Loving Someone with a Serious Mental Illness: Caring for Your Loved One and Yourself on the Journey to Mental Health Recovery

by Katherine Ponte, Izzy Goncalves

Powerful and practical tools to help you support your loved one with serious mental illness, while also making room for your own needs.

If you have a loved one—a spouse, adult child, or other family member—who is experiencing a mental health crisis such as schizophrenia, delusion, hearing voices, mania, depression, or catatonia, you need help right now. Your loved one might be resistant to treatment. You may feel helpless watching them struggle. And you may question whether you can handle the myriad everyday practical and emotional challenges ahead. It’s important to know that you are not alone.

Authors Katherine Ponte and Izzy Goncalves have been there. They are there. During Katherine’s ongoing eighteen-year recovery from severe bipolar disorder and depression, her husband Izzy has been her primary caregiver. Together through trial, trauma, and triumph, they have amassed an unmatched store of lived experiences, shared perspectives, and lessons learned. They now bravely share, for the first time, everything they have come to understand about the challenges they’ve faced and surmounted together.

A vital resource for families in crisis, this book will help

Recognize the signs and symptoms of mental illness Maintain and improve communication between you and your loved one Better understand your loved one’s feelings and emotions Handle special situations, including de-escalating crises Discover different options for treatment  Make room for self-care   The book never forgets one crucial you have needs, too. That’s why the authors provide resources to ensure that you stay healthy, well-rested, and energized, so you can help your loved one on the path to recovery.

Genres: Health, Self Help, Mental Health, Nonfiction

168 pages, Paperback

Published February 1, 2025

Reviews

[Reader]

Having been a caregiver, I highly recommend this book to other caregivers who are looking for understanding and insight that can help them help a loved one manage their mental illness and live a fulfilling life. The authors provide the unique dual perspectives of a caregiver and their loved with mental illness on the challenges they faced and how they ultimately reached recovery from mental illness. They explain why caregivers and loved ones often find it so difficult to communicate. The book demystifies these common obstacles and details behavioral changes on both sides that can enhance communication and collaboration among them. This book is an excellent resource for both caregivers and loved ones who can learn from the mistakes, changes and success tha thet authors candidly share.

[Andrew Dell'Olio]

The text gives the layperson concise, easily-understandable advice on what is an extremely complex matter. The topics on caregiver roles emphasize how one must ensure one's own health, strength and well-being in order to care for another. Whether one cares for someone with an SMI, or for an aged parent with a physical ailment or disability or with cognitive decline, as many of us do or will, a caregiver can only support another if he or she can stand on his or her own feet. This book is a very important read for a wide segment of our population and would increase understanding of SMIs and clarify many misperceptions held by society as whole.

[Bernedette Baker]

Katherine is very compassionate about helping people. This book gives detailed insights on how to handle difficult situations, starting with communication skills, relationship issues, psychological defenses, etc. My favorite chapter was the chapter on care giving. It is so informative and relates to anyone who is, was or one day will be a caregiver. I wish I had this book earlier when I was the care giver to my husband as I did not understand what self-care was until after his passing. Now self-care is build into my everyday life as it should be in everyone's. Absolute great read!

[Samuel]

"Loving Someone with a Serious Mental Illness" recognizes that mental illness affects not only the individual but their caretakers and family, as a whole. The co-authors do a beautiful job of first defining several mental illnesses and the various symptoms that those diagnoses carry.

It can feel impossible to appropriately support suffering loved ones and the invisible burdens they carry. This book offers clear and specific recommendations to family members struggling alongside their loved ones.

I highly recommend "Loving Someone with a Serious Mental Illness."

*Thank you to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the ARC.*

[Keira]

I am reminded of everyone I love who faces these similar struggles. In general, the tips were solid but slightly vague and repetitive. Mental health is such a personal topic, but this felt entirely factual

[Hilary Solder]

Highly recommend this book - it is sensitively written with helpful advice in caring for loved ones with serious mental illness

[Ann Marie]

Phenomenal and Essential Read for those Living with SMI, their Caregivers, and ALL of Us!
Loving Someone with a Serious Mental Illness: Caring for Your Loved One and Yourself on the Journey to Mental Health Recovery is a fantastic and much needed resource for those living with SMI and their caregivers, but also an essential read for all of us who are a part of their world: friends, family, co-workers...ALL of us! Katherine Ponte and Izzy Goncalves, not only share their own inspiring personal journey to SMI recovery, with genuine truth, kindness and empathy, but leave us with great HOPE that it is possible, not only to survive SMI but to live a happy and fulfilling life in recovery. Katherine provides important information on severe mental illnesses, such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar, and Major Depressive Disorder, and their symptoms, available treatments, and valuable strategies to help caregivers, family and friends, recognize triggers and learn how to communicate and support our loved ones with SMI, with empathy while honoring and respecting their dignity and autonomy. Katherine and Izzy’s story is inspiring, and it is what sets this book apart from all others written to date. This resource is written from the perspective of LIVED EXPERIENCE: the loved one in SMI recovery and their caregiver. This text is not written by a medical professional who is treating a mental illness. The authors are sharing their own learned experience and knowledge, in practical language with real life examples and strategies that are tested and easy to implement, even including some practice exercises. The final chapter, where Izzy describes his own struggles and personal learning, during his caregiver journey, especially resonated with me. Izzy’s advice to caregivers to take time to care for their own mental health and well-being, without guilt, really spoke to me, as a Special Education teacher, who supports students from Kindergarten to Gr. 8 and their families, many living with severe mental illness (diagnosed or not yet diagnosed). We cannot take care of our loved ones who need us, without taking care of ourselves too, including forgiving ourselves and practicing self-love. As Matt Kudish so aptly writes in the Foreword, “One in five of us lives with mental illness. The other four are our family, friends, neighbors, colleagues...We are all affected by mental illness.” Thank you, Katherine and Izzy, for sharing your inspirational journey and learned experience with us. This book is a MUST READ FOR EVERYONE!

[Paulo C]

Loving Someone with a Serious Mental Illness is an essential resource for both individuals facing mental health challenges and their often overlooked caregivers. This gem of a book combines personal narratives and professional perspectives, offering hope and practical strategies for those supporting loved ones through mental health recovery. Co-authors Katherine Ponte and Izzy Goncalves offer many little nuggets and insights that serve as a valuable guide for anyone experiencing the often excruciating suffering that comes with living with a loved one with a serious mental illness. The authors have crafted a book that is equal parts compassionate, informative and deeply personal.

While the entire book is exceptional, the chapter written by Izzy Goncalves is particularly noteworthy. Izzy provides a caregiver's perspective that is both heartfelt and instructive -- one often missing from conversations about mental health recovery. He brings a heartfelt voice to the experience, validating the struggles and hopes of those who stand by their loved ones despite the many challenges. His sections delve into recognizing signs and symptoms, improving communication, and handling crises, all while emphasizing the importance of self-care for caregivers. His words are raw and moving.

This book is a beacon of hope and resilience. It fills a critical gap by focusing not just on individuals dealing with mental illness but also crucially the loved ones who walk alongside them. It's not only a practical guide for navigating the complexities of supporting someone with a serious mental illness, but Katherine and Izzy's personal mental health journey also illustrates how an inclusive and collaborative partnership is essential to mental health recovery.

This sharply written, compelling book is a truly invaluable resource for families navigating the complexities of serious mental illness. I cannot recommend it highly enough!

[Nuno Sousa]

Katherine and Izzy provide an important reference for the caregiver of someone living with mental illness. Their book begins with an introduction that shares their personal story, while the rest of the book offers short, carefully researched chapters with exercises that can provide guidance for caregivers in all aspects of living with someone with mental illness.

I provide a short summary of the chapters:

Chapter (1) introduces various mental illnesses and their symptoms to help the caregiver and loved one assess their situation.

Chapter (2) introduces key recovery principles and strategies to help readers plan their recovery journey.

Chapter (3) introduces a framework for understanding stages of change and discusses how working together effectively requires effort and a shift in mindset to better understand both persons’ needs and motivations.
Chapter (4) provides different suggestions for how to approach a loved one to encourage them to seek support.

Chapter (5) provides some suggestions on how to select a psychiatrist.

Chapter (6) identifies different types of triggers and provides suggestions on how to deal with triggers, especially as regards self-stigma.

Chapter (7) focuses on how to build a wellness plan.

Chapter (8) provides strategies for how to communicate with your loved one about mental illness.

Chapter (9) focuses on the care-giver taking care of themselves (and not the loved one), and covers some common errors in ways of thinking that the care-giver can fall into.

I’m so impressed by Katherine and Izzy’s book and their choice to share their own personal story with others, as well to go beyond their own experiences to provide research-based guidance to other caregivers. I greatly admire how much strength, humility, and desire to help others went into writing this book.

[Cynthia]

First let me clarify that when the authors title their book "Loving Someone with a Serious Mental Illness" they mean caretaking. Literally living together, managing their money etc., caretaking. I'm just saying that the two words are not synonyms, and there is nothing in here for people who may love their SML (the book is full of acronyms like this. This one stands for Serious Mental Illness) but not be caretakers. No one in this book has a loved one (and the authors are trying valiantly to avoid pronouns so the words 'loved one' may occur multiple times in a single sentence. You get used to it.) in a group home, or an institution, or living homeless on the street. The book contains a great deal of useful information which would be invaluable for a caretaker, so I recommend it highly for that reason. The authors reference NAMI and their Family to Family program (although I think it is now called Journey of Hope). They also reference other organizations and programs, but this one I know. I took the Family to Family class while my son was in high school, and in many ways it saved me. I took it again later on, when the SMI (see what I did there?) surfaced again, and again it was a good resource and a help. So I can personally recommend NAMI and in fact I praise it to the skies. This book offers a very sanitized, soft focus, G rated view of mental illness, but I suppose we don't want to scare off the newbies.

[Mhughessc]

"Loving Someone with a Serious Mental Illness: Caring for Your Loved One and Yourself on the Journey to Mental Health Recovery" was written by real-life couple Katherine Pointe and Izzy Goncalves. Katherine is incredibly open about living with a serious mental illness, which she refers to as SMI, and Izzy shares his insights as both her spouse and her caretaker. A SMI is "a mental, behavioral, or emotional disorder resulting in serious functional impairment, which substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities. This can be something as serious as bipolar disorder or something as common as an anxiety disorder. Pointe and Goncalves provide details and insight into each of these disorders and make them all easy to understand.

According to this book, recovery is the end goal and has ten guiding principles, some of which are hope, peer support, and respect, among others. The authors spend time discussing each of these principles, both from the point of view of the sufferer and the caretaker. This book is a very thorough tool for anyone looking to know how to best help their loved one. I know that many readers will find it helpful and will be able to apply many of the principles to their own lives. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

[Elena]

Loving Someone with a Serious Mental Illness is an incredibly compassionate, insightful, and empowering guide for anyone supporting a loved one through mental health challenges. With a perfect balance of expert knowledge and personal experience, Katherine and Izzy provide practical advice on navigating the complexities of caregiving while maintaining hope, resilience, and self-care. Their empathetic approach reassures readers that they are not alone.

This book offers concrete tools and strategies for communication, understanding, and self-care, making it a truly empowering guide. The authors address key challenges like communication breakdowns, setting boundaries, and managing caregiver burnout. They even provide helpful advice on accessing resources and building a support network. A definite must-read for anyone seeking guidance, encouragement, and a path toward deeper connection and support in the face of mental illness.

[Reader]

Having a loved one with a serious mental illness turns your world upside down. You can feel alone, adrift, aggrieved, confused, unsure how to help, or if anything you do will actually help. This book is a clear telling of a couple’s experience with mental illness, and how they came out on the other side of it with tools and resources to share. It maps the things you will inevitably think and feel, and gives you the landscape of what to expect and a plan of action to protect yourself, work constructively with your partner, and save the relationships you cherish the most. It’s a clear and direct book that reassures you that you are not alone, many have unfortunately had to tread this path, and to always hold out hope that healing is possible through teamwork, dedication, and love.

[Anggi]

I came across this book recently and I was intrigued by the title. It is a helpful book for anyone who has had to care for someone else who is struggling with their mental health. As it can really take a toll on you, feeling like you have to put your own well-being aside temporarily in order to take care of theirs.

I have personal experiences with this and it has taken me many years to master when I need to step back and fill up my own gas tank before I can continue to support my loved ones. I must say that this book provides a rather basic advice for someone like me who has read a ton of resources for carer before, but still it is a good book to start with if you are unfamiliar with this topic before.

[Lynne Berentson]

Katherine Ponte and her husband Izzy Goncalves have written a powerful -- and extraordinarily courageous -- book about their life together during Katherine’s serious mental illness. It should be read by everyone who is living with a loved one experiencing a debilitating mental or physical illness -- even a teenager or young adult living at home -- any situation that requires caregiving. The caregiver is too frequently overlooked and this immensely insightful and compassionate book spells out the serious -- and often irrevocable -- harm this can cause. A MUST READ!!

[Sophia]

This book is an invaluable resource for those both struggling with mental illness and caring for someone who has mental illness. It provides so many practical strategies, and written with such empathy - you know the authors have been through this and are speaking from a place of deep experience and compassion.

[Rae Simpson]

Minuteman. K has bipolar condition, Izzy is husband. Their experience is largely with coping as a couple. Some good advice about communicating with respect, openness, but includes anosognosia, and necessity of meds as part of the plan. Suggest to partners/spouses. Chyrell Bellamy is cited for her research on the effectiveness of peer programs and she wrote a blurb.

[Janis Wallis]

This book is must read for anyone with a family member with mental illness. It explains mental illness in layman terms and gives practical advice for dealing with multiple issues. Especially on how to communicate in this difficult situation.

[Leah]

Vague & broad. Factual & common sense based but not truly helpful beyond a surface level.

[Mckinley]

Very healthful in getting info including relationship with loved one along with getting care. Solid advice and lists.

[Chelsea P]

It was a quick listen! Enjoyed it for work

[Justin]

This book is unique because it speaks to both people with mental illness and their caregivers. The book offers real life insights and guidance to help them communicate and partner in treatment and recovery. The authors' candor about the challenges they faced as a couple make them highly relatable and their ultimate ability to reach recovery offers great hope to readers struggling with mental illness in their family.