I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons

by Peter S. Beagle, Shaun Taylor-Corbett (Narrator)

A cast of characters trapped within their roles of dragon hunter, princess, and more must come together to take their fates into their own hands.

Dragons are common in the backwater kingdom of Bellemontagne, coming in sizes from mouse-like vermin all the way up to castle-smashing monsters. Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax (who would much rather people call him Robert) has recently inherited his deceased dad’s job as a dragon catcher/exterminator, a career he detests with all his heart in part because he likes dragons, feeling a kinship with them, but mainly because his dream has always been the impossible one of transcending his humble origin to someday become a prince's valet. Needless to say, fate has something rather different in mind…

Genres: Fantasy, Dragons, Fiction, Audiobook, Humor, Romance, Cozy

1 pages, Audio CD

First published May 14, 2024

About the author

Peter Soyer Beagle (born April 20, 1939) is an American fantasist and author of novels, nonfiction, and screenplays. He is also a talented guitarist and folk singer. He wrote his first novel, A Fine and Private Place , when he was only 19 years old. Today he is best known as the author of The Last Unicorn, which routinely polls as one of the top ten fantasy novels of all time, and at least two of his other books (A Fine and Private Place and I See By My Outfit) are considered modern classics.

Reviews

[Kaitlyn Herrera · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m Afraid You’ve Got Dragons is a highly anticipated, high fantasy fairytale fraught with mighty dragons, evil wizards, reluctant heroes, craven princes, and a damsel that is in fact not so distressed, is sick of obstinate heroes, and can do the rescuing herself, thank-you-very-much!

Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax (known as just “Robert”) is the resident dragon slayer---oops, I mean dragon exterminator---in the small kingdom of Bellemontagne. He despises his job, which he, alas, performs exceedingly well, but he is duty bound to take up this accursed mantle from his late father. It’s always been something he experiences immense inner turmoil over, ethically and emotionally. He really likes dragons and has several secret pet dragons of his own. Furthermore, dragon exterminators are held in the same regard as the draconic vermin they are tasked to exterminate, so obviously he wants to be more than that. Robert has ambitious aspirations to become a… prince’s valet. Princess Cerise of Bellmontagne finds herself under sudden and extreme pressure to have the considerable dragon infestation at the castle removed, so Robert and his services are summoned. The sudden reason for the extermination would be to impress the visiting Crown Prince Reginald of Corvinia, a much richer and larger kingdom than Cerise’s own. With love at first sight, Cerise just knows they are destined to be together. But Prince Reginald has his own agenda to reckon with before he could ever consider a marriage…he must impress his father, King Krije, and prove his worthiness as a son. After much consideration and planning with Mortmain, his valet, they decide to make a proposal contingent upon slaying a great magical beast to prove his valor and value to the Prince’s father. Of course, it is decided that they would go dragon hunting, so they beseech the only one among them with any dragon slaying experience to go along too---poor Robert! As things quickly start to snowball out of control for the prince and his valet, an evil wizard previously thought to be dead and gone will descend upon the party of dragon hunters, but an unsuspecting hero will rise to the occasion to hopefully save them all. This cleverly written satirical fantasy has a prince, a princess, and a humble dragon exterminator all questing to escape from their predetermined roles in their fairytale lives ostensibly by slaying a dragon and besting an evil wizard but actually by discovering their true hearts’ desires and mastering their newfound selves.

Heartwarming and nostalgically magical, this tale will go down as one of my very favorites. I really loved the satirical tone of the story, and it reminded me of how the Princess Bride was told. Similarly, the author uses exaggerated fantasy tropes to create a whimsical tale that is laugh out loud funny. I found it downright comical how dragons are considered in this book! They are treated with the same amount of disdain and repugnance we reserve for insects, and there is such a relatable moment in the story where Princess Cerise, a shoe, and a dragon have it out. I also found myself giggling at Dahr, the great and evil wizard. As far as storybook villains go, he was up there with the best of them, posturing and pressing his long-winded machinations on everyone, wasting too much time and missing opportunities to bring his grandiose evil plans to fruition. Lastly, I feel obligated to call attention to the beautifully illustrated cover since it immediately caught my eye. It is a detailed watercolor painting that depicts a castle on a grassy hill with a thunderous horde of dragons circling overhead and a behemoth of a dragon resting in the foreground. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but this one was so beautiful I added it to my TBR pile, posthaste!

I highly recommend reading this latest fantasy adventure from Peter Beagle! It was well worth the wait!

Thank you so much Net Galley and Saga Press for the ARC and the opportunity to share what I think! All opinions are my own. Publication day is May 14th!

[EveStar91 · Rating 4 out of 5]

The warning came in the form of a great wind, sudden and cold, sweeping out of the western mountains on a perfectly bland and cloudless summer day.

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons is the story of people coming together to face this challenge, but more than that, it's the story of these teenagers realizing that they are not who their roles force them to be, and trying to figure out who they are in the face of this danger, what they need and what they want.

Peter S. Beagle's writing is straightforward, though quite descriptive and I think the book is accessible to pre-teens and early teens also. The world-building is more focused on the dragons than on their kingdoms, which I didn't mind.

It is the character development and their individual arcs which really carried the book for me, and the story is very much character driven. I enjoyed seeing Princess Cerise's arc, ostensibly interviewing princes but teaching herself to read, sword fight and even spitball in secret! Prince Reginald also turns out to be a solid character, who doesn't want to be a hero but finds himself to be quite heroic if the situation demands it. Robert's arc from an inherited job of dragon exterminator to not is particularly engaging!
The dragon's gaze held him in a grip far more powerful than that of the wizard, and once again he cried out - or thought he did, "Who am I? What do you want of me?"

Thanks to NetGalley and Saga Press publishers for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

🌟🌟🌟🌟
The rating for this book is 3 1/2 stars rounded up to 4 stars as the book and the whole delivers a good read.

[Half a star for the premise and the whole book; One star for the characters; One star for the story; Half a star for the writing; Half a star for the world-building and description - 3 1/2 stars in total].

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons is an entertaining and whimsical high fantasy adventure. I don't generally read a whole lot of high fantasy, but I just couldn't resist this one – the title is fun, the cover art is lovely, and who wouldn't want to read about a dragon exterminator who really wants to be a prince's valet?

And, well, I really enjoyed this novel. It wasn't quite as hilarious as I thought it'd be based on the title and description (it's more whimsical than laugh-out-loud funny), but there are still definitely some amusing bits. I especially loved the mostly nameless, romance-seeking princes introduced early on in the novel – it's certainly not easy to woo a headstrong princess!

Robert is a fantastic main character – he's full of heart and bravery and courage, as are his friends and companions (even if some of them don't exactly know it right away). Robert, Princess Cerise, and Prince Reginald all feel trapped in the roles that they were born into, and it's heartwarming to watch them become the people that they were meant to be.

I do feel bad for all of the exterminated dragons, though. *sobs*

Our heroes don't travel all that far on their adventures. They spend most of their time wandering back and forth between the same few places, all within a few days of where they start out from. However, there are monstrous dragons and an evil wizard and acts of bravery and even a little bit of romance, so it's still an epic journey nevertheless.

My one tiny complaint is that this novel feels a bit … unfinished, I guess? It'd be a great candidate for a sequel, as Robert is just starting to learn who he is at the end of the story. Where do his adventures take him next?

My overall rating: 3.75 stars, rounded up. If you like whimsical fantasy adventures with lots and lots of dragons, you should probably give this one a read.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Saga Press for providing me with an advance copy of this book to review.

[myo ⋆｡˚ ❀ *]

dnf @ 13%

reading a boring book when you’re in a reading slump is no different than being cursed by an evil witch

[karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

the man's still got it!

[Hannah Greendale (Hello, Bookworm) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m pleasantly surprised by how much darker this is than The Last Unicorn.🖤



"Horrifying visions out of the oldest nightmares, with their long jaws stretched wide and their great wings thundering, there was even so a ravenous joy about them, as though they could only barely contain their pride and pleasure in being what they were."

Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax (aka Robert) is a reluctant dragon exterminator in the backwater kingdom of Bellemontagne, where dragons are as common a pest as rats or mice. Robert is just the first of many characters who do not subscribe to familiar tropes in this book. He holds an unorthodox opinion about dragons and is a compassionate killer, if such a thing can be managed.

Robert finds himself in the company of Princess Cerise, who is anything but a damsel in distress. She hires Robert to rid her family's castle of verminous dragons so that she might woo the handsome Prince Reginald when he comes to visit. Like Robert and Cerise, there is more to Reginald than is apparent at first glance.

This is a story of longing. Of secrets kept and desires held close to the heart. While Robert's adventure with Cerise and Reginald does not take him far from home, it does test his understanding of himself and who he is meant to be. Cerise proves a brave, if stubborn, traveler, and Reginald makes for an intriguing mystery.

They traverse a land where girls are educated and boys are not, where the princes are dandies, and the dragons range from cute and cuddly to downright deadly. Here can be found brave women, a dastardly wizard, buffoonish kings, compassionate young men, and stalwart companions.

Peter S. Beagle's signature writing style is most apparent when the dragons are revealed in lyrical descriptions that range from their bodies having "been dusted with bits of brass and crushed diamonds" to their "great midnight wings" flapping furiously while flames lap from their "blazing red gullet".

Another example:

"The karchee were like nothing else in the market: all rainbows from one angle, shimmering like the sky after a storm; and a deep blue-green from another, as though they were wrapped, head to tail tip, in the sea."

I was very intrigued by the three wise women in the book's prologue and would have loved to see them feature in later chapters.

While the book's climax is not wholly unexpected, it does sway into something surreal and surprising.

Most of the story threads are tied off by the book's conclusion, but some remain quietly unfinished (merely alluded to). A sequel would be most welcome!

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons is generally sweet and cozy, but remember, there are dragons here, so be on the lookout for razor sharp teeth and charred corpses. Where are my dragon lovers at? This book is for you!

-

My deepest gratitude to Saga Press for sending me a free ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Suhailah · Rating 3 out of 5]

A cute, vintage, nostalgic fantasy adventure reminiscent of The Princess Bride and The Princess and the Goblin.

▪︎ A short read
▪︎ Mild humor but high stakes
▪︎ A unique cast of characters that don’t follow social norms
▪︎ LOTS AND LOTS OF DRAGONS!**
▪︎ A story of self discovery

**Beware: The dragon part is a bit sad if you are a dragon lover like me! There is dragon extermination!**

At initial glance, I really thought this would be an easy 5 ☆ read for me, but it turned out to be just average. I really wanted to love this!! It was quite disjointed and just felt off. It wasn’t as effortless to follow as I had imagined it would be. It could be my fault. I’m under a lot of stress right now and will be having surgery in a few weeks. So, I’ve been trying to prepare for that plus work has been extremely exhausting and exacerbating all my health issues! I also listened to it in audio format which may not have been the best choice with this book for me!

I am also new to this author’s work not having previously read his famous book The Last Unicorn. But I’m thoroughly impressed as the author Peter S. Beagle is 85 years old! Apparently, he has also been trying to finish and publish this book since 2007!! Congrats to him!

The ending suggests a possible sequel may be coming in the future, but I’ll most likely have to opt out!!

[✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Actual rating: 3.458997876 stars

So let's see, what do we have here?

① A kingdom in which most dragons are about as obnoxious as your average cockroach (and where dragonlets can make beds and herd chickens in their coops, just so you know). But don't worry, there are big, bad slightly vindictive dragons, too.

② A reluctant dragon exterminator called Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax (aka Bob Robert) who inherited the family pest control business but is obsessed with becoming a prince's valet (to each their own and all that).

③ A princess with one of the silliest names ever (Cerise? Really? 🙄) but who is—wonder of wonders—no maiden in distress or in need of rescuing. This sister can do it for herself, thank you very much.

④ A rutabaga-brained dashing prince who is not exactly the hero you were looking for.

⑤ A pretty hilarious king and a whole bunch of delightfully eccentric characters.

⑥ Royals who can't read or write (because reasons that you'll never figure out because the author never bothered to explain them 🙄).

⑦ A pig with bloating issues (you don't want to know).

⑧ Lots of hahahahahaha.

⑨ Evil wizards, yay!

⑩ Plans that never go, well, um, according to plan.

⑪ A whole bunch of despicably cozy stuff.

⑫ Spoiler spoiler spoiler (meaning that I'm too lazy to tell you about the story in detail and that if you want to find out more you should read the book and stuff 😬).

All in all, you could say that this is a fun fairytale with a twist. Yes, it's true, there's a bit of a juvenile feel to the story *shudders* and the main protagonists are in their late teens *starts convulsing*. BUT. The MCs aren't your average hare-brained younglings and definitely not as cliched as you'd expect, so yay for that. The story is light but not painfully so and there's even a bit of darkness here and there (don't worry though, this isn't The Black Company). Think of it as T. Kingfisher Extra Lite kind of tale, if you will. Hey, maybe Our Holy Mother of All Retellings should write a new version of this story after Hemlock & Silver is published! Now that's an idea!



I know, right? 😬



[Pre-review nonsense]

Pest Dragon control, it's a thing!



This is previously undisclosed video footage of Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax (aka Bob) as he was exterminating his first dragon, just so you know.

➽ Review to come and stuff.

[mwana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Needs, however, may change, and when they do, beliefs have a way of being bent or reimagined.

This is a charming little book about a dragon hunter, exterminator, master(?), Robert, who lives an uncharmed little life helping families get rid of dragons running roughshod over their property. The dragons come in all sizes from tiny lizards to monsters meant to evoke the size memory of Balerion, known as Kings. The plot is kicked off by handsome Prince Reginald, and this book will never let you forget how handsome he is,

He was almost grotesquely handsome, if such a thing could be: tall and golden-haired, with dazzlingly blue eyes, the bones of his jaw, check and brow as sharp as swords and yet gentle as well, as if softened from inside by the warmth of an early summer sky. It was a heroic face, a champion's face--a dragonslayer's face--and Robert hated it on sight.

A few moments later...

The Prince had been a perfect gentleman, of course: perfection was the essence of his nature.

If you do read this book, take a shot every time it talks about how handsome Reginald is. It appeared that his only trait was Handsome.

So when handsome Prince Reginald shows up and stumbles upon the other main character, Princess Cerise, she runs home assuming he's shown up to ask for her hand in marriage, as other princes had been doing. She realises how their castle has rather fallen into disrepair. With dragons scuttling around fearlessly, like cockroaches running off when a drawer is opened. Cerise has a distasteful tantrum and demands her father get a dragon exterminator as soon as possible. Thus comes Robert.

At first I thought this book would be a fairytale slice of life story like Dragons: Riders of Berk with an overarching plot that's not overt or overwhelming because the relationships between the dragons and their riders is the most important part. Robert does even get his Hiccup on because he keeps some dragons as pets when he goes on jobs. After sometime the book revealed itself to be a satire. But at no point did it make me laugh out loud. More like a subdued "huh" and a mild acknowledgement at dead on arrival deadpan humour.

Because the book starts with a fairytale like quality, it was difficult to figure out where it was headed. But eventually, a plot unfurls itself like a flower in a timelapse to the point where I would go as far as accusing it of shoehorning. Still, I was entertained. The characters' motivations were a bit nebulous, oftentimes coming without any agency from them. It was frustrating to see Reginald doing only what his valet, Mortmain told him. Cerise does what her mother tells her. Robert does what his mother tells him. Eventually, they turn these instructions into personal goals that came off rather meh.

The villain is revealed, almost like an afterthought, to the point where I thought I had missed something and had to reread the previous chapters to see if I had. I hadn't. But he was an interesting subversion of the old wizard trope. Dahr was fascinating, loquacious and had to be defeated first cleverly then deus ex machinaly.

I was entertained through the whole book and its strongest point is its prose, for which I am a shameless whore. There were lines where I had to put down the book just to bask and ruminate at such deft wordplay.

the breeze of their passage above the everyday world had been as sweet as the secret language of a lily...

The wind of their passage was always hot, almost too hot to breathe, as if their wings were made of stolen sun.

Leading the way, at a pace as slow as an apology...

The clot of goggle-eyed wonderers grew thick as old milk...

...their long, angled eyes came wide open, making a sound together that licked pins along the back of Robert's neck...

I have never been so giddy just reading such an agog commitment to metaphor and imagery.

Read this book to follow the hero's journey of a reluctant hero, to witness a princess own up to her fatal mistakes and a prince stand up for himself. Read this for dragons that remain mysterious but still stand out in all their murderous splendour. But most importantly, read this for a fantasy stand-alone story that's fresh, unpredictable and simply delightful.

[Books_the_Magical_Fruit · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/14/24: It’s publication day!!!
Oh my goodness, I absolutely loved this!! I am utterly charmed. I have never read "The Last Unicorn", but the movie adaptation was a beloved part of my childhood. I have a specific memory of sitting down in my family room with my friend Rachel and watching the movie (with our special treats of DQ Butterfinger Blizzards!), and it was definitely on repeat in our house in the '80s and '90s. "UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-NI-CORRRRRNNNNN!!!!"

Thus, when I saw this book on NetGalley, all I saw was that it was by the same author who wrote "The Last Unicorn", and I was *all in*. I waited a little while for my request to be approved for an ARC and was actually a little concerned that I would be declined. However, I have been really lucky, I discovered, in that other fans of Beagle's work apparently have been waiting a number of years for this book to be published, and I only had to wait a few weeks. So I have *nothing* to complain about on that score.

So, attention, people who have been waiting years for this: IT IS 100% WORTH THE LONG WAIT.

This is a fairytale for those who love fairytales. It's got a little of everything: a beautiful princess of an age to be married, numerous fawning princes, a handsome prince, a run-down castle, a quest, many species of dragons, and...a dragon exterminator..???

It is also very funny and clever. You will come to love the characters, their backstories and their journeys, and laugh, weep and rejoice with them in turn. I really hope they make a movie or series out of this and do it proper justice.

Read this. Even if you think you're too old for fairytales. It's phenomenal, and I'll be buying a physical copy and reading this over and over again.

5 well-deserved stars.

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

I only found out about this because a friend on GR was reading it and the cover alone was enough to draw me in since I LOVE dragons. Then I found out that it was the new book from an author I‘ve known for decades - the author who penned the story I watched in cartoon form every Christmas when I was a kid; probably the first story I remember taking me away into a different world.

As the title suggests, this is about dragons. Sorta. We‘re in the kingdom of Bellemontagne where dragons are a common occurrence. Most of them are small and pests like rats.
Our intrepid MC is an exterminator by inherited trade - and loathes it. He would much rather save all the cute and very smart dragons he identifies with and feels for so much and/or leave the kingdom altogether to escape just being his father‘s son instead of his own person.
His counterpart is a princess who is tired of all the suitors until the crown-prince of a very specific big kingdom coincidentally passes by and she‘s determined to marry him, whether he also wants it or not.
Suddenly, a clean-up job in Bellemontagne’s castle turns into a quest with the princess and her betrothed crown-prince … and a host of dragons that shouldn‘t exist.

Don‘t get me started on the atrocious things that have been done to Peter S. Beagle. Suffice it to say that it‘s over now and while he‘s already over 85 years old and justice took way too long to be served, it did get served, and now we get to enjoy this man‘s glorious imagination (again).

This was a cute little story about what people are supposed to be, what they appear to be on the surface - and what they truly are. It‘s also about a quirky magical kingdom full of adorable and dangerous dragons. What‘s not to love?!

The cast of characters was eccentric and endearing and the world itself drawing you right in with how nice and cozy it was.
Maybe nothing earth-shattering, but definitely a wonderful feel-good book from start to finish.

[Billie's Not So Secret Diary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons
by Peter S. Beagle
YA Fantasy
NetGalley eARC
Pub. Date: May 14, 2024
Saga Press
Ages: 12+

Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax, or Robert, was trained by his father to be a dragon catcher/exterminator, a job Robert never wanted, he dreamed of becoming a prince's valet, but he inherited the job after his father's death.

While it's a semi-lucrative job since dragons are common, coming in all shapes, sizes, and colors, infesting homes and castles, but Robert likes dragons and even keeps a number of them as pets.

But when called to the kingdom's castle to rid the place of a major infestation, Robert finds himself faced with the possibility of becoming a hero.


This is a cute story, but I had a hard time with it, as I was expecting more humor, some on the darker side, with a dash of 'cozy'.

But... there wasn't much 'drama', what was there read more like... 'we walked to the zoo during the day and slept at night,' with a few descriptors inserted here and there, and there wasn't a lot of humor, let alone anything 'dark', so it failed to really grab me and I had to force myself to read it, then fell asleep.

I feel as if this story is written for and aimed toward middle school readers, tweens. There's not a lot of violence, gore, language, or any other 'adult' themes, so it's suitable for younger ages.

2 Stars

[Algernon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember the Kings. The wind of their passage was always hot, almost too hot to breathe, as if their wings were made of stolen sun.

There used to be dragons here, huge beasts who ruled the skies and terrorized the people, but they are long gone. Only some distant cousins survive, puny creatures mostly that are treated like vermin, hunted down in fields and castle walls, their precious pelts sold for a lot of money at the Dragon Market.
But are the old Kings making a comeback? A mountain village is destroyed by a terrible force coming like an avalanche of smoke and pestilence down the slopes, despite the desperate efforts of the local witches.

“The World has turned noisily in its sleep, like some babe disturbed in the cradle, fussing and crying until it forgets the dreams that troubled it. The Kings do not come now to harm us in their vast indifference. Something else is loosed, something that stinks of magic.”

This is a terrible start to what will ultimately prove to be one of the best offers from this cherished author in a long time: tightly plotted, great characters, epic scope and a lot of his signature gentle humour, beautiful prose and heartache.

After the grim prologue we move into the region of romance with a fantasy setting, not unlike version 2.0 of ‘The Princess Bride’. King Antoine and his Queen Helene live a pleasant, mostly uncomplicated life in their tiny kingdom of Bellemontagne. Their biggest headache is the long queue of suitors [please take a number!] for the hand of their beautiful princess Cerise, an infestation of princes boasting of riches and manly deeds in an effort to impress the girl.
It’s an uphill struggle for the hand of a young woman who knows her own mind quite well, thank you, and who likes to hide in the woods and teach herself how to read instead of swooning over her supposed spouse.

He was tall, handsome, sincere, broad-shouldered, slim-waisted, well turned out, and possessed of precisely the brains of a rutabaga; sadly, his cheekbones were the sharpest thing about him.

The current crop of valiant princes isn’t making her choice any easier.
Time for Crown Prince Reginald of Corvinia, the biggest, richest and the boldest realm around, to make an entrance...
Time for Princess Cerise to start making plans for her wedding party.
And time for an urgent clean-up of the ramshackle family Castle of Bellemontagne, for every sort of nameless vermin squeaked and creaked and rustled along the walls, or else inside them.
Time to call up the exterminator.

>>><<<>>>

Meet Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax, the expert of the kingdom in dragon removal. Actually, the only one in the business of ridding noble houses of their intolerable pestiferous infestations according to the promo speech from his mother.
But please, call him Robert. Only his mother, when she is annoyed, calls him by his full name.
Robert has inherited the business from his father, while his brothers tend the family farm and his sisters are still in school. He is helped along by Ostvald, a gentle giant who most neighbours believe is slow witted. And he is teased and chased by the lively Elfrieda, the village prettiest wench.
Robert also hides a secret passion for the beasts he is supposed to destroy: he actually likes the little dragons and it hurts him terribly to have to kill them. He keeps four of them as pets, hidden in the house and listening only to Robert when they become unruly or are being ordered to do their chores. And truly, some of the ones he comes across are beautiful to behold:

Serpens avramis Karchee : the karchee were like nothing else in the market: all rainbows from one angle, shimmering like the sky after a storm; and a deep blue-green from another, as though they were wrapped, head to tail tip, in the sea.

>>><<<>>><<<

Meanwhile, in castle Bellemontagne, Princess Cerise and Crown Prince Reginald seem to be at cross purposes: she is thrilling and he is clueless, relying in general on his valet and minder Mortmain to tell him what to do.
The dynamic between master and servant can be traced back to the powerful king of Corvinia, who despises his weak son and has sent him adventuring to prove his mettle or get lost in trying.

“Actually, I’m just wandering, you know. Needed to go away for a bit – see something of the world, have an adventure or two. That sort of thing. Serious business, adventuring.”

I liked Cerise the most of all these players in the unfolding romance / adventure. I liked her spirit, her independence, her enthusiasm for learning. Later in the story, I loved her for her courage, for her sense of fairness, and for her willingness to change once she is shown to have erred.

Upended. That was the word: Cerise felt upended. Also uprooted, in an uproar, put upon, barely upright, and caught utterly in upheaval. Her emotions splashed through her treasured words in her head the same way she had splashed through puddles as a child, with the same gleefully muddy results.

>>><<<>>><<<

To make a long story shorter, and to avoid spoilers, lets just say that the company – Cerise, Reginald, Mortmain, Robert as the dragon specialist and a troop of castle guards and suitor princes – will go on a quest to hunt a dangerous beast that is reported to roam the kingdom’s forests. It is also hoped the quest will prove Reginald is worthy of asking for the hand of Cerise in marriage and convince his own father he is no weakling.
The quest ends badly, to put it mildly, when instead of a single beast they came across a trio of big feral dragons that maul the party in a matter of seconds. Only Robert’s intervention saves the day, revealing another of his secret talents, one he wanted to deny even in his own heart:

“Dragons talk to me, Princess, they always have. It’s just taken me a long time to learn to listen.”

His acts of courage get praised, but Robert sees clearly the dangers of such powers and of such adulation:

“I don’t want to be a hero. Heroes kill things. I want to be ordinary – never mind Vardis, never mind my mother. I just want to have an ordinary life.”

This has always been Peter S Beagle’s strong selling point for me: he tells the stories of ordinary people caught in extraordinary circumstances without losing their humanity, their modesty and their joy in living.

At the risk of another minor plot spoiler, I would like to include here the funniest scene in the whole book, the obligatory confrontation between hobbits and Sauron, the little heroes against the evil mastermind that has unleashed destruction on the world for his own dastardly ambition.
In this version, Robert and Reginald and Cerise must confront Dahr, an undead wizard who has a bone to pick with the king of Corvinia.
Peter Beagle is so well familiarized with the genre expectations that he is allowed to subvert them:

“My own opinion,” Robert said tightly, “is that you have fiendishly set out to bore us to death. It’s working.”
“Have mercy!” Prince Reginald chimed in. “Whatever you do to us, great wizard, we beg you – stop talking, and just get it over with. In a heroic lifetime devoted to slaughtering villains, I have never encountered one who chattered so!”

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A five star rating is not really a surprise for a fan boy like me. I plan to read everything Peter S Beagle has written or will write next.
This story feels like a one-shot, stand-alone adventure. Still I hope the author likes Cerise and Robert, Reginald and Mortmain, Ostvald and Elfrieda well enough to tell us more of their adventures in the future.

[Me, My Shelf, & I · Rating 1 out of 5]

Edit: It is very funny to me that people got mad about my review when I'm not saying it being hetero or being written by a man are bad attributes?? Literally just describing the type of book and vibe it has. And if things swerve away from more internally consistent or interesting plot developments because it is stuck in a particular mindset, then I think it's a disservice to the story.

eg There are side characters who you'd think are secretly gay and crushing on each other, but then weirdly get shoehorned into hetero romances for no reason that come out of nowhere and don't make sense for the characters. The hero ends up with the girl despite a lack of chemistry because that's just what heroes in stories do.

But if you feel sensitive about a descriptor and think it's an attack or something shameful, I think that says more about you. As someone who is tired of those tropes and unimaginative fiction, I want to let other similar readers know that this is not the book for them.
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Not that it's anyone's business, but I myself am cis & heterosexual and have been in a monogamous relationship with my partner since 2008. And probably well over 90% of the other reviews I have on this site are also cishet authors and cishet characters. Clearly this is literally not a review calling heterosexuality a bad thing because why tf would I think it's bad??? "Painfully heteronormative" has an entirely different meaning than y'all seem to think because "heterosexual" and "heteronormative" are different words.

And if y'all keep leaving violent threats your comments will be reported and deleted. :) Calm down and go read a book; read this book, if you're so adamant it's good. I literally don't care.
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Based on the title and the goofy looking dragons on the US cover, I really thought this would be a light-hearted, humorous romp.

It's not.

This is a standard, paint by numbers, Chosen One, painfully heteronormative, white mantasy. The most subversive it gets: in this world royals don't know how to read, so the princess is secretly teaching herself.

I constantly thought the book would do something interesting. But just when I thought it'd zig or maybe even zag, it did nothing.

eg In the introduction of the MC we learn that he has a lot of dragons at home and they're named and he's affectionate toward them. But also he's a dragon exterminator and the princess calls on him in the beginning to come root out the dragon infestation at the castle. I thought that when they were spraying the walls that it'd be a fake killing agent and actually they were just putting them to sleep so they could rescue them and smuggle them home or something. But no, he just... kills a bunch of dragons like they're pests. Even though they're as intelligent and sentient as people to him.

The whole book is additionally written very simply. I can't find what demographic the publisher is marketing this as, but I'd easily put it in middle-grade. I've read more complex, progressive, inventive middle-grade literally this month-- and that was written in the 90s!!

I don't understand the point of this, especially in 2024.

Audiobook Notes:
Bland, but not the worst male voice actor I've listened to. Maybe this would've come across more comical if not for his flat affectation. So I guess I'd recommend avoiding the audiobook if you still want to read this.

For reference:
I grew up with a truly ancient copy of The Last Unicorn. I'm sure I've read it at some point as it lived in my childhood bedroom and I vividly remember the look and feel of the bookmark that's still in it to this day. But I mostly remember the cartoon (which totally slaps). So I was looking for if not a humorous read, at least the fun and creativity and weirdness on display there.

[Anna Avian · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm afraid this book was not for me. I was eager to read it, expecting a delightful and imaginative story, but unfortunately, I couldn't bring myself to finish it. Instead of a captivating narrative, the book felt predictable and lacked the creativity I anticipated.

One of the book's major drawbacks was its inconsistent plot development, with several instances where the storyline simply didn't hold together logically. Some characters and potential subplots were not fully explored, which would have given the book more nuance.

Overall, while the book had potential, it fell short of delivering an engaging and fulfilling reading experience for me.

[Krissy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Beagle absolutely wrote this in the 1980s but brushed it off and handed it to the publishers in this age of Gothikana—knowing that name, and not quality, sell. Saga Press should be embarrassed for themselves.

This reads like a time capsule of all the worst parts of fantasy. We as society and as fantasy readers have come so far and this book has not.

1. Our MC repeatedly mentioned being beat by his father with a belt for various reasons. Not a single other character reacts. In fact, the father is occasionally referred to in a positive light as an important community member, even after a beating reference just happened.

2. It doesn’t pass the Bechdel test.

3. It is painfully pastoral, forget getting any descriptions of anything.

4. What I thought was queerbaiting ended up being bad writing. The bizarrely shoe-horned het romance comes out of nowhere even worse.

5. It reads like someone's telling a bedtime story—new elements are invented wholesale with no foreshadowing, characters are forgotten about for whole chapters, important discoveries just come to the MCs as the plot needs them to, Chekov’s gun is never fired, the best element (the pet dragons) is nothing but flavor text, the plot doesn't start until ~55%, and the ending climactic battle has like four parts to it and feels no higher-stakes than the horse ride to get there.

6. This is a children's book that Saga Press decided to market as adult... for some reason... I can only assume for $$$ reasons.

I will be side-eying all Saga Press books from here on out, I assure you, and I’m strongly reconsidering The Last Unicorn, which is sitting unread in the living room. I may just unhaul it to a LFL, this was such a sour introduction to Beagle’s writing.

[ancientreader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why even bother writing a review, or reading one? It's a book by Peter S. Beagle; what else do you need to know?

One important thing: The title may lead you to expect comedy. There is humor, sure, but watch out.

And something about the story's preoccupations, maybe. To wit: courage; the desire to have a decent life that doesn't involve heroism; responsibility; doing work that you hate and that is destroying your soul; the varieties of paternal love, including a kind that shows itself in both cruelty and unhesitating self-sacrifice; romantic infatuation and the kind of love that comes with intimacy, respect, the survival together of great trials. Oh, and of course power: who do you become when it turns out you've got some? (Or do you?)

I have one quibble, which is that Robert is the teensiest bit slow on the uptake with respect to the existence of his special relationship with dragons. (This is barely a spoiler, I promise.) So, you know, 4.75 stars. But seriously: Peter S. Beagle.

Thanks to Saga Press and NetGalley for the ARC.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Glorious.

Like The Last Unicorn, a book that seems at first to be a whimsical jaunt through a stereotypical fantasy kingdom (a beautiful princess with her suitors lined up in a waiting room! cute little tiny dragons that have to be exterminated by a kind-hearted peasant boy!). And then . . . and then there's more. So much more. What makes a prince noble? What makes a princess desirable? What is your place in the world when you hardly understand yourself? What do we owe our parents, and what do we owe ourselves, when the life laid out for us doesn't fit?

I hope they make an unintentionally horrifying animated film of this book! I bet the main song will really slap!

[Nicholas Perez]

Initially intended to release in 2007 but wasn't for whatever reasons, Tor.com has announced that it will be finally released May 2024.

[Susan Atherly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a delightfully old fashioned fantasy and I loved it. Fast paced, humorous yet suspenseful, good guys (and gals) who are actually good! It was a perfect mental palate cleanser!

[Ken · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing journey !

A humorous title in raised white print proclaims, I'M AFRAID YOU'VE
GOT DRAGONS. Smaller golden print annouces Peter S.Beagle, author.
A backdrop with foreboding castle swarmed by menacing cartoon
dragons is host to a larger, fiercer beast with a bit of color, just a hint
of fire coming from its snaggletoothed, piggy-eyed snout.
This has a WALT DISNEY-HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGONS- PG rating
just assaulting your senses. Embarrassing for an oldster to check out
unless accompanied by a suitably bored grandchild, finger in nostril.

Yeah, right.

So begins a teen love triangle set in a medieval kingdom rife with
happy family, and good natured bumpkins. Throw in some "rescue "
dragons, the pets of the sensitive local dragon exterminator,
and you're lulled into a very diverting fairy tale. For PRE-TEENS.
Then the quest begins in earnest and Peter Beagle goes all "Outer Limits"
on the storyline ; in your face. It accelerates, and before you realize it,
turns into that book you just can't put down. For ADULTS.

Great entertainment ; a wonderful, modern day Tolkien-like entertainment.

But I'll have to change that PG to a MA / Guidance Suggested.
Let your pre-teen be the judge of whether you're mature enough to handle this.


FAVORITE QUOTES:

Princess Cerise (sure she'll never find prince charming):
"I shall become a holy sister, devote my life to caring for lepers.
Do we have any ? "

King Krije ( positive the wizard is ransoming his son):
"How much for the idiot ?"

Robert (lamenting his family occupation):
"I don't want to be a hero. Heroes kill things. I want to be ordinary."

[Avada Kaddavra]

DNF 59 %
Es fing so stark an und hat dann leider seinen ganzen Reiz verloren, weil es so langatmig war. Ich hab mich echt auf dieses Buch gefreut, aber für mich war es dann leider einfach zu langsam und auch der Schreibstil war nicht meins.

[Silvia Moreno-Garcia]

Peter S. Beagle's work is, as usual, charming, a delight. Light as a soap bubble, yet firmly constructed with an iron wit and the finesse of a master magician that makes you think pulling rabbits out of hats is all so very easy. Fantasy at its best.

[Tanja Berg · Rating 4 out of 5]

This a fabulous piece of fantasy involving an unwilling dragon exterminator, an cowed prince trying to be a hero and an obstinate princess. Their paths cross as the cowardly prince is trying to find a big dragon to slay. Not just the small annoying ones. The storytelling is good and the characters engaging, for all their flaws.

This doesn’t have the poetic power or deep charm of “the last unicorn”, so don’t expect that. It is good in its own right though!

[Steve · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved everything about this book. There was great world building and character development. Indeed, it is a great ensemble cast of characters. I found the story very imaginative with great pacing. There was some very clever wording that was worth rereading. And amongst all that, Beagle manages to work in a good deal of humour and lightness. His social commentary as well did not go unnoticed. Overall this is a great read. Thank you to Netgalley and S&S/Saga Press for the advance reader copy.

[Patrycja · Rating 3 out of 5]

Taki raczej średniaczek. Bajka niby dla dorosłych, ale z raczej prostym przesłaniem. Po tytule i opisie liczyłam, że mnie ta książka rozbawi, a raczej byłam nią znużona..

[Lata · Rating 4 out of 5]

Peter S. Beagle demonstrates his extensive experience in crafting compelling narratives in this accomplished and amusing story of dragons, deceit, would-be heroes, people pining after the wrong people and making poor decisions, and romance.

In BellaMontagne, the princess Cerise is unmoved by the many silly princes petitioning for her hand, till she accidentally meets Crown Prince Reginald of nearby Corvinia, a knight sent into the world by his father to find something heroic and valiant to do.

Meanwhile, Robert, the dragon master, lives on a farm with his mother and younger sisters, and several friendly, small dragons that he keeps hidden from others in Bellamontagne.

Reginald’s canny valet Mortman enlists Robert's help in his plan to help Reginald to achieve his father's goal, and also marry the princess.

Reginald approaches Cerise's parents, and states he will kill a dragon then return for Cerise's hand. Cerise has slightly different plans, and organizes a large group of people, food and other useful things, so that she, and the large group, can come with Reginald and Robert.

They discover a number of things about their neighbour Corvinia as they encounter dragons, a scheming wizard, and learn difficult truths about themselves.

Beagle's tone is droll as he introduces his main characters and the small Kingdom of Bellamontagne, where the visiting princes are ridiculous, only girls can read and write, and Robert's dream is to be a valet. But things became darker as Robert, Cerise and Reginald headed out on their mission, and things turned deadly suddenly. And the tone continues to shift, as more terrible things happen before the surprising (though not totally unexpected) ending.

Beagle is adept at all the tonal shifts, as well as the characterization of the trio. There are interesting supporting characters, like Robert's good friends and Cerise's mother, and a really intriguing set of wise women who only feature in the prologue but never again. I would dearly have liked to have seen more of them, as I had expected that they would have a role to play in the story's resolution, but maybe the author had a larger story in mind, and this is but the first entry? I hope so, because through this somewhat silly and cozy story mostly wraps up, I felt that there could be more story to unfold.

I thoroughly enjoyed this delightful narrative, and am happy that this dragon tale was full of teeth and heart.

[Jordan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rating: Meh/Alright, 2/2.5 stars

This book was a roller coaster of a time in terms of my enjoyment and thoughts.

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons on the surface seemed like something I should have loved. It is a light-hearted rather whimsical fantasy adventure. It feels very much like old-school fantasy in the vein of Princess Bride. And it definitely started out that way. I started out really enjoying the setup. We follow Robert, a dragon exterminator who actually hates his job and desperately wants to do something different; Cerise, a beautiful princess who is entertaining large crowds of princes seeking her hand, none of whom are interesting; and Reginald, a handsome prince who is not very good at being a prince.

There is a sort of tongue and cheek humor to the writing style that i think is very appropriate for the story that was set up in the beginning but sort of felt like it lost it's way. At the beginning I found it mildly amusing, but then it morphed into annoying me. And that slow decrease in my enjoyment is big complaint with this story across the board: with the humor, the characters, the plot, etc.

The story that was set up at the beginning seemed rather charming and fun, but I felt like the plot got rather unnecessarily convoluted, and lost the thread as we went along. I didn't come away feeling as though there were any significant themes or story being told, the characters didn't really seem to grow, and it didn't feel like anything was really accomplished by the time we got to the end. The characters felt very flat, and it was very slow moving for being less than 300 pages. I got about halfway through very quickly, and then I started to lose interest and steam and started questioning how much was left. I pushed through hoping that it would recapture the charming whimsy that the beginning promised, but I didn't find it again.

I'd say that the book started out in 4 star territory and hit 1.5-2 star territory by the end, so rating this was hard. I think that perhaps if the humor had really worked for me in the beginning I could have enjoyed this as a fun palate cleanser, but as it is, I don't really recommend this one.

[DivaDiane SM · Rating 3 out of 5]

I knew I would enjoy this one and I was not disappointed. Upon further reflection, however, I think my enjoyment might have been increased by the very skilled narrator. The book is well crafted and funny with a bit of a different take on dragons than I’ve seen before. Some things were rather predictable (romance) but that just made it satisfying in the end if that makes sense.

I honestly don’t know what to make of the controversy surrounding the authorship of this book. I can’t hope to know if any of the accusations are true.

This isn't the most amazing book I've ever read, but it is entertaining, especially in audiobook format.

[Rian *fire and books* · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a delight! I may not have understood everything that happened at the end but darn if this wasn’t enjoyable. It had the fun, corniness, and joyful exuberance of The Princess Bride with DRAGONS.