You Are Not Behind: Building a Life You Love Without Having Everything You Want

by Meghan Ryan Asbury, Lysa TerKeurst (foreword)

What if God has more in store for your life than you’ve given him credit for? The pressure of unmet milestones and unfulfilled dreams can make you feel like you’ve already missed out on the life you were “supposed” to have. But you don't have exhaust yourself by trying to keep up to enjoy what's right in front of you. In You Are Not Behind, Meghan Ryan Asbury will help you create a life you love with the one you already have. Drawing on biblical wisdom and relatable stories, Meghan will guide you to   release the internal shame and external pressure of "where you should be" while still being honest with God (and yourself) free yourself from comparison and secretly keeping score with the people around you so you can have the community you long for understand what contentment actually means so you can hold onto hope for the future without letting it overshadow today’s happiness   Authentic and encouraging, You Are Not Behind will teach you to grieve the hard, celebrate the good, and embrace the in-between of where you are and where you want to be.

Genres: Christian, Faith, Audiobook, Nonfiction, Christianity, Self Help, Religion

224 pages, Paperback

Published September 10, 2024

Reviews

[Kennedy Blair · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, I don’t know if I’ve ever read a more relatable book for me personally. By page 2 I knew this one was going to be for me. One minute I was laughing thinking “I’m so glad I’m not the only who has thought that” to crying the next realizing, “wow, I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way or has experience this.” It truly feels like Meghan was reading pages of my own journal while writing this one. I’m so grateful for her vulnerability and for sharing parts of her story. This book was such a beautiful reminder that we’re not behind, never alone, and that life is such a gift!!!! & it was also a breath of fresh air to be reminded that it’s okay to have hope and to desire more. Desire & contentment are not mutually exclusive. But at the same time, we have to remember that contentment comes from within, not from looking around. God is the only one who can satisfy the deepest longings of our heart. I’m grateful that the goodness & kindness of the Lord is something we can always count on and build our hope upon. And while we work to build lives we love without having everything we want, we remember that this isn’t it. “There is a kingdom coming that offers to heal every ache and hole we have in our hearts.” One day there will no longer be a gap between our expectations and our experiences. The ache we feel is a reminder that we are longing and hoping for more, more than this Earth could ever give. God has something deeper to offer us - eternal life with him. The story he is writing is far better than we could ever write ourselves. “The story was never about me, but I’m eager to see what he writes next”

[Grace Coleman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok so this book actually might be one of my favs from this year 🫢 the title kind of gives it a self-help vibe- but honestly it is incredibly deep, based in scripture, and really calls us higher as Christians. I feel like a lot of the lines in this book were straight of of my journal- but also that the truths in this book can apply to really any situation in which you feel “behind” those around you. This book felt wildly encouraging in my life right now and I’ll definitely be revisiting it. Putting some of my favorite quotes below:

“Some days I want following God to feel easier. For it to not cost me something. But it costs me everything, and that’s the point.

You want to know how to build a life you love without having everything you want? Stop trying to build a life that’s all about you, and start building one that’s all about Jesus.

That may sound harsh, and maybe to some, extreme. But I’m personally exhausted from striving. We waste our days chasing the illusion that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are our birthrights and we are entitled to them. But the reality is, God promises we will lack nothing if we fear him (psalm 34:9).”

“There is a weird juxtaposition of desperately wanting to be understood while at the same time wanting our struggle to be unique…

Something else that works in our friendship is that we allow one another to step into what we are dealing with, regardless of whether the others understand. We remember we are all sinners in need of a savior; we all fall short. None of us has it totally figured out. My pain is not more severe than any of the theirs.”

“The Lord is with me, and he is for me.
He is not keep me somewhere he does not want me.
He is not leading me somewhere he has not already been.
What he wants for me is better than what I can understand right now.”

“Do I believe what he has for me next is better than what I have right now?”

“What would you do if you didn’t feel behind?”

[Emmy Lund · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great book!! Stumbled upon it on Spotify premium and absolutely loved listening to it. Felt like I was at coffee with a friend as I was listening.

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

You Are Not Behind was a good read, although I'm struggling to remember much about it since I forgot to write my thoughts right away. I loved the premise of the book and thought it was written well - I didn't struggle to follow along and read it pretty quickly. It was encouraging and I can see myself rereading it some day.

[Nichole Archibald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly. One of the most beautiful books I have ever witnessed. I’ll be rereading for years to come. Exceptionally written. The author shares what many of us feel in such artful vulnerability. Listening to her voice made it even more relatable. I’ve since picked up a print copy for myself and additional to share with friends.

[Sarah Hartwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to this book on my long run. Would definitely read it again!

[Kelsie McFadden · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was medicine for my soul. The author beautifully articulates the challenges of feeling confused and discouraged when our plans don’t align with our reality. Her vulnerability in sharing how she often felt disappointed with what God had given her was raw and real. But she didn’t sit in that disappointment, and she does a wonderful job of showing how to wrestle well and continue to glorify the Lord regardless of the outcome. I related deeply to many of the different seasons she had to walk through, and was very encouraged by her ability to cry out to God and bring Him all of the big emotions.

[Jamie Brda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this on Spotify Premium… Meghan’s words spoke to every inch of my soul and left me weeping in my car (I recommend not listening on your commute if you’re an emotional person like me lol). What I’ve been struggling to understand about my own journey, especially over the last several months, she articulated so beautifully. I finally feel seen and understood. This book left me feeling validated, convicted, inspired and hopeful. Meghan didn’t discount earthly desires or frustrations, but did remind me of God’s goodness, faithfulness and my purpose in this life. 5⭐️

[jenna tucker · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5! Genuinely loved this book. Convicting & encouraging - sometimes it felt like someone had been reading through prayers and journal entries. She is incredibly honest while also addressing everything with truth! There’s some really good stuff in here about celebrating others well and developing friendships as adults!! Would 1000% recommend!!

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was exactly the book I needed to read in my current season of life. It felt like I was having a coffee date with a Christian brave enough to put into words fears and questions that we are often too ashamed to own up to. I can see how this book is not for all, but it's pretty encouraging for people who have been struggling with hope deferred for years.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t think I’ve ever read a book that explains the feelings of comparison so accurately and also points back to Jesus so practically. This book is so honest and real and Biblically sound. I’m so grateful I stumbled upon it and can’t wait to recommend it to everyone I know!

[Mikayla Cavenas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really felt like this was a great book to listen to at any age. Especially being in your twenties and feeling like everyone is getting what they want besides you! An added bonus was the incorporation of faith! A good book to start 2025 off with… since I’ll be turning 25 this year

[Emma LeBouef · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellently written and vulnerably shared. i felt like i was sitting w a friend for coffee and gaining wisdom from lived experience.

[Angela McCuiston · Rating 2 out of 5]

Constantly whining about being single, there were a couple really great nuggets but eventually I skimmed the last half because she just related everything back to being single and that period of life and it was getting old.

[Jane Servine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hoped this would be more impactful than it was. I definitely still learned things and it had some good reminders but it felt a little all over the place and repetitive.

[Mira Felzien · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book!!!

It was raw, deep, and relatable. Not full of band aid sentiments, but drawn from a lot of scripture and personal experience.

Loved how she ended it. This is gonna be a long quote - you don’t have to read it but I’m leaving here bc I want to come back to it. (But if you want a lil taste of the book, read on!!)

“Where I am today is the most realistic place I can be. That doesn’t make the future dreams I have unrealistic—I’m free to want those dreams to come true. But my happiness and worth don’t depend on them happening on my timetable.

Instead of feeling behind, I’m deciding that the experiences of today are helping me get ahead in my preparations for tomorrow. If I embrace today and give it my best where I am, I won’t have to worry about missing out on great tomorrows. My goal is to invest my best into today and not get out of breath from grabbing for too much in my tomorrows.

I refuse to chase others.

I refuse to feel like I’m not good enough.

I refuse to feel like I’m losing.

I do not have to manipulate my hope. I do not have to muster up a false sense of contentment or deny what my heart longs for in order to get what I want. Instead, I can put all my hope in the Author of hope, the One who is writing my story.

If I need to grieve what hasn’t happened yet, then I will. But at the same time, I will not let grief darken where I’m at. If I would have gotten what I wanted, I would have missed out on what my life is right now.

Life was never meant to give us all the things. We are meant to get some things, enjoy them, and then trust that for today that is what’s best. And rest knowing I’m not meant to have the rest right now.

The rest won’t fix me.

The rest won’t fill me.

The rest won’t satisfy me today because it’s not meant for today.

Only God has all things at all times. Because only he can carry that. And in his time, he will entrust to me the opportunity to carry other things.

So I will choose to trust that my Father does not withhold good things from me. His goodness is mine in abundance, as long as I choose to look for it.

And while I wait for the rest, I will rest.

Rest in knowing that I have not missed his best.

Rest in knowing that I don’t have to catch up.

Rest in knowing that I am not missing out.

Rest in knowing that I don’t have to get ahead.

Rest in knowing that I am not behind.

I am right where I am supposed to be: safe, secure, and settled in God’s perfect plan for me.”

Excerpt from: "You Are Not Behind: Building a Life You Love Without Having Everything You Want" by Meghan Ryan Asbury.

[Mikayla Ney · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great book, I stubbled upon this book on Spotify premium and within the first chapter I knew I was going to take so much away and needed to hear this right now in my life. I recommend this to anyone in their 20s or even 30s that struggle with contentment, comparison, self doubt, loneliness, patience and so many more topics. I have never been so seen and able to relate to a book before based on my stage of life. We all feel behind and find ourself rushing through our life wanting to achieve the next big thing, whether that is getting the right job, being in a relationship, getting married, having kids or buying a house. Why do we feel behind? Who made the decision you need to have all of this at a certain time of your life? What are we missing? What do we want most in our life? Why do we achieve these things and still not feel content? Is this a punishment for what I have done in my past? Why are we blaming God for not giving us what we want? He is an all knowing and faithful God that holds true to his promises. This book opens your eyes to the bigger picture in life and works through the grief and suffering we experience on this earth and the purpose behind it. Would highly recommend this book and stop the cycle of lies we tell ourselves.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:12-13)

“Because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (pg. 149)

There are so many young adults that feel lost or behind and this book really flipped my perspective on my own plans and what God has planned for my life and how much bigger and greater those plans are for me ❤️

[Lydia Broadus · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really loved this book as the author is so dang vulnerable it’s refreshing. I loved hearing her story and how she wrestled through, doubts, fear, anger, comparison, all the things. I feel like God used this book to center me in a lot of ways and to reveal things to me about my own life and desires. I think it’s so important that books like this are out there because I really do think married people (especially those who marry young) can not understand the hardships of being single in your 20s or 30s. Although it’s nowhere near the worst thing ever (we LOVE freedom and time) there’s a lot of things that others might not think about such as how hard it is to pack up and move so often when you’re single, building new community as friends get married and have kids and are in different life phases. I 100% agree that Christ is our rock and firm foundation but I think it’s a really important thing for others to know just how crumbly the physical ground is/feels/seems in singleness. Great book!! Recommend it to girls who are single in their 20s and 30s - you will never feel so understood.

[Anne Van Solkema · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read. The title of this book caught my eye and I started listening on a whim.

These chapters spoke with the compassion and honesty of a friend who’s been there… or rather, is right there in it with you. Like being given a warm coat in a snow storm. I felt seen in a way I didn’t realize I needed as the author lets readers all the way in and shares vulnerably. But I also felt sincerely encouraged, recharged, and challenged.

Lots of good things to unpack here and will definitely be getting a hard copy to underline and refer back to often.

[Erika Hardin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meghan was a great friend to me when I needed one and I was so excited to see that her dream of writing a book came to fruition! I loved her style of writing and how she wrote things down on her pages that (if we are being honest) we have all thought, but been too afraid to say out loud. In her pages she provides practical tips on how to deepen our friendships and love the life you have alongside Biblical truths. Thanks for writing this and sharing your testimony, Meghan!

[Breanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is exactly what it looks like. it's literally just a christian self help novel about combatting feelings of comparison, jealousy, loneliness, etc.

i really loved listening to this and it put a lot into perspective for me. it also lights a fire under your ass to get things moving but it also drives home this message to just sit and acknowledge that you're exactly where you need to be. things will work out when they will.

probably will read it again whenever my depression strikes.

[Lauren DeWitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book that reminds you that God uses you right where he has you. It was eye opening to see that no matter what stage of life you are in (dating, married, parenting, etc.) you can still feel behind/compare. But the best part is that there is not “right” timeline. My biggest thing I took away was: if the Lord never gave you your strongest/deepest desire, would you still believe he is a faithful and good God? Definitely recommend reading :)

[Madison Skinner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Through this book, you’ll dive into what it truly means to love the now. While friends and family may be in another stage of life than you, you are still exactly where you need to be at this time. God’s timing is perfect for everyone - including you. It takes faith and trust to be truly happy about where you are and hopeful for the future to come.

“The future is happening whether I want it or not.”

Read if you like:

+ Self Help
+ Christian Reads
+ Daily Devotionals

[Jillian Reynolds · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book at a time when I needed it most. It dives into the feeling of being behind in life and having unmet expectations. I took a star away because it takes a few chapters for the author to actually get into the meat of the book and what she’s trying to convey, so it takes some patience to get through it. However, what she had to say was helpful and applicable to a feeling I think most people experience.

[Diana Perez · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️!! Such a sweet book! It discusses the how quick we are to focus on what we don’t have instead of what we do. She uses scripture along with her own experiences to remind us how God is the only one that can guide us in the right direction & we should slow down to be grateful for what we have right now! It made me think of how quick we are to compare & be dissatisfied because we aren’t as “ahead” as others. It is a good & quick read!!

[Emily Gehman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted to read this book ever since I heard her speak on The Boundless Show. All the advice about friendships, celebrating small wins, building community, pursuing growth, rejecting comparison, and learning contentment was good. What hit me the hardest was the truth that building a life you love even without everything you want is not the point. This life is not it. You are not behind because you are living for eternity.

[MaryRose Donasco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Found this book on Spotify and listened to it during my long drive this past weekend. This is such a timely book for the current season of my life- struggling to be OK with where God has me right now. Meghan’s book had a lot of tough love in it that I needed to hear! I know I’ll be reading/listening to this again soon.

You are not behind, other people are not ahead- God loves you and has you exactly where you need to be bc His timing is perfect.

[Erin • erinsgottaread · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick read and so relatable for any Christian woman battling their single years or just periods of waiting. It’s really hard to have faith when you feel let down time & time again - I feel the author really encapsulates a lot of those complex feelings in this book.

It’s not an end all be all cure but you definitely feel understood and leave with lots of words of wisdom!

[Emily Pettett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such a great read if you're in your 20's, 30's, or just struggling to feel "caught up" with the people around you. Meghan has a biblical approach and truth to this season of waiting and feeling content. I learned so much from this read and highly recommend this book to everyone! I think I'm her new biggest fan!

[Olivia Dunklau · Rating 5 out of 5]

So so so so so so good. Meghan is such a relatable author. She doesn’t sugar coat but tells you exactly how it is. I specifically love how she tells her own story and lets the reader hear her side of things. This book is a perfect reminder for any season you are in. I hope she writes so many more books. 🤍🤍