Twenty-four hours ago Michael O’Connor was alive. Albeit he wasn’t doing very well. Eyes barely open, if open at all. The death rattle and all that. I hadn’t been to see him. Don’t remember the last time I saw him. The last goodbye. My mum and dad had. He was lying on a hospital bed in the living room. Quite Orton in a way. A few faces surrounding him. They knew it was the end. Either today or tomorrow. I was at home. I knew it was only a matter of time. I was on page forty of Loot. I had been for the past week. My first insight into the work of Joe Orton. A writer I had heard so much about but never delved into. Many others spring to mind.
It is now 19:29. The day after. At 19:29 yesterday Mike was drifting into his final hour of life. Now he knows. He knows so much more than all of us. The answer to all of life’s biggest unanswerable questions. He knows if there is something. Or if there is nothing. He has experienced heaven, or hell, or the beautiful nothing. And I’m still here. Doing the same old thing. As I will do until I enter my final hour.
I had to get out of the house. There wasn’t a bad atmosphere so to speak. But I couldn’t stay in. I couldn’t stay in but I didn’t want to drink myself to oblivion at such an early hour. So I went to the pub and nursed a vinegary pint of Landlord, opened Loot, and decided to finish it. What a play. A masterpiece it really is. So dark, and funny, and fresh. Pinter and Ionesco spring to mind more than any others. I loved it. All of it. And I recommend it to all of you.
As I turned the final page, You To Me Are Everything came on in the pub. I finished what I was reading and text my dad. I wrote: You To Me Are Everything just came on in here. Best song that's been on in the past hour. Strange Mike must've heard this a thousand times or so. And now never again. I wonder when he last heard it? That's what fascinates me with death. There was a final time. And he never knew it. Just like the last time we went the park for a kickabout with you or a game of intensity. At the time it was the norm to go the park. We probably did it every night of it the week. But bizarrely there was a last time. It just happened. And then it's over. Like a death in itself. Just finished Loot. Absolutely brilliant. Hilarious, shocking, and so fresh.
So Mike has gone. He’s left this mortal coil. And now the madness surrounds us. The bedlam and the chaos. The funeral? Or wont there be one? The phone calls. Phone ringing every five minutes. Ireland and America and Widnes on the phone. I dreamt of him last night. In between the nightmares. Having nightmares the past two or three weeks. Every night. I dreamt me and my dad drove past him on the road and pulled over. And he was there. Smiling and smoking a cigarette. That’s all I remember. And then I dreamt of ghosts playing the piano. His two paintings on my wall. And when I woke at around five am, I expected to see him, stood there, looking at me. But like Godot, he never came. Ruari woke and thought he saw him but it was just an old coat. My father went downstairs and sat in the dark. A billion memories bursting through his mind. He sat there and prayed to see him, staring at the Francis Bacon chair. Not out of grief or mourning I don’t think, but just to see if he would appear. He heard footsteps in the kitchen, footsteps that lasted a small forever, and he thought No More Cold Lazarus. But he never came.
All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all shall turn to dust again.