What Was Lost: A Christian Journey through Miscarriage

by Elise Erikson Barrett

United Methodist pastor Elise Erikson Barrett draws on her own painful experiences, as well as on interviews with others who have gone through the devastation of miscarriage, in an effort to help women grieve and, in time, to think theologically about pregnancy loss. Barrett also offers some much-needed practical advice about breaking the news to others, coping with insensitive comments, and grieving what is often a private loss, unmarked by the world.

Genres: Parenting, Grief, Christianity, Nonfiction, Christian, Theology

187 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 2, 2010

Reviews

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book focuses specifically on miscarriage, rather than "miscarriage and other pregnancy losses". The author, Elise Barrett, is a United Methodist pastor who has experienced multiple early pregnancy losses. She combines her personal story with research and testimonies from others.

Barrett offers solid theology, as well as practical advice for how to grieve and heal. She also addresses some of the inappropriate things people say in response to a miscarriage (ie: "It was just part of God's plan" or "You can have more") and how a person might politely respond. There is one chapter on God and the church that would probably be most interesting to clergy or very involved Methodists -- but other than that, this is an excellent resource.

The introduction was written by Phyllis Tickle, who suffered multiple miscarriages of her own.

[Hannah Scudder · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful read—balm for the soul!

[Alyssa Jahnigen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure I agree with everything theologically, but I thought it was a good book that I could relate to on a personal level. I liked how it had reflection questions at the end and thought it was healthy to really think those through. I feel like even those who have not had miscarriages should read the last few chapters (at least!) to know how to respond in a meaningful way to someone in their life who has had a miscarriage.

[Jessica Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first book I read on miscarriage from a christian perspective. Meaningful and purposeful, this book was a gift to me in a very difficult season of life.

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend for miscarriage grief and support! I loved the reflection questions and exercises. It was also the only book I read that had ideas for memorial acts/services for the baby.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up because two friends have miscarried in the last month, and I hoped there might be something here that would help me help them...somehow, if only to buy them the book. I think the book is very well done. Barrett writes movingly of her own miscarriage and of struggling with her grief and the bone-headed yet well-meaning comments from her fellow seminarians. In addition to interviews with other women, she provides information about the emotional, spiritual, and physical changes that occur throughout, and a host of resources for yet more information. Each chapter ends with some reflection questions, which she suggests for journalling if you're the sort of person who finds journalling to be helpful. Throughout the book her tone is one of gentle respect for whatever a woman and her family's experience has been, without pretending to hold all the answers or judge anyone else's experience. She doesn't shy away from questions such as, "Why, God?" even when she can't answer the question.

Not rated five stars only because this isn't an experience I've had, so I don't feel qualified to judge the helpfulness of the book.

[Sarah Coggins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written. This book explores the grief and pain (both physical & emotional) of miscarriage through multiple viewpoints of different women as each experience is unique. And reminds us gently that even in the worst of it all, God is with us and we are not alone. Highly recommend this book to women who have experienced a miscarriage and to those who love them & want to gain an understanding.

[Tracy Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was worried when my cousin gave me this book that it would be too "religious" for me. Yes, I believe in God, but was feeling lost in my grief and honestly, I was questioning my faith in God after our loss. Though I didn't relate to everything in this book, I related to more than I originally thought I would when I finally started to read it and answer the reflection questions. I've also begun to say a prayer shared in the resources chapter at night to help with my healing.

[Alvana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book extremely helpful and comforting. I would recommend it to anyone who has experienced a miscarriage, or anyone who wants to better understand how to help a friend who has gone through this.

[Mel · Rating 5 out of 5]

a critical book for... well, for everyone. whether you know it or not, you know someone who has suffered a miscarriage. this book presented a compassionate perspective for those who have lost their unborn children, and it also helps those who haven't develop genuine compassion for those who have.

[Amy Young · Rating 3 out of 5]

For anyone who has had a miscarriage or knows someone who has, this is a very helpful resource. I highly recommend it.

[Caitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

a wonderful book.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book addresses an important topic that is all too often not talked about in our society.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for someone who has gone through a miscarriage or for anyone who wants to understand how to relate to those who have.

[Malia · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very helpful book to help during a time when one needs help the most.