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Don't Be a Stranger
A mesmerizing new novel from the author of Evening: the story of a woman swept into a love affair at mid-life
Ivy Cooper is 52 years old when Ansel Fleming first walks into her life. Twenty years her junior, a musician newly released from prison on a minor drug charge, Ansel’s beguiling good looks and quiet intensity instantly seduce her. Despite the gulf between their ages and experience the physical chemistry between them is overpowering, and over the heady weeks and months that follow Ivy finds her life bifurcated by his On the surface she is a responsible mother, managing the demands of friends, an ex-husband, home; but emotionally, psychologically, sexually, she is consumed by desire and increasingly alive only in the stolen moments-out-of-time, with Ansel in her bed.
In spellbinding prose, Susan Minot has crafted a luminous novel about erotic obsession, and the hunger for intimacy, communication, oblivion. Don't Be a Stranger is a gripping, sensual, and provocative work from one of the most remarkable voices in contemporary fiction.
Ivy Cooper is 52 years old when Ansel Fleming first walks into her life. Twenty years her junior, a musician newly released from prison on a minor drug charge, Ansel’s beguiling good looks and quiet intensity instantly seduce her. Despite the gulf between their ages and experience the physical chemistry between them is overpowering, and over the heady weeks and months that follow Ivy finds her life bifurcated by his On the surface she is a responsible mother, managing the demands of friends, an ex-husband, home; but emotionally, psychologically, sexually, she is consumed by desire and increasingly alive only in the stolen moments-out-of-time, with Ansel in her bed.
In spellbinding prose, Susan Minot has crafted a luminous novel about erotic obsession, and the hunger for intimacy, communication, oblivion. Don't Be a Stranger is a gripping, sensual, and provocative work from one of the most remarkable voices in contemporary fiction.
308 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 15, 2024
279 people are currently reading
9424 people want to read
About the author
Susan Minot
28 books325 followersSusan Minot is an award-winning novelist and short story writer whose books include Monkeys, Folly, Lust & Other Stories, and Evening, which was adapted into the feature film of the same name starring Meryl Streep. Minot was born in Boston and raised in Manchester-by-the-Sea, Massachusetts, attended Brown University, and received her MFA in creative writing from Columbia University. She currently lives with her daughter in both New York City and an island off the coast of Maine.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 257 reviews
December 3, 2024
There were parts of this story that made me sweat, pages that had me gasping, as I related to Ivy’s inability to end a toxic relationship with a handsome musician, Ansel, who is 18 years her junior. A therapist once told me that obsessive sexual love takes the same amount of time to get over it as the time you were in it (that point is not stated in the book, but the theme here is definitely obsession or one-sided love, if you can call it that). I don’t know why it is compared to Miranda July’s latest book. July went overboard in graphic sex; Minot used subtlety and nuance, and it conversely resonated more with me than July’s book.
Ivy is a writer and 51-year-old mother of a young boy. She gets along generally well with her ex-, who lives in Virginia. She has lots of friends and a nice life in New York City. Ansel pops into her life and they start a sexual relationship. I wouldn’t say dating because they never went anywhere or did anything but have sex or listen to Ansel’s music. It’s been years since Ivy has been involved with someone, and this young and handsome man has swept her off her feet. She now struggles with guilt; shame; the need to speak about him often; and anxiously waiting for him to text her. She’s waiting. for him. to text her. She thrives (not really) off the pleasure/pain this ignites in her brain, while Ansel lives rent-free up there, during all her waking hours.
“As long as you know you’re licking honey from a razor blade,” is one of the best lines describing Ivy’s dilemma, stated by a good friend.
There’s a twist toward the end, but I honestly don’t get why it is included. If it had tied into the plot, or theme, or character, then it would make sense. But, any reason for it is unexplained, and not implicit. My reaction was merely, Ok, and? If anyone who read this has anything to add, I welcome your input.
After about the 2/3 mark, the story becomes unputdownable! Minot does a piercing job of the psychology of sexual obsession and the anatomy behind it, as well as the frantic highs and lows of this lopsided love.
Thank you to Knopf for sending me a finished copy for review.
@aaknopf
#Knopf Influencer
Ivy is a writer and 51-year-old mother of a young boy. She gets along generally well with her ex-, who lives in Virginia. She has lots of friends and a nice life in New York City. Ansel pops into her life and they start a sexual relationship. I wouldn’t say dating because they never went anywhere or did anything but have sex or listen to Ansel’s music. It’s been years since Ivy has been involved with someone, and this young and handsome man has swept her off her feet. She now struggles with guilt; shame; the need to speak about him often; and anxiously waiting for him to text her. She’s waiting. for him. to text her. She thrives (not really) off the pleasure/pain this ignites in her brain, while Ansel lives rent-free up there, during all her waking hours.
“As long as you know you’re licking honey from a razor blade,” is one of the best lines describing Ivy’s dilemma, stated by a good friend.
There’s a twist toward the end, but I honestly don’t get why it is included. If it had tied into the plot, or theme, or character, then it would make sense. But, any reason for it is unexplained, and not implicit. My reaction was merely, Ok, and? If anyone who read this has anything to add, I welcome your input.
After about the 2/3 mark, the story becomes unputdownable! Minot does a piercing job of the psychology of sexual obsession and the anatomy behind it, as well as the frantic highs and lows of this lopsided love.
Thank you to Knopf for sending me a finished copy for review.
@aaknopf
#Knopf Influencer
November 14, 2024
Thank you to the author Susan Minot, publishers Penguin Books, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of DON'T BE A STRANGER. All views are mine.
Love exists below cognitive thinking, [the neuroscientist] said.... [...R]ejected love will stimulate the amygdala, the place one feels pleasure. p197
This is a perfect book. A couple slow spots, but I realized later that they were going somewhere. Such authentic characters here. Their conversations made me feel like I was listening in from another room, they were so personal and vulnerable. Recommend to Minot fans, and readers of feminist lit, literary fiction, and literary women's fiction.
What you’re doing is what I want, she says.
And how does it feel?
I . . . I can’t say.
From the word maker? he says.
No, she says. That’s the beauty of it. p94
Three (or more) things I loved:
1. She didn’t think of who she was, that was a clear pane. Anyway by her age one should know who one was. Ivy Cooper was nearly fifty-two. p9 Internalized bias or prejudice, in this case ageism, often makes for a fascinating narrating character.
2. Caring hoped for satisfaction and she’d found it was best not to expect—well, if you could help it— anything. p11 Classic Minot, beautiful and cynical.
3. Prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet. p11 Interesting character who props up her self-sabotage with cringe expressions that sound like idioms.
4. Ivy noticed clothes, and admired the effort and even delight which people took in presenting themselves, but she felt the attention strangely embarrassing, even as she wished she took more care and had more boldness. It was hard to muster it. Almost to spite herself she chose the clothes in her closet which were the least striking, relying on the principle that clothes did not define the person, even if she thought so when she looked at other people. It was perverse, she knew, but there it was. p27 I really connect to this. What I like about this character is how real and flawed she is. How totally self-aware, to the point of second-hand embarrassment *for herself*.
5. I love the little crumbs of meta: Writing was more crossing out than keeping. p51 And this is why Minot's style is so beautifully spare.
6. This book's politics is half of what makes it so good. And the author drops the ideas in short interjection that actually apply to their narrative context. She should teach a masterclass on utilizing political themes. She thought of what he had said. The point of prison is to remind you that you are no longer a human being. The point is to erase you. Some people in the joint operated there the way they did out in the world, organizing workers, or hiding everything they did. Or you leave that person you were out there and have a funeral for him inside your head and do your best not to think about him, because there’s no place for him in here, there’s nothing for him to do. This isn’t any place for a human being. p79 This book is as much about prison and being a prisoner as it is about femininity and aging.
7. Now not taking off clothes was increasing, not lessening, misery. p113 Best sentence in the book, bet.
8. All other things withstanding, the character development of Ivy, the fmc, is strong enough to hold up the story.
9. Such great insight in this book: The adults were all ages, with different accents and different skin tones and different sizes, mostly dressed as you would see them on the street. Everyone was here because of pain and often because of another person. That other person was the reason for your suffering— you thought— and you were likely blaming that other person for your anguish till it began to dawn on you that the other person was not to blame. Guess who is. p193
10. I really love the denouement. Minot leaves some things open, but wraps up the main conflict and a few subplots, also. It was a nice balance.
Three (or less) things I didn't love:
This section isn't only for criticisms. It's merely for items that I felt something for other than "love" or some interpretation thereof.
1. I think I understand what Minot is doing here– portraying a person who gets trapped in their own thoughts and emotions. I've been there; we all have. It's such a dry and repetitive place to be. That's why no one wanted to listen to me when I was in that place. They'd already heard it all, and they knew I was just turning my pain into pudding. Sadly, that's how the repetition in this book strikes me– dry, boring pudding. Fine enough, but so many other things I'd rather eat. *edit This aspect subsides in the second half with the development of the fmc's arc.
2. Having her own place did not encourage her to make any further plan for her future; she would just go as she had, always writing, juggling jobs, spending little, making money intermittently. p130 I read a few criticisms of this book, specifically regarding the fmc's identity as a writer. Most of the critics I read were confused because she never does any writing on page. But that isn't uncommon; we often don't see mc's at their occupations on the page. Also...the fmc is more of a general worker plus a writer, as defined by the above excerpt. We also don't see her at any of her other jobs either. But really, I felt I needed to point this out, because the fmc *does* write. Toward the end. As part of her character arc. It's not even a story turn, because Minot plotted it so well. These critics simply didn't read the whole book. That's fine, I DNF too, but I always say so in my reviews.
3. I read a few criticisms that the book's setting is vague, but the setting is just delivered in the details. So if you don’t notice, you might miss it. For example, this passage indicates the era, which I saw labeled vague more than one: Near one entrance a figure in a Darth Vader helmet and black cloak had a sign around his neck: i am one of the 99%. ... She looked at ... a girl with dreadlocks, a dog in a red bandanna and a young man sewing, passed signs i am here because i am scared for my country. The movement had been both criticized and praised for its lack of definition, no leader, no clear agenda, ... p156 This passage places the story during the Occupy Wall Street movement, so 2011. It's *good* that Minot doesn't over-explain; it means she trusts her readers to fill in the gaps themselves. That's what we call "not writing down to the audience" and it's a powerful narrative rule of thumb!
Rating: ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥.5 /5 consuming loves
Recommend? Yes!
Finished: Nov 12 '24
Format: Digital arc, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
👩👦 women's fiction
🪶 contemporary literary fiction
👨👩👧👦 family stories, family drama
🩶 middle age romance
🖋 stories about writers
Love exists below cognitive thinking, [the neuroscientist] said.... [...R]ejected love will stimulate the amygdala, the place one feels pleasure. p197
This is a perfect book. A couple slow spots, but I realized later that they were going somewhere. Such authentic characters here. Their conversations made me feel like I was listening in from another room, they were so personal and vulnerable. Recommend to Minot fans, and readers of feminist lit, literary fiction, and literary women's fiction.
What you’re doing is what I want, she says.
And how does it feel?
I . . . I can’t say.
From the word maker? he says.
No, she says. That’s the beauty of it. p94
Three (or more) things I loved:
1. She didn’t think of who she was, that was a clear pane. Anyway by her age one should know who one was. Ivy Cooper was nearly fifty-two. p9 Internalized bias or prejudice, in this case ageism, often makes for a fascinating narrating character.
2. Caring hoped for satisfaction and she’d found it was best not to expect—well, if you could help it— anything. p11 Classic Minot, beautiful and cynical.
3. Prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet. p11 Interesting character who props up her self-sabotage with cringe expressions that sound like idioms.
4. Ivy noticed clothes, and admired the effort and even delight which people took in presenting themselves, but she felt the attention strangely embarrassing, even as she wished she took more care and had more boldness. It was hard to muster it. Almost to spite herself she chose the clothes in her closet which were the least striking, relying on the principle that clothes did not define the person, even if she thought so when she looked at other people. It was perverse, she knew, but there it was. p27 I really connect to this. What I like about this character is how real and flawed she is. How totally self-aware, to the point of second-hand embarrassment *for herself*.
5. I love the little crumbs of meta: Writing was more crossing out than keeping. p51 And this is why Minot's style is so beautifully spare.
6. This book's politics is half of what makes it so good. And the author drops the ideas in short interjection that actually apply to their narrative context. She should teach a masterclass on utilizing political themes. She thought of what he had said. The point of prison is to remind you that you are no longer a human being. The point is to erase you. Some people in the joint operated there the way they did out in the world, organizing workers, or hiding everything they did. Or you leave that person you were out there and have a funeral for him inside your head and do your best not to think about him, because there’s no place for him in here, there’s nothing for him to do. This isn’t any place for a human being. p79 This book is as much about prison and being a prisoner as it is about femininity and aging.
7. Now not taking off clothes was increasing, not lessening, misery. p113 Best sentence in the book, bet.
8. All other things withstanding, the character development of Ivy, the fmc, is strong enough to hold up the story.
9. Such great insight in this book: The adults were all ages, with different accents and different skin tones and different sizes, mostly dressed as you would see them on the street. Everyone was here because of pain and often because of another person. That other person was the reason for your suffering— you thought— and you were likely blaming that other person for your anguish till it began to dawn on you that the other person was not to blame. Guess who is. p193
10. I really love the denouement. Minot leaves some things open, but wraps up the main conflict and a few subplots, also. It was a nice balance.
Three (or less) things I didn't love:
This section isn't only for criticisms. It's merely for items that I felt something for other than "love" or some interpretation thereof.
1. I think I understand what Minot is doing here– portraying a person who gets trapped in their own thoughts and emotions. I've been there; we all have. It's such a dry and repetitive place to be. That's why no one wanted to listen to me when I was in that place. They'd already heard it all, and they knew I was just turning my pain into pudding. Sadly, that's how the repetition in this book strikes me– dry, boring pudding. Fine enough, but so many other things I'd rather eat. *edit This aspect subsides in the second half with the development of the fmc's arc.
2. Having her own place did not encourage her to make any further plan for her future; she would just go as she had, always writing, juggling jobs, spending little, making money intermittently. p130 I read a few criticisms of this book, specifically regarding the fmc's identity as a writer. Most of the critics I read were confused because she never does any writing on page. But that isn't uncommon; we often don't see mc's at their occupations on the page. Also...the fmc is more of a general worker plus a writer, as defined by the above excerpt. We also don't see her at any of her other jobs either. But really, I felt I needed to point this out, because the fmc *does* write. Toward the end. As part of her character arc. It's not even a story turn, because Minot plotted it so well. These critics simply didn't read the whole book. That's fine, I DNF too, but I always say so in my reviews.
3. I read a few criticisms that the book's setting is vague, but the setting is just delivered in the details. So if you don’t notice, you might miss it. For example, this passage indicates the era, which I saw labeled vague more than one: Near one entrance a figure in a Darth Vader helmet and black cloak had a sign around his neck: i am one of the 99%. ... She looked at ... a girl with dreadlocks, a dog in a red bandanna and a young man sewing, passed signs i am here because i am scared for my country. The movement had been both criticized and praised for its lack of definition, no leader, no clear agenda, ... p156 This passage places the story during the Occupy Wall Street movement, so 2011. It's *good* that Minot doesn't over-explain; it means she trusts her readers to fill in the gaps themselves. That's what we call "not writing down to the audience" and it's a powerful narrative rule of thumb!
Rating: ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥.5 /5 consuming loves
Recommend? Yes!
Finished: Nov 12 '24
Format: Digital arc, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
👩👦 women's fiction
🪶 contemporary literary fiction
👨👩👧👦 family stories, family drama
🩶 middle age romance
🖋 stories about writers
June 5, 2025
the writing was so 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻
August 24, 2024
3.5 Stars
This was an interesting character study of a woman in her early fifties with a grammar school-aged son, a divorcee living in New York City. She had not been with a man in years, since leaving her ex-husband- until she was set up with a brooding musician almost twenty years younger. This ignites an obsession with this man that accounts for a major struggle in the book. There are sudden, random meetups for sexual gratification that account for the meat of the relationship. Ivy's common sense is compromised as she juggles trying her best to be a good mom, maintaining her writing career, while wanting more of this mysterious and self-contained man.
I was riveted by Ivy's encounters with Ansel, for the fervent intensity of their carnal appetites, while Ivy struggled to draw out Ansel's feelings and perceptions. I grew impatient watching Ivy's tortured psyche dealing with this man as he kept her at a close tether physically, but distant from any measurable depth of human feeling. It was kind of like a circular argument without end, and it made me nervous and angry that this was drawing energy from attention to her son- her priority. There were intermittent passages of prose as she navigated this whirlwind of emotions, a trope which I do not appreciate in writing as I enjoy more of a literal approach. The book could have been edited down more as a lot of the relationship felt repetitive.
Thank you to the publisher Knopf for providing an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
This was an interesting character study of a woman in her early fifties with a grammar school-aged son, a divorcee living in New York City. She had not been with a man in years, since leaving her ex-husband- until she was set up with a brooding musician almost twenty years younger. This ignites an obsession with this man that accounts for a major struggle in the book. There are sudden, random meetups for sexual gratification that account for the meat of the relationship. Ivy's common sense is compromised as she juggles trying her best to be a good mom, maintaining her writing career, while wanting more of this mysterious and self-contained man.
I was riveted by Ivy's encounters with Ansel, for the fervent intensity of their carnal appetites, while Ivy struggled to draw out Ansel's feelings and perceptions. I grew impatient watching Ivy's tortured psyche dealing with this man as he kept her at a close tether physically, but distant from any measurable depth of human feeling. It was kind of like a circular argument without end, and it made me nervous and angry that this was drawing energy from attention to her son- her priority. There were intermittent passages of prose as she navigated this whirlwind of emotions, a trope which I do not appreciate in writing as I enjoy more of a literal approach. The book could have been edited down more as a lot of the relationship felt repetitive.
Thank you to the publisher Knopf for providing an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
November 27, 2024
This was so frustrating to read but engrossing enough in paragraph-increments that I ended up at the end of the novel.
First, Minot's writing was excellent. Sparse, poetic and decidedly not flowery. I enjoyed the writing very much, which can almost absolve the sins of this repetitive, circular plot. I think my issues with this book are my own issues with "day-in-the-life" books in general... this was so mundane, so boring, so frustratingly dull. I'm not sure the main character's "situationship" with a douchey, unavailable musician was enough of a plot vehicle to sustain a 300+ page book. Something else needed to happen.
I appreciated a lot of the things this book was trying to do - illustrate intense desire/obsession, address a motherhood vs. self conflict... it just wasn't much fun to read.
P.S. The cringe that is the main character's descent into Horny Madness is at the bottom of the list of reasons I didn't like this book. It was just that nothing else happened, at all.
First, Minot's writing was excellent. Sparse, poetic and decidedly not flowery. I enjoyed the writing very much, which can almost absolve the sins of this repetitive, circular plot. I think my issues with this book are my own issues with "day-in-the-life" books in general... this was so mundane, so boring, so frustratingly dull. I'm not sure the main character's "situationship" with a douchey, unavailable musician was enough of a plot vehicle to sustain a 300+ page book. Something else needed to happen.
I appreciated a lot of the things this book was trying to do - illustrate intense desire/obsession, address a motherhood vs. self conflict... it just wasn't much fun to read.
P.S. The cringe that is the main character's descent into Horny Madness is at the bottom of the list of reasons I didn't like this book. It was just that nothing else happened, at all.
November 27, 2024
I didn’t like this book at first and that’s because I’ve had an Ansel Fleming. I think we have all had an Ansel Fleming. I can understand why people don’t get this book and maybe aren’t a fan.. I’m assuming most people do not have OCD and/or obsessive thoughts.
I do, so I understood this book completely. It does jump around, it can be difficult to follow. It’s an accurate representation of what it’s like living with OCD and obsessive thinking.
I appreciated the rawness of this book in its whole. Beautiful.
I do, so I understood this book completely. It does jump around, it can be difficult to follow. It’s an accurate representation of what it’s like living with OCD and obsessive thinking.
I appreciated the rawness of this book in its whole. Beautiful.
December 12, 2024
this is the last time I pick up a book because I like the cover. this book was ass you guys so bad. I hated it. I was intrigued because of the whole erotic obsession thing but it was SO BORING and NOT STEAMY and why are you obsessed with a man who's 15 years younger than you, actively is telling you he does not want a relationship with you, spent time in prison, and gives you his music to listen to? girl raise your standards for the love of god- no but if this was written well MAYBE I would understand the obsession more but this was boring, plot did not move forward, time jumps were confusing and unclear, and there was a whole section of this book where I was like "what am I actually reading right now?" I struggled through this book and would not recommend. boo.
January 7, 2025
4.5. couldn’t put it down, but I don’t know why
December 24, 2024
I hated this. It was so frustrating seeing Ivy, a grown up woman double my age, fall into the same toxic situationship dynamic that so many people in their 20s go through. The book was far too long and repetitive, trying to hard to be smart or say something about relationship dynamics but really it said nothing new.
November 1, 2024
This felt like reliving the situationships I had with emotionally unavailable dudes it was an excruciating read I wanted to smack both of the main characters in the head the fuck why did I even read this I’m too young for this
November 2, 2024
You never saw the headline 'mother of three - devoted her life to children's well being'...
Don't Be a Stranger
Susan Minot
Thank you @prhaudio @aaknopf for my gifted copy, which was read by the narrator and, despite that often being a drawback, it worked really well here.
When Don't Be a Stranger first hit my radar, I wasn't going to read it simply because it was compared to All Fours by Miranda July, a book I absolutely despised. I could not stomach another gratuitously salacious story of a middle aged woman, so I moved on. But in the search for strong 2024 new releases (and they are sparse) I decided to give it a go.
I am very happy to report that Minot spared us the gory details and clearly believes, as I do, that less is more. Instead of lewd scenes, she let her character building and powerful writing drive this book.
Ivy is a 50 something divorcee with a young son, who develops an obsession with Ansel, a much younger musician. Despite knowing that there is no future for them, she's drawn to the intrigue and allure of this man who is everything she doesn't need but also what she desires. Ansel is a pretty unlikable guy and makes her work for their every encounter, which I found very cringy - I wanted so badly to tell Ivy "RUN!"
But, at its core this is a story about the pull between motherhood and craving - between the needs of our children and our own yearnings. Ivy is extremely devoted to her young son and puts his needs ahead of her own - and she is constantly required to make that choice. For the past two years I've reviewed more than a handful of novels that attempt to portray the experience of young motherhood and the sacrifices moms have to make. Now the middle age female experience is having a moment, and moms still step up. But again, there is very little credit given for that sort of a life, as my opening quote says.
This is a niche audience book but Minot makes Ivy a compelling and recognizable woman. Her over-infatuation with Ansel is somewhat depressing in that we watch her regress into almost school girl like crush, but it also felt authentic.
Don't Be a Stranger
Susan Minot
Thank you @prhaudio @aaknopf for my gifted copy, which was read by the narrator and, despite that often being a drawback, it worked really well here.
When Don't Be a Stranger first hit my radar, I wasn't going to read it simply because it was compared to All Fours by Miranda July, a book I absolutely despised. I could not stomach another gratuitously salacious story of a middle aged woman, so I moved on. But in the search for strong 2024 new releases (and they are sparse) I decided to give it a go.
I am very happy to report that Minot spared us the gory details and clearly believes, as I do, that less is more. Instead of lewd scenes, she let her character building and powerful writing drive this book.
Ivy is a 50 something divorcee with a young son, who develops an obsession with Ansel, a much younger musician. Despite knowing that there is no future for them, she's drawn to the intrigue and allure of this man who is everything she doesn't need but also what she desires. Ansel is a pretty unlikable guy and makes her work for their every encounter, which I found very cringy - I wanted so badly to tell Ivy "RUN!"
But, at its core this is a story about the pull between motherhood and craving - between the needs of our children and our own yearnings. Ivy is extremely devoted to her young son and puts his needs ahead of her own - and she is constantly required to make that choice. For the past two years I've reviewed more than a handful of novels that attempt to portray the experience of young motherhood and the sacrifices moms have to make. Now the middle age female experience is having a moment, and moms still step up. But again, there is very little credit given for that sort of a life, as my opening quote says.
This is a niche audience book but Minot makes Ivy a compelling and recognizable woman. Her over-infatuation with Ansel is somewhat depressing in that we watch her regress into almost school girl like crush, but it also felt authentic.
November 10, 2024
What I'm wondering is whether Susan Minot has ever met a musician? Surely, she must have. I found her characterization of the lover, Ansel, annoyingly false. It couldn't have been very difficult to find a musician to run the manuscript by. There are big things wrong: Ansel doesn't seem to listen to music other than his own for one. And little things-- he's going to shoot a video in the morning and gets a call from "the producer." He might get a call from the director of the video, his manager, or his record company, but the producer (of his new record?) would have nothing to do with it. Also, he's a young man with large format photos on the wall of Janis Joplin and Jimmy Hendrix. Has he been time-traveled? Has he neglected to listen to the music of his own time? He's such a poor fiction, as a musician, that I couldn't believe him as a lover-- or as a person. Also the adjectives used, right from the start, to describe music. "a trickling and jaunty tune." Ugh. Who describes music this way? The sections about motherhood and writing and her downtown neighborhood are better. But Ansel is so much of the story... Full transparency: I couldn't finish it. Maybe it gets better. P.s. I don't write negative reviews. Ever. But I was so frustrated by Minot's neglect, I came looking for a place to vent. She wrote Monkeys, for goodness sake. It's just sloppy.
November 23, 2024
3.5 rounded to 4 ⭐️
🙏 first, a big thank you to @aaknopf for the gifted copy of this book, just published 10/15/24.
This poignant novel follows Ivy Cooper, a divorced, single mother navigating love, longing, and self-discovery in New York City.
Drawn into a tumultuous affair with Ansel Fleming, a younger, enigmatic musician recently out of prison, Ivy grapples with obsession, intimacy, and the boundaries of her identity.
Minot's writing masterfully captures the complexity of desire, heartbreak, and growth.
Memorable lines:
🍯 "Licking honey from the razor blade" perfectly encapsulates Ivy's bittersweet connection with Ansel.
💡 "What she wanted, she found herself saying before the sob choked her, was to be able to live - not just with another person, but with herself."
Through motherhood, love, and loss, Ivy's journey is raw, relatable, and ultimately about healing.
🙏 first, a big thank you to @aaknopf for the gifted copy of this book, just published 10/15/24.
This poignant novel follows Ivy Cooper, a divorced, single mother navigating love, longing, and self-discovery in New York City.
Drawn into a tumultuous affair with Ansel Fleming, a younger, enigmatic musician recently out of prison, Ivy grapples with obsession, intimacy, and the boundaries of her identity.
Minot's writing masterfully captures the complexity of desire, heartbreak, and growth.
Memorable lines:
🍯 "Licking honey from the razor blade" perfectly encapsulates Ivy's bittersweet connection with Ansel.
💡 "What she wanted, she found herself saying before the sob choked her, was to be able to live - not just with another person, but with herself."
Through motherhood, love, and loss, Ivy's journey is raw, relatable, and ultimately about healing.
October 24, 2024
DNF at 100 pages. Evening was a life-changing book for me, and I keep reading Minot's work trying to capture that same magic, but I can never find it. I felt nothing but pity and embarrassment for Ivy and I didn't want to feel that way! Feeling embarrassment and pity for a middle-aged female character is not something I'd consider fun or healthy or even interesting for me right now so it was time to give up.
November 27, 2024
this started very strong for me, but lost my full attention about halfway through.
January 12, 2025
This was advertised as “if you liked All Fours, you will also like this”. Well. I loved All Fours. And certainly did not like this.
March 20, 2025
The book I just finished reading was the first time I read anything by this author and I was so very impressed with the way she writes. It takes the reader into the life of a woman who is a single mother and is 52 years old and her friend sets her up with a musician friend of hers and the moment they meet she basically can’t get enough of him. She also has to deal with her ex husband and his girlfriend.
December 18, 2024
This book reminds me of another story about two “hot” “cool” city dwelling adults who are not capable of healthy relationships- it was a major motion picture starring a captivating blond and a brooding and abusive man, you might’ve heard of it? He was dark and muscular and she was enthralled by something about him, it was unclear really what was attractive in either of these characters, but we are just supposed to believe there is chemistry there bc the author said so. Susan minot might write better prose than Coleen Hoover, but it’s the same reductive tale that women tell themselves, if I can change him, get him to text me back, make him mine, I’ll be happy, life will have meaning. Boring. No thanks. You deserve a better man and a better book than this
July 21, 2024
3.5
I spent way too much of this book trying to figure out when, exactly, it took place: there are multiple references to the war in Iraq, "Iraqi dust," etc, and to various social media sites, and also "earbuds," and then people are passing around physical CDs, and also the main character is able to live as a single mother in the West Village without seeming to really ever do any work — I was just so confused. "Who is the president??" is not a question that I want to be thinking about so obsessively while reading a book. (It's Obama.) Ultimately most of these details lined up in a way that made sense, but I think a copy editor needed to have cleared up some of them, and I think they're the symptom of a larger issue which is that the book feels slightly adrift in general.
We do learn that the main character, Ivy, bought her apartment years before with a book advance, but that doesn't really explain her financial situation in general despite Minot's repeated references to her worries about it. She's worried about taking a teaching job, for instance, because as a single mother she won't be able to be sure that her young son has someone to watch him — but the professor's teaching gig she gets is only a few hours a week. Most people simply cannot think this way. These are relatively small issues in the grand scheme of things but, again, they distracted me a lot.
There are some really wonderful things in the book, though, to be sure: on a sentence level the writing is beautiful, she writes desire in a very alive way, and I was especially moved and engaged by the relationship between Ivy and her son, which just felt so recognizable to me. The son, Nicky, just felt so much like a real little boy, not like the idealized children of so much of literature, although mostly he's pretty sweet. The central relationship, though, between Ivy and a hot younger musician who's recently come out of prison, drags on and on after a while. Initially, I found this set-up interesting, partly because of the age difference, partly because Minot writes sex and longing well. But it's clear the relationship can't be a real relationship, which the man is clear about from the start. While it's certainly realistic for one half of a casual fling to get too invested, and linger and pine for a long time, reading about the same emotions, and the two characters repeatedly getting into bed together with the same emotional result, is just not very interesting after a while.
I spent way too much of this book trying to figure out when, exactly, it took place: there are multiple references to the war in Iraq, "Iraqi dust," etc, and to various social media sites, and also "earbuds," and then people are passing around physical CDs, and also the main character is able to live as a single mother in the West Village without seeming to really ever do any work — I was just so confused. "Who is the president??" is not a question that I want to be thinking about so obsessively while reading a book. (It's Obama.) Ultimately most of these details lined up in a way that made sense, but I think a copy editor needed to have cleared up some of them, and I think they're the symptom of a larger issue which is that the book feels slightly adrift in general.
We do learn that the main character, Ivy, bought her apartment years before with a book advance, but that doesn't really explain her financial situation in general despite Minot's repeated references to her worries about it. She's worried about taking a teaching job, for instance, because as a single mother she won't be able to be sure that her young son has someone to watch him — but the professor's teaching gig she gets is only a few hours a week. Most people simply cannot think this way. These are relatively small issues in the grand scheme of things but, again, they distracted me a lot.
There are some really wonderful things in the book, though, to be sure: on a sentence level the writing is beautiful, she writes desire in a very alive way, and I was especially moved and engaged by the relationship between Ivy and her son, which just felt so recognizable to me. The son, Nicky, just felt so much like a real little boy, not like the idealized children of so much of literature, although mostly he's pretty sweet. The central relationship, though, between Ivy and a hot younger musician who's recently come out of prison, drags on and on after a while. Initially, I found this set-up interesting, partly because of the age difference, partly because Minot writes sex and longing well. But it's clear the relationship can't be a real relationship, which the man is clear about from the start. While it's certainly realistic for one half of a casual fling to get too invested, and linger and pine for a long time, reading about the same emotions, and the two characters repeatedly getting into bed together with the same emotional result, is just not very interesting after a while.
December 15, 2024
Don’t Be a Stranger is a character-focused novel that explores the willingness of the protagonist, Ivy, to indulge in her obsession with her younger lover to the detriment of her other relationships, responsibilities, and commitments (including her young son). I honestly expected this to be a hit for me. On paper, it’s my type of book. I love character-driven novels with a psychological focus – and the blurb sounded juicy. But, if I am being completely honest, it had some issues from my perspective.
For one thing, there are parts of this book where the pacing is off that feel meandering and like a slog to get through. I think Don’t Be a Stranger could be heavily trimmed/streamlined and I get the impression that it could be stronger as a novella with a tighter narrative.
But my biggest issue is more subjective. The psychological aspects and the characters were just not all that interesting. I recognize that everyone will feel differently about this. To me, the author’s observations, the thought processes of the characters, the overall psychology, et cetera, felt surface level and were things I have seen before in other novels. The characters were dull. The romantic interest, Ansel, in particular felt very flat and a little cliché to me, which made Ivy’s interest in him all the more unbelievable.
I don’t have the benefit of having read Minot’s past work, so I can’t say whether or not this is typical of her. I did see the movie adaptation of Evening when it first came out and was in love with it, and I am still planning on reading that eventually, so I was especially excited for this book, and I am sad that this didn’t work for me. I would say if you are a fan of her work you should still give this a go, you might like it. And because my biggest complaint is a subjective one, I wouldn’t necessarily discourage others from reading it. I just had to be honest about my thoughts.
*Thank you to NetGalley and Knopf for the complimentary eARC for the purpose of an honest review!*
For one thing, there are parts of this book where the pacing is off that feel meandering and like a slog to get through. I think Don’t Be a Stranger could be heavily trimmed/streamlined and I get the impression that it could be stronger as a novella with a tighter narrative.
But my biggest issue is more subjective. The psychological aspects and the characters were just not all that interesting. I recognize that everyone will feel differently about this. To me, the author’s observations, the thought processes of the characters, the overall psychology, et cetera, felt surface level and were things I have seen before in other novels. The characters were dull. The romantic interest, Ansel, in particular felt very flat and a little cliché to me, which made Ivy’s interest in him all the more unbelievable.
I don’t have the benefit of having read Minot’s past work, so I can’t say whether or not this is typical of her. I did see the movie adaptation of Evening when it first came out and was in love with it, and I am still planning on reading that eventually, so I was especially excited for this book, and I am sad that this didn’t work for me. I would say if you are a fan of her work you should still give this a go, you might like it. And because my biggest complaint is a subjective one, I wouldn’t necessarily discourage others from reading it. I just had to be honest about my thoughts.
*Thank you to NetGalley and Knopf for the complimentary eARC for the purpose of an honest review!*
August 31, 2025
It’s reassuring to me that fiction of this caliber, like a great jazz recording, can still find its way through the consolidated commercially-focused publishing world despite the fact it is more art than commerce. Congratulations to Knopf.
Like a great jazz recording, you know Susan Minot’s writing immediately when you see it, hear it, lose yourself in it. Her music flows in unexpected ways, clearly her work, her style, her unique sensibilities. She’s an artist.
At its heart this is a novel about lusting for some other, of finding meaning through others, of working to discover who you are free of your dependencies. To write with such depth, so many pages, exploring this need is an astounding accomplishment.
I’m sure this novel is not for everyone, but for anyone who has enjoyed Minot’s previous works or who simply misses the days of stellar writing that digs deep inside, this will be a special treat. Her style and craftsmanship is stunning.
Like a great jazz recording, you know Susan Minot’s writing immediately when you see it, hear it, lose yourself in it. Her music flows in unexpected ways, clearly her work, her style, her unique sensibilities. She’s an artist.
At its heart this is a novel about lusting for some other, of finding meaning through others, of working to discover who you are free of your dependencies. To write with such depth, so many pages, exploring this need is an astounding accomplishment.
I’m sure this novel is not for everyone, but for anyone who has enjoyed Minot’s previous works or who simply misses the days of stellar writing that digs deep inside, this will be a special treat. Her style and craftsmanship is stunning.
December 10, 2024
Ok...gave it 141 pages but DNF. Ivy is a divorced mother of a 9 year old boy Nicky who live in NYC. She is introduced to a musician Ansel Fleming and begins a 1 sided affair. It's been 10 years since she's been in a relationship so she's raring to go--him not so fast. He's somewhat honest in that he tells her he's not looking for a relationship but the sex is good for both. Ok. Good enough story, right? Well....NOT. Ivy is a sniveling, unlikeable character who CONTINUALLY ruminates about her motherhood qualities, her on again off again infatuation with Ansel, her friends.....it just gets old. She needs to pull up her big girl panties and get a life. Stop living in her own head! She's a writer for goodness sake! Put it down on a page and be done with it. I couldn't put up with Ivy's insane ruminations anymore. Done.
November 20, 2024
2.67 audiobook. Almost DNF. Not sure what the hype is about this book.
January 31, 2025
In 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗕𝗲 𝗮 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿, the lives of Ivy Cooper and Ansel Fleming intersect at a pivotal moment, as both grapple with recent traumas. Their immediate attraction leads to a physical connection that quickly unfolds, but the real challenge lies ahead.
Ivy, a 52-year-old writer and single mother of an eight-year-old, meets Ansel, a quiet and enigmatic singer-songwriter, at a dinner party hosted by a mutual friend. Despite their shared social circle, their lives are worlds apart. Ivy's days revolve around elementary school events and playdates, while Ansel, just shy of thirty, remains emotionally distant. After a passionate encounter, Ivy tentatively asks him, “𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭?” to which he replies, “𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺,” warning her not to expect too much.
As their affair unfolds, Ivy's hopes for a deeper connection grow, becoming a significant barrier between them. Ansel is clear from the outset about his lack of interest in a relationship, but Ivy finds herself increasingly consumed by thoughts of him. Minot poignantly captures the essence of infatuation, illustrating Ivy's compulsive text-checking and dwindling productivity as a writer.
The emotional tug-of-war between Ivy's desire for Ansel and her responsibilities as a mother adds another layer of complexity. As a single parent, Ivy cannot afford to lose herself in daydreams; her life is structured around school pickups, birthday celebrations, and her son’s needs, along with an ex-husband who lives in another state.
The emotional depth of Ivy’s divorce and the complexities of starting over in middle age are poignantly portrayed, particularly in the heart-wrenching moments surrounding her son's understanding of their separation.
Ivy is taken aback by the resurgence of her desires and her capacity for intimacy. The rejection she faces from Ansel feels different from the pain of her divorce; in its own way, it brings a glimmer of hope.
This is a beautifully written, complex story. I listed to the audiobook version, which was perfectly narrated by the author herself. Highly recommend this very poignant book. I absolutely loved it!
Ivy, a 52-year-old writer and single mother of an eight-year-old, meets Ansel, a quiet and enigmatic singer-songwriter, at a dinner party hosted by a mutual friend. Despite their shared social circle, their lives are worlds apart. Ivy's days revolve around elementary school events and playdates, while Ansel, just shy of thirty, remains emotionally distant. After a passionate encounter, Ivy tentatively asks him, “𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭?” to which he replies, “𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺,” warning her not to expect too much.
As their affair unfolds, Ivy's hopes for a deeper connection grow, becoming a significant barrier between them. Ansel is clear from the outset about his lack of interest in a relationship, but Ivy finds herself increasingly consumed by thoughts of him. Minot poignantly captures the essence of infatuation, illustrating Ivy's compulsive text-checking and dwindling productivity as a writer.
The emotional tug-of-war between Ivy's desire for Ansel and her responsibilities as a mother adds another layer of complexity. As a single parent, Ivy cannot afford to lose herself in daydreams; her life is structured around school pickups, birthday celebrations, and her son’s needs, along with an ex-husband who lives in another state.
The emotional depth of Ivy’s divorce and the complexities of starting over in middle age are poignantly portrayed, particularly in the heart-wrenching moments surrounding her son's understanding of their separation.
Ivy is taken aback by the resurgence of her desires and her capacity for intimacy. The rejection she faces from Ansel feels different from the pain of her divorce; in its own way, it brings a glimmer of hope.
This is a beautifully written, complex story. I listed to the audiobook version, which was perfectly narrated by the author herself. Highly recommend this very poignant book. I absolutely loved it!
December 18, 2024
The audiobook is well narrated and the flow is smooth overall.
One of the final chapters was quite gripping and well written.
Contrary to some reviews, this is NOT the story of an obsessed middle aged woman who is being gaslighted, etc. It is just the story of someone looking for love and willing herself to "expect nothing" so that she could survive with the little she has, so she keeps changing her boundaries and making do, until she comes to the precipice of "why did knowledge always come with shame beside it?" and she has to make a choice.
The author on the other hand is obsessed with Rumi.
One of the final chapters was quite gripping and well written.
Contrary to some reviews, this is NOT the story of an obsessed middle aged woman who is being gaslighted, etc. It is just the story of someone looking for love and willing herself to "expect nothing" so that she could survive with the little she has, so she keeps changing her boundaries and making do, until she comes to the precipice of "why did knowledge always come with shame beside it?" and she has to make a choice.
The author on the other hand is obsessed with Rumi.
January 16, 2025
I kind of hated this book at first and then I loved it. I highlighted so much here — as written manifestations of my feelings right now, as reminders, as warnings. Beautiful writing. Made me feel like I got punched in the gut every twelve pages or so. I think I’ll be thinking about this one for longer than I thought I would, specifically the line: “As long as you know you’re licking honey from the razor blade.”
December 14, 2025
This book will throw you right back to every time you were a Massive Loser romantically which causes a wince or a hundred
October 1, 2024
If there was ever a book that can be called a 'character study', this is it. Ivy's in the early 50s. She's divorced and has a middle-school aged son. She left Virginia to live in New York City. She's a writer. This book explored her meeting and pursing a sort of relationship with Ansel, a much younger man, who has been recently been released from prison.
Ivy's obsession centers on her lack of touch/desire for any man other than her ex for so long. Ansel almost treats her as an aside. He's using her body to fulfill his sexual needs, but otherwise keeps her at arms length. While physically, they match, there are other needs that Ivy has that will never be met.
This is a good slice of Ivy's life. Early 50s...I'm closer to that than to my 20s. It's something I almost fear, so reading about Ivy, who still has a vibrant life is somewhat encouraging.
Susan Minot is a fabulous writer and I will be seeking out her other books.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review this book.
Ivy's obsession centers on her lack of touch/desire for any man other than her ex for so long. Ansel almost treats her as an aside. He's using her body to fulfill his sexual needs, but otherwise keeps her at arms length. While physically, they match, there are other needs that Ivy has that will never be met.
This is a good slice of Ivy's life. Early 50s...I'm closer to that than to my 20s. It's something I almost fear, so reading about Ivy, who still has a vibrant life is somewhat encouraging.
Susan Minot is a fabulous writer and I will be seeking out her other books.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review this book.
November 1, 2024
Disappointment
Too much about a writer who never seems to write. And we never learn what she has written or his trying to write. Very NY and east coast focused. The love or sex affair with the age differences is boring. Ivy should've grown up in the first third of this novel.
Too much about a writer who never seems to write. And we never learn what she has written or his trying to write. Very NY and east coast focused. The love or sex affair with the age differences is boring. Ivy should've grown up in the first third of this novel.
October 6, 2024
I thought this book was a little choppy. First it starts off as an older divorced mom who starts a booty call situation with a younger musician who just got out of jail and refuses to commit to her. Ok. I mean what do you expect? This isn’t a fantasy novel. Then the book goes into some Yellow Wallpaper crazy part with the main characters going to different rooms. Yoga? Counseling? Is she crazy? Has she just lost her mind? But nope. Part three is all about her son and a tonsillectomy gone wrong.
I mean I get the basic gist of the book. Divorce. Lonely. Hot sex. Unrequited love. Craziness. Selfishness. Almost losing what is really important brings it all back together. But it just wasn’t cohesive enough for me. It was not a bad book - although the parts with the rooms was a bit strange to me.
Mostly I felt sorry for Ivy. And I really didn’t want to feel sorry for her.
Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.
I mean I get the basic gist of the book. Divorce. Lonely. Hot sex. Unrequited love. Craziness. Selfishness. Almost losing what is really important brings it all back together. But it just wasn’t cohesive enough for me. It was not a bad book - although the parts with the rooms was a bit strange to me.
Mostly I felt sorry for Ivy. And I really didn’t want to feel sorry for her.
Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.
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