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256 pages, Hardcover
First published September 24, 2024
Sometimes in dreams, I was taken to places I never went. We watched films and what I saw there gave me places to go, and when I went there I wondered what else there would be for me. Waking, I was never sure I couldn’t be at some time in the future, somewhere else, something different, entirely different from what I was and knew. Many people are persuaded by reality. I was persuaded by my dreams, but not ever to become who they promised me. Rather to know and feel the weight of what I had lost, even before I had lost it. I made the meaning of my life from the things that were denied me, by experiencing the delight of them in my imagination.Obliquely, I thought of the film 10 Cloverfield Lane. I thought of that Palace Brothers song ‘Riding’ and all of the weight carried between its lines. I thought of what it would be like to live without the context of the outside world. How people can operate from within a faulty framework. How much pain that operation can inflict. How even love cannot suppress an urge to die. There is an idea of justice in this book entwined with a process of weeding out. Flaws in the system abound. There are the old sayings, ‘if you could walk a mile in my shoes…’ and ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’. But these days, it seems to me that few are willing to walk in any other shoes but their own, and people are doing just what they always intended, while dragging us to hell with them. And so I am at a loss. I am at a loss. I am at a loss. I have never been at such a loss...