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The Long Goodbye: Memories of My Father
Ronald Reagan’s daughter writes with a moving openness about losing her father to Alzheimer’s disease. The simplicity with which she reveals the intensity, the rush, the flow of her feelings encompasses all the surprises and complexities that ambush us when death gradually, unstoppably invades life.
In The Long Goodbye, Patti Davis describes losing her father to Alzheimer’s disease, saying goodbye in stages, helpless against the onslaught of a disease that steals what is most precious–a person’s memory. “Alzheimer’s,” she writes, “snips away at the threads, a slow unraveling, a steady retreat; as a witness all you can do is watch, cry, and whisper a soft stream of goodbyes.”
She writes of needing to be reunited at forty-two with her mother (“she had wept as much as I over our long, embittered war”), of regaining what they had spent decades demolishing; a truce was necessary to bring together a splintered family, a few weeks before her father released his letter telling the country and the world of his illness . . .
The author delves into her memories to touch her father again, to hear his voice, to keep alive the years she had with him.
She writes as if past and present were coming together, of her memories as a child, holding her father’s hand, and as a young woman whose hand is being given away in marriage by her father . . . of her father teaching her to ride a bicycle, of the moment when he let her go and she went off on her own . . . of his teaching her the difference between a hawk and a buzzard . . . of the family summer vacations at a rented beach house–each of them tan, her father looking like the athlete he was, with a swimmer’s broad shoulders and lean torso. . . . She writes of how her father never resisted solitude, in fact was born for it, of that strange reserve that made people reach for him. . . . She recalls him sitting at his desk, writing, staring out the window . . . and she writes about the toll of the disease itself, the look in her father’s eyes, and her efforts to reel him back to her.
Moving . . . honest . . . an illuminating portrait of grief, of a man, a disease, and a woman and her father.
In The Long Goodbye, Patti Davis describes losing her father to Alzheimer’s disease, saying goodbye in stages, helpless against the onslaught of a disease that steals what is most precious–a person’s memory. “Alzheimer’s,” she writes, “snips away at the threads, a slow unraveling, a steady retreat; as a witness all you can do is watch, cry, and whisper a soft stream of goodbyes.”
She writes of needing to be reunited at forty-two with her mother (“she had wept as much as I over our long, embittered war”), of regaining what they had spent decades demolishing; a truce was necessary to bring together a splintered family, a few weeks before her father released his letter telling the country and the world of his illness . . .
The author delves into her memories to touch her father again, to hear his voice, to keep alive the years she had with him.
She writes as if past and present were coming together, of her memories as a child, holding her father’s hand, and as a young woman whose hand is being given away in marriage by her father . . . of her father teaching her to ride a bicycle, of the moment when he let her go and she went off on her own . . . of his teaching her the difference between a hawk and a buzzard . . . of the family summer vacations at a rented beach house–each of them tan, her father looking like the athlete he was, with a swimmer’s broad shoulders and lean torso. . . . She writes of how her father never resisted solitude, in fact was born for it, of that strange reserve that made people reach for him. . . . She recalls him sitting at his desk, writing, staring out the window . . . and she writes about the toll of the disease itself, the look in her father’s eyes, and her efforts to reel him back to her.
Moving . . . honest . . . an illuminating portrait of grief, of a man, a disease, and a woman and her father.
225 pages, Paperback
Published September 27, 2005
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293 people want to read
About the author
Patti Davis
20 books54 followersMy new book, Dear Mom and Dad, is the end of a long journey toward understanding my family. My hope is that readers will be inspired to take a step back and look at their own families through a wider lens. Families are all complicated to some degree, certainly mine was, but in this book I also explore the times when there was just love there. That's part of our story too.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews
August 29, 2011
This was a book I read through tears. It had nothing to do with Ronald Reagan, the president, but everything to do with a daughter watching her father battle Alzheimers. It was amazing to hear so many of the same emotions and questions coming from Patti that I asked myself many times. I guess when it comes to losing a parent, many of us experience the same feelings and have the same questions. Not an easy read for sure, but definitely a good read.
March 17, 2015
I loved this book! I love her writing style. One thing that is for sure, Patti inherited her father's ability to evoke emotion. Some of her passages were so beautifully written I had to read them over and over again. I truly love President Reagan, as a child of the 80s he was the first president I remember. After reading this I understand his greatness even more and see him through the eyes of his daughter. The picture on the cover is perfect. You can see the kindness in his face with his head slightly tilted and a twinkle in his eye.
I also appreciated Patti's candor, she was at times brutally honest about how she didn't agree with her father politically. I was appalled at how she went out of her way to to not so subtly rebel against her parents and the Country that her father loved fervently. Her anger confused and angered me. Didn't she know she had wonderful parents? An idealistic childhood that most would envy? Why the anger? I don't think even she knows. But ultimately its her father's fatal disease that is the lifeline that bridges Patti back into the loving arms of her family. Wounds start to heal, words of apology and acceptance uttered as her father cognition slowly slips farther and farther away. Patti even admits that she starts to soften a bit. She realizes that there are more important things than their political differences and instead of the disease tearing the family apart it brings them together, which is how her father would have wanted it.
I also appreciated Patti's candor, she was at times brutally honest about how she didn't agree with her father politically. I was appalled at how she went out of her way to to not so subtly rebel against her parents and the Country that her father loved fervently. Her anger confused and angered me. Didn't she know she had wonderful parents? An idealistic childhood that most would envy? Why the anger? I don't think even she knows. But ultimately its her father's fatal disease that is the lifeline that bridges Patti back into the loving arms of her family. Wounds start to heal, words of apology and acceptance uttered as her father cognition slowly slips farther and farther away. Patti even admits that she starts to soften a bit. She realizes that there are more important things than their political differences and instead of the disease tearing the family apart it brings them together, which is how her father would have wanted it.
March 2, 2011
The back of the book says Biography, but I'm pretty sure its a memoir. Not much straight fact, mostly feelings and emotions. That is the official classification, right?!
I read this book because I thought it would be more about Alzheimer than it was. The book is about Ronald Regan's daughter coming to terms with the disease and her the relationship she made with her father. Alzheimer's runs in both my and mine husband's family so I thought this was a must read for me. Even though I enjoyed the book be warned this book has very little to do with the degenerative disease and all about a grown woman forgiving herself for the bridges she burned with her parents. But like I said I did enjoyed it, it was quite interesting since I was a wee babe when Reagan was in office I know very little about the man, and only what my textbooks taught. I thought Davis was very well written and conveyed her raw emotions eloquently.
I read this book because I thought it would be more about Alzheimer than it was. The book is about Ronald Regan's daughter coming to terms with the disease and her the relationship she made with her father. Alzheimer's runs in both my and mine husband's family so I thought this was a must read for me. Even though I enjoyed the book be warned this book has very little to do with the degenerative disease and all about a grown woman forgiving herself for the bridges she burned with her parents. But like I said I did enjoyed it, it was quite interesting since I was a wee babe when Reagan was in office I know very little about the man, and only what my textbooks taught. I thought Davis was very well written and conveyed her raw emotions eloquently.
March 27, 2008
This book is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Patti Davis seems to have really been on an intense personal journey over the past decade or so and is the better for it. I always wondered what it was like for her to have a father who is so beloved by so many; to have to share him with the world. She describes her experiences beautifully.
Reading this book will make you want to work things out with whatever loved one you're having issues with because, really, life is so precious and short. My heart ached for the Reagan family throughout this book but it's definitely one of my favorite books.
Reading this book will make you want to work things out with whatever loved one you're having issues with because, really, life is so precious and short. My heart ached for the Reagan family throughout this book but it's definitely one of my favorite books.
June 11, 2008
This book is a good read for anyone who has a loved one that has Alzheimer's. Sometimes you cry. The author gives a personal account of her life with her father as he is living with Alzheimer's. In this book she writes "Alzheimer's snips away at the the threads, a slow unraveling, a steady retreat; as a witness all you can do is watch, cry, and whisper a soft stream of goodbyes." I think this quote sums up the book quite well
July 11, 2008
My grandma suffered from Alzheimer's so it was very interesting to read the experiences and feelings of Ronald Reagan's daughter as she was dealing with his disease. Despite political differences, she had nothing negative to say about him which gave me a greater appreciation for him.
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September 26, 2011Excellent, wish I could write a loving tribute to my daddy who also died of this dreadful desease.
October 9, 2012
This book had special meaning. Was always a big fan of Reagan. At age 10 I wrote him a get well card when he got shot. Received a personalized postcard back. It was sad to learn of what happened to him with Alzheimer's. It showed the struggles particularly of his daughter Patty watching him slip away. The last chapter was particularly difficult showing his final days of being unconscious. My grandmother died of a lung disease in 2005. In the last 48 hours my Mom and I held a vigil at the hospital watching over her. She was unconscious following a stroke and heart attack. I kept imagining she'd wake up like Patty thought of her father.
"One day, when we reached the top (of the trail), wind swirling around us and the sky big and endless above, I stood on my tiptoes, stretched my arm up toward all that blue, and asked him, 'If I reach up really high, can I touch God?' He answered, 'You don't have to reach up. God is everywhere, all the time, all around us.'"
From that time, Patty realized that what her father said applied to him after he was gone. "I don't have to stand on my tiptoes or stretch my hand to the heavens. He is here. In every breath. In every moment. He never left. Just moved on. To a place where, as he always said, there is no pain or sorrow."
"One day, when we reached the top (of the trail), wind swirling around us and the sky big and endless above, I stood on my tiptoes, stretched my arm up toward all that blue, and asked him, 'If I reach up really high, can I touch God?' He answered, 'You don't have to reach up. God is everywhere, all the time, all around us.'"
From that time, Patty realized that what her father said applied to him after he was gone. "I don't have to stand on my tiptoes or stretch my hand to the heavens. He is here. In every breath. In every moment. He never left. Just moved on. To a place where, as he always said, there is no pain or sorrow."
July 21, 2015
I had conflicting emotions about rating this book. On the one hand, I could appreciate the beauty of Davis' writing--she writes in a way that evokes poignant emotions and vivid pictures. However, I found the book to be rather redundant--pages and pages of why she regrets the feud with her mother that kept her estranged from both parents; how much she would miss her father when he's gone; and how she realizes how much he loved her while she was growing up. All of those are beautiful things, yes -- but after a while, I got tired of reading the same thoughts expressed in multiple ways, and I started skimming the book. Based solely on my enjoyment of the book I would have given it 2-2.5 stars, but I upped it to 3 stars in recognition of how well Patti Davis can put words together to make a lovely sentence.
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November 9, 2014I gave up on this one. It was too sad to read about his end days. I want to remember him the way he was. I think it was a good book, as much as I read, but I just couldn't continue.
Enjoyed the introduction and just now getting into the main part of the book. Have always loved Ronald Reagan. He is the first president I voted for when I came of age and the only other person I've felt so sure about to vote for as a president is George W. Bush. I love old Reagan movies too! I thought it would be interesting to read about him through the eyes and heart of his daughter rather than some biography put together by a professional writer, although I'm sure there are many good ones. I like the personal touch, so am looking forward to this book!
Enjoyed the introduction and just now getting into the main part of the book. Have always loved Ronald Reagan. He is the first president I voted for when I came of age and the only other person I've felt so sure about to vote for as a president is George W. Bush. I love old Reagan movies too! I thought it would be interesting to read about him through the eyes and heart of his daughter rather than some biography put together by a professional writer, although I'm sure there are many good ones. I like the personal touch, so am looking forward to this book!
September 20, 2017
I think Patti Davis did a good job of telling her father's story and some of her mother's through President Reagan's journey of Alzheimer's without it being a tell-all book. The minute day to day details are not there and I don't think they have to be. This book is about how a family changes as a loved one goes through this disease and it is a long goodbye. We lose small things about the person until they finally dissolve into another life.
I enjoyed her memories of her father and also thought this book was about redemption for her previous memoir that was not kind to her family. Loyalty is not a trait that Patti Davis can claim. But I tried not to focus on the author and more of the subject as I am going through the journey also with a parent.
I enjoyed her memories of her father and also thought this book was about redemption for her previous memoir that was not kind to her family. Loyalty is not a trait that Patti Davis can claim. But I tried not to focus on the author and more of the subject as I am going through the journey also with a parent.
October 16, 2012
This is my second time reading this book. I read it a few years ago after the death of my own father. It helps with the grieving process and some Reagan family insight but I wouldn't read this to get any insight on the disease itself.
Its a very personal account from a woman who did not have a very personal life. I believe she needed to write it and she shared it with the world the same way she had to share her father and family. It makes her human.
Its a very personal account from a woman who did not have a very personal life. I believe she needed to write it and she shared it with the world the same way she had to share her father and family. It makes her human.
March 19, 2016
This was a book about healing a daughter's relationship between her and her famous father, though they'd long had difficulties and even years of estrangement. Alzheimer's brought her back to her family and reuntied her with her parents and her siblings. Not much was revealed about Ronald Reagan's battle with his disease, but it does tell how his daughter felt and dealt with it and helped her mother cope.
December 9, 2010
I was very disappointed with this book. I found Davis to be very redundant. She seemed to reach her own plateau. I was not able to finish it and skipped ahead to browse and still found her talking about the same emotions and reminiscences.
June 30, 2017
Ronald Reagan's daughter shares the heartache of losing her father to Alzheimer's. As someone who met the President on several occasions, it helped me with understanding how the disease can take away someone you love and the grief a family...and a nation...dealt with.
March 26, 2018
What a lovely tribute from a daughter to a father. Patti's writing is beautiful. There were so many great lines filled with beautiful thought. It is also a testament of how age and life experience have the ability to refine and define us. Loved, loved, loved!!!
July 24, 2008
Very moving and informative story of family by the "black sheep" daughter of the Reagans. Shows that even extreme liberals have a hope someday of growing up.
April 17, 2012
Sad but very inspiring
October 20, 2012
Enjoyed the book. It seems to be more about the inner workings of the authors mind than much information about Ronald Reagan.
June 8, 2017
So very boring....
June 7, 2018
A book about Ronald Reagan and his final days. It also brings more awareness to Alzheimers disease.
August 22, 2021
I appear to be in the minority here. The best part of this book was the picture of Reagan on the cover. Appears Patti was looking for forgiveness, but a long time coming.
March 24, 2022
I was hoping for more description of President Reagan's life with Alzheimer's and his last years but there wasn't really much of that. It was mostly just Patti's reflections. It was nice and sweet.
January 13, 2024
It’s hard to review this. I’m currently losing my mom to ALZ and thought there would be some sort of relatable or helpful passages. It was well written, but it is not about ALZ at all. It is about grief and late coming parent relationships, of which I am not dealing with either. Maybe I would have given it 4 stars if I had understood what it was about going in! And maybe I would have given it 2 if it wasn’t about President Reagan, who I am definitely an admirer of. Ah well…
January 15, 2024
Patti Davis lingo was mumbo jumbo throughout the book. Repetitive thoughts throughout the book.
I have always liked Ronald Reagan, but completing this book was tough at times.
On the other side of the coin Pattis honesty about the gap of many years and the absence of close relationships with her parents, was honestly depicted.
I have always liked Ronald Reagan, but completing this book was tough at times.
On the other side of the coin Pattis honesty about the gap of many years and the absence of close relationships with her parents, was honestly depicted.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 2, 2024
Pattie Davis has a talent for sure as an author, her writing keeps one’s attention, and this is her tribute to her father and who he was to her, and a wonderful explanation of how this disease effects both the patient and the family. Ronald Reagan an American President, who much has been written and here is who he was to his youngest daughter.
August 10, 2016
Heartbreaking. Real. Raw: A devastating visit into the journey of a father's descent into the wicked world of Alzheimer's.
What I find most intriguing of Davis' journey is how relatable it is. She speaks to the reader, not as a First Daughter of one of the most powerful and beloved presidents of our time, but as a daughter, like any other, who loved her father completely albeit complexly, like so many of us.
Just when Davis has bulldozed me with profound insights and lyrical prose, I find myself knocked, once again, clear off my feet with yet another mind boggling, perfect string of words not only one paragraph later.
"When people leave they take their private, personal mysteries with them--candle flames of happy memories, the broken bones of sad ones. They leave, and it all goes with them. The rest of us are left in darkness with questions we never got around to asking, words we were just about to say but couldn't, because we got there too late."
After many pages of swallowing the figurative lump germinating in my throat, this next passage would become my undoing. It was in reference to an antinuclear rally Davis attended in 1982 (at the tender age of 29). Reverend Jesse Jackson had the floor and shared a firestorm of disparaging thoughts of our president. Determined to show her support for the cause she held so near and dear to her heart, Davis took the stage soon after. Years later, she would hear from an onlooker "My first thought when you came on after what Jesse Jackson had done, was, She really must hate her father'."
I found myself closing the book, if only momentarily, to have a good cry when I read this quote. I know Patti Davis did not (nor does she) ever "hate" her father and I cannot fathom the agony she felt when hearing those words. Words that have clearly left an indelible mark on her conscience. We have all done and said things we regret. Things to hurt our parents whether through our actions, our words, and in many cases, both. We can all relate. We understand her. We could have done things differently. Better. Without all the pain and anger.
From forging a new relationship with her grieving mother, Nancy, to desperately wishing to clear the murky waters of politics and the past with her sweet father who was slipping inch by inch, day by day from her grasp, Davis' struggle is real, her pain palpable throughout these pages.
While the late President Ronald Reagan will forever remain close to many of our hearts as Americans, as humanitarians, the daughter he so cherished, Patti Davis, has carved out an unforeseen and unchartered territory in our universe and should be known for not only her father's legacy (which she will be inextricably bound to for all her days) but for her own determination, longevity, and perseverance in the face of inner turmoil and family strife.
As one of the loudest voices for animal rights advocacy today, this exquisitely unique and tender-hearted human being exists as one of the most inimitable writers and authors of our time and should be celebrated for those sweet contributions, if nothing else.
****Also highly recommend: THE EARTH BREAKS IN COLORS by Patti Davis
What I find most intriguing of Davis' journey is how relatable it is. She speaks to the reader, not as a First Daughter of one of the most powerful and beloved presidents of our time, but as a daughter, like any other, who loved her father completely albeit complexly, like so many of us.
Just when Davis has bulldozed me with profound insights and lyrical prose, I find myself knocked, once again, clear off my feet with yet another mind boggling, perfect string of words not only one paragraph later.
"When people leave they take their private, personal mysteries with them--candle flames of happy memories, the broken bones of sad ones. They leave, and it all goes with them. The rest of us are left in darkness with questions we never got around to asking, words we were just about to say but couldn't, because we got there too late."
After many pages of swallowing the figurative lump germinating in my throat, this next passage would become my undoing. It was in reference to an antinuclear rally Davis attended in 1982 (at the tender age of 29). Reverend Jesse Jackson had the floor and shared a firestorm of disparaging thoughts of our president. Determined to show her support for the cause she held so near and dear to her heart, Davis took the stage soon after. Years later, she would hear from an onlooker "My first thought when you came on after what Jesse Jackson had done, was, She really must hate her father'."
I found myself closing the book, if only momentarily, to have a good cry when I read this quote. I know Patti Davis did not (nor does she) ever "hate" her father and I cannot fathom the agony she felt when hearing those words. Words that have clearly left an indelible mark on her conscience. We have all done and said things we regret. Things to hurt our parents whether through our actions, our words, and in many cases, both. We can all relate. We understand her. We could have done things differently. Better. Without all the pain and anger.
From forging a new relationship with her grieving mother, Nancy, to desperately wishing to clear the murky waters of politics and the past with her sweet father who was slipping inch by inch, day by day from her grasp, Davis' struggle is real, her pain palpable throughout these pages.
While the late President Ronald Reagan will forever remain close to many of our hearts as Americans, as humanitarians, the daughter he so cherished, Patti Davis, has carved out an unforeseen and unchartered territory in our universe and should be known for not only her father's legacy (which she will be inextricably bound to for all her days) but for her own determination, longevity, and perseverance in the face of inner turmoil and family strife.
As one of the loudest voices for animal rights advocacy today, this exquisitely unique and tender-hearted human being exists as one of the most inimitable writers and authors of our time and should be celebrated for those sweet contributions, if nothing else.
****Also highly recommend: THE EARTH BREAKS IN COLORS by Patti Davis
June 24, 2023
It seems like this book is showing the readers that Patti has matured during this experience of watching her dad die and has learned how deeply her parents loved each other. Loving and touching tribute
September 25, 2013
I first read this book during a year (07) when I knew the meaning of its words, but not an understanding of them.
Patti Davis wrote this book as a tribute and a memoir to her father, Ronald Reagan.
We know of his descent into Alzheimers, and how devasting it is for families who have to watch...
Now my mother is in her own la-la land of dementia and I recently returned to this book seeking, perhaps, some wise words of counsel.
THE LONG GOODBYE was worth the re-reading. These pages are filled with her love for her father. I was struck by one sentence from the book - "the eyes ask why" - which would also be a good title for a book.
It is important to note that this is not a book about politics or the Presidency. Nor is it a book about religion, telling us how to think.
We will all know someone enduring a 'long goodbye' time. Ms. Davis has done a perfect job of expressing her memories, her coping, and her adult relationship with her mother.
Families are the ones who suffer the hell of this disease. Ms Davis has written both how to cope and grieve, public and private with dignity.
Patti Davis wrote this book as a tribute and a memoir to her father, Ronald Reagan.
We know of his descent into Alzheimers, and how devasting it is for families who have to watch...
Now my mother is in her own la-la land of dementia and I recently returned to this book seeking, perhaps, some wise words of counsel.
THE LONG GOODBYE was worth the re-reading. These pages are filled with her love for her father. I was struck by one sentence from the book - "the eyes ask why" - which would also be a good title for a book.
It is important to note that this is not a book about politics or the Presidency. Nor is it a book about religion, telling us how to think.
We will all know someone enduring a 'long goodbye' time. Ms. Davis has done a perfect job of expressing her memories, her coping, and her adult relationship with her mother.
Families are the ones who suffer the hell of this disease. Ms Davis has written both how to cope and grieve, public and private with dignity.
May 23, 2021
The title, the cover, and the content are all predictably heavy, letting readers know, without question, that they will see, yes, the gleaming, blue-eyed memories of what Reagan once was, but that they will also see, far more so, the gut-wrenching struggle with death, not, obviously through the eyes of the dying president, but the mind of a once-rebellious and politically-opposed daughter whose beautiful writing makes us contemplate not only what it must have been like to lose Mr. Reagan, but what all of us must feel in the death of a loved one so dear. To date, no one I’ve loved or known closely has ever died. Not once, and I have reached a midlife moment in which death is the inevitably byproduct of whatever second half of life I am granted in this world, but this book served as a reminder, for me, that I may need to consult the mind of Patti Davis when the first loss comes, which it inevitably will.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews