Self Care

by Russell Smith

An electric examination of women and men, sex and love, self-loathing and twenty-first century loneliness.

Between Daily Self Care, the weekly column she writes for the website The Hype Report, and managing her mood stabilizers, Gloria navigates her quasi-relationship with Florian and commiserates with Isabel, her best friend, about dating apps and dick pics, married men and questionable boundaries. But when she makes a glib pass at Darin, a stranger wearing a sad face pin on a subway platform crowded with young male protestors leaving an anti-immigration rally, and finds him waiting for her outside her health club the next day, curiosity leads her not to consider a restraining order, but to talk to him.

Claiming she wants to interview him for an article she’s writing on the incel movement, Gloria meets Darin for coffee and soon invites him back to her apartment—where his strange earnestness and painfully restrained desire inspire her to dominate him sexually. As their sexual relationship intensifies, so does their emotional connection, and Gloria can’t shake her sense that she’s headed in a dangerous direction. An electric examination of women and men, sex and love, self-loathing and twenty-first century loneliness, Self-Care is a devastating novel about all the ways we try to cope—with ourselves, and with each other.

Genres: Canada, Contemporary, Fiction, Literary Fiction, Friendship, Mental Health

288 pages, Paperback

Published October 21, 2025

About the author

Russell Claude Smith is a Canadian writer and newspaper columnist. Smith's novels and short stories are mostly set in Toronto, where he lives.

Smith grew up in Halifax, Nova Scotia. He attended the Halifax Grammar School and Queen Elizabeth High School, and studied French literature at Queen's University, the University of Poitiers, and the University of Paris III. He has an MA in French from Queen's.

Russell Smith is one of Canada’s funniest and nastiest writers. His previous novels, including How Insensitive and Girl Crazy, are records of urban frenzy and exciting underworlds. He writes a provocative weekly column on the arts in the national Globe and Mail, and teaches in the MFA program at the University of Guelph. He hates folk music.

Reviews

[Jeanelle d'Eon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I rage finished this book in two days.

People are going to look back at this book and think “what the fuck was going on in the 2020s”. And honestly, I don’t know man. Things were bad. Why are the nazis back. Of all the groups. How did this happen. People are not okay.

Anyway. If you want to read the horrors while living the horrors. Dig in.

[Jillian B · Rating 3 out of 5]

When the life of Gloria, a young writer, becomes entangled with that of an incel, things get weird. This book was so interesting to me because I’m still not really sure what we’re meant to take away from it, but there were moments that were so on point. I really liked the ending, although it felt like it took too long to get there. And to the author’s credit, he managed to write a complex young female protagonist without it ever feeling too “men writing women.” Of all the books I’ve read by men that have sex scenes, this is the one that shows the greatest understanding of the female orgasm! The satirical portrayal of media and academia was also absolutely spot on.

The strangest part of the book to me was honestly the lack of understanding of current trends. I had to check to make sure this wasn’t supposed to be set 10 years ago. It takes place in Toronto, where I live, and the setting felt very real. But all the cool young guys at the club had man buns, deep V-necks and scarves? And a guy is seen as uncool for wearing a chain, a very normal Gen Z look? I’m 35, and this felt like a stereotype of the hipsters who were around when I was in my 20s, not modern day young people. It sounds so shallow but it kind of pulled me out of the book. The main character was also sometimes kind of exasperating, even though I usually like unlikeable, self-sabotaging characters.

I genuinely don’t know how to feel about this one!

[Julia Jenne · Rating 3 out of 5]

First review what!! That’s a lot of pressure. Spoilers ahead btw

This book held my attention throughout but I didn’t find anything particularly surprising about it in the end… Like men’s rights incel guy turns out to be unhinged, beautiful woman who has a lot of sex dies, FMC’s life is left in shambles and I guess I was expecting the story would reach for something less tropey and land on a more substantial commentary, but I couldn’t figure out what that was supposed to be so even as the ending was kinda satisfying it was also kinda womp womp

I did love the wholehearted Ontarian-ness of it and all the sharp irreverent dialogue that kind of sweeps you along. It felt very of this moment without having that terminally online feeling that’s a bit depressing to encounter in a novel. Curious what other folks will have to say about it

[Jonathan Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self Care is an addictive and compelling reflection of what young Millenials are enduring in today's time of sensory bombardment that has left them in a state of what appears to be constant emotional and mental exhaustion. The story's main characters are incredibly flawed, yet it is within those flaws that we are able to see their humanity, in all its glorious discomfort. Even when exploring the world of incels, Russell Smith does so with empathy, not condoning their views or behaviour, but simply showing it for us, the readers, to form our own opinions. A page turner in every sense, Self Care is a book that after reading, immediately makes you want to walk around the streets of Toronto and see the world so vividly shown in its pages.

[celena · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 I think.

I picked this book up blind at a local bookstore in an attempt to read something for once that had not been influenced by online reviews.

Man, this felt like witnessing a train wreck. Not that the book was badly written, I enjoyed the pacing and the dialogue, a breath of fresh air in comparison to what I had been reading lately. And normally I don't enjoy reading books that are set in Toronto, but the use of the setting here was not overbearing, which I liked.

Gloria, though, continues to make worse and worse decisions and it physically filled me with dread. There are many parts of her I can see in myself. Her unfiltered thoughts are realistic and her overthinking is compelling by just virtue of its familiarity. But while she can recognize her negative traits, she just indiscriminately indulges in her vices without enough consideration for the consequences. I feel like that could be said about many of these characters. Each time you begin think Daryn might not be a bad guy, he does something terrifying unprovoked. There was absolutely no positive character development in anybody. The ending was not surprising given all of the events that led up to it, but it did not make me feel any less terrible.

It was very interesting to read about all these broken people, hoping that things might change for the better only to be disappointed. I was uncomfortable and and upset while reading this but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

[Courtney Crawford · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book was really fucking weird

[Danna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Damn. Pretty nuts. Shows a nasty underbelly that is sometimes hard to get through but I found it so compelling and a real (and scary!) glimpse into what a lot of people are dealing with. Yowzaaaa.

[Maryka Meloche · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,25⭐️
C’était un gros ramassis d’enjeux sociaux/psychologiques (TSM, addictions, sexe, suicide, violence psychologique, rôle femmes/hommes, enjeux politiques, et plus encore)
J’ai quand même accroché à l’histoire, même si à certains moments ça me semblait absurde ou exagéré, les enjeux étaient quand même bien illustrés selon moi
Gloria m’a un peu énervé, elle prenait constamment des mauvaises décisions et restait dans ses vieux patterns

[Robyn Manning · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book!! 🤯

[Mia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuinely such a gripping book. This one was in a genre I often don’t read but it was able to lock me in tight. There is something about it being based in a setting so real that resonated with me and the plot line itself had me on the edge of my seat. Gloria has her faults no doubt and did she maybe take it too far with a man who clearly needs some help but also is very vulnerable, yes, but something about her character speaks to me. There were some areas of the book that I felt needed higher concentration to understand but overall really interesting and well written.

[Ciara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Self Care is incredibly readable but feels like the literary equivalent of a centrist that wants you to know they think the left and right have both gone too far. i really enjoyed the humour and was thoroughly engaged, but i just had a nagging discomfort with the way the subject matter was explored.

[Colin Boyd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Look, I'm a Russell Smith fan. I am; I will always seek out his works. But can we agree that 'Self Care' is less of an incisive critique of our current cultural moment and more of a rehash of tropes we've encountered again and again and again in Smith since 1994's 'How Insensitive'?

His Toronto seems forever frozen in amber. In the 1994 novel, Ted Owen, though broke, pays ten-dollar cover charges and sips outrageously overpriced 'six-dollar beers' in noisy nightclubs where the loudspeakers chant things like 'COME ON, F-- ME.' In 2025, Gloria, though broke, will randomly pull into a bar for a $22 glass of wine or a noisy nightclub where the loudspeakers chant things like 'What the stop doin', what the stop doin'.'

In 1994 we had Go-Go, the gorgeous but troubled recent university drop-out, 'kind of depressed, kind of f--ed up,' and survivor of the (glib hairflip) 'anorexia bulimia scene.' In 2025 we have the 'hot' but troubled Isabel, the #boredcitygirl, who is also, we learn, kind of depressed and kind of, like, f--ed up.

In 1994 the characters are fresh from their courses on deconstruction, semiotics and intertextuality; in 2025 it's Social Critique of Narrative, Decolonization, and Intergenerational Trauma. In both cases, the discourse is empty, a pose like everything else in the city.

In 1994, anything outside the orbit of downtown Toronto is treated with scorn; think of Ted’s encounter with the sad-sack Bill McLoed, once a high school pal but now saddled with a wife (‘juggling Tupperware’), a baby, and – worst fate of all in a Smith universe – a starter-home in Markham. In 2025, Gloria is conscious of Daryn’s profoundly unhip suburban origins: after all, ‘he wasn’t from downtown and didn’t know the name of any bands or podcasts or microbreweries.’ (I guess music streaming services, YouTube, and LCBOs that stock roughly 1000 different brands of microbrewery IPAs don’t exist north of Bloor: good to know.)

Honestly, by the end of ‘Self Care’ I was half hoping for a cameo appearance from Ted Owen himself: perhaps as an embittered man, well past middle age, twice-divorced, and working in legal services at a tech-bro company. That would be mondo fun. Perhaps the next installment.

[Jessica Smiley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I stayed up until 5:00am reading this novel unable to stop. Smith captured a raw and real experience of being a young adult in Toronto.

Will be recommending this to all my Toronto friends.

[tegwyn anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

really don’t know how to feel about this one. weird bad. very bleak!

[Mish Middelmann · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an awkward read - and that is the point! This book is filled with anger and self doubt and radical awkwardness in relationships. It gives us insight into the world young adults inhabit in 2025 in Toronto, and I dare say many other parts of the world, and it is a scary and depressing place to be. The milieu of emptiness, disconnection from meaning, reliance on prescription and non-prescription medications, and summary judgement has a powerful effect on the individuals in the story.

Smith writes well and engages us beyond the headlines one might read in the news. He makes the dating scene real. He evokes the atmosphere of polarised politics real at many levels including class and left-wing/right-wing and of course focusing on heterosexual love and hate.

I found it strange that the author, who very clearly identifies as a man, chose to write the book from a woman's point of view. What if he'd been able to really open up the life of a believable involuntary celibate to understand what lies beneath this ugly unhinged danger to women? Is it just too risky for a man to appear in any way sympathetic to an incel?

On the one hand, I think Smith was brave to illuminate a bit of what it is like for young men associated with the "incel" label without resorting to simple condemnation. I noted that this book was rejected for funding by a variety of arts councils - presumably because there is such widespread and blanket fear and condemnation of these men, no doubt much of it deserved.

On the other hand, we experience the whole story through the eyes and voice and body of Gloria, a woman who also crosses the line in making relationship with a younger incel man. One thing that the book makes abundantly clear is that young people of both genders are finding dating and sex extremely awkward to navigate. All the characters are hungry for real relationship and unsatisfied by the sex they do or don't experience. But having touched the taboo of having some empathy for involuntary celibate men, why not examine their experience a bit more deeply?

Daryn, the young man in this story fluctuates alarmingly between three poles. He's young, vulnerable and pathetic at one pole. He's an inexperienced but enthusiastic, caring and sensitive lover at another pole. And he is a hateful, angry, threatening bigot at the third pole.

The story examines in some detail how Gloria feels some perverse attraction to the first, vulnerable self Daryn presents to her. He seems to be something of an antidote to some of her other lovers' callous selfishness and independence. Everyone loves to be loved, Smith suggests, and even needy vulnerability mixed with loving attraction is better than nothing.

She barely admits to enjoying him as a lover (the second pole of his personality) - but she does, and he's able to submit to all the roles she needs to explore before she actually begins to enjoy sex with him. Actually in my opinion it is quite natural - all that physical intimacy, even if awkward and confused, is still intimacy and can warm the heart.

The climax of the book, perhaps unsurprisingly, features that third and ugliest pole of Daryn's personality. For our narrator, Gloria, he is rather like a ticking time bomb. His swings between the three poles seem like random fluctuations.

But in my experience, people rarely fluctuate quite randomly. There is almost always an inner narrative that makes some level of sense to the owner of the behaviours, even if the person can't articulate what swings them from - in Daryn's case - gentleness and gratitude to anger, hatred and threats of violence.

So I remain after reading the book curious - who will write a book like this from the incel's point of view, without either demonising the awkward, angry young man or supporting his misogyny and threats? Daryn seems like a prime character for such an exploration. He is on the edge of the fascist right wing crowd, and as mentioned he veers into ugly misogynistic hatred - and at the same time he seems quite genuine in his desire to have a real and respectful relationship with Gloria.

As the book makes clear, there are a lot of people who feel and behave in some way like Daryn, and there might be more people out there like Gloria than simple logic would suggest.

[janna ✭ · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5

This book begs the question: can you fuck the incel out of a man? (spoiler alert: no!)

Perhaps that's a reductive way of looking at it, but that's essentially the gist. I wasn't expecting to enjoy this as much as I did, but I seriously couldn't put it down. I was stuck on the subway and train for most of the day with nothing to entertain myself except for this book and I found myself flying through it. I completely lost track of time and space while reading this, which is truly the best feeling ever.

There's something so masochistic or saviour-complex-y about pursuing and subsequently starting a "relationship" with an incel. But as the main character, Gloria, herself notes, it can often be difficult to fully realize the danger one is in, especially when the behaviour exhibited by Daryn, the incel in question, is at first not very different from the behaviour of a lot of "normal," i.e. non-incel, men. "A boy who wanted her terribly and hated her terribly – or were all men like that?". The good moments are good, you feel powerful in a sick, perverted way, high on the belief that you've been able to "tame" the incel, to change the man who hates women and yet "loves" you–but of course, that's never the case. So, you rationalize the expressions of his beliefs as his "dark side, his conjoined twin", but as Daryn reminds Gloria, "I am totally myself. I'm always myself." The hate, the insecurity cannot be fucked away, it's always there.

Really, really enjoyed the discussions around sex in here–Gloria having to grapple with the fact that pursuing Daryn turns her on, Daryn hating women and yet liking being dominated by them–the narration is unflinching and raw, which I found immensely interesting.

Also, it's just soso fun to read a book like this set in Toronto. As someone who has to take two buses and a train to get home, I related to Gloria so much. It's also just nice being able to visualize the places they go to, like UofT's Athletic Centre, etc.

I'll be thinking about this one for a while and will definitely be rereading it...

[The Idea Shop · Rating 4 out of 5]

For his first novel in fifteen years. award-winning author Russell Smith fully embraces his well-deserved reputation as a cultural anthropologist of urban life in the city.

Self Care is a brilliant novel which seems to be effortlessly built from Smith's trademark insights of keenly observed social anthropology. A chance meeting between Gloria and Daryn, two twenty-somethings living in Canada’s largest city is all the pretense Smith needs to work his considerable storytelling magic.

Gloria, a part-time columnist for a website called The Hype who writes about urban general interest subject matter ranging from sex to suicide seems an unlikely love interest for Daryn. He is a part-time electronics store worker who lives at home and is apparently connected to a loosely organized incel subculture of men who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one.

Strangely fascinated by Daryn, Gloria uses the journalistic pretense of interviewing him for her column to get to know him better, and perhaps confirm some of her worst thoughts of him.

Despite their own misgivings and reticence, a peculiar intimacy begins to form between them and the narrative takes flight

In Smith's capable hands, Self Love offers a cautionary tale with an irresistible emotional core that presents the complex intricacies of love and intimacy in today's fast-moving world of information and digital awareness in a thoroughly readable fashion.

Despite technology making multiple forms of communication possible, Smith ensures that pure conversation, and its many pitfalls, plays hard against the many forms of digital engagement we sometimes take for granted today. His talent for capturing conversation and it's nuances is truly remarkable

Unconventional, unforgettable but absolutely not improbable, in Smith's capable hands, Self Care weaves together the strands of today's societal norms and preoccupations into one of the most unique love stories we've had the pleasure of reading for some time.

[Valentina · Rating 4 out of 5]

God I was so enamoured by this book, and I couldn't help but love gloria through all her faults and mistakes through how much I understood her actions and her thoughts. There were so many points in the book were I couldn't help but just understand her, and I think Smith wrote Gloria as a character and as a woman, insanely well.

I really enjoyed the complex emotions I had for daryn at the beginning, that slowly turned into anger towards the end as he kept spiralling. But seriously at the beginning it was hard to actually hate him other than him just being a little annoying. Because, Daryn just seemed like a pathetic kid that had nothing going for him, so you sympathize with him in that sense. But then he like went batshit and became so annoying and I was so pissed off and scared because of him, which makes sense ?!

All these characters were pleasantly complex and frustrating. Everyone felt so real, like they were actual real people and I really appreciated that. Smith had a way of making the dialogue so natural and immersive and I genuinely thank him for that, because it added so much to all the scenes and I completely lost myself into this book to the point where these became real people.

This is literally the first book I've read in months and i'm really happy it was, it's made me excited to read again. Really great way to start off 2026.

[Jowita Bydlowska · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self-care is bleak. Michel Houellebecq-level bleak and Houellebecqian in its satire of personal relationships. It is dark and funny and heartbreaking and all too relevant -- the perfect book for our times where gooning is becoming the new, grotesque level of sexual isolation and struggle to connect. The characters are deeply flawed and deeply human, and their youth and inexperience is evident, which only made me hope, despite myself, that there might still be a happy ending, or at least a merciful one. The dialogue is Smith's signature hilarious and the sex scenes are slightly revolting but refreshing in their bluntness: precum, sweat, moles, and squeak of rubber -- it's all there. It's a compulsively readable book that despite its bleakness has many moments of tenderness and accidental grace. With Self-Care, Smith reminds us that even in our most narcissistic, deranged, and self-sabotaging states, the impulse to connect tends to triumph all the other impulses.

[Heidi Palleske · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review of Self Care by Russell Smith

Russell Smith’s Self Care is sharp, unsettling, and impossible to turn away from. Gloria, a young freelancer juggling unstable work and bad relationships, agrees to profile Daryl, an incel, for an article. Instead, she slides into a dangerous, obsessive affair with him. What follows is ironic, disturbing, and painfully believable.

Smith has always had a gift for skewering city life, and here he turns his gaze on the precariousness of millennial survival — the hustle, the loneliness, the strange intimacy of dating apps and casual sex. The book is uncomfortable, but that’s its brilliance: it makes us sit with the contradictions of desire, power, and self-image in the twenty-first century. Smith hasn’t published a novel of fiction in some time, and Self Care is certainly worth the wait.

[lapetitesouris · Rating 4 out of 5]

What it means to be a young adult trying to navigate yourself through the constant bombardment of information in this dystopian nightmare we've created where every single voice has a platform to scream their opinions at you any chance they get.

The insufferable conversations, the intense opinions - how everything is so black and white these days (love how the book showed us the many shades of grey), trying to make something of yourself in a city that's unaffordable, the way meds are prescribed for every little thing, the performative nature of so much of what we do now that social media has infiltrated our lives. Phew. This was exhausting.

Read it in two days and couldn't put it down. All I could think the entire time was how grateful I was to not be in my twenties trying to figure myself out while trying to navigate a dating scene that feels like the Wild West.

[Christine Estima · Rating 5 out of 5]

Talk about a page turner. Could not put it down. The story is very gritty and very honest, both of which I appreciated. It's refreshing to see a novel that addresses the toxic and terrorising incel culture from the woman's point of view, never shying away from the complexities therein. Sex scenes felt honest and relatable, rather than stylized or extra glossy, and the push and pull of trying to love someone you know is bad for you really shone through. Expertly done! A fascinating read and also such a snapshot of what women are dealing with right now - ie, men feeling like they are entitled to our bodies, our time, and even our attention. Will make you angry in some sections, but in a good way.

[CANDEN333 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Part of me loves Russell Smith’s writing, part of me hates what he writes. It always makes me uncomfortable but, it also gets my brain working in a different direction than I’m used to.
His books are not something one would want as a steady diet. The need for antidepressants would be as great as it is for his characters!

This book is completely true to his style. Yet softer. Like most people, even writers get with age. I liked it a little more than his others. It’s still gritty, raw and emotional. The middle was a little saggy.

It’s written about millennials I think but the issues are no different from what we Gen X-ers went through in our youth. Life really hasn’t changed as much as people think. Same issues just in different packages.

[Laurie Burns · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is unhinged. In a good way; if you like unhinged things. I feel like Russell Smith really dug into the dark underbelly of the twenty somethings in Canada caught in the darkness and anxiousness of this time. The constant emotional and mental state of despair. The cellphone, the loneliness, the self- loathing, the weird sex and the love. He captured the isolation and angst perfectly in my mind. This book disturbed me but also made it hard to look away. Gloria hates Darin but she also loves the power she has over him. Can she get out of this odd sexual power relationship in time to avoid danger? And should she text Florian back?

[cora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Favourite book I’ve read for any class this semester. so incredibly haunting. So many of the things Self-Care satirizes are things that we tend to blindly accept in our little bubbles. it will use one character to blow these features massively out of proportion, and (in some cases) a separate character to have an absolute lack of said feature.

I had a feeling I knew how it was going to end, but even then I held out hope for a happy ending. I’m still reeling from this, so not entirely sure how to feel. Really excited to be able to discuss this in my class.

[Richard L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars, rounded up.

Like watching a car crash in slow motion. Over and over.

Dread saturates every waking moment. Peril lurks around every corner.

A gradual descent into darkness, where physical and emotional peril awaits.

The events slide one after another. Inexorably, perhaps inevitably.

For once, a novel's self-description fits:

"...sex and love, self-loathing, and twenty-first century loneliness.
"...women and men, what they want and what they say they want, and the violent tension between the two."

Or, perhaps more succinctly: "This will all end in tears."

[Kirstyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this novel during a “peruse the local independent bookstore instead of being responsible” episode. Something told me to read what it was about after seeing the cover.

If you’re a part of society and dating culture nowadays, I recommend. Ties together so many things young people think about, experience, do and don’t do. And how freaking stupid and in need of help we are 🫢

If you enjoy ridiculous yet realistic fiction that makes you think about your own life/how others may think, def worth it.

Plus, smut lol

[Alexis Stefanovich-Thomson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bleak and funny and highly recommended.

"She knew she was supposed to do her breathing exercises for anger, but she was too angry."

or...

He shook his head. "No way would I let someone give me a pill. I don't believe in them."
"Don't believe in them! You don't believe in science and medicine."
"Would you take them if someone told you you were crazy, here take this pill, you don't know what's in it?"
She laughed. "I do take them. Everybody does."

[Nina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Binged over two tired nights; like a trainwreck you can’t look away from, Self Care is a gripping tragedy that’s hard to put down. How do you reconcile deep desires that go against your fundamental beliefs? Healing begins with honesty and self-reflection - I hope that we can all one day get there.

Bonus: Torontonian readers will love the localization and easter eggs.

[Lindsey Fox · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall: easy read, exciting, sexy, finished in 2 days..

howeverrrr…. There are SO many interesting themes in this around modern sex and gender performance and incel culture and mental illness which had me very excited to read, but unfortunately I felt things fell flat and nothing was really said or discovered. But maybe that wasn’t the point. FMC was annoying AF like damn!