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Marriage: Sex in the Service of God
The ´way of a man with a maiden´ was too wonderful for the writer of Proverbs to understand. Preoccupying so many thoughts and dreams, the subject of countless songs, films and fairy tales, the love between a man and a woman has always been a profound and perplexing mystery. And yet we do not live happily ever after. Four out of ten marriages will end in divorce. Couples now choose to live together rather than marry, and those relationships are even less likely to last. People are having fewer children, later, and with a succession of partners. Ironically, just when so much is expected of love, Western societies are witnessing lower levels of public commitment in sexual relationships than ever before. The scale of this change amounts to a revolution, a major historical paradigm shift. The statistics mask a depth of pain that every pastor and counsellor knows only too well. We must face the inevitable questions: if faithfulness is no longer esteemed, why get married at all? What is marriage? What did God intend when he gave us marriage? Christopher Ash argues that our modern idolization of the sexual relationship contains within itself the seeds of its own destruction. To begin to rebuild a biblical confidence in marriage, we need to understand that the primary blessing and purpose of marriage is not sexual intimacy, but rather serving God in partnership. This in turn leads to the blessings of love, friendship, children, and order in society, and will help us to rediscover that faithfulness which is the heart of marriage. ´One of those precious rarities - a major piece of biblical scholarship which addresses an issue in today´s headlines directly and warmly. One to own, not to borrow.´ -- David Field ´Deeply scholarly, extraordinarily thorough and biblically faithful, as well as courageously fresh in rethinking the role of marriage in God´s intention for human life.´ -- David Wright Christopher Ash studied at Wycliffe Hall, Oxford, and then joined the staff at St. Andrew the Great, Cambridge. From there he headed to a church plant and is now Rector of All Saints, Little Shelford. He is married to Carolyn and they have four children.
396 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2003
25 people are currently reading
167 people want to read
About the author
Christopher Ash
54 books83 followersChristopher Ash works for the Proclamation Trust in London as director of the Cornhill Training Course. He is also writer in residence at Tyndale House in Cambridge, and is the author of several books, including Out of the Storm: Grappling with God in the Book of Job and Teaching Romans. He is married to Carolyn and they have three sons and one daughter.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
August 7, 2015
A thorough and substantial discussion of marriage, written in a steady, even-handed manner. Engages the biblical texts with a rigorous treatment, in conversation with historical developments and current events, and with a keen eye toward pastoral and theological considerations. Demonstrates an awareness and appreciation of historic Christian perspectives. It's a meaty if not academic read, but well worth the time and effort.
February 16, 2022
This was an unbelievably well-researched, well-organized, and thorough treatment of biblical marriage: one rooted in God's created order, and modeled after Christ's relationship to his bride, the Church.
Perhaps my favorite aspect of the book is Ash's analysis/comparison of the creation mandate (have dominion/be fruitful and multiply) and the great commission (go forth and make disciples of all nations). Ash views these two commands as inextricably linked, a perspective I've never heard before.
Ash is writing for pastors/teachers, and so it is lacking a bit in practical wisdom or advice; but that's not his aim. His goal is to present a biblical-theological understanding for sex and marriage; and in that regard he undeniably succeeds.
Ash's definition of marriage:
Marriage is the voluntary sexual and public union of one man and one woman, from different families. This union is patterned upon the union of God with his bride, the Christ with his church. Intrinsic to this union is God's calling to lifelong exclusive sexual faithfulness.
Perhaps my favorite aspect of the book is Ash's analysis/comparison of the creation mandate (have dominion/be fruitful and multiply) and the great commission (go forth and make disciples of all nations). Ash views these two commands as inextricably linked, a perspective I've never heard before.
Ash is writing for pastors/teachers, and so it is lacking a bit in practical wisdom or advice; but that's not his aim. His goal is to present a biblical-theological understanding for sex and marriage; and in that regard he undeniably succeeds.
Ash's definition of marriage:
Marriage is the voluntary sexual and public union of one man and one woman, from different families. This union is patterned upon the union of God with his bride, the Christ with his church. Intrinsic to this union is God's calling to lifelong exclusive sexual faithfulness.
June 30, 2019
Hands down: the best, most comprehensive book on God's design for marriage in the market. This book isn't simply a laundry list of arguments, but rather Ash constructs a definition of marriage by exegeting the God's Word itself: the Bible. He handles the text masterfully, doing critical analyses on word structure, phrasing, and taking fair looks at alternative views and interpretations of various contested texts.
November 8, 2013
A tour de force and the go-to book for understanding Marriage in light of robust Christian/creational theology. A rare book that I can find no error in. With great wisdom, clarity, and thoroughness, Ash grounds his understanding of marriage and related gender issues in a firm theological foundation based on careful and faithful exegesis of Scripture.
He answers, among many other questions, what marriage is, what its purpose is (to fulfill the cultural mandate of ordering and caring for creation), in what way is woman a helper to man (and the answer is to help man fulfill his calling before God, and NOT to address his loneliness!), should one look for a marriage partner, and if so, what should one look for in a marriage partner.
Among other things, Ash exposits with great wisdom controversial passages like 1 Cor 7 (singleness vs. married life), passages about submission, authority, head-covering, etc.
All in all, Ash delivers on what he promises, and he promises a book that provides a firm theological basis for understanding the purposes and identity of marriage and of biblical manhood and womanhood. Some may argue that this book is not immediately practical or "easily apply-able." While Ash believes practice is essential, nevertheless, he intentionally limits himself to foundation setting, for pastors and counselors cannot base practice on anything but a firm and biblical understanding of marriage. And this is exactly what Ash provides.
He answers, among many other questions, what marriage is, what its purpose is (to fulfill the cultural mandate of ordering and caring for creation), in what way is woman a helper to man (and the answer is to help man fulfill his calling before God, and NOT to address his loneliness!), should one look for a marriage partner, and if so, what should one look for in a marriage partner.
Among other things, Ash exposits with great wisdom controversial passages like 1 Cor 7 (singleness vs. married life), passages about submission, authority, head-covering, etc.
All in all, Ash delivers on what he promises, and he promises a book that provides a firm theological basis for understanding the purposes and identity of marriage and of biblical manhood and womanhood. Some may argue that this book is not immediately practical or "easily apply-able." While Ash believes practice is essential, nevertheless, he intentionally limits himself to foundation setting, for pastors and counselors cannot base practice on anything but a firm and biblical understanding of marriage. And this is exactly what Ash provides.
October 26, 2022
Somebody pointed out that this were the best and most comprehensive book on sex/marriage he has read. That is the reason why I read this 400 page work.
Ash‘s basic thesis is that to speak biblically about sex one has to speak about and understand marriage.
This he does in a three part structure, each with a central thesis:
1. THAT marriage is (objective existence)
Thesis: „that marriage exists as an objective entity, instituted by the Creator God as a part of the order he has graciously placed in his world.“
2. WHY marriage is
Thesis: „God has given to human beings the unique dignity that in responsible relationship to him they may exercise stewardship over his world, and he has instituted marriage in the context of that responsible dignity and task.“ That‘s the reason for the book’s title „Marriage: Sex in the Service of God“.
3. WHAT marriage is
Thesis/definition: „Marriage is the voluntary sexual and public social union of one man and one woman from different families. This union is patterned upon the union of God with his people his bride, the Christ with his church. Intrinsic to this union is God’s calling to lifelong exclusive sexual faithfulness.“
I like the central thesis of this book that one has to understand the biblical concept of marriage to then derive a biblical sexual ethics - and not vice-versa. I like his definition of marriage (see Nr3) and believe it is concise but encompassing. I like that his argument is thourough and considers many different approaches, weighing them against each other and then developing his consistent line of thought. This is the main reason why I am giving 4 stars. I also like that in an otherwise quite traditional book/argument (see e.g. long chapter 14 where he argues for a complimentarian view) there are interesting nuggets pointing to fresh perspectives (at least for me).
However, I also see some weaknesses or at least areas where Ash could not convince me and I would disagree.
It starts with thesis Nr.1. I find his argument that marriage is a God created order finally not convincing. The main question would be whether the garden Eden speaks of an actual marriage or that marriage was necessary in broken world (without going into details). Since he grounds almost everything on this premise this would question many of his other strong convictions. Secondly, although I find thesis Nr.2 very good since the whole human existence should be in partnership and service of God, but marriage is only a expression of this larger task/relationship. Yet time and again it seems that Ash almost argues that marriage is the main mode in which this service has to happen. I believe he does not mean to, but this is the impression it left on me.
Nonetheless this book is worthwhile reading since it makes a solid argument and as such is also a valuable discussion partner and resource for differing approaches. The point is: if one does argue for some other view one has to wrestle with his tight trajectory.
Ash‘s basic thesis is that to speak biblically about sex one has to speak about and understand marriage.
This he does in a three part structure, each with a central thesis:
1. THAT marriage is (objective existence)
Thesis: „that marriage exists as an objective entity, instituted by the Creator God as a part of the order he has graciously placed in his world.“
2. WHY marriage is
Thesis: „God has given to human beings the unique dignity that in responsible relationship to him they may exercise stewardship over his world, and he has instituted marriage in the context of that responsible dignity and task.“ That‘s the reason for the book’s title „Marriage: Sex in the Service of God“.
3. WHAT marriage is
Thesis/definition: „Marriage is the voluntary sexual and public social union of one man and one woman from different families. This union is patterned upon the union of God with his people his bride, the Christ with his church. Intrinsic to this union is God’s calling to lifelong exclusive sexual faithfulness.“
I like the central thesis of this book that one has to understand the biblical concept of marriage to then derive a biblical sexual ethics - and not vice-versa. I like his definition of marriage (see Nr3) and believe it is concise but encompassing. I like that his argument is thourough and considers many different approaches, weighing them against each other and then developing his consistent line of thought. This is the main reason why I am giving 4 stars. I also like that in an otherwise quite traditional book/argument (see e.g. long chapter 14 where he argues for a complimentarian view) there are interesting nuggets pointing to fresh perspectives (at least for me).
However, I also see some weaknesses or at least areas where Ash could not convince me and I would disagree.
It starts with thesis Nr.1. I find his argument that marriage is a God created order finally not convincing. The main question would be whether the garden Eden speaks of an actual marriage or that marriage was necessary in broken world (without going into details). Since he grounds almost everything on this premise this would question many of his other strong convictions. Secondly, although I find thesis Nr.2 very good since the whole human existence should be in partnership and service of God, but marriage is only a expression of this larger task/relationship. Yet time and again it seems that Ash almost argues that marriage is the main mode in which this service has to happen. I believe he does not mean to, but this is the impression it left on me.
Nonetheless this book is worthwhile reading since it makes a solid argument and as such is also a valuable discussion partner and resource for differing approaches. The point is: if one does argue for some other view one has to wrestle with his tight trajectory.
May 11, 2020
A wonderfully thorough review of biblical marriage in all its dimensions. The particular strength of the discussion is how it orients marriage with respect to God's rule and redeeming of all things, and resists a common temptation to define marriage (even by Christians) as basically about the married couple.
October 19, 2017
Probably the standard book on be topic nowadays. Good to dig back into every now and then.
March 10, 2018
An authoritative read that emanates both wisdom and compassion.
December 30, 2025
A first rate evangelical ethic of marriage. Brilliantly researched, thoroughly worth reading.
June 4, 2015
Superb, thorough, intellectually honest Christian examination of the definition and purpose of marriage through a robust evangelical, Reformed framework. Two points that I will most certainly keep in the forefront of my mind: (1) we always marry the wrong person (the person of the opposite sex we are not most "compatible" with on the earth; 219, taken from Hauerwas) and (2) we always marry the right person (the person of the opposite sex to whom we are called to be faithful; 367). It is highly technical and heavy at times, but worth the read for someone willing to make the investment. I am single (unmarried) but this was very helpful for me not least because in heaven the "signpost" of human marriage will not be necessary, having been surpassed by the glorious consummation of Christ's marriage with his church. Ash navigates our Western cultural misunderstandings concerning marriage particularly well.
Want to read
September 11, 2015Commenting on Lev. 18:
It is important … to note that these prohibitions apply for all of life. So, for example, if verse eight were simply prohibiting a man from having his stepmother while his father and stepmother were married this would appear superfluous in view of the prohibition of adultery in verse 20. What is prohibited is the man even considering the faintest possibility or hope that at any stage of his life such and such a relative could ever be a sexual partner. (258)
Marriage is the voluntary sexual and public social union of one man and one woman from different families. This union is patterned upon the union of God with his people his bride, the Christ with his church. Intrinsic to this union is God's calling to lifelong exclusive sexual faithfulness (p 340).
March 17, 2025
This was a very thorough systematic walkthrough of marriage. I found it to be immensely helpful as a foundation builder for a systematic understanding of marriage as it relates to Scripture. This book was a difficult but beneficial read, and it would be at home in many seminary classes.
January 17, 2016
Paradigm shift! A textbook not just on marriage but on a good ethical framework. Brilliant!
March 8, 2016
Read parts of this with a newly engaged couple in our church, great book, super dense.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews