My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor

by Homeless

Humorous, heartfelt, and endearing, My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor is the story of a young man (as empty as the Big Mac container itself) facing depression head on, and learning to find beauty and hope in a life mired by mental illness.

Daniel has been stalked by six-foot-tall sad-looking blue whales since childhood. Exhausted and ravaged by their miserable company (and excessive crying), 31-year-old Daniel can’t take it anymore. After breaking up with his girlfriend, Daniel, ever the fast food junkie, vows to end it all by burying his heart in an empty Big Mac container beneath the ocean floor—the only way, he feels, to responsibly end his life and keep his poisonous heart as far away from others as possible.

With the help of a wayward sad-looking blue whale, Daniel steals his ex's boat and he and the whale set off into the ocean. But once out on the water, things don't go as planned and they soon become stranded. Fighting heat stroke and delirium, surreal events unfold around them, forcing Daniel to not only confront the sad-looking blue whales and the troubled life they've forced him to live, but also his choice as to whether he truly wants to live or die.

Pulsating like an epic album by Daniel Johnston, Homeless shares a moving story about love, authenticity, and listening to the whale calls in your heart.

Genres: Fiction

296 pages, Paperback

Published November 19, 2024

About the author

Homeless is the author of five books, including the novel “This Hasn't Been a Very Magical Journey So Far.” He’s been published by Hobart, House of Vlad and Expat Press. He putters around NYC wondering whatever happened to predictability, the milkman, the paperboy, evening TV.

His second novel, “My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor,” was published by Clash Books, November 2024.

Reviews

[Jillian B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since childhood, Daniel has been followed by sad-looking blue whales. Sometimes they disappear for a while, but they always come back. Now, after a tough breakup with his girlfriend, they’re back in full force. Daniel decides his only course of action amid such misery is to bury his heart in a Big Mac container at the bottom of the ocean. So he and one of the whales set out on a boat to accomplish the mission.

Told in three alternating timelines, this book is a surreal and darkly funny take on depression. The writing leans into the story’s absurdity in a really fun way, with some of the most creative metaphors I’ve seen in a while. This wasn’t a favourite for me because reading about a character struggling with depression can frankly be pretty depressing and I really need to be in the right mood for it. But its message is ultimately hopeful, and I think this could be a real balm for someone struggling with that illness. The voice is distinctly that of a young guy, so I could really see this one appealing to men, especially because so much contemporary lit fic about depression out there leans female.

I am very glad this book is in the world and I hope it finds its way into the hands of the people who will most benefit from it.

Thanks to the author for gifting me an ebook of this one!

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

"oooh. ooh. ooooh."

That is the song of the sad-looking blue whales that have followed Daniel around for the better part of his life.

Depressed and freshly grieving the end of a serious relationship, Daniel has an epiphany at his local McDonald's. He and the saddest of the sad-looking blue whales steal his ex's orange boat and head out to the middle of ocean, where he plans to bury his heart in an empty Big Mac container deep beneath the waves.

Though, once out on the water, things refuse to go as planned. Fighting the unrelenting heat and hallucinations, Daniel and his fanny pack wearing whale companion kill the time by reminiscing about his relationship with Laura and the mental trauma he sustained as a child due to "that look, that goddamned look", while resisting the soul crushing lyrics of the Celine Dion megahit from the Titanic film that's being played on repeat on their boombox, waiting for the big mac container to give him his final instructions...

Darkly comic and unexpectedly emotional, My Hear Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor shines a light on the battle one wages between mental illness and depression and that part of us that refuses to stop seeking out instances of hope and beauty, no matter how bleak or suffocating the moment may feel.

I was surprised by how much fun I had reading it. Homeless managed to keep the story light, despite the heavy content. Grief fiction is definitely having a moment and this guy deserves his fifteen minutes in it. And this is also a great gateway book into the world of bizarro fiction. It's weird in a super subtle, easily digestible, infectious way.

[Ana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Where to start with this book... It broke my heart; it made me laugh and it managed to give me hope when I thought everything was doomed.

I went into it with zero expectations, simply captivated by the long and weird title and oh boy am I glad I did! This book immediately catches your attention, I felt like I blinked and somehow was halfway through the novel and trying not to cry. We follow our main character Daniel as he takes you through his stream of consciousness, dreams and memories of his life, falling in love, messy relationships, dead end jobs, and the huge weight of having to live with depression through it all. All whilst being constantly followed by sad-looking blue whales, the personification of his mental state, whenever things get worse more of them seem to appear singing their depressing song and not letting him enjoy his life. This is done in such a tangled messy manner of timelines which somehow manage to make you feel closer to him than ever. He is one of the rawest, realest portrayals of a character I have ever experienced.

Watching him be weird and awkward and messy and sad, made me feel less weird and awkward and messy and sad.

Its beautifully and devastatingly written, you truly are inside his mind, and nothing gets left out, to the point of being uncomfortable at times and yet it made me appreciate the style of writing even more.
To end my review, I will leave you with two lines from the book that stuck with me the most. Thank you Homeless for this beautiful novel that tore my heart to bits and made me appreciate that emptiness IS. And thank you to NetGalley for the ARC!

"For a little while," he answers. "She loved me for as long as she could, I guess."

"Old and rusty and wet and shaped like the ribcage of some long-dead, enormous and mythological beast, he could look at it with love in his eyes."

[Megan Magee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Daniel is older and wiser now, but has been followed since he was an adolescent by massively tall sad- looking blue whales. Once Daniel turns 31, he reaches the point where he is inevitably tired of their countenance, and sick himself of crying and living a depressed existence. The book starts out alternating on a timeline where he is attempting to bury his heart (in more ways than one) in an empty Big Mac container and also in the past when he starts a relationship with a partner, Laura. Both points of view are charming- we get to see their relationship progress and decline, as well as learn real time how hard Daniel is struggling to overcome the feelings he holds in his heart. We find the boat he is on from the start is his exes boat, and as predicted- things do not go as planned for Daniel, or the whales. Ripe with metaphorical explanations of love and growing up in a family that is sad all around, this book is so much more delightful than it looks or sounds- and that's a promise. The writing is so full of humanity, riddled with candor, and it's just so refreshing to have these sort of takes on life that aren't pretentious at all. Hats off to Homeless for delivering something so real, vivid, and original!

[Dyl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I nearly didn’t finish this, and I’m so glad I persevered with it. It was a very slow burner and took a while to get going but once the story started to come together - it was raw and beautiful.

Such a heart-wrenching and ridiculously comedic metaphor of someone experiencing unending emptiness and suffering. Words were written here that a lot of people have thought but don’t want to admit nor share.

Thank you to NetGalley and the author for providing me with access to an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

“Because you don’t want to die. You don’t hate life… you love it so much that it feels like you’re wasting it by feeling sad all the time… the knowledge of that waste becomes unbearable. You’ve never hated life. You’ve only hated yourself for not being able to give every moment the respect and appreciation it deserves.”

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

"He hanged himself right in front of me," the sad looking blue whale continues. "Which I've seen before. But still... you just never get used to it. Or I dunno...at least I don't. Especially the silence afterwards. That's always the worst part. The way the quiet always seems to scream at you through a bull horn about what just happened. The fact a human life was lost. And not even just lost. That it was taken of its own volition and that you're partially responsible."

Disclaimer: I was offered a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. This has in no way impacted my rating and the below thoughts are mine alone.

Man, I don't even know where the hell to begin with this one. This book was not at all what I was expecting. Though, if I'm honest, I don't know what I actually was expecting going into this, it certainly wasn't to feel this many emotions or to feel them this strongly, however. There's just something about how this book is written, something magical and repulsive in how grotesquely, disgustingly vivid it is - it makes the whole thing feel so damn horrible to experience. This book hits like taking a sledgehammer to the face. It is all-consuming, exhausting, but somehow so damn beautiful too. This is a surreal, hallucinatory, fever dream like nightmare, and it's probably the most creative book you'll ever encounter.

So few books exist that are willing to be this daring, this brave, who knows, this thing might contain the authors actual heart. Homeless is among those rare authors who are so ready to carve out a piece of themselves and offer it up to their audience, there's so much soul, and love, and adoration and humanity poured into this novel, Homeless truly is willing to bleed for his audience. My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor is one of the bleakest, most crushingly lonely novels I have ever read, and yet somehow it's a hilariously absurd book, too. And, while this certainly won't be for the masses, for the people that truly connect with this, it'll be completely and utterly life altering.

"Smoke seeps through the cracks of the door. Then, seconds later, the muffled screams of the old man. As the ravenous flames dig into his wrinkled skin, eating him alive with their blue-tipped fangs, Daniel, moving with an eerie sedation, slides Laura's picture into his pants pocket and traipses down the staircase with the somberness of a tangled, lead slinky."

Reading this book made me deeply, viscerally uncomfortable, it felt like peering into parts of my soul that I'm not yet willing to confront, it felt like a spotlight was being cast onto the darkest, loneliest parts of myself, which made my skin crawl. But, I firmly believe that books should (more often than not) make us hellishly uncomfortable. Despite the bleakness that clings to every page, Homeless has managed to inject enough humor into his writing that it keeps this thing from being overwhelming. This book, and this author, are just really special, there's no other way to put it, My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor is like staring down the rapture and finally finding beauty in the world.

"Laura, Laura, Laura... Daniel says under his breath, but to his disappointment, although not his surprise, Laura doesn't appear, and the bright-orange boat just continues apolitically bobbing up and down in the water, leaving Daniel and the sad-looking blue whale to do nothing but, most likely, wait for a slow-roasting, pointless death."

[Tiffannie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let’s talk about this book! It’s a whirlwind of emotions that had me laughing through my tears and finding sparks of hope when things felt darkest. 🌟

I requested it up on a whim because, I was drawn in by its intriguingly odd title, and wow, am I glad I did! 📚 The story hooks you right from the start, and before you know it, you’re deeply immersed, feeling every high and low. I was halfway through before I even realized it, and the emotional ride left me both devastated and uplifted. If you’re up for a book that’s as gripping as it is moving, this one’s a must-read! 💖📖

[twoey (rachel q.) · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author did not, in fact, bury his heart in an empty Big Mac container in the ocean floor, but instead buried it in the pages of this book. This was an incredible read. I’m always down for whatever insanity CLASH puts out, but Homeless has written a novel that I truly think could save lives. It’s raw and blunt, but also beautiful, taking heavy subjects and giving them a layer of absurdity that gives the book a gorgeous levity. Also, Homeless is now the reigning master of ultra-specific niche metaphors.

Thank you to CLASH for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

[Kaitie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t like reviewing books because who cares what I think we probably like different things. But this books is so weird and so cool and so strange and so wonderful. I’ve loved a Laura and I’ve loved a Daniel and I’ve loved an empty Big Mac container and I’ve loved a sad looking blue whale. I felt myself on every page and I suspect most people will. And I think that’s kind of the point.

[Bronwynne Y. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A glimpse into the absurdity and all consuming-ness of depression. My brother “folded” a couple years ago and I found a lot of insight and comfort in this novel.

[SpinelessBookReviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is unlike anything I've ever read, and I genuinely appreciate it for that

This story is not a love story. It's whatever the opposite of a love story is. It's a tale about heartbreak, depression and mental illness told in three revolving sections that slowly paint a picture of Daniel and his girlfriend Laura's relationship as it grows towards the inevitable conclusion that we the reader knows is coming but like the characters we still never really expect

This book is honest and painful but told in such a darkly funny way that I genuinely cracked up. The wordplay and metaphors Homeless uses are crude but at the same time elegant. Once you get into this story, you're brought along such a heartfelt story in the most bizarre and off-kilter fashion imaginable. Never did I think I'd be pausing to reread deep philosophical musings from talking sad looking blue whales or sentient objects but this book brought me to all of that and I was so on board for the whole journey.

This book is a genuine must read if you love weird fiction. Just make sure you're in an okay mood going into it because this is genuine "sadboi lit". It will make you laugh, it will make you sad but by the end you'll be all the better to have gone through it.

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF at page 152, and I never DNF books. This book is nearly the same premise as Tao Lin’s Eeeee Eee Eeee only not done nearly as well and Tao did it first. I wanted to love this book but the more I read the more it became clear this writer hates women. Every time Daniel talks about Laura he makes really immature sexual comments about her c*nt, p*ssy, huge t*ts, or if not referring to her sexually he’s describing her greasy hair or that she’s crying or had a terrible acne outbreak. And then he gives her chlamydia to top it all off (not the character directly, I mean the author). This is a person who hates women. Initially I thought the Homeless nom de plume was funny, but the more I read the more I felt like it was just something for a twenty-thirtyish white male with a fragile ego to hide behind because he’s afraid of being criticized. You can write about being a depressed loser who ruined his relationship without being so disrespectful. It was a huge turn-off.

[L.S. Popovich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading My Heart ... is a bit like being lovingly mugged by a philosophy major wearing clown shoes. Homeless — the cryptic, multi-published, mononymous author — offers a novel that vibrates on the frequency where abject despair becomes indistinguishable from slapstick. The result is a book that lurches, wheezes, and pirouettes through the heart of an America overrun with mediocre lives wasted. The attitude is bleak, but the language seethes with equal measures of resentment, eerie poetry and weaponized sarcasm.

The title encapsulates, with almost obscene precision, the book’s principal thrust — that human emotion is, fundamentally, litter. A beautiful remnant of a warped culture adrift on an infinite sea bottom. The sort of trash that, given enough time and sufficient water pressure, might be transfigured into a diamond, or at least an amusing fossil.

Sentences buckle and grind under the strain of so many run-ons and ricocheting metaphors that reading them aloud feels like trying to chase a greased pig through an obstacle course made of abandoned IKEA furniture. But they can be beautiful in snatches.Unexpected lyricisms punches you squarely in the face: "Loneliness," the narrator intones at one point, "is just your reflection in the microwave door at 3 AM, asking if you still believe in thermodynamics."

There is, undeniably, a raw, lurching power to much of the writing. Some paragraphs soar — unkempt angels of longing — and some (alas) crash into the reader's forehead like particularly ill-mannered pigeons. The book suffers from a tendency toward ornate aimlessness: several chapters feel less like crafted narrative scenes and more like drunken voicemails from a brilliant but wild acquaintance.

Depression runs rampant through our protagonist's less-than-glamorous life.
The novel's momentum is like a shopping cart with two broken wheels in the front, careening wildly, requiring undue concentration, capable of horrifying accelerations when you least expect it, but prone to sudden and baffling halts in aisles labeled “Existential Despair” or “Discount Sadness.”

For all its sins, the book manages a battered, unkillable dignity. It gives no quarter to the clean, the tidy, or the easily categorized. Its humor is frequently sublime in grotesquerie.

Endure the main character's exuberant acts of self-sabotage, and the contempt for conventional structure — and in return, you will gain moments of pure transcendence amid Nihilistic humor.
Emotionally whiplashed into reluctant admiration.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came for the title and stayed for the absolutely raw exploration of suffering, depression, and finding the meaning of life in this experiment of being human.

Daniel is in his early thirties and life just feels incomplete. Accompanied by a life time of sad looking blue whales, Daniel navigates life after a break-up, which is full of its share of depression, self-reflection, and searching for something that might give a bit of meaning to his existence.

The book follows three very different yet interconnected plotlines, which I initially thought I would like one more than the others, but I was quickly proved wrong. I found myself craving each chapter as soon as one was over. The pop culture references that Homeless constantly refers to felt like my own personal pop up video of life, and it made the book feel even more personal and relatable.

Homeless's writing is beautiful. He weaves heavy topics and comedic analogies together like a warm tapestry that will keep you wanting to read more and more. The book is a slow burn, and feels more like a stew rather than a quickly prepared meal. It's warm, fully of delicious morsels to chew on, and will leave you wanting more. The Kierkegaardian approach to suffering really appealed to me and made me reflect on how my own suffering is what completes me.

There were so many quotes that I wrote down from this book that will stay with me for a very long time. "Emptiness is enough because existence is enough" is such a remarkable thing to read a reminder for the dark times that we experience.

I'm so incredible grateful that I got to experience My Heart and the renewed appreciation for life, no matter how bleak it can feel at times.

[Ryan C. Zerfas · Rating 5 out of 5]

🙏👏👏👏 Oooooh, ooooh, oooooooooh. This, I would say is a perfect piece of art. The Jimmy V. trio. I laughed. I cried. I did a great deal of thinking. Perfect execution by the author.

I would be remiss not to mention this author is the absolute G.O.A.T. at using similies. I found myself creatively salivating evertime the word "like" came up, awaiting the prose to follow... ... .... like when you have a Big Mac after not having one for like a year. MM. Yum.

Characters so keenly and also poignantly relatable. I've lived it. So well unfolded. The themes of depression... also relatable. I think of sad penguins, but that may be from Trigger Happy TV. I can't remember when they started, and I can't Google it.

Speaking of TV, this would make one hell of a Michel Gondry film, right in the Eternal Sunshine and Science of Sleep family. Sprinkles of the "Everlong" video as a nod to my favorite art--which this book rides in a boat along with...

Anyway, this was a killer rec to me.. I rec it to you. I wish I could do it more justice. This is what I have so far.

💡📚🔥✈️

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for providing this eARC.

My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor follows Daniel, who teams up with a sad blue whale to go to the middle of the ocean and bury his heart in a Big Mac container.

I picked up this book just for the ridiculous title, and I'm so glad I did. At turns hilarious and deeply emotional, Homeless's interrogation of the persistence of hope in times of suffocating depression somehow managed to feel light, refreshing, easily digestible and deeply addicting. I'd read this book again in a heartbeat, and I'd recommend it to anyone in pursuit of a book that makes them feel seen.

[Seoyoung]

Dnf but because the middle was like empty

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

slightly disappointing ending but i fear that was the point.

[El | libro.vermo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Years ago, I discovered an author whose books I absolutely loved. I found that his books were considered “bizarro,” but when I explored other books within that genre, they didn’t evoke anything close to the same feelings. Eventually, I gave up because my efforts were all in vain.

But finally, I’ve found a book (or, rather, the book’s author found me) that makes me feel the way that author’s work does. My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor is exactly what I was looking for ten years ago: unique, surreal, and strange without being weird just for the sake of weird, but also raw, full of heart, and extremely relatable (except for the part that says chunky peanut butter is the kind only sociopaths enjoy 😭). It made me laugh, it made me cry, and it gave me space to reflect on the darkest and most uncomfortable aspects of mental illness. It also has the best title of all time, which is absolutely not up for debate.

Homeless has a really unique writing style. He often (and by often I mean all the time haha) uses amusing similes, which can keep things light during serious moments, so I found myself laughing at times that would be pretty inappropriate in a real life discussion. Daniel is dealing with serious mental health issues. He’s been stalked by sad-looking blue whales that are the personification of depression since he was a child. His life is a mess. And I had to stop reading a couple times because I was laughing too hard. I loved it.

I will never again drive or walk by a McDonalds without thinking of Daniel and the sad-looking blue whales that plagued him throughout his life. My boyfriend enjoys the occasional Big Mac and I can’t look at their containers without thinking of Daniel’s journey.

Thank you Homeless, for sending me a copy of your book, and for teaching me to embrace my own sad-looking blue whales.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book broke my heart. It made me smile. It gave me hope against the sad-looking blue whales.