Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love

by Linda Carroll, Sam Keen (Foreword)

In Love Cycles, veteran couples therapist Linda Carroll presents a groundbreaking model of the five natural stages of romantic relationships — the Merge, Doubt and Denial, Disillusionment, Decision, and Wholehearted Love — and a guide for navigating through them toward lasting love. Love Cycles helps readers understand where they are in the cycle of their relationship and provides a clear strategy for how to stay happy and committed, even in difficult times.

Genres: Relationships, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Marriage

248 pages, Paperback

First published August 15, 2014

About the author

Linda Carroll, MS, has worked as a couple's therapist for more than 30 years. In addition to being a licensed psychotherapist, she is certified in Transpersonal Psychology and Imago Therapy, the highly successful form of couple's therapy developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt. She is also a master teacher in the Pairs Psychoeducation Process, a nationally-recognized relationship education program for couples. She is also a coach by Skype and telephone.

Linda was born and raised in San Francisco where she spent her first 25 years. She has also lived in Nelson, New Zealand and Eugene, Oregon .
She teaches workshops and delivers keynote addresses throughout the United States and is a frequent speaker at Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico.

Linda lives in Corvallis, Oregon, with her veterinarian husband, Tim Barraud, and their dog, a Jack Russell Terrier. She has five children and nine grandchildren. In 2006, her memoir, Her Mother's Daughter, was published by Doubleday. In 2008, Remember Who You Are was published by Conari Press in San Francisco Her recent book, Love Cycles:The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love was released in the fall of 2014 by New World Library.
Find her on the web at lindaacarroll.com or lovecycles.org

Reviews

[Rita · Rating 4 out of 5]

How to Make Love Last: Meet Linda Carroll's Love Cycles

By Rita D. Jacobs
Anyone who's ever been in love has gone through emotional highs and lows. Those oxytocin hormonal moments lure you in and you're walking on air, but then, maybe suddenly, your new love might not seem so perfect. At that moment you need this book -- though perhaps it would be wiser to read Linda Carroll's Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love even before any second thoughts creep in.

Acknowledging straightforwardly that "Most of us live with two competing urges -- to merge and to feel independent, " Carroll, a longtime couples' counselor, has the kind of vast experience that has brought her to the realization that all love relationships cycle through stages. She characterizes each of these lucidly here, with little jargon and a lot of common sense, using examples from the lives of the many couples she has treated over the years. It is truly heartening to see how variously and very realistically she depicts the struggle to maintain lasting love, even if not everyone is successful.

Every couple who has ever fallen in love is going to, at some point, face doubt and denial and even disillusionment. Carroll describes each of these phases or cycles with perfectly clear case histories, my favorite being that of Charlie and Megan, a couple who saw in each other complementary qualities that at first were completely endearing but later turned into fodder for arguments and rifts. This couple's story runs throughout the book, almost like a novella, and as Carroll explains and probes their dynamic, as well as the dynamics other couples, readers become aware of their own potential pitfalls and identifications. There is nothing like a good analysis to help reveal our recognition of self. What is often especially instructive is the fact that Carroll, the therapist, admits to her own rush to judgment about patients, showing how those judgments are often upended as she peels away the various layers of the problems presented.

Ultimately, Love Cycles categorizes and analyzes behaviors that we are all party to -- rushing to judgment, making assumptions, jealousy, etc. -- and centers on the big one for many couples: "Why aren't you more like me?" Carroll gently and persuasively moves the receptive reader away from black or white, yes or no positions, to a place where reconciliation and rebuilding and thus the possibility of lasting love can occur. Unlike some overly prescriptive self-help books, Love Cycles is more open-ended, understanding, and potentially truly helpful.

[Jennifer Kirkwood (Levac) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. The original review can be found on my blog Genuine Jenn

This was a quick and easy read making me aware of past and present relationships and realizing these are normal stages of love. The book was written for the everyday person without lots of psychology mumble jumble that can get readers confused. I like how the author uses explains and couples throughout the book to help one understand each stage. It is a great reference for everyone even if you have been married a long time as we all go through rough times. This is practical advice that really helps put your emotions of love into perspective.

I give this book a 4 out of 5 stars.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

The main message of this book is that relationships are always changing - you have to embrace things won't always be as they are, and be willing to adapt to the new circumstances of the relationship to make it work.

There is a lot of food for thought in this book, and its a good look at social/relationship psychology. I think it can be helpful to anyone at any stage in their life; I didn't find it particularly life-changing but still worth a read.

[Nicole Cain · Rating 4 out of 5]

truly enjoyed :)

[Ann Ladd · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a couple therapist for 30 years, I have been waiting for this book! Linda Carroll doesn't duck the challenging reality of creating the healthy, loving relationships we want today. Ones we can grow in and enjoy as well as take care of the business of life. Also with humor and deep kindness, she offers practical, simple tools and skills that can be used to transform the inevitable stuck and painful times to times of growth and deepened intimacy. I've already sent her book to my youngest, recently married relative. She and her lovely husband will make it no matter what - and with Carroll's wisdom, honesty and practical guidance, it can be easier for them to spend more time in pleasure and connection, in the promise of their tender loving hearts.
Ann L., Phd, LCSW

[Janel Atlas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book encouraging and helpful because the author talks specifically about the various cycles of a love relationship. Just as importantly, she argues that these cycles aren't a one way, no returns experience, but that couples can actually whirl through them rapidly, and that that can be normal. Carroll also gives anecdotal tales from her own years of counseling to illustrate the various phases of love and, more importantly, practical information about navigating each and growing to love each other more authentically and deeply.

I can see why Harville Hendrix, founder of Imago Therapy, recommends this book, and I do, too.

[John Barlow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can feel the authors wisdom and practical knowledge of relationship in her every utterance.
Beyond this is the promise that relationship is not just about happiness and fulfillment but a path to personal development and growth.
I totally recommend this inspirational book and also loved following the adventures of Charlie and Megan as they work through the difficulties in their marriage. Brilliant book!

[Meryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very good book wirh lots of advice for every stage of your marrige.No matter how long we've been married we all hit bumps along the way and coud use some help.This is not a preachy book,it gives you examples to help.I'm going to give mine to a newlwy married couple,I'm sure they will find it a great help along the way.

[Danette · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hate the title and some if the song/book references used are a bit cheesy but I liked this book a lot more than I expected. One of my issuers with some of these relationship/self improvement books is that they have too much religious/God talk but his book is behavioral, science based therapy stuff, definitely not religion. Worth reading for couples and singles.

[Regan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don't usually read self-helpie/love/relationship/romancecrap kind of books so not sure I liked this book because of that, because of this dearth in my own reading genres, or because it's just a damn good, insightful and positive book! Think it should be MANDATORY reading for anyone and everyone in any kind of romantic relationship, in any of it's stages. Period.

[Skye · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has some good ideas about the different stages that relationships go through and how to achieve lasting love.

I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

[Patty Tomsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

So beautiful and moving...practical and helpful!

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting ideas, pretty much common sense, but good reinforcement.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book.

[Ariadna73 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice DIY book to strengthen the self-knowledge relationship literacy.

This is the core diagram of the book: the goal is to have a whole and healthy relationship. This state is accomplished by stepping through all the five steps or cycles thoroughly explained in the book:





This is the cover of the book I read. A neat, compact, light book that you can take with you almost everywhere.



Some editorial information of the book



Here is the table of contents of the book: the cycles are explained and then some advise on how to get to the most desired state. AKA "the fifth circle of love"



Excerpts from the foreword and introduction, to have a better idea of the contents of this manual of love:



The following photos are extracts of the descriptions of the different stages of love. This is very safe reading: not at all boring, but not so deeply fascinating that you would lose contact with reality:















This is part of the acknowledgements. I was very happy to see a real sense of thankfulness to the author's husband. It conveys the message that she applies her own recipe:



These are the six "C-words" of love: "Celebration", "Compassion", "Cocreation", and three more. Everything so beautiful:





My conclusion is that this is a safe book to be reading on a park bench or at the dentist waiting room. With a bonus added that the title might make you look as a person with a heart and a brain; just in case you want that the book you are reading tells something about yourself to passers-by. Just saying.

I hope you liked this review. Did you know that I also have a blog? Take a look here:

http://lunairereadings.blogspot.com

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this book would be more helpful if you are single, in the early stages of a relationship, or going through problems in your relationship. I'm in a steady and happy over ten year partnership and I didn't find much that was new or helpful to me. I was hoping for advice on how to improve or deal with some bumps, and while she does address that, it wasn't new or of use. I have done a lot of therapy and read lots of books, so maybe this is more revelatory to someone who hasn't read much or gone to counseling.

[Cassandra Gilbert · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book very informative and have taken away tools that would be beneficial down the road in my current relationship. My only dislike is how a lot of her examples for the fourth stage that she went in depth with were ones who had an affair. It would’ve been nice to have more information to go off of for couples who didn’t have one. I understand nobody plans to cheat on their partner, but for those who haven’t it would be nice to have more understanding/example of how to work through this stage since it is usually the make or break stage.

[L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely golden and so applicable. There are relatable stories of couples in each of the stages. I especially like the "6 Cs" for lasting love, choice, commitment, celebration, cocreation, compassion and courage.

[Tess Mack · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read. Lots of insight on how love works and how you can do your best in a relationship

[Dana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book makes some really great points about love, acceptance, and all the integral parts of being in a relationship.

[Arjun · Rating 4 out of 5]

Resonated a lot. Learned a lot. Many good things to keep in mind and think about. Writer has many years of relevant experience and has written from her observations.

[Little · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful.

[Suzanne Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical ideas about how to continue loving when the first emotional stage is past. My favorite quote: A good relationship is a contest of generosity.