Mame Pentru Baietii Nostri. Ghidul Mamelor De Baieti

by Maggie Dent

Maggie Dent, mama a patru baieti si cunoscuta profesoara si educatoare parentala in Australia si Europa, ne dezvaluie in aceasta carte valoroasa cum arata lumea vazuta prin ochii baietilor nostri. Deseori e greu pentru o mama sa-si inteleaga fiul, si e normal sa fie asa! In plus, traim intr-o lume in care nenumaratele modele de masculinitate toxica ne fac sa ne simtim neputinciosi ca parinti. Maggie scrie cu umor si profunzime despre felurile in care, inca din uter, baietii sunt fiziologic si emotional diferiti de fete si explica bland de ce a-i compara constant nu este o strategie buna. Cartea contine multe referinte la studii stiintifice, multe marturii ale unor barbati maturi despre relatia lor cu mama in copilarie si multe strategii pentru a ne ghida baietii spre a deveni adulti siguri pe ei, echilibrati, fericiti si plini de compasiune. Lectura acestei carti m-a ajutat sa-mi inteleg mai bine fiul, atat de diferit de sora lui mai mare, atat de minunat in felul lui incapatanat de a gestiona lumea, atat de bataios, dar in acelasi timp atat de sensibil! Simt ca acum il pot iubi si pretui inca si mai mult! - Ioana Chicet-Macoveiciuc, coordonatoare a colectiei Educatie cu blandete.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Unfinished, Audiobook, Childrens, Love, Reference

496 pages, Paperback

Published February 17, 2023

About the author

Commonly known as the ‘queen of common sense’, Maggie Dent has become one of Australia's favourite parenting authors and educators. She has a particular interest in the early years, adolescence and resilience, and is an undisputed 'boy champion'.

Maggie is the author of eight major books, including the bestselling 2018 release Mothering Our Boys and her 2020 release From Boys to Men. She hosts the ABC podcast, Parental As Anything. In July 2021, she is publishing a book based on the podcast called Parental As Anything: A common-sense guide to raising happy, healthy kids – from toddlers to tweens.

Maggie is a dedicated advocate to quietly changing lives in our families and communities. She is the mother of four sons and a very grateful grandmother.

Reviews

[Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's some good advice in here but also some pretty sweeping generalisations, many of which make boys sound pitiable. I have two sons and two brothers (no sisters) so feel very comfortable in the boy-zone. Perhaps because of this, I was a little offended by the condescending tone of the book which unfavourably contrasted boys with girls. I think this book is probably going to be most useful to mothers of boys who didn't have brothers but even then I'd urge you to balance it with other material so that you don't walk away thinking boys are unable to do two things at once and have limited control over their impulses.

[Andreea Ilies · Rating 5 out of 5]

O carte extraordinara care te ajuta sa vezi universul interior atat de complex si minunat al baietilor. Cartea e de mare ajutor pentru mame (dar, suprinzator, si pentru sotii) ca sa ii inteleaga pe baietii alaturi de care traiesc, sa ii sprijine si sa le fie alaturi in moduri cu adevarat autentice. Foarte lejera, plina de umor, cu notiuni psihologice usor de urmarit, e o lectura placuta si foarte utila. Exemplarul meu e plin de semne, ca sa revin cu usurinta la diferite sfaturi cand va fi nevoie.

[Kjersti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Re-read in 2025 after one of my boys was being very naughty and I remembered this book. Great resource and glad I revisited. I also went to her website where she has some resources posted. She mentioned she posts short YouTube videos too, I’ll have to try and remember to check those out. Just love this author’s vibe.

One of the top parenting books I’ve read. I can’t believe I stuck with 700+ pages of reading on my phone (library only had a digital copy). The author is down to earth, has four boys of her own, and has been working in this field for over 20 years so has provided lots of example scenarios and research. Will remember to reference back to this book in the future.

[S · Rating 1 out of 5]

No parent should bother with this book, particularly the target audience - women who are or will be mothers. It shows poor understanding of boys, men, masculinity, sexuality, psychology, sociology, abuse and emotions among other things. Instead it is clear that it is a book that bows down to prevailing political ideologies in certain parts of the world.

The author demonstrates poor interpretation of data (and experience) and appears to have conducted a lousy so-called research to gather "evidence" to support the lopsided view of motherhood (and indeed femininity and girls' and women's ways of thinking and acting), parenting and boys.

This book is a fine demonstration of how a girl could grow up among boys thinking that she has understood boys and men better than most other girls and women and yet know very little about them. It shows clearly that a woman's professions however related to teaching, coaching and caring for boys and men can still fail to inform a woman about boys and men.

The best way to describe this book would be "a wolf in sheep's clothing". Unless one is conducting a research on the way the author thinks, they should avoid it like a plague. There are so many good books on how mothers can raise good boys and men and this book does not make the mark to be counted among them.

[Gianna Lorandi · Rating 3 out of 5]

There’s a lot of common sense in this book and it was something that I really enjoyed. The author have mentioned quite a few researches and their findings, she seemed very knowledgeable in that regard.

What I was not fond of was the way that everything seemed very black and white which I’m not so sure it is. Maybe it is and we just all overthink all the time...
I also tend to be very suspicious of researches, how they are conducted and how people come to their conclusions.

A lot of this book did make sense to me but I just didn’t believe that everything is so simple like the author makes it to be.

[Ungureanu Irina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Atât de mult mi-a plăcut cartea, încât o țin la vedere iar când mă confrunt cu anumite situații merg și mai lecturez capitolul ce mă interesează.

Eu recomand cartea, nu doar părinților dar tuturor ce vor să își înțeleagă mai bine parterul, tatăl, fratele, bunicul. Și cred că este o lectură obligatorie pentru cadrele didactice, este esențial să le înțelegem emoțiile băieților și în mediile de clasă - nu doar acasă.

Meggie Dent scrie cu multă compasiune, îi simți căldura dar și umorul citind cartea. Autoarea a făcut și un sondaj ca parte din cercetare pentru carte unde peste 1,600 de bărbați au răspuns oferindu-i perspective valoroase asupra relațiilor mamă-fiu. Câteva dintre ele le-am redat și eu în pozele atașate acestei postări.

Cartea este structurată în 19 capitole care te poartă prin diferite stagii emoționale ale băieților și îți oferă oportunitatea să te pui în mintea lor. Vei descoperi ce să faci dacă ești mamă de cocoșel sau mielușel, cum îi ajută mișcarea și jocurile, cum să evităm rana maternă și multe alte!

[Jess Faulks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It was well written and thought provoking. It has given me some ideas of how I might approach situations to help build and maintain a positive relationship with my little boy. I felt that the author's suggestions were based on her experiences and research as well as respected sources.

[Lauren Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Maggie. She talks common sense and provides the most helpful advice throughout this book for raising well loved, happy kids. I only wish i was able to read it years ago. I laughed, I cried. I mostly cried. I want to do a great job at raising my kids and sometimes it feels so hard to get right. Maggie brings things back into perspective.

[MLB · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really struggled with this. Great for parents of younger boys I think. Mine are older, and I began feeling like a bit of a failure as I kept reading what I *should have* done when they were pre-schoolers. Also, Maggie’s preoccupation with flatulence is getting old; I’ve read another of her books and listen to her podcast and I’m just about over the whole farting thing 😆

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some super great tips for raising boys, aimed at mothers but also good advice for fathers too. Especially dads like me who don’t fit the stereotypical male mould

[Desirae Calkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve started and stopped so many parenting books in the last year or two. This book is the first one that really jived with me and parenting my boys in our current stages.
My experience with young children has been overwhelmingly with girls. I appreciated this opportunity to learn about how raising boys is different than girls and how their brains and behaviors can differ. It has given me much needed insight and understanding. I will definitely be coming back to this in the near future for more help.

[Andreea Stancu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! A book which is on point, filled with examples and practical guidelines, humorous and hearthwarming at the same time.
It explores the relation mother-son throughout a lot of layers and is quite insightful into how shaping it according to its specifics, so as to allow evolution on both sides.

[Diana Pojar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read for any boys parent! Read really good!!!

[oana pp · Rating 3 out of 5]

N-aș fi vrut să trec peste această lectură fără să las undeva scris, ca la școală, idei principale, pe care aș vrea să le rețin. Trecând peste argumentul că nu se cresc copiii din cărți, zic să vă opriți puțin asupra acesteia, mai ales dacă sunteți mame de băieți. Deși în mare parte informațiile sunt bazate pe psihologia copiilor, ele sunt particularizate pornind de la ce îi diferențiază biologic pe băieți de fete.

Mai jos e articolul cu ideile care mie mi-au plăcut. Unele sunt practice, altele intuitive, altele repetitive. Dar la final, nu a fost o pierdere de timp.

https://oanapp.wordpress.com/2024/10/...

[Stacee Rebecca · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book sounded a lot like internalized misogyny. A lot of "boys will be boys".

Some but not all examples:

Dent says women should gently remind their husbands to take out the bins or that an important family birthday is coming up because they might forget. - Adding to the mental load much? How about teaching our boys to implement strategies like putting an alarm on their phone?

A lot of men feel imposter syndrome and feel like people talk over the top of them. - Completely ignoring the research that men are significantly more likely to apply for jobs they are not qualified for and talk over women in the workplace.

Boys make some bad decision (throw a temper tantrums, get aggressive, don't clean up when their asked. But they might have a reason (their sisters foot in on their blanket, they are hungry, they forgot). - These sound like pretty crappy excuses for bad behaviour and not something parents should be accepting.

Dent says how important dogs are for little boys. Cats are only useful because they change their mind without warning just like women. - WTF.

She finishes by saying all the reasons men don't have a great relationship with their mums. The list ranges from physical and mental abuse to things like 'I was adventurous and my mum found that difficult' and 'She did too much for me'. Which felt a bit like "unless you are perfect your sons will hate you".

Hard pass.

[Elena Druță · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mothering Our Boys de Maggie Dent e o carte de parenting, iar eu mă cam feresc de acest tip de literatură. Și totuși, am fost curioasă de ce are de zis autoarea, având în vedere că în multe cercuri e considerată specialistă pe subiect - e mamă a patru băieți, a fost profesor, ține multe cursuri pe subiectul relațiilor interumane, și în special a relației femeilor cu sexul opus, cu accent pe cum să îi înțelegem mai bine pe bărbați, fie că e vorba de copii, parteneri sau frați. A fost o lectură ce pe alocuri mi s-a părut interesantă, am aflat câte ceva nou - despre relația mamă-fiu, pe alocuri au fost informații pe care le știam deja, pe alocuri nu am fost de acord cu sugestiile autoarei, și pe alocuri umorul mi s-a părut sec. Per total, e o carte informativă, interesantă, dar nu consider că trebuie luată informația ca atare și în unele cazuri sugestiile autoarei trebuie adaptate. De altfel, și Maggie Dent nu insistă că ceea ce zice ea e adevărul suprem, ceea ce e de apreciat.

[Jessie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just finished listening to this audiobook. There is obviously some gender (and hetero) normativity at play but if you have a little cis boy in your life, or a child who may be subject to surges of testosterone as they grow, you may find this extraordinarily interesting and helpful. I certainly have. I feel like I understand my sons more deeply and can try (imperfectly) to parent them with more empathy and insight, and a bit less bafflement and frustration. Highly recommended, with the caveat above.
Would have given 4.5 stars if I could!

[Lisa Eirene · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and found parts of it helpful. I liked reading about the Rooster sons (which I have) and how to deal with them and guide them. Some of the book was not helpful, felt a little out of touch, or maybe because it's Australian, I didn't relate to some of it? Not sure. But overall I would recommend this book for moms with boys.

[Sarah Gardyne · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is terrible full of gender stereotypes with little backing up her assertions. Couldn't even get through 2 chapters without giving up on disguist. There are much better parenting books and resources out there that don't focus so much on gender.

[Cristina Ermac · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maggie Dent aduce în această carte o perspectivă caldă și empatică asupra creșterii băieților, punând accent pe înțelegerea emoțiilor lor și pe eliminarea stereotipurilor tradiționale despre masculinitate. Per ansamblu, cartea este bine scrisă și plăcută de citit, însă, dincolo de mesajele valoroase, am simțit că are anumite tendințe care nu mi-au rezonat pe deplin.

Un aspect care m-a făcut să privesc cartea cu o doză de reticență este faptul că autoarea își filtrează foarte mult ideile prin propria experiență ca mamă a patru băieți. Deși este normal ca un autor să își integreze experiențele personale, aici mi s-a părut că volumul a devenit, pe alocuri, un fel de manifest prin care își reafirmă că băieții – inclusiv ai ei – sunt buni și valoroși, într-o societate care, într-adevăr, îi etichetează uneori ca fiind prea zgomotoși, prea energici sau prea puțin sensibili în copilăria mică.

Fiind eu însămi mama unui băiat, înțeleg foarte bine emoțiile pe care le descrie autoarea. Da, băieții sunt adesea judecați mai aspru decât fetele în primii ani de viață, însă mi s-a părut că Dent merge uneori prea departe în acest elogiu al băieților, idolatrizând orice comportament specific lor. Am simțit o tendință de a trece în cealaltă extremă, spre o permisivitate excesivă, unde aproape orice acțiune a unui băiat este privită ca ceva special și demn de admirație. Deși e important să le oferim libertate și înțelegere, cred că trebuie să menținem și un echilibru sănătos între afecțiune și responsabilitate.

Cartea are totuși meritul de a aduce în discuție o viziune diferită asupra creșterii băieților, arătând că ei pot fi educați cu empatie, fără presiunea de a deveni bărbați duri și insensibili. Însă aș fi apreciat mai mult un accent pe independență și responsabilitate, așa cum am regăsit abia în ultimul capitol.

[Ligia Coman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Deși nu sunt în de acord cu toate teoriile din carte, aceasta conține extrem de multe aspecte practice.

Idei pe care vreau să le iau cu mine:
- Băieții sunt mai sensibili decât par
- Acomodarea băieților la învățământul formal poate fi mai anevoioasă - e în regulă să înceapă grădinița/școala mai târziu
- Băieții au nevoie de multă activitate fizică, în mod special jocul riscant (risky play)
- Descărcarea energiei prin joc și mișcare va facilita învățarea băieților
- Să ai întotdeauna în mașină snack-uri, prosoape și haine de schimb
- Băieții mănâncă mult - stocurile de mâncare ajută
- Învață cum se simte băiatul tău iubit, și asigură-te să îi arăți cât mai des că îl iubești
- Băieții sunt experți la a lua decizii proaste - au nevoie de multă răbdare și limite clare
- Băieții învață mult din experiență
- Râsul, vânturile și mâncarea sunt moduri prin care băieții își reduc stresul
- Un câine poate fi un ajutor de nădejde în educarea băieților
- Băieții pot fi mielușei sau cocoși, și trebuie să te raportezi diferit la fiecare din ei
- Ritualurile de familie pot fi elemente care oferă familiaritate și siguranță
- Alege unul și același loc retras pentru discuții grele, care să ofere predictibilitate în momentele în care fiul tău o dă în bară
- Când confrunți greșeala fiului tău adoptă o postură de apropiere și încearcă să detensionezi atmosfera înainte să treci la subiect
- Înainte să îți pedepsești fiul pentru o greșeală, află ce încerca să facă
- Când fiul tău devine nerăbdător sau agresiv, verifică mai întâi dacă nu îi e foame sau are nevoie la baie

[Sabina Varga · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm halfway through the book and struggling to finish it. While there's some good advice here and there, and I like that the author encourages the idea of nurturing emotions in boys, there is also a general tone of: "Boys just forget" or "Boys need a bit more help" and "Women are just better at communication/organization."

The moment I simply had to put the book down was when the author suggested that we should be good wives and remind our husbands that they promised to come home early or take out the garbage. They just forget - that's how they are, and women reminding men of stuff and shielding boys from too much pressure will make everyone's lives easier. Yes, everyone's but mom's.

This book only reinforces a mentality that gives women more work to do because they are "better". There might be some biological arguments in there, but there are also centuries of education in this regard. I'm disappointed that a popular and appreciated book in 2023 still reinforces this behavior with such ease.

[Christina Zambon Aranda · Rating 4 out of 5]

My pediatrician (who is a real gem and has recommended many parenting books to me over the years) recommended this book to me. And I have to say, I am definitely the target audience: I grew up with only sisters (I was one of three girls), and now I find myself as the mother of two boys! I did find a lot of this helpful. My younger son is what she would call a "rooster" and I have often wondered if something is wrong with him due to his rowdy and impulsive behavior! Nope, just being a rooster boy. :)

I definitely agree philosophically with her on many issues - boys (or all kids, really) need more freedom, independence, less screen time, more time running outside, lots of time with friends (and I, like her, wish reading instruction began at age 6 or even 7). I'm already training my boys to do things for themselves instead of me doing everything for them.

My only criticism is that the book is extremely repetitive and could have easily been half the length (maybe 1/3 of the length)?

But overall, very worth a read.

[Narcisa Chiric · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cartea este din multe puncte de vedere revelatoare pentru a înțelege băieții și bărbații la modul general. Conține multe lucruri explicate pe înțelesul tuturor mamelor într-o forma accesibilă și simplă cu scopul de a forma băieți și mai apoi bărbați echilibrați în provocările vieții.

Mi-a plăcut în mod deosebit ideea de a lupta contra imaginii bărbatului dur, fără emoții (refulate sau inexplicabile chiar și pentru ei), mereu puternic. Aceasta imagine a bărbatului este una mult învechită și care aparent a făcut destule victime...

De asemenea am găsit și câteva îndemnuri cu care eu personal nu pot fi de acord și mi se par ușor nepotrivite pentru creșterea unui băiat însă am trecut cu vederea ușor peste ele.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ehhh. Really wanted to love this book. I'd heard Maggie Dent on a parenting podcast I like and generally appreciated her positive parenting approach. But boy does she talk out of both sides of her mouth. Boys will be boys but not really but yes they will be. I'm glad she advocates for boys' feelings, but I got tired of her constantly talking about rowdy rooster boys as opposed to quieter lamb boys. Also, she gets into some weird stuff like emotional freedom tapping 🙄 and some wayward advice on preservatives. She makes lots of claims that aren't backed up! The sweeping generalizations were too much for me, even with her little caveats.

[Hannah Z. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book came highly recommended from someone I knew. I did get great tidbits from it for sure, but it was almost 13 hours to listen to so I can’t say it was the most efficient read for the amount of nuggets that I feel like I’m taking away from it. I did appreciate both her perspective as the mother of four boys and all her experience being counselor in high school for almost 20 years. She had great perspective and it was fun that she incorporated little excerpts written by both moms of boys and from men about their moms.

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great guide for mothers of sons, especially for us boy-only moms. Maggie does acknowledge this fact but my only issue was it being a little long and therefore difficult to finish as my boys require a lot of my attention 😂 It is also very anecdotal and while she does reference other authors it’s light on evidence-based practice.

[Reader · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find Maggie’s work common sense, almost boring, full full of andectotes which is best suited to her family dinner table, I’m not sure this suits the reader.

Her narrative of being in the bush in her younger life doesn’t always reflect life in the bush. Far better parenting books to read.

If you are a parent with common sense no need to read it.

[Janine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I do not like sweeping generalisations about girls.
I disagree that all men and boys can only focus on one thing at a time and we need to carry the extra mental load.

I was raised in a family where my father carried the mental load and was the primary income earner. I know men are capable of remembering birthdays and important anniversaries.

[Alyssa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some great common sense ideas and some decent ideas that had me thinking about things in different way but too many swooping generalizations. Over all a good read and something that would be paired well with other sources; not a book to look at independently.