Rebel to Your Will: A Story of Abuse, Father Hunger and Gospel Hope

by Sean DeMars

“Hurt people hurt people. But those who have been called by grace become new creations.”

Emotional and raw, Sean DeMars tells his story of a life turned around. It is a tale of two one scarred by brokenness, another renewed by grace. In his storytelling, the tragedy and horror of his early years are punctuated with the beauty of restoration evident in the life he now leads. Abandoned by a father and abused by a mother, his search for a father finds a home with the King of heaven who graces him with love and sonship.

Follow his journey through abuse, drugs and prison, across the battlefield and mission field and into marriage, family and ministry in this personal, engaging and honest testament to God’s grace. As his life and his church are turned around, their stories become a platform to display how God chooses the nothings of the world. His story is the story of every sinner saved by once a victim and rebel, now redeemed and reconciled.

Genres: Biography, Christian, Autobiography, Memoir, Nonfiction

104 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 8, 2024

Reviews

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Remarkable testimony to the power of God’s grace. Can be read in a couple sittings.

[Tanner Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly the best and easiest to read biography… ever.

“Awake O Sleeper, and Christ will shine on you.”

[Alex McEwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a hard read emotionally. It hit a little closer to home than I was expecting it to.

“Rebel to Your Will” by Sean Demars is a work that examines the theme of redemption through gospel hope, specifically addressing challenging experiences of abuse and fatherlessness.

Demars’ biography is masterfully told through two concentric stories. One is of his broken childhood, depicted in short vignettes made of raw and unfiltered prose, revealing scars left by a cruel mother. Yet, there are surprising moments of tenderness and love, especially toward his mother, whom Demars clearly holds with affection despite her abuse. The second story centers on his journey as a father, raising and loving his own children. These reflections, expressed through poetry, capture how he works to transform the pain of his past into a legacy of love.

C.S. Lewis once called prose “fallen poetry,” and you feel this duality in Demars’ approach. The prose portrays his early wounds, while the poetry reflects his current journey toward redemption and healing. The writing is beautiful, with Demars artfully guiding readers between heartache and hope. Through these stories, he explores how deep emotional wounds affect our understanding of God and others and how a Christ centered approach can foster healing. Anchoring his story in the gospel, Demars extends an invitation to readers struggling with similar pain to find spiritual and emotional restoration in the transformative power of faith.

Though you could realistically finish it in a sitting, I found myself wishing I’d paced it more slowly to give myself emotional space to absorb the story.

[Pat Baird · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never met Sean, I have listened to his podcasts, watched American Gospel, heard him preach, and have read his articles.

After reading this all of those prior experiences just feel a little bit different. They feel deeper. Sean’s testimony was a grace that God extended to me to behold God’s ocean of glory just a little bit more.

Phenomenal book and I recommend it to all my brothers and sisters.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished the book in one sitting. Left in awe of God’s grace in Sean's life!

[Wagner Floriani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful. Punchy writing style. Amazing grace through and through. Grateful for Sean’s story and the hope of the gospel that blatantly comes across through it. May this hope spread far and wide through this book.

[Caroline McGill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book shook me but I couldn’t put it down. If you are looking for a light, fun read, this isn’t for you. The evil of Sean’s past is poignant yet the testimony of God’s grace in his life is so much greater. Praise God for the remarkable work that he’s done in one man’s life. Highly recommend!

[Jason Herrington · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s tough to read about kids suffering & Sean suffered a lot. His story is one of loss, abuse, rebellion but ultimately God’s grace shines through. This was so encouraging! He doesn’t just dwell on the evil done to him or on the sinful life he lived, but He highlights the grace, mercy & power of the God who redeemed him.

[Joshua Crask · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. What a story. Can’t help but praise the Lord for his extravagant grace in saving sinners, whether one with a story like Sean or one with a story like myself. Tough read, but well worth it…especially for a father of adopted children out of generational trauma and addiction.

[Mattie Garland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very encouraging testimony of the Lord’s grace!! Quick and easy read, 10/10 recommend.

[Paul Tautges · Rating 5 out of 5]

One moment my heart wept over the devastation of suffering and sin. The next moment I rejoiced in the mercy of God. Sean’s testimony of God’s saving grace will direct you to the compassion of the Savior and give you hope that no person or pain is beyond His redeeming reach.

[Coley Mangano · Rating 5 out of 5]

This testimony of the work of the Lord in a horrifically tragic life is nothing but miraculous to read. And a wonderful testimony of the steadfastness of the Lord in sustaining and growing the spiritual life of a believer once saved. To God be the glory! Well done. 4.5 stars

[Geneva Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tragic, heavy, & heartwrenchingly beautiful. Salvation is the story of beauty from ashes. Sean’s writing is so poignant and raw. The way he compared and contrasted his life in darkness and his life in the light brought fresh waves of tears with each turn of the page. Praise God. Read this book to praise God. use it to evangelize.

[Amber Hammond · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a story about God’s grace in one man’s life. Sean, so poignantly tells the story of his life and how he was brought from nearly death to life through salvation in Christ Jesus. There are hard things to read in this book, times when I got so mad for the way that Sean had to suffer and times when I teared up wanting so badly for these stories to not be true of my friend, Sean. There are sweet things in this book, where Sean was being broken over his sin, where he tells of his love for his dear wife and his dear children, where he highlights God’s grace, and so on. Sean, thank you for being honest and courageous to tell your story. He ends the book reminding the reader of God’s philosophy of ministry: God does all things with one specific aim, so that he may receive the maximum glory in all things, “God knew that if I had the chance, I would gloat over Him in my redemption. And so, He saved me in such a way as to eliminate even the remote possibility of boasting.” (P 123-124)

May we all be reminded of God’s sovereign love and mercy over us when reading the miraculous way that God saved Sean and how he miraculously saves all of his people.

[Marc Sims · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sean DeMars has fruit that has grown out of razor-blade soil. His story, on the one hand, is exceptional: a violent, drug-dealing, womanizing, abuse-haunted gangster...becomes a grace-soaked pastor, husband, and father. But, on the other hand, it is typical: all stories of salvation are stories of God bringing the dead to life.

Read Sean's book to have your heart softened towards that individual in your life that you believe is too far gone for Jesus. Read Sean's book to have your heart thrilled by the power of God to save. Read Sean's book to weep at the horror of sin and the joy of salvation. You can read this book in one sitting not only because it is concise, but because it is so gripping. Thank you, Sean DeMars, for sharing your story. May God continue to use you and bless you, your wife, and your ladybugs.

[Karson · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wild life! I think the book really fulfills its authors intent—to make you marvel at the grace of God. This would be a great book to buy, read, and pass on to as many people in your church as you can.

[Ben Omer · Rating 4 out of 5]

#1 takeaway: the grace of God is more powerful then a life full of sin

Sean’s story is brutal. No other way to put it. But maybe that is the beauty of the whole thing. Maybe that is Gods philosophy of ministry, as Sean put it in the last chapter.

Maybe, for the most unlikely to receive salvation, they receive it for a specific purpose. They receive it in order that God would get maximum glory for the work only he could accomplish. They receive it in order to eliminate boasting in themselves and fall at the feet of Jesus is humble awe of his power.

Why me? Why us? Why Jacob and not Esau? Why Israel and not the nations? Why the disciples and not the Pharisees? Because God. Because he has grace more powerful than sin, and a heart for his people greater than all comprehension. Oh Lord, I need to see this everyday!

I have put this book on the shelf having a greater knowledge of sins pervasiveness & wickedness, but a deeper love for our savior who is mighty to save the most unexpected. And for that I am grateful. There is power in the blood!

[Chance · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. What an excellent story of God’s amazing grace! This book is very moving. It is both sad and joyful. It’s a quick, easy read, and yet it’s also hard to read at times. It’s very engaging, has an enjoyable format, and it exalts our gracious Lord who saves sinners!

[Hannah Mignard · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short, powerful story of conversion that is only possible through God. I enjoyed the style of writing and honesty and vulnerability shown by the author. Highly recommend. ⛪️⛪️⛪️⛪️

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sean's writing gives honest voice to a painful and often horrific youth, yet he does not stay there and makes no excuses for himself. From start to finish as he tells his story, his focus is the God and gospel that have miraculously saved him. I have the joy of calling Sean my friend, as well as a pastor I respect, and that posture of amazed gratitude for God's grace toward him is characteristic of his life. I'm so glad and so moved by how he's shared it through this book.

[Alexander Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

(5/5) A testimony of grace that felt like a movie in the way it was told. Great writing, Sean. The second I put it down I wanted to pick it back up!

[Abigail Whitcomb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this is really amazing.

[Elise Fast · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t remember ever reading a book in a day… or in a few short hours even. All I can say is: wow! What a testimony. All the glory to God.

[Jayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick read and so incredibly encouraging. God is in the business of changing hearts, what a powerful testimony to the grace of God!

[Connor Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, just wow. I had a random thought during the book: The mark of a good Christian biography should never leave you in awe of the person, but God himself. This book is such a sweet reminder that God is in the business of saving sinners and working greatly through them. Praise God!

[Philip · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love biographies, and I think Christian biographies are underappreciated. What I find particularly rare is the Christian autobiography, no doubt due to an inherent desire to deflect attention from oneself to God. But here we have a story of God's sovereign grace and redemption, helpful and encouraging, heartfelt and poignant. Sean DeMars tells his story in a captivating manner, obviously taking great pains to avoid glamorizing the sin of himself and others. Perhaps he left out too much rather than too little, erring on the side of discretion. The result is a print book of 128 pages and an audiobook, which I listened to, coming in at just under 2 hours. I was able to get through it in a day, and I imagine the print version demanding a single sitting. This book is helpful on multiple points: it glorifies God, tells a compelling story, and makes me want to be a better husband,father, and friend. Highly recommend.

[Angela Colson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve invited some people to church who have responded like this, “If I came to church the roof would cave in. I need to get some things right with God before I step inside a church.” What a sad response. Sean DeMars testimony crushes responses like this. You don’t change yourself in order to receive Christ, but instead you lay down your life, as is, before Jesus - accepting Him as your Savior and receiving His gift of forgiveness and eternal life. It’s when you believe in Him that your life is changed and you become new; when the old life dies. If you think that God can’t use you then read this book. Abused to abuser, DeMars is clay in Potter’s hand being shaped into a vessel of use. Paul was killing Christians when He came to faith in Christ. DeMars was drug addicted, stealing, pimping, and trying to end his life when he came to faith in Christ. At his lowest, when most would feel you are most unworthy, is when he surrendered his life. As a new babe in the faith DeMars is led by false teachings and by God’s grace discovers solid teaching in the Word. It is a truly remarkable testimony that will leave you saying, “I can’t believe he went through all of that and look at him now!” We had the privilege of Sean DeMars come preach at our church and share his testimony in Sunday School. A humble guy, personable, and a man who clearly loves the Lord, his family, the church, and a desire to see lost souls saved. I highly recommend this book.

[Andy Treece · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible autobiography of a man who has never met his father, was abused by his mother, drug addict, attempted suicide, but by God’s amazing grace through Christ has broken the generational curse and is now a pastor and living a Christ-honoring life. It is a quick read with the author giving vignettes of his old life (which can be somewhat graphic at times), but along the way he juxtaposes current day accounts of how he and his wife are raising their daughters in the fear of the Lord. It’s a story only God could write.

[Rachel Drella · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredible. What a powerful testimony of the work of Jesus! 10/10 recommend

[Wescott Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible testimony of Gods grace to a sufferer and a sinner. It reminds me a lot of JD Vance’s book, but with so much more Gospel clarity.