How to Fuck Like a Girl: Essays

by Vera Blossom

A cheeky how-to guide, as raunchy as it is heartfelt, from a bright new literary voice.

A bold and vulnerable collection from a new, young voice, How to Fuck Like a Girl is a daring mash-up of pillow book, grimoire, and manifesto by writer Vera Blossom. From hooking up to trans witchcraft, petty crime, capitalism, friendships, divorce, and survival, Blossom brings wit and melancholy, grandeur and smarts, debuting a bright literary voice as raunchy as it is heartfelt. A cheeky how-to guide that earnestly asks if it is possible to fuck oneself into girlhood, How to Fuck Like a Girl is a cult classic in the making.

Genres: Essays, Nonfiction, Queer, Memoir, Transgender, LGBT, Feminism

168 pages, Paperback

Published December 3, 2024

Reviews

[Tina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this up thinking it was a manual, so clearly I am not the target audience. I do hope in writing this essay collection, Blossom felt some consolation as part of her trans journey. However, I did not feel much catharsis or understanding rather a lot of misdirected rage that I’m not exactly sure how to take in.

I wish there was more tenderness towards her own body and less posturing. The stories oscillates between I post sex ads on craigslist to feel wanted and I am a fucking goddess and much cooler than all you basic cis girls, which feels to me like a wild swing between desperate attention seeking and inflated self importance.

I wish the topic of trans loss and grief was explored more introspectively but instead we got a lot of pseudo-empowering confirmation witchcraft masquerading as self-love.

I also think the political commentary lacks substance. i’m sure there is a lot of system oppressions against the transgender community but when you make sweeping statements like you’ve been “left completely disempowered, rendered useless and speechless in the face of giant political machines” that want you “to die slowly and quietly”, I want a bit more elaboration.

Reading this book was quite exhausting. Often times I did not know if Blossom’s inviting me into her world or telling me to go fuck myself. it does feel quite raw and authentic, with many details, maybe a bit too many

[stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

i believe one of these essays was published as an independent zine with the subheading "vera blossom's sex diary" and honestly? that would have been a more accurate way to market this entire collection. i *wanted* to like this, but even looking past the major copy edit errors and somewhat-minor content edit missteps, i think my greatest longing was for a little more synthesis to match the great wealth of lived experience recanted. thank you, vera, for existing; thank you for writing this. this left me wanting more, and probably not how the author intended.

[Marisa Schuldes · Rating 2 out of 5]

I lowkey did not finish the last 20 pages of the book

[Adrianne Ackroyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

You could say I'm kind of an expert now

[katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's something powerful about transness being shared in such a messy, raunchy, and slur-filled way, a turning away from the impulse to represent the community in a clean and moral way in order to protect them from the people who will never respect them regardless. Blossom is raw and unapologetic in being herself; unfortunately I wish she just had a better editor. There were tons of typos and grammatical errors, superfluous and repetitive ideas -- sometimes repeated word-for-word -- and it overall lacked organization. I don't want Blossom herself to be cleaned up; I want her work to stand in its power, completely uninhibited.

[liv · Rating 5 out of 5]

first of all: protect trans folks. ❣️

i walked into my fav bookstore to pick up last book purchases of 2024 & this immediately caught my eye...... and then i just promptly devoured in less than 24 hrs?????? many Many thoughts

also cried bc i didn't expect the part of moving to chicago & finding yourself because literally me this past year running around the city and making friends and the part about crying in a dunkin' and wanting to be friends with the worker.... me!!!!!!!!

[Linde Stevens · Rating 4 out of 5]

all those years of petty theft, of illegal existence, prepared me for the ultimate criminality: girlhood.

[MY FACE IS THE FRONT OF SHOP · Rating 5 out of 5]

phenomenal

[malou]

What an excellent title. I wanted to love this collection but - while there's some really great pieces - the whole thing feels a bit repetitive. Maybe the title made it do the rounds more than it otherwise would have? One more big edit to get rid of typos etc would've been goood.... At the same time I feel that if Vera Blossom wrote a novel I'd read it instantly and it would definitely be compelling! Undecided / a great writer in the making perhaps

[Martyna Tokarska · Rating 4 out of 5]

Intimate diaries
super queer & super sexy

[Kiara · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5
very funny, very sexy, also very disorganized

[quartzink · Rating 5 out of 5]

first read of the year and first review on this account! previous read an essay from this author that made me interested when the collection was announced, that along with the annotated flower diagram as the cover. the essay could be on anything, and I would probably read it with this smooth flow + lyrical style. structurally exciting, both on a sentence-level and essay-level. enjoyed the varieties of length and approaches through the collection, and the way things built up. excited for whatever the author comes out with next.

[alyssa · Rating 2 out of 5]

6th book of Pride Month 2025, and I wished for more. More cohesiveness, more deliberate choices in writing style and essay order, more in keeping my attention. Oh and more copyedits too, as there were quite a few noticeable errors. Trans people’s stories are always important, and I’m glad Vera Blossom wrote this. However, publishing her collection as-is (feeling more first draft) and not letting it percolate in developmental edits is a disservice to this book and its important topics (and Blossom’s lived experiences). It read like a fever dream, and not in a way that I can get down with. I enjoyed Blossom’s honesty in her writing though.

[Juliet · Rating 3 out of 5]

A beautiful, insightful collection of essays. Blossom tackles the universals of womanhood, girlhood and sexuality with wonderfully crass but creative honesty, demonstrating once more how trans women are constantly at the forefront of the bleeding edge of creation, beauty, and hope.

[Sierra Kruse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vera’s belief in the future is contagious! I feel changed and expansive and emboldened by this work ❤️

[blaisdell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Coming in hot off of Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl and Florence Ashley’s Gender/Fucking, and wooed by this book’s beautiful cover, I had high expectations. Blossom’s essays are rich with emotion, alternating between prose and poetry, telling a complex story of adolescence, maturing, and finding one’s place in the world. Her stories force you to be present while reading them, and you can’t help but to share in their rage and helplessness and hope. I wish I’d enjoyed them more. Maybe I was let down because I came in expecting something more academic. Each essay follows a loose theme, but I found their narratives a little too meandering and unmoored for my taste (which isn’t to say autobiographies must always have a “lesson,” but I believe there should be intention behind what they’re trying to get across), and lacking reflection for key moments—which left me feeling confused, at times, about what the author was trying to accomplish. Unfortunately, I finished the book feeling like I hadn’t been able to take anything away from it.

[Anna Muthalaly · Rating 3 out of 5]

The best thing about this book is Blossom’s complete willingness to be open about rejection and arrogance in a way that is frowned upon by most of society. She is honest that sexual or romantic rejection triggers her, that her fantasy is to be so beautiful that she causes a car crash, that she spends many of her waking hours thinking about how to be prettier than the average person. These things are the real thoughts of many people ( and in fact, are the thoughts that are the logical end points of many societal messages pushed upon women) and it’s refreshing to have someone be open about them, regardless of how they may affect our perception of her.

I especially appreciate that boldness when it comes to blossom’s depiction of how sex shapes her trans ness. It’s a taboo, largely for medical gatekeeping reasons, to ever cite sex or the desire for it as a reason for transition; instead, people must insist they were born a woman and have no intentions to do anything other than become a good, god fearing monogamous one. I love blossom’s depiction of gender within sex, feeling most like a girl during certain risqué exploits, finding her womanhood by trying on sexual masks. Again, that’s an experience almost entirely dictated by feckless societal forces, even for cis girls. What is a woman if not that which is sexually attractive to men?

That said, not all the articles hit the same way, likely because this is an essay collection cobbled together from the work of many years, so themes are necessarily recycled and re introduced. It’s certainly not my favorite queer or even trans essay collection, but it’s fresh and interesting and I’m glad I was introduced to Vera’s young, spry voice

[Jack Miner · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5, at least. First of all I really enjoyed this. Taken individually, I really enjoy the way each essay is structured--they often start off with one idea that doesn't initially seem tied to the story of the author's life that she shares, but it always gets tied back in at the end in interesting ways that enrich the whole thing. Also, as a whole the book is just really funny and really refreshingly unabashed about trans sex and culture, which I love to see. The collection is brought down just a little by what I consider to be kind of lazy editing. It's not just the weird, unintentional missing spaces and commas in places, although certainly those are present. I also think some of the essays could have been tweaked with the knowledge that they would be made into part of a collection, as things get restated a lot between essays, and it makes the overall reading experience repetitive at times. Would still recommend for sure, especially for queer folks of all kinds.

[Alessandra Newton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this collection needed to be worked on a bit more. Slow some of the stories down, elaborate a little more, and show us some of the moments of growth instead of telling us. However, I felt the strength behind Vera yearning to be loved and the force of her love for her Fated Family. I enjoyed this book, and I hope Vera keeps going

[Elva ✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, and I found a lot of myself in the writing, and envy in how the author writes. The writing feels getting to know a friend through their life’s experiences and realizing you share a lot of the same values, trauma, dreams, and exploits. Inspiring me to write again and value my story. Really lovely book!

[Chanel Chapters]

"I did not EVER aspire to fit in."

[Jane Houseal · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book !!!

“I want more more more more more more more, and I don’t want it all to end right in the middle, right when it’s getting exciting.”

[Ashley Floyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a delight. It felt like talking to a friend, a friend who doesn’t pull punches and isn’t afraid to go deeper, both sexually and philosophically.

[MMM · Rating 5 out of 5]

A queer utopia envisioned by a Brown Trans Girl through heartbreak, sex, and community.

[Rainbowyikes · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was just okay and I wish it wasn’t. I first picked her up because I LOVED the title. I mean, what’s not to love? An explicit vocab memoir on queer identity, sex, politics, moving around in the world. Except, it wasn’t as poetic as I thought (or maybe just not my kind of poetry) and although it did contain moments/thoughts I adored, it felt a bit distorted. Which, again appreciate the lived experience share, but maybe not for me. Also just not a fan of too much male genitalia imagery/details but that’s my own personal preference. 😭

*2.5/5 because we love queer voices; she will most likely be chilling on my bookshelf or coffee table for bonus uncomfortable points

[Serena · Rating 5 out of 5]

The blog/tumblr style was interesting, writing captivating and many parts were extremely compelling.

[Gabby Swan · Rating 3 out of 5]

i liked this a lot, and it was super interesting to see vera’s unique perspective on transness. however, she speaks in a lot of absolutes about the trans experience, and as a trans girl, especially one who does not date men, i didn’t find these particularly relatable, which occasionally took me out of it.

[Liz Lintonen · Rating 4 out of 5]

i’m going to rock with a solid like 3.75 on this. there were things about about it i loved and things i did not. i picked this up because i liked the cover and because i’m trying to make a conscious effort to read more books written by queer authors and smaller authors.

loved:
-i liked the format. it felt like a snapshot into someone else’s life and it was really clear and cool. i appreciated it for what it was and felt like i could relate or understand or see it. it was a collection of very human memories.
-it enlightened me to many things about the trans/ LGBTQ+ experience that i did not know about. i’m trying to learn more and it really was interesting and honest in a way i film appreciated it.
-i liked the different things about capitalism and urban living and optimism in society.
-my favorite parts were the parts about expressing womanhood and femininity. how to do it and what it feels like to not blend in. it was so personal and tender and i loved that.

didn’t love:
-the organization. i felt like i was getting whiplash. i just could’ve used a little more logic with it because it was hard to keep track of what was happening when.
-some of the descriptors of sex just ran a little long, i don’t know. i know that is the point of the book it was just lengthy in a way that wasn’t contributing to the story or adding anything to my experience of reading it. i got that there was a lot of sex had and i liked some of it, like the list of places vera has had sex that were not a bed, but some descriptions just didn’t totally work for me

it’s hard to review an essay collection because it’s so personal, so overall i really enjoyed and would recommend it. it did totally put me in a literary fiction mood though and if anyone has queer lit fic recommendations HAND THEM OVER.

[Sarah Guldenbrein · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh I like Vera Blossom very much. It's so heartening to read work from someone who knows just how deeply shit is bad, but who clings to optimism anyway.

[Sarah Kelley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I kinda felt like the pages of her bedside journal were just transferred to a book format. Good writing, emotional & enjoyable to read, but I think there could have been a bit more strategy behind the order of the essays & how they were written.

I also don’t think the title of this book aligns with the story that’s being told (as a gay woman, I was obviously expecting something different from looking at the cover LOL) I’m thankful for the story that’s it was and the insight it gave me. Vera’s life has consisted of a lot of hardship. I see the desire/need to provide solace to people who may be going through similar situations, but I fear that the title gives the impression that the book should be seen as a blueprint. Not in all aspects, but more thoughts on that below.

Trans kids/people are already in so much danger. Trans kids/people of color are in so much danger. Why are we writing an essay on how to steal? I understand when that may become necessary & how that allowed Vera to begin her transition , but I don’t think someone who is genuinely looking for comfort in their transition should be encouraged to do something that can place them in even more danger. This goes the same for the craigslist ads. There can be so much danger that comes from this and it just makes me worried it will be interpreted as something safe to explore without a second thought. I HATE that marginalized people have to take precautions that not everyone does, it sucks and it’s annoying. I just wish this was acknowledged.