Married Ever After

by Ali Hammuda

Genres: Islam

180 pages, Paperback

Published August 13, 2024

Reviews

[Abeer Arain · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptionally well-written and very enlightening. It discusses different topics as compared to the Marriage Handbook by Mufti Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera, which is good, because the readers can learn from both the authors.

[Saarah Niña · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book because I was contemplating whether I am truly ready for marriage. I thought I had found someone and I wanted to read it and share with them the extracts I had learnt along my reading journey.

This book was far more valuable than I expected. I read it as an ebook but will look to buy a physical copy because it is so incredible.

I think it’s the first book of its kind that I have ever read. It is a serious book about a serious topic. There is nothing to amuse you and no lack of formality. I was grateful for this. However Shaykh Ali Hammuda still distills his points into easily digestible chapters in a neutral, respectful but still forthright manner. Everything he says is supported by Quranic verses and Prophet Muhammad (saw)’s words and example.

Marriage is an act of worship. We should do more to treat it like one. When we do, it’ll become all the more rewarding God willing.

I’ll add extracts I found meaningful below…

1. ‘Whether you marry and who you choose to marry are arguably one of the most impactful decisions of your adult life. This relationship will see you through all the varied seasons of life – from those initial exciting moments of sharing all of yourself with another person to experiencing parenthood together, making decisions about work, travel, careers, or even suffering illness or the death of family and friends.

The quality of your marital bond can be the vessel in which you weather the storms of life, allowing you to have constant support by your side against the elements beyond your control’

2. ‘Your life is simply a cosmic journey, and marriage is the key to facilitate the ease of undertaking this journey until you both reach your ultimate destination – the Pleasure of Allah (swt).

3. Shaykh Hammuda advises us to manage our expectations. This is so dearly important, you will never find perfection. ‘Our lives will not be perfect, and human conduct will always be marred by shortcomings. So, for the smaller niggles of life, we must overlook such trifling annoyances and be patient in order to preserve the bigger picture.’

4. ‘Whilst your spouse will in shā’ Allāh bring you much relief and solace, it is crucial to recognise that relying solely on one person to fulfil all of your needs can lead to unmet expectations, disappointment, and potential strain on the relationship itself. [….] By cultivating relationships with family, friends, and the wider community, we open ourselves up to a variety of experiences, perspectives, and sources of joy’.

5. My absolute favourite from his philosophy: ‘…marriage fills a void in your heart, as the contentment within your home will allow you to focus on other important areas of life. If two people know that home is a sanctuary and place of rest, then they will feel equipped to tackle the challenges of life outside of it. Marriage allows you to assess the state of your heart and actions responding to your spouse’s feelings. As a married person, you are bound to a lifelong commitment with someone whose thoughts feelings, dreams, and aspirations are to be respected and shared with you. The heart of another human being is now vulnerable to your attentive consideration. How you respond to your spouse’s needs will teach you lessons about yourself that you could not have gained elsewhere. The growth of your relationship will reveal to you the very best and worst of your character. As the person who gets to know you better than anyone else – and who spends the most time with you – your spouse will be able to give you the most accurate reflection of your character. When done with kindness and received likewise, this is one of the greatest tools you have to your self-development and spiritual purification.’





All excerpts from: "Married Ever After" by Ali Hammuda.
This material may be protected by copyright.

Read this book on Everand: https://www.everand.com/book/762005654

[Martine.lit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comme le titre l'indique, ce livre parle du mariage. Il est cependant divisé en quatre parties :
1. L’approche du mariage
2. Renforcer votre mariage
3. Surmonter les défis
4. La dissolution du mariage.

Ce que j’ai particulièrement aimé dans ce livre, c’est qu’il y avait des conseils pratiques à la fin de chaque chapitre.

Mon chapitre préféré est celui intitulé "Le leadership juste". Il m’a fait prendre conscience que la société influence beaucoup un couple, sans que celui-ci ne s’en rende forcément compte, notamment avec cette idée d’égalité homme-femme qui n’est pas compatible avec la religion musulmane. Il nous montre que les sexes opposés ne sont pas égaux dans leur manière de voir les choses, de ressentir les émotions, de réfléchir, d'agir... mais que finalement, certes, ils ne sont pas égaux mais ils se complètent très bien.

Ce que j’ai le "moins" aimé est peut-être la première partie que j’ai trouvée un peu longue. Mais je pense que c’est parce qu'étant donné qu’elle aborde l’avant-mariage (comme le choix des critères du futur époux par exemple), je ne me sentais pas concernée étant déjà mariée. Néanmoins, je l’ai lue avec l’idée que cela me servirait pour conseiller mes enfants.

J’ai décidé de partager une invocation qui se trouve dans le sous-chapitre "Maîtriser ses émotions" dans la partie 3 (surmonter les défis) à propos de la colère :

Le Messager d'Allâh ﷺ levait ainsi les mains vers le ciel et invoquait sincèrement Allâh à ces mots :

" Ô Allâh, par Ta connaissance de l'Invisible et Ton pouvoir sur la création, accorde-moi de vivre si Tu sais que la vie est bonne pour moi, et accorde-moi de mourir si Tu sais que la mort est bonne pour moi. Ô Allâh, je Te demande de m'accorder la crainte de Toi en privé comme en public. Je Te demande (la capacité de prononcer) une parole de vérité dans les moments de satisfaction comme dans les moments de colère. Je Te demande la modération dans la richesse et dans la pauvreté. Je Te demande des bénédictions qui ne cessent jamais, et que la fraîcheur de mes yeux (c'est- à-dire le plaisir) ne s'arrête jamais. Je Te demande la satisfaction après Ton jugement, et je Te demande une vie de fraîcheur après la mort. Je Te demande le plaisir de contempler Ton visage et la joie de Te rencontrer, sans qu'aucun mal ni épreuve qui égare ne m'atteigne; ô Allâh, revêts-nous de la beauté de la Foi, et fais de nous des guides bien-guidés !"

[Isni Noviya · Rating 5 out of 5]

MasyaAllah, you can gain so much from this small book. May Allah always bless ust. Ali Hammuda for writing this book.

[hala · Rating 4 out of 5]

really beautiful and poignant but also succinct and concise and practical guide for Islamic principles of making a healthy marriage. some of this advice is applicable to other close relationships in general like friends and family (the section on controlling your anger was extremely personally relevant regarding my familial relationships). one star off simply because it was concise and I think a lot of this advice was pretty straightforward and it honestly saddens me that some people need to be told things like “don’t hold a grudge against your spouse” and “don’t ask for divorce in the heat of the moment when you’re angry” (?!?! like NO KIDDING ?!) but that doesn’t take away from how true and extremely important these principles are for human relationships in general and marriage in particular as the most intimate relationship you can have with another person. so I would def recommend this whether you’re married, looking to get married, or like me just doing some research on advice. like i said, some of it was helpful advice for my kinship ties and friendships as well.

[Urm33 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Timeless marriage advice that especially Muslims can benefit from. There were several parts where I felt like the author pulled the thought from my head because I said the same exact things in my head during my marriage. I wish this was around before I had gotten married. I was not ready for the initial challenges I faced after getting married and did not know how to tackle them. I also appreciate how the author used verses from the Quran, sealing the timelessness of the marriage advice.

[Raheemah Odusote · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read and a great reference for the long-married, yet to marry, and newlyweds. It helps put some things into perspective.