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A Space in the Heart: A Survival Guide for Grieving Parents
A Space in the Heart is about the anguish that the death of a child brings and how to survive and thrive in its aftermath. It’s part memoir, part self-help, zero bullshit and 100 percent straight from the heart. It’s about our never-ending love for our lost children and how that love ultimately helps us transform and heal. In other words, it’s a roadmap for a road no one would ever choose to travel.
Grief isn’t something that you overcome…but you can learn to live with it.It will take time. It will take work. It will take pain. It will take strength. It will take an open heart. It will take everything you have. It will take things that you didn’t know you had.
That’s what this book is really about and what sets it apart. It’s about the specific heartache that the death of a child brings. It includes an honest retelling of the ups and downs of parenting an adopted son who struggled with addiction and mental illness. It’s a heartbreaking, at times surprisingly humorous, yet ultimately comforting guided tour through the hell of losing a child—a journey on which a parent can transform from ordinary to extraordinary.
One of the many other things Larry Carlat learned is that grief lasts until the day we die. The question becomes—what do we want to do with it until then? How do we want to live our lives knowing that we’ve lost a vital piece of who we are? His greatest wish is that this book will help answer those existential questions and, above all, provide unwavering hope along the way.
Grief isn’t something that you overcome…but you can learn to live with it.It will take time. It will take work. It will take pain. It will take strength. It will take an open heart. It will take everything you have. It will take things that you didn’t know you had.
That’s what this book is really about and what sets it apart. It’s about the specific heartache that the death of a child brings. It includes an honest retelling of the ups and downs of parenting an adopted son who struggled with addiction and mental illness. It’s a heartbreaking, at times surprisingly humorous, yet ultimately comforting guided tour through the hell of losing a child—a journey on which a parent can transform from ordinary to extraordinary.
One of the many other things Larry Carlat learned is that grief lasts until the day we die. The question becomes—what do we want to do with it until then? How do we want to live our lives knowing that we’ve lost a vital piece of who we are? His greatest wish is that this book will help answer those existential questions and, above all, provide unwavering hope along the way.
240 pages, Hardcover
Published November 19, 2024
13 people are currently reading
31 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
March 27, 2025
This is an excellent grief memoir by Larry Carlat, a writer whose son Robbie fatally shot himself in the head at age 28 in 2019. This book is written specifically for fellow grieving parents as a survival guide to help us through the first couple of years of our grief, but I loved it, too, even though I’ve been grieving my own son, Kyle, for eight years. (Kyle died of an overdose at age 26 in 2016.)
Grief memoirs have provided me great comfort as I’ve learned to live with the terrible, lifelong anguish of having my firstborn and only son die in the prime of his life. I liked Carlat’s book so much that I ordered one for my ex, Kyle’s dad. Carlat has an excellent sense of humor and offers a lot of hope, promising that all of us can go on to live with joy and love even after experiencing the worst loss of our lives. I have learned this firsthand, but it’s rare—and reassuring—to see someone say this in writing.
Grief memoirs have provided me great comfort as I’ve learned to live with the terrible, lifelong anguish of having my firstborn and only son die in the prime of his life. I liked Carlat’s book so much that I ordered one for my ex, Kyle’s dad. Carlat has an excellent sense of humor and offers a lot of hope, promising that all of us can go on to live with joy and love even after experiencing the worst loss of our lives. I have learned this firsthand, but it’s rare—and reassuring—to see someone say this in writing.
March 31, 2025
There were moments reading this book that I wept for the sheer beauty of Larry's writing, which when combined with the raw, still-naked emotion of losing my own son suddenly, resonated deeply.
It's part memoir, part humorous tribute to dear Robbie (the child) and Rob (the adult), and part grief guide for the newly (or not so newly) bereaved. Though it's aimed squarely at parents who've had a child leave early, it's balm for the soul for anyone grieving a profound loss.
The title is so much more meaningful when you read about why Carlat named the book this way. My sadness both for Rob and the trail of mourners he left in his wake was intense, and yet the book is not a 'heavy read'.
Carlat does a masterful job of raising the tone to one of blunt 'say-it-like-it-is' wisdom and hard-earned hope. He's done the time 'doing the work' and he eagerly invites us to ponder our loss and how it has impacted our lives. There's no sugar coating here - Rob's sudden exit ripped a whole in his dad's world - and yet the years of griefwork and grief coaching that Carlat has achieved do soften the blow for us. He talks about agency and choice - how there's nothing to lose by shining a light into the darkness. He shows us that we can survive the impossible, that we are 'extra ordinary - extraordinary parents', and along the way, it's a delight to read about sweet Robbie and frustrating Rob.
I'm sure many parents will relate to the story of the kid who breaks our heart, though Carlat's devotion and tenderness for his son are palpable on every page. What also saves this book from being maudlin is the cussing and plain talking; so many 'snort-out-loud' moments. I found myself simultaneous laughing and sobbing, often for the sheer joy of knowing our kids, and being so privileged to have shared their journey, Earthside. (Darn, like reading the book, writing this review is making my eyes leak.)
FAVORITE QUOTES:
"What I will tell you is that grief isn't something you overcome - but you can learn to live with it. I have and you can too... [this book] is part memoir, part self-help, zero bullshit and 100 percent straight from the heart."
"The notion that I didn't have to suffer in order to maintain a loving connection with him, that I could let go of the pain without letting go of Rob, was a revelation."
"You've learned that life is short and precious. You've learned that if you love, you grieve, and that love never dies. You've learned to listen to your heart even after it was obliterated...The funny thing about being 'extraordinary' is that everybody you know already knows that you are. They've seen it every day since the day your child died. You were the last to know."
"Perhaps the best and most loving thing you can do for someone who's grieving is to listen to them. That's what we need the most, particularly when it's fresh and impossible to process anything because everything just feels so empty and meaningless, especially words."
"There are no shortcuts, and you can't avoid grief for very long...Avoiding it just prolongs the whole process of healing. Like love, you can't hurry grief....Grief asks more of us than anyone or anything has ever asked. The surprise of your life will come when you discover how much strength and courage has been hiding in your broken heart."
"Crying is the primal soundtrack to the pain of missing your child, the heavy metal of our hearts. It's uncontrollable, excruciating, overwhelming, and above all, indispensable."
It's part memoir, part humorous tribute to dear Robbie (the child) and Rob (the adult), and part grief guide for the newly (or not so newly) bereaved. Though it's aimed squarely at parents who've had a child leave early, it's balm for the soul for anyone grieving a profound loss.
The title is so much more meaningful when you read about why Carlat named the book this way. My sadness both for Rob and the trail of mourners he left in his wake was intense, and yet the book is not a 'heavy read'.
Carlat does a masterful job of raising the tone to one of blunt 'say-it-like-it-is' wisdom and hard-earned hope. He's done the time 'doing the work' and he eagerly invites us to ponder our loss and how it has impacted our lives. There's no sugar coating here - Rob's sudden exit ripped a whole in his dad's world - and yet the years of griefwork and grief coaching that Carlat has achieved do soften the blow for us. He talks about agency and choice - how there's nothing to lose by shining a light into the darkness. He shows us that we can survive the impossible, that we are 'extra ordinary - extraordinary parents', and along the way, it's a delight to read about sweet Robbie and frustrating Rob.
I'm sure many parents will relate to the story of the kid who breaks our heart, though Carlat's devotion and tenderness for his son are palpable on every page. What also saves this book from being maudlin is the cussing and plain talking; so many 'snort-out-loud' moments. I found myself simultaneous laughing and sobbing, often for the sheer joy of knowing our kids, and being so privileged to have shared their journey, Earthside. (Darn, like reading the book, writing this review is making my eyes leak.)
FAVORITE QUOTES:
"What I will tell you is that grief isn't something you overcome - but you can learn to live with it. I have and you can too... [this book] is part memoir, part self-help, zero bullshit and 100 percent straight from the heart."
"The notion that I didn't have to suffer in order to maintain a loving connection with him, that I could let go of the pain without letting go of Rob, was a revelation."
"You've learned that life is short and precious. You've learned that if you love, you grieve, and that love never dies. You've learned to listen to your heart even after it was obliterated...The funny thing about being 'extraordinary' is that everybody you know already knows that you are. They've seen it every day since the day your child died. You were the last to know."
"Perhaps the best and most loving thing you can do for someone who's grieving is to listen to them. That's what we need the most, particularly when it's fresh and impossible to process anything because everything just feels so empty and meaningless, especially words."
"There are no shortcuts, and you can't avoid grief for very long...Avoiding it just prolongs the whole process of healing. Like love, you can't hurry grief....Grief asks more of us than anyone or anything has ever asked. The surprise of your life will come when you discover how much strength and courage has been hiding in your broken heart."
"Crying is the primal soundtrack to the pain of missing your child, the heavy metal of our hearts. It's uncontrollable, excruciating, overwhelming, and above all, indispensable."
November 14, 2025
A Space in the Heart: A Survival Guide for Grieving Parents by Larry Carlat is an honest, heartfelt, and practical guide for parents enduring the devastating loss of a child. Carlat draws from his personal experience with his adopted son's struggles and tragic death, offering readers a raw yet hopeful journey through grief. The book is part memoir, part self-help, and delivers no-nonsense, compassionate wisdom about how grief never completely ends but can be managed and transformed over time. It candidly addresses the common pitfalls of self-blame and rumination, while gently encouraging self-kindness, creative expression, and resilience building.
What makes this book especially valuable is its balance of deep sorrow with moments of humor and unconditional love. Carlat’s writing is intimate and conversational, making the hardest subject accessible without feeling overwhelming. Many readers find solace in the book’s recognition that grief is a lifelong process shaped by the enduring love for the lost child. It also provides practical ways to reframe pain and live meaningfully in the face of profound loss. This book is a compassionate companion for grieving parents, providing hope and strength for a path no one wishes to take but many must travel.
What makes this book especially valuable is its balance of deep sorrow with moments of humor and unconditional love. Carlat’s writing is intimate and conversational, making the hardest subject accessible without feeling overwhelming. Many readers find solace in the book’s recognition that grief is a lifelong process shaped by the enduring love for the lost child. It also provides practical ways to reframe pain and live meaningfully in the face of profound loss. This book is a compassionate companion for grieving parents, providing hope and strength for a path no one wishes to take but many must travel.
November 14, 2025
This book is a profoundly honest and compassionate guide for anyone facing the unimaginable pain of losing a child. Larry Carlat writes with raw vulnerability and no sugarcoating—he shares his own journey with his adopted son’s struggles and the deep, ongoing heartbreak of grief. What stands out is the blend of memoir and practical advice, making the book both deeply personal and genuinely helpful for parents navigating this painful path.
The core message that grief never truly goes away, but that it's possible to learn to live with it and find meaning again, offers immense comfort. Carlat’s straightforward, heartfelt style and moments of unexpected humor make this difficult topic accessible without feeling overwhelming. This isn’t just a book about loss; it’s a roadmap for transformation, a testament to enduring love and hope in the midst of despair.
If you or someone you know is grappling with the death of a child, this book provides both solace and strength. It acknowledges the lifelong nature of grief while giving tools to live fully despite it. A tough but ultimately uplifting read that stands out in the realm of grief literature.
The core message that grief never truly goes away, but that it's possible to learn to live with it and find meaning again, offers immense comfort. Carlat’s straightforward, heartfelt style and moments of unexpected humor make this difficult topic accessible without feeling overwhelming. This isn’t just a book about loss; it’s a roadmap for transformation, a testament to enduring love and hope in the midst of despair.
If you or someone you know is grappling with the death of a child, this book provides both solace and strength. It acknowledges the lifelong nature of grief while giving tools to live fully despite it. A tough but ultimately uplifting read that stands out in the realm of grief literature.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews