on Pinterest, you’ve probably come across some of her pins.

The book begins with a look at what boundaries are, as well as common misconceptions about them, e.g. that they’re selfish. It then explores factors that can contribute to difficulties with boundary-setting, including dysfunctional families and feelings of fear and guilt.

In part 2, the author describes a 4-step process for boundary-setting, which consists of clarifying, identifying, implementing, and fine-tuning. There are also tips for effective communication, like using I statements and making clear requests, as well as a range of different suggestions on how to say no. There’s clarification around areas that might get confused, like compromise vs. conceding when it comes to negotiating boundaries.

Part 3 covers boundary issues in specific contexts, including at work, with your partner, with children, and with difficult people. Part 4 looks at boundaries with yourself, and the author gives lots of good tips for managing boundaries with technology.

I’ve reviewed a number of self-help workbooks from New Harbinger Publishers, and on the book-workbook spectrum, this was one of the more workbook-leaning ones. There are lots of prompt questions and room to write.

The book is more about prompting you to think things through for yourself rather than guiding you by the hand, which may be a good thing or a bad thing depending on what you’re looking for. In the chapter on boundary violations, for example, so examples of challenging scenarios were given as a lead-in to prompt questions, but the scenarios themselves weren’t worked through. I thought it might have been helpful to give example answers for some of the prompt questions based on the scenarios.

I think if you’re looking mostly for a book to read about boundaries, you might find yourself wanting more than what this book gives you. However, if you’re wanting to put in the effort and reflection to go through all of the exercises, I think this book would be a really good choice. This is certainly an important topic that tends to be challenging for a lot of people. The author’s approach is warm and supportive, and she does a really good job of clarifying what boundaries are and what they aren’t. Overall, I would say it’s a good book, and whether it’s right for you or not just depends on what you’re looking for.



I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.

[Alissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the book I needed, but didn't know it until I started reading it.

I personally have set up bad boundaries for myself and it has taken years for me to figure them out. I was being used by so called "friends", my bosses, etc. all the time. This book really helped me to figure out more of them in an easier fashion than the way I was doing things. I also really needed and enjoyed the sections about children. I have a five year old who is already pushing boundaries as much as she can. This book is a great tool with so much useful information, be ready to take some notes and highlight areas along the way.

[Adrijana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved Sharon Martin's book CBT for Perfectionism, so I had really high expectations for this book. Unfortunately, I found it overly abstract: there are many concepts but most are not given the attention they deserve; examples are provided but they are often short and not "seen through" (lacks further explanation or author's take on how a conflict can be resolved). Overall, the content may be useful to a mental health professional, but I would not recommend this book as a self-help resource to a client as I don't believe it can be understood easily.

[April Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read many books that deal with boundaries but this one was by far the most practical and comprehensive. This provided concrete action steps and reflective prompts towards building boundaries. I will definitely purchase!

Thanks to net galley for this ARC in exchange for a honest and unbiased review.

[Sonja ❤︎ (sunnydeelights)]

As someone who is deeply impacted by all my relationships, I felt like this book gave me the opportunity to tackle boundaries in a healthy, loving way.

I am looking forward to implementing the information in the book into my life, and I am hoping that this book is as helpful to others as it has been to me.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical and easy to understand, with tons of examples and exercises to help you figure out how to put things into practice in your own life. Covers many different situations involving people from your family, workplace, friends, even children. Very useful book that I will no doubt refer to over and over again.

[Whitney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an arc to read and review.
As someone with boundary issues, I found this book to be insightful, helpful, and gave me better ideas on how to handle my life.
I highly recommend for anyone with boundary problems.
#netgalley #thebetterboundariesworkbook

[Juan Rodriguez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Increase your awareness of your boundaries and needs and you’ll increase the quality of your life and relationships (this book will teach you how to do so and it is very reflective and has you implement what you learn).

[Kay's Pallet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I 100% believe that everyone should read this.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Almost a 5. Great resource, ordered and will definitely use with clients

[Kelly Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Breaks down the process of building boundaries in an accessible step by step process that teaches why boundaries are so important at the same time. A valuable resource.

[Laurie Wheeler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful.

[Gerry Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most useful book on boundaries out there! It will teach you how to do it and practice the skills. Great if you're serious about making changes.

[S. Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful! Straightforward, comprehensive, and useful. I love the workbook style and all the suggested activities. I learned a lot. My therapist recommended it and she was right!

[Manda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really resonated with me. I learned alot about myself and others. I will continue to use what i learned to better myself