If Nothing

by Matthew Nienow

When mid-life collides with the precariousness of alcoholism, the vulnerability of opening oneself to a second coming-of-age becomes an ecstatic cry in poems that confront pain and the need for forgiveness. An unvarnished and direct accounting of the journey to sobriety, of struggles with mental health, and with the challenges of longing and loss, If Nothing traverses the sting of shame, the earnestness of joy, and the desire for absolution.

Genres: Poetry, Addiction

100 pages, Paperback

Published January 14, 2025

About the author

Matthew Nienow’s most recent collection, If Nothing, was recently published by Alice James Books. He is also the author of House of Water (Alice James Books, 2016). His work has appeared in Gulf Coast, New England Review, Ploughshares, and Poetry, and has been recognized with fellowships from the Poetry Foundation, the National Endowment for the Arts, and Artist Trust. He lives in Port Townsend, Washington, with his wife and sons, where he works as a mental health counselor.

Reviews

[Ben Donovan]

Yo when did I become a poetry bro. Some of the middle section didn’t hit but I think that was more me than the book. The first third alone made this worth it, and I think this is going to live next to my bed for the next few months. I’ve got so many thoughts, just a matter of how many I wanna share here.

[Carla]

A gorgeous poetry collection by Matthew Nienow that deals with recovery from alcoholism. A must-read for poetry-lovers. My full review will appear in New Verse Review.

[Rebecca]

Straightforward poems about giving up addiction and seeking mental health help in order to be a good father.

[abby rene]

I went to a bookshop downtown and roved through the local poets section. The blurb itself sold me.

Matthew has a way with words that makes me think he sees the world in a completely different light, as though he is a higher species above all of us here on earth. He made me feel so deeply — in the sense that on one page I’m crying, and by the next I’m marveling over how one person could create such a colorful piece of art in my mind with mere words. The way he spoke about his children had me staring at a wall. Fatherhood is a beautiful thing, and somehow made me immensely relate, coming from a childless 15 year old girl.

I will be telling everyone about this now.

[Patricia N. McLaughlin]

In this collection, the poet explores what it means to be a father—good, bad, and deplorable—while dealing with his addictions. Wrestling with his demons in these poems seems to be good therapy.


“A pencil is a fine weapon
if you know how to hold it.”
—from “In Deed,” p. 12

“I will be survived by this open acre
ringed by cedars and firs, this
meadow collecting yellow light,
where today, alive, I linger
in the listening, housed in a shape
capable of such ordinary song. I wish
to thank the minerals in my bones
and all this borrowed epiphany, all this
endless ache linking arms with sorrow.
May many tomorrows nest
in such green valleys. May we all
accept the ground we will become.”
—“Someday, If I Am Lucky,” p. 78


Favorite Poems:
“Useless Prayer”
“In Deed”
“In the Language of My Kin”
“In All the Wrong Places”
“They Once Looked to Me”
“Interest Owed”
“Begin Again”
“Make No Mistake”
“No Painting Worth Its Paint”
“Someday, If I Am Lucky”

[Courtney LeBlanc]

A collection of poems about addiction, fatherhood, survival, sobriety, and hope.

from What Luck: "Floor was floor and I was on it, gone / wind in a way. Also stone. / Somehow sang even undone. / Almost alone, even throned / among future tombs, I lived, / the coal of my heart on a slow / burn, no time to lose, no such / thing as time, eyes tuned / to the lack of light, skull / locked tight, crowned alive, the King / of Lost Keys."

from In All the Wrong Places: "I'll admit there was a part of me that thought / of tributaries when he spoke & I'd be gone / again, wading upstream, usually between / steep banks with the sound washing over me / like a thousand distant conversations, & I / preferred it this way, being outside / of earshot, thirsty for wonder, unable / to quench or quell the ache of it always ending / just as it was getting good."

[Konner]

3.5 - standout lines/verses/quotes

•What Luck: ”…the coal of my heart on a slow / burn, no time to lose, no such / thing as time…”

•Deepwell Traverse: “…I walked straight into the fire and took / my place amongst the ash”

•Cocoon: “…I was inside with no story / to save me from myself”

•At Midlife Trying to Recall My Twenties: “…Lick a cheek & go wild, you godless scrap.” AND “…Don’t you dare / give regret an inch, even if that / scramble to the edge almost kills you.”

•And Then: “…I had forgotten / how new / anyone forgiven / cane become.”

[Wayne Scott]

It is impossible to read Mathew Nienow's poetry and not be deeply moved by his courage, vulnerability, and the staggering eloquence of his language. The poems move through addiction and its aftermath, with such wisdom about the many shapes of shame and the longing for forgiveness.

This is the kind of meditative book of poetry that I'll read several times. So much hard-earned wisdom evoked with so much beauty affirms again how much poetry and art are part of healing: his and ours.

[Peter Quinn]

Thank you for this book; a gift of honesty, dawning love for yourself and others, for going there in service to yourself and the reader.

Your voice is strong and instinctive, your words few and essential. I feel first your vision, then your heart and then the painful wisdom you've acquired.

Well done. Well done. Well done.

[Charles H.]

Absolutely loved this book. Incredible vulnerability. Poems of a young husband and father who faces his demons of addition and depression then rebuilding his family and his sense of self. Tremendous tenderness and searing honesty. A book I have returned to again and again.

[Sabrina Eshaghi]

Beautifully written and thought provoking poetry collection on returning to yourself. Many of the poems were added to my list of all time favorites. I will be revisiting this book often.

[Mica Wood]

Great book of poetry. Touched the depth of my soul.

[Angry.Sad.Motivated]

Devastating. Beautiful.

[Brigham Wilson]

poems on fatherhood, husband-ing, masculinity, and life

[John Fossett]

The heartbreak of addiction and the redemptive road to recovery, where everything has changed.

[Maya Kaabour]

Raw poetry on the beauty of regret and redemption. A testament to the magic of second chances. Loved it.

[Pem Ausbrook]

Intense, beautiful poetry. The poem that closes the book, ‘And Then’, is now a new favorite. One to read again and again.