The Good Dad: Becoming the Father You Were Meant to Be

by Jim Daly

It’s never too late to be a better father


Jim Daly, president and CEO of Focus on the Family, is an expert in fatherhood—in part because his own "fathers" failed him so badly. His biological dad was an alcoholic. His stepfather deserted him. His foster father accused Jim of trying to kill him. All were out of Jim's life by the time he turned 13.


Isn’t it odd—and reminiscent of the hand of God—that the director of the leading organization on family turned out to be a guy whose own background as a kid and son were pretty messed up? Or could it be that successful parenting is discovered not in the perfect, peaceful household but in the midst of battles and messy situations, where God must constantly be called to the scene?


That is the mystery unraveled in this book. Using his own expertise, humor, and inexhaustible wealth of stories, Jim will show you that God can make you a good dad, a great dad, in spite of the way you’ve grown up and in spite of the mistakes you’ve made. Maybe even because of them.


It’s not about becoming a perfect father. It’s about trying to become a better father, each and every day. It's about building relationships with your children through love, grace, patience, and fun—and helping them grow into the men and women they’re meant to be.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Christian, Self Help

224 pages, Paperback

First published April 22, 2014

About the author

Jim Daly (born July 22, 1961) is the head of Focus on the Family, an international Christiancommunications ministry based in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Daly is also the main host of the Focus on the Family radio program.

Daly grew up in Southern California. He was abandoned by his alcoholic father at age 5, and orphaned by his mother's death from cancer when he was 9. He was then placed in a foster home, initially in Morongo Valley California, until he moved in with his older brothers and then with his father, who eventually turned back to alcohol and died. By the time that Daly was a senior in high school, he was living on his own.

Daly experienced a Christian conversion at 15 while attending a camp run by the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. He went on to study at California State University, San Bernardino, and eventually earned his Master of Business Administration from Regis University.

Daly worked in the paper industry until he was recruited to join Focus on the Family, at one-third of his six-figure private sector pay.

He has served at Focus for 16 years in a variety of positions before ascending to the presidency.

Reviews

[Heather King · Rating 5 out of 5]

I should just say this up front, I’m a mom writing a review of Jim Daly’s new book, The Good Dad, and I loved it. In this book he shares the wild and crazy story of God’s grace—how a guy whose dad was an alcoholic, whose step-dad walked out on the family the day of his mother’s funeral, and whose foster father was insane (really) ended up becoming the president and CEO of Focus on the Family.

He speaks mostly to dads, of course, reminding them of how much their children need them. How they need to step up instead of give into that “fight or flight” reaction when facing something as unknown and daunting as parenting. He gives some practical tips, but mostly shares stories from his own experience–both the good and the bad.

Even with a few discussion questions at the end of each chapter, this is not a Bible study on parenting. It’s not a step-by-step parenting manual that promises success for your children if you follow this handy dandy guide to discipline. This is not going to birth a new “school on parenting.” If anything, it feels more like mentoring: One dad sharing what he’s learned.

I think it’s absolutely refreshing to read a parenting book like this that reminds you that kids are unique. The method that worked for one child or one family doesn’t necessarily translate into success for another. He reminds you that discipline strategies and relationship styles need to be tailor-made, not cookie cutter.

Most importantly, he reminded me of the importance of grace. So often we Christians can foster legalism in our own homes, demanding that our kids be perfect and treating simple things like spilled milk or a forgotten toy like the end of the world in need of dire consequences. Daly reminds us to teach our kids the Gospel. No one is perfect. That’s why we need a Savior.

He reminds dads especially, but really all parents, not to over-react, but to respond with wisdom, grace, and patience. Sometimes that means letting them fail and helping them pick up the pieces after. As I read, I was reminded that I don’t discipline my kids so they act right in church and don’t embarrass me in public. I discipline them to draw their hearts to Christ.

He returned again and again to the idea of a tether of love that binds our children in relationship to us even in tough seasons, and he encourages the mending of broken relationships through forgiveness before it’s too late. Overall, he reminds you that no matter how you’ve grown up or what mistakes you’ve made in the past, God can help you become a good dad—not a perfect dad perhaps, but a good one and even a great one.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

[AJourneyWithoutMap · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some years back, I read Jim Daly’s book Finding Home which was neatly and wonderfully written. If I remember it right, it was published around the time he took over the reins of the organization which he is now heading. Covering a wide spectrum of insights on parenting, family and fatherhood, The Good Dad: Becoming the Father You Were Meant to Be by James Daly, the president and CEO of Focus on the Family, is a must read for every father who live on planet Earth.

As the head of a global organization that is helping families thrive, Jim Daly taking the good leaves out of his own life-book, brilliantly mixing with his own expertise, humor and wealth of stories show the readers how to help their children become what they ought to be. In most instances, it is the failure in the family that resulted in societal breakdowns. With lessons from the Bible and his own vast experiences, Daly grabs by the scruff of the neck and points out that a less than ordinary father can become a better father.

Published by Zondervan, this 224 pages of insights, lessons and perceptive teachings from Jim Daly can transform a father not into a perfect one, but one who will with love, care, grace, fun and patience for his children daily strive to be a better father.

[Stephen · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who grew up under similar circumstances (i.e. without a father), I can totally relate to what Jim Daly, President and CEO of Focus on the Family, wrote in his book. The religious overtones may turn you off, but don’t let it.

Some people may also find it ironic that a guy who has had a dysfunctional childhood would go on to become president of Focus on the Family. Like Steve Jobs, Daly didn’t simply connect the dots when he joined the organisation. Instead, his turbulent childhood convinced him the critical importance of fathers, if only they’d shown up.

While one of the traditional duties of a father that hasn’t changed too much is that of primary disciplinarian, the author argues that disciplinary methods need to be supportive, rather than punitive. To do so, he suggests that we should cut down on the number of rules because the more rules children have to follow, the more opportunities they have to break one.

At the end of each chapter, there are several thought-provoking questions to think about. These are useful for self-reflection and for charting the direction you would like to take in your fathering role.

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The Good Dad" reaches deep down to strike a chord in the wounded heart ... That deep place that only a father can hurt his son. Daly writes to reach and assure all the men abandon And wounded by their father's that they can in fact become a good, or great, dad to their own children.

Guided by his experience of abandonment by not one, or two, but there father's on his life, Daly's story will bring any man with a similar experience to tears. I couldn't make it past the introduction without identifying with my own story and shedding years over what I lost because of a dad who split and a step dad who was not much of an improvement.

Packed with tons of advice on how to be a good dad and not repeat mistakes, I think this book will be most useful to those men with only examples of what not to do from their own lives. Others may find it useful, but the content hits deepest where it is relateable. That would be in the "wound my father left" (Eldridge).

[Luke Gruber · Rating 2 out of 5]

Underwhelming parenting book. There’s others that are far better than this one. It felt like often the author was just aimlessly elaborating on seemingly insignificant points.

It’s not bad, but nothing id probably ever recommend.

[Patrick Austin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that every man should read before or during fatherhood. As a dad of a 18 & 12 year olds , I wish I would have read this years ago . There are things that hit home with lessons and other new things that I will be striving to do with our 12 year old .

Thanks for writing this book 👍🏻

[William "Spig" · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another classic fathering book from focus on the family. True mentoring gives challenges and encouragement. I got both from reading this book.

[Bruce Nieminski · Rating 4 out of 5]

8/10
221 pages

[Matt Castello · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really sensational read for dads, but much applies for all parents. Last chapter had me tearing up. Definitely bookmarked a few pages with especially poignant parental reminders.

[Shawn Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me appreciate that I had great parents who were good role models. Many people do not and resources like this are good to have in your tool box.

[Troy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good solid dad stuff. I am really intrigued by Daly's ability to recognize the humanity of the fathers who failed him. Instead of being bitter, he holds them accountable and tries to understand why they failed. There is a lot of hope in there for other dad fails, perhaps there is still time to repair those relationships.

[Dave Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's an okay book that spends many words that say very little.

Summed up, what is a good dad: a Dad who is there and invested in his kids.

This could easily just have been a short web series on a blog, and it would have been far more concise. Overall, it's a good book. It's written well enough. The topic really nails a lot of the anxiety and fears that a father might have when thinking of how to raise their kids. And there are parts of the book that are inspiring and cause me to think. The problem is that it just doesn't address the questions that dads have. My question in particular is not "should I not leave my family and kids to be forever without a father?" My questions usually are more like "What should I do in this situation?" And this is my main grip with books like this. They speak too broadly about fatherhood and miss the mark.

It's also pretty obvious that James Daly, the new President of Focus On The Family, had big shoes to fill. James Dobson, the founder, was a major influence and help for Christians in America. It's impossible to read this book and not make a comparison and contrast between the two, which is probably not fair to Daly. After reading a few of Dobson's books, I had generally positive thoughts about his books with some very specific complaints. One of the strengths of Dobson was that his experience, scholarship, and writing were on point. But his stories and humor often were not. Daly is pretty much the opposite here. It's obvious that the co-author is the writer and Daly is just dictating his experiences to the actual writer. Because of that, I found it took me out of the book somewhat. Granted, it could be that Dobson had a ghost writer, but I doubt it. Daly's style of the book is very easy to read--which I admire and appreciate--and it is very well-written. But it lacks serious information and scholarship. Even with the citation at the end of the book, it seemed like just an obligation. There's really no true reason to have to cite anything. This seems like splitting hairs, I know, but since it's a book that's supposed to be helpful and authoritative, it seemed like it really lacked those qualities. This is Focus On The Family. They are a Christian organization with a psychology flavor. But it seems like it was written to be the next Donald Miller book.

Personally, I would suggest that men just pass. There are better options out there--a couple from James Dobson. As I said at the start, I can summarize this book in one sentence, and it's not a profound one. The book is good, but it really isn't good enough to recommend.

[Jimmy Reagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, who wouldn’t want to be? If you are like me, you wonder often if you are a good Dad. Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family, is one I would want to hear talk on the subject. We need all the help we can get.

I’ll admit that I did not exactly expect what I read here. First, this wasn’t just straight principles. It wasn’t just a list of what you had better do either. It was Mr. Daly telling what he had learned from the three father figures in his life–his real father, his stepfather, and his foster father. They all bombed out and were gone from his life by the time he was twelve, with each one being progressively worse. Coupled with the death of his kind mother, these men inflicted great trauma in his life. It was the kind of trauma that speaks to what is at stake in being a father.

He quoted a few of the horrific statistics on “vanishing dads” and the far-reaching effects upon our society, but he clearly came from another direction overall. He explained how he felt when the Dads failed him. One on the football field when his Dad was the only one not there, later when his father was drunk at his baseball game, or when his stepdad left after his mother’s funeral, all the way to when his stepdad made a wild and false accusation, we felt the pain with him.

Why was this book helpful? He made us realize perfection was not ours to have. That viewpoint is more likely to make us throw up our hands and walk away. But we can figure out what is most important. We can focus there. We can learn to yell less, to stop overreacting and remember kids go through phases, and to make a big deal of only what is really big. We can decide which rules are important and let the others go.

His explanation on page 93 on four types of parenting styles–uninvolved, permissive, authoritative, and authoritarian–was profound. Three of the four are no good. Like the little bear’s porridge was just right, so is an authoritative parenting style. We Dads ever battle crossing over to the authoritative mode, or maybe it’s just me!

This book succeeds because in a roundabout way it keeps grace and the gospel from being swallowed up in harsh law. Though it challenged me, it made me fell better instead of worse. That is a tall order for a book to Dads!

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 .

[Marvin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up at the library, based solely on the cover photo catching my eye; a whim, really. It wasn't shelved, but was instead on a table of books, that someone or someones were trying to highlight that day, and I'm really glad they did. In the spirit of full disclosure, I feel like I should mention that I'm not a father, nor do I normally read books such as this one. However, I do have a ton of opinions and ideas on what it means to be a dad*, and a lot of this book resonated with me. It manages to stroke that sweet spot where it presented the author's opinions and ideas in a ways I'd never considered, while avoiding coming off as too preachy. Jim lost his mom at a young age, and then several dads(including his biological one) over the years to follow, but he doesn't harbor any ill will, or resentment, as it comes across on the page. Something I appreciated about this book, is that Jim freely admits when he needs to work on becoming better at something, or when someone else, such as his wife's method of parenting is better than his. That kind of honesty, is pretty apparent from the start. Though he speaks from a Christian point of view, at times, as I said earlier, it's never preachy, and it mostly comes up incidentally. Not once did I close this book, feeling like it was trying to make me anything but a better father.

I'd recommend 'The Good Dad' to anyone with even a remote interest in parenting, regardless of sex, experience, or religion. It's a quick read,and the pages fly. I could've finished it in one long sitting, but I split it up into about 4 quick ones.



*The saying "no battle plan survives its first major encounter with the enemy," is a belief I hold firmly, so I'm not too beholden to these ideas.

[Yonasan Aryeh · Rating 4 out of 5]

The impact of having a father in one’s life is drastic. Jim Daly, CEO of Focus on the Family, has the statistics and research to prove it. Having three absentee fathers in his own life, and being a father himself, Jim felt that the issue of fatherhood needed to be addressed. More specifically, the role of father that G-d intended it to be.

In this book, Jim presents how G-d can help any man be a good dad, no matter the issues, past, or insecurities they may face. He points out that perfection is not the end goal – just being the dad you were meant to be is.

I struggled with reading this book. Perhaps it’s my personal experience and readings that led me to not be interested in the material. When I was first offered the chance to review the product, it seemed like an ideal book for me to read. However, I just couldn’t get “into” it, so to say. As I read the book, I found myself disengaged. While Jim’s message is urgent for the family, it felt to distant and clinical to me, which is ironic given how personal his material is regarding his own life.

It’s an important message, one that needs reading, but the statistics make it feel more like an academic commentary than a personal plea to change. Despite my academic pursuits, I don’t care to read academic journals that much, and so I found myself wanting with this book. I give it four stars, which falls short of the average Amazon review at the time of writing this.

Disclosure: I was contracted to write an honest review in exchange for a reviewer copy of the product. The opinions stated in this review are solely my own.

[Perry Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Good Dad-Being The Father You Were Meant To Be, Writen and Read by Jim Daly, President and CEO of Focus on the Family, and Published by Zondervan on Briliance Audio.

Jim is an expert on Fatherhood. As the Leader of an Organization that was established especially to support the family only God could lift an almost parentless child to such a position.

Jim's Dad was an alcoholic who left the family when he was young, then his mother died and his step-father abandoned him and his brothers and sisters and he was then raised in a Forster Family where the Father figure accused Jim of trying to kill him.

Jim reads letters from men about their fathers and uses biblical teaching to establish Gods Father Heart. At times I think Jim is barely holding back tears as he reads letters or talks about his trip to Dodger Stadium with his Real Father in his later childhood years.

The fact that it is never too late to be a Good Father, that damage done can be healed through the working of the Holy Spirit and Love of Jesus. Jim speaks of partnering with your wife and understanding that Mothers and Fathers have different rolls but that Unity is most important.

Love and gentleness are as much a part of being a man as being the protector. Jim's voice is the same heard weekly on the radio and speaks with a quiet confidence of someone who knows what not to do as well as what God calls men to be as fathers. This is an excellent book that I highly recommend be listened to as an AudioBook.

[Juanita · Rating 5 out of 5]

In The Good Dad, the author, Jim Daly gives examples from his childhood on his different father figures and from his adult life as a father himself. The examples give views from a child’s point of view and a father’s view. Both negative and positive aspects of being a father are evaluated and discussed. The consequences of a father’s actions or lack of actions is also examined. Biblical references are also used in showing the characteristics of a father according to God and His Word.

The Good Dad is primarily meant for men, considering that, I found it just as valuable for me as woman. It helped me to understand my husband and the inner workings of men in general. In addition to understanding my husband, it helped me to understand my role as wife and parent. This was a very valuable and insightful read. I highly recommend The Good Dad to all!

BookLook Bloggers has provided me with a complimentary copy/advanced reading copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jim Daly had 3 terrible fathers, and this book is about what he went through as a kid and what he is now trying to do as a kid. He is now the CEO of Focus of the Family, and he writes sincerely, like a friend talking to you. I like this book.

[Brenten Gilbert · Rating 3 out of 5]

RATING 3.45