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Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths: Stop the Cycle of Manipulation, Exploitation, and Abuse in Your Romantic Relationships
Break free from manipulation and gaslighting—once and for all.
Are you thriving in your relationship, or merely surviving? Are you the victim of constant manipulation, gaslighting, and deception at the hands of your partner? Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for your partner’s abusive behavior? If you feel trapped in a relationship with someone who displays narcissistic or psychopathic behavior, you may be experiencing a trauma bond—a powerful connection you’ve developed with your abuser as a result of the danger, betrayal, or a power imbalance inherent in your relationship. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone and it’s not your fault.
Written by an expert in narcissism and toxic relationships, this powerful guide is packed with the tools you need to finally break free from the destructive grip of narcissistic or psychopathic abuse. You’ll learn how to spot manipulation tactics used by abusers to create and maintain unhealthy bonds, so you can better recognize, understand, and draw boundaries with your partner. You’ll also discover insightful tips and practical strategies to help you end your relationship safely and build healthy relationships in the future.
Trauma bonding can have devastating effects. It can cause you to not only tolerate mistreatment, but even protect and defend your abuser simply out of a need to survive. This book clears a path to connect with and validate your authentic outrage at how you’ve been treated, so you can finally process your pain and move forward on your path to freedom. Go ahead, take the first step today.
Are you thriving in your relationship, or merely surviving? Are you the victim of constant manipulation, gaslighting, and deception at the hands of your partner? Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for your partner’s abusive behavior? If you feel trapped in a relationship with someone who displays narcissistic or psychopathic behavior, you may be experiencing a trauma bond—a powerful connection you’ve developed with your abuser as a result of the danger, betrayal, or a power imbalance inherent in your relationship. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone and it’s not your fault.
Written by an expert in narcissism and toxic relationships, this powerful guide is packed with the tools you need to finally break free from the destructive grip of narcissistic or psychopathic abuse. You’ll learn how to spot manipulation tactics used by abusers to create and maintain unhealthy bonds, so you can better recognize, understand, and draw boundaries with your partner. You’ll also discover insightful tips and practical strategies to help you end your relationship safely and build healthy relationships in the future.
Trauma bonding can have devastating effects. It can cause you to not only tolerate mistreatment, but even protect and defend your abuser simply out of a need to survive. This book clears a path to connect with and validate your authentic outrage at how you’ve been treated, so you can finally process your pain and move forward on your path to freedom. Go ahead, take the first step today.
224 pages, Paperback
Published January 2, 2025
33 people are currently reading
2403 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
June 24, 2025
i loved this book!! it helped me to understand what my ex did to me and it helped me to not feel so confused. i really recommend this book to anyone who is going through an abusive relationship. THANK U to the amazing author. this book was a lifesaver.
January 7, 2025
First, I’d like to extend my gratitude to NetGalley for providing this advance copy.
As a therapist with over a decade of experience working with individuals navigating trauma, and as someone with lived experience, Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths by Shahida Arabi is a profoundly insightful and practical resource that I cannot recommend enough.
Arabi's work is a beacon of hope and clarity for those entangled in toxic cycles with manipulative individuals. She masterfully breaks down the psychology of trauma bonding, helping readers understand how these bonds form and why they are so difficult to sever. The book strikes an impressive balance between being deeply empathetic and highly informative, creating a safe space for readers to explore their pain while also equipping them with tools to reclaim their power.
What makes this book stand out is its practical focus. Arabi provides actionable strategies for recognizing red flags, strengthening personal boundaries, and fostering emotional resilience. These tools are presented in a way that is accessible to anyone, regardless of where they are in their healing journey.
From a therapist's perspective, this book serves as an excellent adjunct to therapeutic work. It fosters insight, encourages self-compassion, and empowers clients to take an active role in their recovery. For those with lived experience, it feels like sitting down with a wise, compassionate friend who has been through the fire and emerged stronger.
Arabi’s compassionate tone and evidence-based approach make this book an eye-opening guide for anyone seeking freedom from harmful relationships. It is not just a survival manual—it’s a roadmap to thriving. Whether you're a professional supporting clients or someone breaking free from toxic dynamics, this book is an invaluable resource.
As a therapist with over a decade of experience working with individuals navigating trauma, and as someone with lived experience, Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths by Shahida Arabi is a profoundly insightful and practical resource that I cannot recommend enough.
Arabi's work is a beacon of hope and clarity for those entangled in toxic cycles with manipulative individuals. She masterfully breaks down the psychology of trauma bonding, helping readers understand how these bonds form and why they are so difficult to sever. The book strikes an impressive balance between being deeply empathetic and highly informative, creating a safe space for readers to explore their pain while also equipping them with tools to reclaim their power.
What makes this book stand out is its practical focus. Arabi provides actionable strategies for recognizing red flags, strengthening personal boundaries, and fostering emotional resilience. These tools are presented in a way that is accessible to anyone, regardless of where they are in their healing journey.
From a therapist's perspective, this book serves as an excellent adjunct to therapeutic work. It fosters insight, encourages self-compassion, and empowers clients to take an active role in their recovery. For those with lived experience, it feels like sitting down with a wise, compassionate friend who has been through the fire and emerged stronger.
Arabi’s compassionate tone and evidence-based approach make this book an eye-opening guide for anyone seeking freedom from harmful relationships. It is not just a survival manual—it’s a roadmap to thriving. Whether you're a professional supporting clients or someone breaking free from toxic dynamics, this book is an invaluable resource.
March 28, 2025
Sometimes, you just have books that silently speak to you and this was definitely one for me. I was pulled in as soon as I seen the topic. Let me preface I am and have been for awhile now in a very healthy, positive, loving, strong relationship but I never forget all the bad before this and all the narcissistic men I had in my life since childhood.
When I say this book silently speaks to me it is more like a thundering scream that no one can hear but me. I sat here reading through this and resonated so much from the years of male toxicity I had been exposed to and was "normalized" to that it took a lot to break the cycle. I even realized later on more instances that I didn't even realize were traumatic and narcissistic. This book may not be for everyone, I honestly hope it wouldn't be but reality is this will resonate with a lot of people and that is sad all in itself.
This book touched on a lot of stuff, really explaining trauma bonds, how they form, identifying traits of narcissists and psychopaths, etc. just so much informative stuff. I like the takeaways at the end of each chapter to really summarize what you read. There are questions, scenarios, checklists, sections on ways to heal, and ways to detox your life at your own pace to break these trauma bonds you were stuck in. I loved this book since it is still helpful now, even in a healthy relationship there is still work to do on your past experience to keep going forward and that is exactly how I am using this book. Thank you Goodreads giveaways for the gifted copy.
When I say this book silently speaks to me it is more like a thundering scream that no one can hear but me. I sat here reading through this and resonated so much from the years of male toxicity I had been exposed to and was "normalized" to that it took a lot to break the cycle. I even realized later on more instances that I didn't even realize were traumatic and narcissistic. This book may not be for everyone, I honestly hope it wouldn't be but reality is this will resonate with a lot of people and that is sad all in itself.
This book touched on a lot of stuff, really explaining trauma bonds, how they form, identifying traits of narcissists and psychopaths, etc. just so much informative stuff. I like the takeaways at the end of each chapter to really summarize what you read. There are questions, scenarios, checklists, sections on ways to heal, and ways to detox your life at your own pace to break these trauma bonds you were stuck in. I loved this book since it is still helpful now, even in a healthy relationship there is still work to do on your past experience to keep going forward and that is exactly how I am using this book. Thank you Goodreads giveaways for the gifted copy.
January 25, 2025
I'm so, so glad I found this book. I've read probably hundreds of self help books in my life, and a lot of titles particularly about surviving narcissistic relationships in the past few years, but this book feels decidedly different in its approach, scope, and content.
One of the most notable insights this book held for me was its focus on the neuroscience behind trauma bonding -- a term I'd previously believed meant "two people brought together by a shared traumatic experience" but in this context means an abusive, manipulative dynamic in which you can become trapped with a narcissistic personality -- and how this impacts your thoughts and behaviors. While I've seen a lot of therapists focus on awareness of one's mindset, this is the first one I've seen actually focus on why those of us currently or formerly trauma bonded to narcissists seem so inescapably vulnerable to tactics like gaslighting, manipulation, love bombing, and stonewalling.
Written in a personalized and direct tone, I deeply appreciated Arabi's approach to the topic from a place of reassurance and deep empathy. While the book touches on many upsetting and potentially triggering topics, the discussion of these patterns is always accompanied by the clarification that you are not alone, that these patterns can happen to anyone, and that change is always possible.
As a person with a lifetime of familial and interpersonal (mostly non-romantic) experience with narcissists, I still got a lot out of this book despite its focus on dating and romantic relationships. The first-person experiences with gaslighting were particularly insightful to me as someone who has often doubted whether I was 'making things up' or 'the one who was actually the problem' in former toxic, codependent relationships. It was eerie and quite jarring to see how many statements from Arabi's research participants had been said by me verbatim -- only reading them like this really made the pieces slide into place for me.
This book covers such a wide array of elements in relationships with narcissists: identifying what the dynamics are often like, understanding the trauma bond, healing modalities and ways to put the focus back on yourself and your needs, navigating manipulation tactics, and breaking bonds with narcissists for good. Even past its focus on being aware of abusive dynamics and pattern spotting, this book also provides countless journaling prompts, open-ended questions, and opportunities for helpful self-reflection which will be beneficial to many readers.
Whether you are someone who has interfaced with narcissistic personalities in your home, workplace, social circle, or even across the political landscape, reading this book will provide you with a better ability to not only spot narcissistic behaviors but defend yourself against them as well. It also names and defines manipulative strategies and behaviors which the reader may not have had the language to describe before: I benefitted from explanations of tactics like micro-betrayals, dangerous adaptation, malicious envy, mirroring, and intermittent reinforcement.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and New Harbinger for the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review. I look forward to getting my own physical copy of this book once it is released so that I can use it as a much needed reference!
One of the most notable insights this book held for me was its focus on the neuroscience behind trauma bonding -- a term I'd previously believed meant "two people brought together by a shared traumatic experience" but in this context means an abusive, manipulative dynamic in which you can become trapped with a narcissistic personality -- and how this impacts your thoughts and behaviors. While I've seen a lot of therapists focus on awareness of one's mindset, this is the first one I've seen actually focus on why those of us currently or formerly trauma bonded to narcissists seem so inescapably vulnerable to tactics like gaslighting, manipulation, love bombing, and stonewalling.
Written in a personalized and direct tone, I deeply appreciated Arabi's approach to the topic from a place of reassurance and deep empathy. While the book touches on many upsetting and potentially triggering topics, the discussion of these patterns is always accompanied by the clarification that you are not alone, that these patterns can happen to anyone, and that change is always possible.
As a person with a lifetime of familial and interpersonal (mostly non-romantic) experience with narcissists, I still got a lot out of this book despite its focus on dating and romantic relationships. The first-person experiences with gaslighting were particularly insightful to me as someone who has often doubted whether I was 'making things up' or 'the one who was actually the problem' in former toxic, codependent relationships. It was eerie and quite jarring to see how many statements from Arabi's research participants had been said by me verbatim -- only reading them like this really made the pieces slide into place for me.
This book covers such a wide array of elements in relationships with narcissists: identifying what the dynamics are often like, understanding the trauma bond, healing modalities and ways to put the focus back on yourself and your needs, navigating manipulation tactics, and breaking bonds with narcissists for good. Even past its focus on being aware of abusive dynamics and pattern spotting, this book also provides countless journaling prompts, open-ended questions, and opportunities for helpful self-reflection which will be beneficial to many readers.
Whether you are someone who has interfaced with narcissistic personalities in your home, workplace, social circle, or even across the political landscape, reading this book will provide you with a better ability to not only spot narcissistic behaviors but defend yourself against them as well. It also names and defines manipulative strategies and behaviors which the reader may not have had the language to describe before: I benefitted from explanations of tactics like micro-betrayals, dangerous adaptation, malicious envy, mirroring, and intermittent reinforcement.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and New Harbinger for the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review. I look forward to getting my own physical copy of this book once it is released so that I can use it as a much needed reference!
February 26, 2025
Shahida Arabi's thought-provoking and powerful new book, "Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths" is a must have survival manual for victims of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse. The author pulls no punches; instead, she lays out all of the necessary facts for identifying whether your abuser fits into certain personality types, and how and what you can do to stop the abuse cycle. This is aimed primarily at romantic relationships, but is incredibly helpful if you are a victim of family, co-workers, or acquaintances who are abusive to you. Reading this book should save you a lot of grief and give you powerful weapons to protect yourself.
This is a very practical book; Ms. Arabi defines the personality types of abusers in concrete, easy to understand language. She also goes into what might be some of the causes of the abusive behavior. Throughout, her tone is warm and kind, allaying doubts that you may have about whether you caused your situation. (Hint: You didn't.) She also takes a deep dive into specific abuser behaviors that throw you off balance, make you doubt your perceptions, and bond you closer to the abuser. For healing, she gives you numerous routes to take with practical instructions and exercises. And, last but not least, she reviews way to break up with your abuser for good.
I have found the author's writings to be compelling as well as extremely helpful. I have been a target of narcissists since junior high school. I have been targeted by "friends," co-workers, and my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. My husband is now reading Ms. Arabi's articles and will be reading this book too. As a victim, I am more than appreciative of all of Ms. Arabi's hard work in bringing information to light on these disordered and violent personalities.
I heartily recommend this book if you even THINK you may be dealing with a narcissist or a psychopath. Get away from them a lot earlier than I was capable of doing!
A big thank you to Shahida Arabi, MA and publisher New Harbinger Publications, Inc for providing me with a copy of this book. I received nothing for my review and as always, my opinions are my own.
This is a very practical book; Ms. Arabi defines the personality types of abusers in concrete, easy to understand language. She also goes into what might be some of the causes of the abusive behavior. Throughout, her tone is warm and kind, allaying doubts that you may have about whether you caused your situation. (Hint: You didn't.) She also takes a deep dive into specific abuser behaviors that throw you off balance, make you doubt your perceptions, and bond you closer to the abuser. For healing, she gives you numerous routes to take with practical instructions and exercises. And, last but not least, she reviews way to break up with your abuser for good.
I have found the author's writings to be compelling as well as extremely helpful. I have been a target of narcissists since junior high school. I have been targeted by "friends," co-workers, and my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. My husband is now reading Ms. Arabi's articles and will be reading this book too. As a victim, I am more than appreciative of all of Ms. Arabi's hard work in bringing information to light on these disordered and violent personalities.
I heartily recommend this book if you even THINK you may be dealing with a narcissist or a psychopath. Get away from them a lot earlier than I was capable of doing!
A big thank you to Shahida Arabi, MA and publisher New Harbinger Publications, Inc for providing me with a copy of this book. I received nothing for my review and as always, my opinions are my own.
March 13, 2025
Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths
Stop the Cycle of Manipulation, Exploitation, and Abuse in Your Romantic Relationships
by Shahida Arabi is a great resource to keep as an ebook, on the bookshelf or even given as a gift. It is good for help with a romantic relationship, friendships or family. This is the book that I needed to help me with the relationships with my siblings but I was unable to complete reading through the book as I began to be triggered. I plan to read again once I’ve finished therapy and have the correct skills to complete.
#BreakingTraumaBondswithNarcissistsandPsychopaths #NetGalley.
I received a complimentary copy of this book Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths from New Harbinger Publishers via NetGalley for my honest review of the book. The opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own thoughts, feelings and viewpoints of the book.
Stop the Cycle of Manipulation, Exploitation, and Abuse in Your Romantic Relationships
by Shahida Arabi is a great resource to keep as an ebook, on the bookshelf or even given as a gift. It is good for help with a romantic relationship, friendships or family. This is the book that I needed to help me with the relationships with my siblings but I was unable to complete reading through the book as I began to be triggered. I plan to read again once I’ve finished therapy and have the correct skills to complete.
#BreakingTraumaBondswithNarcissistsandPsychopaths #NetGalley.
I received a complimentary copy of this book Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths from New Harbinger Publishers via NetGalley for my honest review of the book. The opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own thoughts, feelings and viewpoints of the book.
March 15, 2025
Shahida has outclassed herself in writing this latest book about narcissism and psychopathy. I have read her previous works which are classics in their own way. This new book encompasses some previously published work by her and also new, fresh and latest research insights. I’m so impressed with her writing and so thankful to her for being so survivor-friendly. As in her other books, she gives the theory and the basics in the first half of this book. Then she gives the practical tips and action items that victims and survivors can work on to help them come out of toxic or abusive relationships. There are ample number of journal/ workbook activities spread throughout the book which would be beneficial for someone who wants to delve into their own psyche and mind. This is very useful as I believe that action gives us results.
Highly recommended!
Highly recommended!
June 10, 2025
Must read for anyone who has dated Brandon Mako 🫠
February 4, 2025
BREAKING TRAUMA BONDS WITH NARCISSISTS AND PSYCHOPATHS: STOP THE CYCLE OF MANIPULATION, EXPLOITATION, AND ABUSE IN YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS.
BY: SHAHIDA ARABI
I read this book not to have anything to do with my marriage which is healthy. My romantic relationship is a blueprint for an example of health. I read this because I have read other books by this Author, Shahida Arabi and love her writing style. This non-fiction book was interesting how she talks about trauma bonds which has a lot to do with neuroscience of the brain and how these trauma bonds are like getting addicted to a drug. I am very fascinated by psychology and I suspect that a couple of people that I know who can benefit from this fantastic Researcher who has written an informative cutting edge explanation that informs why people stay in toxic relationships. I learned so much and it answered a lot of questions for me with her refreshing information about neuroscience. How the different parts of the brain can affect why you might wonder why it's not as easily as just deciding to leave a toxic relationship and it has nothing to do with how strong a person is that determines the ability to why people who get trauma bonded with narcissistic or psychopathic people since their are chemicals released such as hormones and neurotransmitters are released that keep people stuck even when logic tells them they should leave. Since the toxic relationships that people stay in because of the organs in the brain makes it hard to leave since the chemicals in the brain are much like an addiction when manipulative tactics that narcissistic and psychopaths employ could affect anybody no matter how strong they are. She breaks down how and why this terrifying phenomenon takes place with millions of people according to the case studies she presents. This book is a gold mine of information that gives journal prompts and explanations in an empathetic voice, and occurs with extended family, co-workers, people in the medical fields as well. Her message is very comforting to anyone who has a loved one who is a survivor of a relationship with a psychopath or narcissist, which is it's very unlikely that the survivor is exaggerating since research studies cited from survivors back up that correlate that survivors tend to be more accurate reporters of these narcissistic and psychopathic true traits and behaviors and it's not the survivors fault.
Gaslighting: "is a manipulation tactic designed to distort your reality and make you question your perceptions, thoughts and emotions." In this Author's study sample "95% of survivors had experienced gaslighting, and this was true for those who had partners with narcissistic as well as psychopathic traits," (Arabi 2023) Jealousy induction or Triangulation as well as stonewalling are common manipulation tactics that are used by these abusers that strengthens the trauma bond.
This book is a must read for everyone since this is something that happens to someone you know during your lifetime and this book is crucial with so much to offer in terms of a step by step of outstanding research that's easy to understand explaining how it happens, how to break free of it and it can happen to the strongest people and it's not their fault. It's essential to try to break free since it can affect neurons in the brain from growing and affect memory and learning. It's not dense textbook reading which is due to this author's fantastic ability to have managed to make the neuroscience easy to understand for everyone. I'm so grateful to have read it since it is a comprehensive clear compilation that the details and her depictions of making this for everyone is an amazing feat. It sounds academic which it is but this author's amazing writing gifts to make complex aspects easy for non scientific people who read this could help the audience of readers use this as one of the best tools that could just save someone you know who unwittingly is impacted by a trauma bond. Remember it's never the survivor's fault and has affected millions of people who were strong.
Publication Date: February 1, 2025
Thank you to Net Galley, Shahida Arabi and New Harbinger Publications, Inc. for generously providing me with my wonderful ARC. All opinions are my own.
#BreakingTraumaBondswithNarcissistsandPsychopaths #ShahidaArabi #NewHarbingerPublicationsInc #NetGalley
BY: SHAHIDA ARABI
I read this book not to have anything to do with my marriage which is healthy. My romantic relationship is a blueprint for an example of health. I read this because I have read other books by this Author, Shahida Arabi and love her writing style. This non-fiction book was interesting how she talks about trauma bonds which has a lot to do with neuroscience of the brain and how these trauma bonds are like getting addicted to a drug. I am very fascinated by psychology and I suspect that a couple of people that I know who can benefit from this fantastic Researcher who has written an informative cutting edge explanation that informs why people stay in toxic relationships. I learned so much and it answered a lot of questions for me with her refreshing information about neuroscience. How the different parts of the brain can affect why you might wonder why it's not as easily as just deciding to leave a toxic relationship and it has nothing to do with how strong a person is that determines the ability to why people who get trauma bonded with narcissistic or psychopathic people since their are chemicals released such as hormones and neurotransmitters are released that keep people stuck even when logic tells them they should leave. Since the toxic relationships that people stay in because of the organs in the brain makes it hard to leave since the chemicals in the brain are much like an addiction when manipulative tactics that narcissistic and psychopaths employ could affect anybody no matter how strong they are. She breaks down how and why this terrifying phenomenon takes place with millions of people according to the case studies she presents. This book is a gold mine of information that gives journal prompts and explanations in an empathetic voice, and occurs with extended family, co-workers, people in the medical fields as well. Her message is very comforting to anyone who has a loved one who is a survivor of a relationship with a psychopath or narcissist, which is it's very unlikely that the survivor is exaggerating since research studies cited from survivors back up that correlate that survivors tend to be more accurate reporters of these narcissistic and psychopathic true traits and behaviors and it's not the survivors fault.
Gaslighting: "is a manipulation tactic designed to distort your reality and make you question your perceptions, thoughts and emotions." In this Author's study sample "95% of survivors had experienced gaslighting, and this was true for those who had partners with narcissistic as well as psychopathic traits," (Arabi 2023) Jealousy induction or Triangulation as well as stonewalling are common manipulation tactics that are used by these abusers that strengthens the trauma bond.
This book is a must read for everyone since this is something that happens to someone you know during your lifetime and this book is crucial with so much to offer in terms of a step by step of outstanding research that's easy to understand explaining how it happens, how to break free of it and it can happen to the strongest people and it's not their fault. It's essential to try to break free since it can affect neurons in the brain from growing and affect memory and learning. It's not dense textbook reading which is due to this author's fantastic ability to have managed to make the neuroscience easy to understand for everyone. I'm so grateful to have read it since it is a comprehensive clear compilation that the details and her depictions of making this for everyone is an amazing feat. It sounds academic which it is but this author's amazing writing gifts to make complex aspects easy for non scientific people who read this could help the audience of readers use this as one of the best tools that could just save someone you know who unwittingly is impacted by a trauma bond. Remember it's never the survivor's fault and has affected millions of people who were strong.
Publication Date: February 1, 2025
Thank you to Net Galley, Shahida Arabi and New Harbinger Publications, Inc. for generously providing me with my wonderful ARC. All opinions are my own.
#BreakingTraumaBondswithNarcissistsandPsychopaths #ShahidaArabi #NewHarbingerPublicationsInc #NetGalley
February 6, 2025
Once again, Shahida Arabi proves herself the world expert on fighting back against the damage done by narcissists.
In her latest book, she breaks down how trauma bonds with abusive people happen and what to do about it. Though this book is titled toward those in romantic relationships, it’s suitable for anyone out of one (old or fresh) who don’t want to repeat it with someone new. It is also still very validating and useful for people whose experience with narcissists and psychopaths is friends, family, coworkers and other non-romantic relationships.
As always, one of the traits in Arabi’s writing is her ability to validate the reader while also making them feel empowered. Yes, you’ve been a victim, but we are hitting back. You won’t find pop-psychology here, Arabi’s work is deeply rooted in research.
Maybe you aren’t sure if the person you’re dealing with is actually a dangerous person or just a jerk? Arabi breaks it down for you in plain language with relatable examples. Her very first message for you is letting you know these people are SKILLED at creating these trauma bonds. This isn’t your fault.
Use her book like a workbook. Highlight it. Write in the margins. To me, it’s like a roadmap from start to finish. Use the checklists. This is a book you want to buy simply because I promise (like all of her books) in your healing journey you will read it and return to parts of it again and again until it’s worn and dog-eared.
Learn about tactics such as gaslighting, triangulation, love bombing, how to identify them and what to do. Reclaim your voice and know there is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.
I personally used Arabi’s older books to cope with a narcissistic parent, which led to poor friendships and work relationships with narcissists. You’ll revisit your own childhood and life experiences, along with your own loving and giving personality traits that narcs love like a moth to a flame.
No, you don’t have to change everything about yourself or feel ashamed that you wound up in this situation. Arabi walks you through the healing necessary, teaching you how to weaken your trauma bond, put down and maintain boundaries, types of therapy you can access for yourself, and even wholistic approaches.
If you’re lucky enough to have had minimal experience with these types of people, but find the psychology behind them interesting (true crime!) Arabi provides a wealth of easily read science backed up with real world examples.
This book is like a crash course on everything you need to know. Elements of it can be read at a deeper level if a part of it resonates with you and you want more. The great thing is Arabi has published many books on this topic. If you want more information and a deeper dive into reclaiming your voice, her book “Power” is for you. Are you like me, a child of a narcissist and need information a bit more tailored to that experience? She’s got you covered with “Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists”. My personal favourite, is “Becoming the Narcissists Worst Nightmare”. If you find yourself in these situations a lot, I would absolutely read this book and then read nightmare next!
I am thankful we live in a world like people with Arabi, who are helping victims find their voice and reclaim their power. I give her books as gifts and my copies are well worn and loved. If you’re on the fence and overwhelmed by all the books out there, you want the best bang for your buck, trust the woman who is in the trenches of this research. You won’t be sorry.
In her latest book, she breaks down how trauma bonds with abusive people happen and what to do about it. Though this book is titled toward those in romantic relationships, it’s suitable for anyone out of one (old or fresh) who don’t want to repeat it with someone new. It is also still very validating and useful for people whose experience with narcissists and psychopaths is friends, family, coworkers and other non-romantic relationships.
As always, one of the traits in Arabi’s writing is her ability to validate the reader while also making them feel empowered. Yes, you’ve been a victim, but we are hitting back. You won’t find pop-psychology here, Arabi’s work is deeply rooted in research.
Maybe you aren’t sure if the person you’re dealing with is actually a dangerous person or just a jerk? Arabi breaks it down for you in plain language with relatable examples. Her very first message for you is letting you know these people are SKILLED at creating these trauma bonds. This isn’t your fault.
Use her book like a workbook. Highlight it. Write in the margins. To me, it’s like a roadmap from start to finish. Use the checklists. This is a book you want to buy simply because I promise (like all of her books) in your healing journey you will read it and return to parts of it again and again until it’s worn and dog-eared.
Learn about tactics such as gaslighting, triangulation, love bombing, how to identify them and what to do. Reclaim your voice and know there is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.
I personally used Arabi’s older books to cope with a narcissistic parent, which led to poor friendships and work relationships with narcissists. You’ll revisit your own childhood and life experiences, along with your own loving and giving personality traits that narcs love like a moth to a flame.
No, you don’t have to change everything about yourself or feel ashamed that you wound up in this situation. Arabi walks you through the healing necessary, teaching you how to weaken your trauma bond, put down and maintain boundaries, types of therapy you can access for yourself, and even wholistic approaches.
If you’re lucky enough to have had minimal experience with these types of people, but find the psychology behind them interesting (true crime!) Arabi provides a wealth of easily read science backed up with real world examples.
This book is like a crash course on everything you need to know. Elements of it can be read at a deeper level if a part of it resonates with you and you want more. The great thing is Arabi has published many books on this topic. If you want more information and a deeper dive into reclaiming your voice, her book “Power” is for you. Are you like me, a child of a narcissist and need information a bit more tailored to that experience? She’s got you covered with “Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists”. My personal favourite, is “Becoming the Narcissists Worst Nightmare”. If you find yourself in these situations a lot, I would absolutely read this book and then read nightmare next!
I am thankful we live in a world like people with Arabi, who are helping victims find their voice and reclaim their power. I give her books as gifts and my copies are well worn and loved. If you’re on the fence and overwhelmed by all the books out there, you want the best bang for your buck, trust the woman who is in the trenches of this research. You won’t be sorry.
February 5, 2025
ARC/NetGalley copy
This book is a great resource for understanding trauma bonds and narcissistic relationships. What sets it apart is how the author transforms complex neuroscience into accessible insights – no advanced degree required.
The content is thorough yet approachable, covering the science behind trauma bonds (including their impact on neurological development and cognitive function) while maintaining a practical focus. The author strikes an excellent balance between academic research and real-world application.
Key strengths include:
- Clear explanations of relationship dynamics
- Evidence-based strategies for breaking unhealthy patterns
- Practical tools like journaling prompts and self-reflection exercises
- Versatile applications across personal and professional relationships
Worth noting: this isn't just about romantic relationships – the principles apply equally to professional and family dynamics. The author emphasizes that falling into these patterns isn't a character flaw; it's a well-documented phenomenon that affects individuals regardless of their resilience or capability.
For anyone questioning whether their relationships are serving them well, this book offers both insight and actionable steps forward. The encouraging tone and clear structure make it particularly effective as a self-help resource.
This book is a great resource for understanding trauma bonds and narcissistic relationships. What sets it apart is how the author transforms complex neuroscience into accessible insights – no advanced degree required.
The content is thorough yet approachable, covering the science behind trauma bonds (including their impact on neurological development and cognitive function) while maintaining a practical focus. The author strikes an excellent balance between academic research and real-world application.
Key strengths include:
- Clear explanations of relationship dynamics
- Evidence-based strategies for breaking unhealthy patterns
- Practical tools like journaling prompts and self-reflection exercises
- Versatile applications across personal and professional relationships
Worth noting: this isn't just about romantic relationships – the principles apply equally to professional and family dynamics. The author emphasizes that falling into these patterns isn't a character flaw; it's a well-documented phenomenon that affects individuals regardless of their resilience or capability.
For anyone questioning whether their relationships are serving them well, this book offers both insight and actionable steps forward. The encouraging tone and clear structure make it particularly effective as a self-help resource.
January 22, 2025
Arabi does a phenomenal job of distinguishing characteristics between narcissists and psychopaths, providing case studies and examples of the different diagnoses, and empowering readers to recognize and handle both disorders in real life situations. She does a wonderful job of explaining brain chemistry, trauma bonds, and attachments, and she helps readers discover how to disentangle themselves from dangerous relationships with cluster B personality types.
Not only does Arabi provide a wealth of information about narcissism and sociopathy, she also offers tons of modalities and preventative interventions for people who want to heal from or avoid relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. There are so many ideas for how to rebuild self-esteem, set healthy boundaries, learn to assert oneself, and protect oneself from future entanglements with toxic people.
Many thanks to New Harbinger Publications for sending me an e-ARC! As someone who has compiled an entire library on cluster B personality disorders, Arabi's work is something I am proud to add to my shelf. Far from being a doom and gloom read about the negative repercussions of narcissistic abuse, Arabi empowers readers to achieve and maintain liberation in the dating world and beyond.
Not only does Arabi provide a wealth of information about narcissism and sociopathy, she also offers tons of modalities and preventative interventions for people who want to heal from or avoid relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. There are so many ideas for how to rebuild self-esteem, set healthy boundaries, learn to assert oneself, and protect oneself from future entanglements with toxic people.
Many thanks to New Harbinger Publications for sending me an e-ARC! As someone who has compiled an entire library on cluster B personality disorders, Arabi's work is something I am proud to add to my shelf. Far from being a doom and gloom read about the negative repercussions of narcissistic abuse, Arabi empowers readers to achieve and maintain liberation in the dating world and beyond.
February 2, 2025
Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths is an easy-to-read book by therapist Shahida Arabi. It’s a helpful guidebook for people who are victims of manipulation, gaslighting, and deception in romantic relationships. The author defines trauma bonds as a powerful connection between abuser and victim based on danger, betrayal, or a power imbalance inherent in the relationship. This book is packed with the tools to break free from the destructive grip of narcissistic or psychopathic abuse. It teaches how to spot manipulation tactics used by abusers and emphasizes drawing healthy boundaries with a partner. It also includes insightful tips and practical strategies for safely ending unhealthy relationships and building healthy relationships in the future.
I recommend this book for adults who suspect they are in an unhealthy relationship. While the case studies are geared towards romantic relationships, the principles can be applied to workplace and family relationships as well. Not only is this book very informative and easy-to understand, but the author also writes in a positive, encouraging and reassuring tone.
I received an Advance Review Copy (ARC) from NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
I recommend this book for adults who suspect they are in an unhealthy relationship. While the case studies are geared towards romantic relationships, the principles can be applied to workplace and family relationships as well. Not only is this book very informative and easy-to understand, but the author also writes in a positive, encouraging and reassuring tone.
I received an Advance Review Copy (ARC) from NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
January 10, 2025
First off, thank you so much to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC!
I learned so much from this book. Shahida Arabi offers a clear, practical guide to understanding and breaking trauma bonds. The book combines insightful explanations of the psychology behind these toxic relationships with actionable strategies for healing and setting boundaries. I particularly appreciated the helpful exercises and takeaway sections that make the content easy to digest and apply. As someone who has dealt with manipulative relationships, I found this book both informative and supportive. Highly recommend for anyone seeking to heal from trauma bonds. 4/5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I learned so much from this book. Shahida Arabi offers a clear, practical guide to understanding and breaking trauma bonds. The book combines insightful explanations of the psychology behind these toxic relationships with actionable strategies for healing and setting boundaries. I particularly appreciated the helpful exercises and takeaway sections that make the content easy to digest and apply. As someone who has dealt with manipulative relationships, I found this book both informative and supportive. Highly recommend for anyone seeking to heal from trauma bonds. 4/5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
December 29, 2024
This is an excellent book. It is well laid out. It clearly explains trauma bonds via biology and psychology. How bonds are formed and breaking them. It gives a clear understanding of how to identify narcissist and psychopaths. The book provides a takeaway section at the end of the chapter that summarizes the main points. The book also has exercises that help calm your system and help break the bonds that have previously been formed. As a therapist, I feel that this book could help a lot of my clients! Well written and easy to understand. I highly recommend this book.
September 16, 2025
This is an excellent book that is not focused solely on romantic relationships, in spite of the title. What makes this book a stand out is it focuses on how trauma bonds are created. Why are we drawn to challenging personalities? There is a section on therapeutic options, which specifically mentions Cluster B. This is important context to this work. The remainder of the book looks at manipulation tactics and how to dodge them. It finishes with a great coaching section on how to avoid these types of relationships in the future.
February 7, 2025
Readers will find validation and clarity in Shahida Arabi’s science based, research-backed analysis. They will also encounter a knowledgeable and compassionate guide who provides hope and the important steps to begin to support the self-awareness necessary to break through the disorientation and fragmentation that accompanies this kind of destructive relational dynamic and ultimately return to wholeness.
January 5, 2026
The author covers all types of interpersonal relationships these personalities could be present in and offers highly effective tactics and action plans for recovery such toxic abuse. People well read on the subjects will find the information redundant, but worth repeating. This work is more important than ever to grasp. I appreciated the compassion for relapse and encouragement to remain committed to recovery. To any survivor in the thick of healing any wounds from such abuse - keep going. 💗
February 6, 2025
Shahida Arabi masterfully educates readers about the complex intersection of neuroscience and the intricacies of healing in the aftermath of psychological abuse. Written in a style that is digestible, informative, and packed with research, Shahida’s book will no doubt serve as an essential guide for survivors and helping professionals alike. Bravo, Shahida!
February 6, 2025
The books by this author have helped my wife greatly. Though we have a loving relationship, she has had bad past experiences that still cause anxiety and difficult when around these people. She is always more confident and happier after reading these books.
March 3, 2025
Very helpful to recognize the harmful traits of certain personalities and when a situation is truly abusive.
I’ve learned some new things. Sometimes I felt like the perspectives were very black and white.
I’ve learned some new things. Sometimes I felt like the perspectives were very black and white.
July 14, 2025
(2/5) The author makes all the disclaiming notices up front, then tries to lay out roadmaps for dealing with a wide variety of aberrant behaviors. I would advise that one read and use with great caution. I stayed above one star only because the author seems to be sharing fairly good information.
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September 17, 2025The best way I can describe the impact of Shahida Arabis’ books, is that her unique delivery and particular insight was/is like finding the missing puzzle piece to an intricate and life long puzzle. Having read them all, it’s impossible to pick a favourite, as there is value in each one.
September 28, 2025
i actually really enjoyed it!! I think it was very educational, and it's very insightful on how narcissistic abuse works, and how it really can be damaging. I highly recommend it!
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