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Better than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love
From Shaquille O'Neal's "head coach for happiness," a proven, powerful method for shaking the chains of perfectionism to live a happier, healthier life
Perfectionists exist in every walk of life. While outwardly they appear to be very accomplished, they are often unhappy and unfulfilled. Perfectionists strive toward unattainable goals, and their behaviors can wreak havoc on both their physical health and their psychological well-being.
Timely and transformative, Better than Perfect by Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo offers step-by-step instructions for perfectionists to find balance and freedom. The book defines perfectionism in easy-to-understand terms, offers simple assessment tools, and shares case studies of Lombardo's patients to highlight the condition. Also included are practical exercises and suggestions for behavioral changes, including seven ways to overcome perfectionism that range from choosing passion over perfection to remembering you're more than what you do.
With the ultimate goal of helping readers achieve happiness and prosperity without the stress of making sure things are perfect ; Better than Perfect is a fundamental guide for all perfectionists seeking new, fulfilled, and empowered lives.
Perfectionists exist in every walk of life. While outwardly they appear to be very accomplished, they are often unhappy and unfulfilled. Perfectionists strive toward unattainable goals, and their behaviors can wreak havoc on both their physical health and their psychological well-being.
Timely and transformative, Better than Perfect by Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo offers step-by-step instructions for perfectionists to find balance and freedom. The book defines perfectionism in easy-to-understand terms, offers simple assessment tools, and shares case studies of Lombardo's patients to highlight the condition. Also included are practical exercises and suggestions for behavioral changes, including seven ways to overcome perfectionism that range from choosing passion over perfection to remembering you're more than what you do.
With the ultimate goal of helping readers achieve happiness and prosperity without the stress of making sure things are perfect ; Better than Perfect is a fundamental guide for all perfectionists seeking new, fulfilled, and empowered lives.
384 pages, Paperback
First published September 2, 2014
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
December 18, 2014
3.5 stars
Better than Perfect is a book about Perfectionists: in short Dr.Lombardo tries to get the message through that you don't have to do be perfect in order to live happily. Though those who do not fall in the 'perfectionist' category feel this is pretty much obvious, people who like everything to be perfect in order to relax, or be perfect in what they do so they can feel good about themselves, will find this message very liberating.
Dr.Lombardo proceeds to describe what makes a perfectionist and how with some effort, he or she can learn to let go of that never ending need for control and efficiency. There are some exercises, some personal experiences and some tips throughout the book to encourage the reader to follow his/her road to a less stressful life and Lombardo's style of writing is effortless and easy to follow.
That said, I felt that at some point the author started repeating herself and the book would be just as helpful with 50 pages less. Also, nice as it was to see that there are others out there that share your way of thinking or that relaxing a little doesn't have to mean total chaos or sloppy results, I think that it's hard to achieve those results without a personal psychologist to guide you through and push you forward, because the need for control and perfection is for most perfectionists the only way of living they know and thus incredibly difficult to escape from. Judging from myself, an immaculate, clean and tidy space is essential for me in order to relax and start decompressing from work; I simply cannot focus on anything -fun or work related- if objects around me are out of place. Did I have to read a book to find out that I should be more flexible? No, I already knew I was overreacting, and reading how stressful that habit is doesn't change the fact that I'd be 10 times more stressed if I had to live or work in an untidy environment. I also know that feeling guilty about the errors I've made so far is unhealthy; I doubt though that repeating mantras like "I did my best" or "This was not a failure, it was a lesson" will be enough to push me forward without the help of a personal coach. On the other hand, it brought to my notice my "all or nothing" (=failure or success) mentality of which I was wilfully ignorant till now, and I can see how I could stand to profit from the addition of a few grey areas between the black and white.
Even if you're not a 100% hard core perfectionist in all areas of your life, but only have some perfectionist genes in you, this is a book that you can benefit from reading. It can get you thinking of some things, some habits of yours and push you into wanting to change them. Is this book enough to make you change? No, in my personal opinion, but it's a push to the right direction.
ARC provided by NetGalley
Better than Perfect is a book about Perfectionists: in short Dr.Lombardo tries to get the message through that you don't have to do be perfect in order to live happily. Though those who do not fall in the 'perfectionist' category feel this is pretty much obvious, people who like everything to be perfect in order to relax, or be perfect in what they do so they can feel good about themselves, will find this message very liberating.
Dr.Lombardo proceeds to describe what makes a perfectionist and how with some effort, he or she can learn to let go of that never ending need for control and efficiency. There are some exercises, some personal experiences and some tips throughout the book to encourage the reader to follow his/her road to a less stressful life and Lombardo's style of writing is effortless and easy to follow.
That said, I felt that at some point the author started repeating herself and the book would be just as helpful with 50 pages less. Also, nice as it was to see that there are others out there that share your way of thinking or that relaxing a little doesn't have to mean total chaos or sloppy results, I think that it's hard to achieve those results without a personal psychologist to guide you through and push you forward, because the need for control and perfection is for most perfectionists the only way of living they know and thus incredibly difficult to escape from. Judging from myself, an immaculate, clean and tidy space is essential for me in order to relax and start decompressing from work; I simply cannot focus on anything -fun or work related- if objects around me are out of place. Did I have to read a book to find out that I should be more flexible? No, I already knew I was overreacting, and reading how stressful that habit is doesn't change the fact that I'd be 10 times more stressed if I had to live or work in an untidy environment. I also know that feeling guilty about the errors I've made so far is unhealthy; I doubt though that repeating mantras like "I did my best" or "This was not a failure, it was a lesson" will be enough to push me forward without the help of a personal coach. On the other hand, it brought to my notice my "all or nothing" (=failure or success) mentality of which I was wilfully ignorant till now, and I can see how I could stand to profit from the addition of a few grey areas between the black and white.
Even if you're not a 100% hard core perfectionist in all areas of your life, but only have some perfectionist genes in you, this is a book that you can benefit from reading. It can get you thinking of some things, some habits of yours and push you into wanting to change them. Is this book enough to make you change? No, in my personal opinion, but it's a push to the right direction.
ARC provided by NetGalley
September 26, 2014
I've considered myself to be something of perfectionist for most of my life, but have never before encountered a self-help book about overcoming perfectionism. I think most perfectionists have no desire to be anything but perfect, and therefore don't seek out books about moving beyond perfectionism. The only thing I really learned from Better Than Perfect is that I'm not currently a perfectionist by Dr. Lombardo's standards (although I was as a younger woman).
I guess I should have known better. I've read more than a few self-help books in my lifetime, and I can't remember a single one having actually helped me. The thing with self-help books is that you have to actually do what the book says. But it's difficult to do that without someone supporting you, so self-help books are pretty useless. It's a much better use of one's time and money to just do some hard work with a therapist and save yourself the self-loathing of never seeming to be able to change.
Maybe someone who is truly committed to change and unable to afford a therapist would get some use out of Better Than Perfect. It's hard to tell in the eARC format, where I can't see the tables and worksheets that will be in the final version, but it could be helpful (perhaps more so than the average self-help book), since it does give step-by-step instructions on how to make the changes. I think for me it just doesn't seem worth it since I have a good therapist. What I always find interesting about self-help books written by practicing therapists is that those books are really just manifestations of said therapists trying to keep people from going to see another therapist. Maybe I'd be less annoyed if the books suggested that they were best used with the support of a therapist. And now I've written therapist so much that it looks like I've misspelled it.
Better Than Perfect is the self-help book that finally made me realize how useless self-help books are. So I'll save tons of time and money (although I didn't pay for this one) by not buying or reading such books in the future. I recommend you do the same.This review was originally posted on LeilaReads
I guess I should have known better. I've read more than a few self-help books in my lifetime, and I can't remember a single one having actually helped me. The thing with self-help books is that you have to actually do what the book says. But it's difficult to do that without someone supporting you, so self-help books are pretty useless. It's a much better use of one's time and money to just do some hard work with a therapist and save yourself the self-loathing of never seeming to be able to change.
Maybe someone who is truly committed to change and unable to afford a therapist would get some use out of Better Than Perfect. It's hard to tell in the eARC format, where I can't see the tables and worksheets that will be in the final version, but it could be helpful (perhaps more so than the average self-help book), since it does give step-by-step instructions on how to make the changes. I think for me it just doesn't seem worth it since I have a good therapist. What I always find interesting about self-help books written by practicing therapists is that those books are really just manifestations of said therapists trying to keep people from going to see another therapist. Maybe I'd be less annoyed if the books suggested that they were best used with the support of a therapist. And now I've written therapist so much that it looks like I've misspelled it.
Better Than Perfect is the self-help book that finally made me realize how useless self-help books are. So I'll save tons of time and money (although I didn't pay for this one) by not buying or reading such books in the future. I recommend you do the same.This review was originally posted on LeilaReads
September 13, 2014
A special thank you to Perseus Books Group, Seal Press and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo’s Better than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love, demonstrates that perfectionism prevents positivity, productivity and profitability. And it needs to be stopped—please, tell me how!
Being a perfectionist myself, this book was definitely for ME—Lombardo nailed it! We are our worst own enemies—a widely distributed personality trait that is becoming more frequently and more intensely expressed. Type A, driven—always striving for perfection in everything we do—from work, personal, projects, organization, relationships, and all the other aspects of our lives.
What is a Perfectionist? Perfectionists have extremely high standards that are nearly impossible to achieve on a consistent basis, and they experience serious distress when those standards aren’t met. This extreme mind-set often carries over into unrealistic expectations of others his rings a bell). Perfectionists view many aspects of life as all-or-nothing terms.
Wow, speaking from my own personal experience: This sounds so familiar—never looking into the hidden meaning behind my reactions. Over the course of my career, and in my consulting business with specific projects— I found myself giving up on a job, after putting in so much time, passion, and planning to perfection—to have someone else drop the ball, with no control over the situation—giving up, frustrated. If it cannot be perfect, the desire is to walk away— I did not want to be a part of a project with my name behind it, and ultimately not turn out the way I intended. (this is a perfect example of the all-or-nothing). Reality check . . .
Dr. Lombardo guides you on a journey. A journey to ditch perfectionism and live free. She walks you though the steps, by providing advice, great tools and a thriving community to aid your personal trek.
Perfectionists beat themselves up in their endless drive to be better. They also tend to be reliant on other people’s praise, often basing their worth on how others react to them. Perfectionists are more motivated by fear, than they are motivated by the prospect of fun, especially fear of failure and being seen negatively by others. Perfectionism can be self-defeating. (Wow, do I know it)
We all are seeking balance between work and personal, and the lines are becoming unclear, in today’s technology, as working from home we stay connected through social media 24/7—there is no down time. For those of us who are perfectionists, we continue to strive in excess toward unattainable goals, causing much added stress, and insomnia; thereby, affecting our psychological health and wellness. (I’m constantly stressing- the blog, website, copywriting, design, deadline--it has to be perfect).
As Dr. Lombardo describes, on some level perfectionism— is rewarded in our society. We may be the person who consistently stays at work until midnight—to complete a project in particular, or to excel at our job in general. (that’s me). Most of us do not see anything wrong with being a perfectionist, as we just want our work to be perfect and cannot go to bed, or stop until we are satisfied with our work. (3am this morning)
Perfectionists require a tidy environment, in our homes and workplace (yes, always); extremely detailed oriented, they value productivity over fun. (we cannot work or live unless our surroundings are ideal). With a life purpose focused on not failing, perfectionists often miss out on a greater sense of spiritual meaning.
Lombardo also explains, while the goal of perfectionism is to feel good about yourself, it actually has the opposite effect. Why? Because, there’s always that awful inner critic constantly judging you saying “You’re just not good enough, or worse.”
“Perfectionism becomes a badge of honor with you playing the part of the suffering hero” –David D. Burns
How do we stop this madness? Suggestions may make rational sense; however, most perfectionist don’t actually believe in them. We also don’t know how to apply them, or don’t really want to. Think of Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo as a happiness coach and guide.
Better than Perfect helps define perfectionism, making it easier to break down barriers, with a better understanding, with simple assessment tools and case studies of Lombardo's patients. She offers other helpful practical exercises and suggestions for behavioral changes, including seven ways to overcome perfectionism that include choosing passion over perfection, while reminding readers, you’re more than what you do.
In summary, you learn how to share your Better Than Perfect statements with friends, social media, and the world. With the ultimate goal of achieving happiness and prosperity, without the stress of making sure things are perfect, as we find an easier and simpler way to live.
A “Must Read” guide for all us perfectionists— looking for a simpler way to live! This is not a one-time read; however, a guide and invaluable reference, to refer to, often.
Boy, am I ready to take begin this journey— as being a perfectionist is exhausting! Join me as we begin this adventure, as we embrace who we are. Highly Recommend!
The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake. You can’t learn anything from being perfect.” –Adam Osborne
http://www.judithdcollinsconsulting.c...
Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo’s Better than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love, demonstrates that perfectionism prevents positivity, productivity and profitability. And it needs to be stopped—please, tell me how!
Being a perfectionist myself, this book was definitely for ME—Lombardo nailed it! We are our worst own enemies—a widely distributed personality trait that is becoming more frequently and more intensely expressed. Type A, driven—always striving for perfection in everything we do—from work, personal, projects, organization, relationships, and all the other aspects of our lives.
What is a Perfectionist? Perfectionists have extremely high standards that are nearly impossible to achieve on a consistent basis, and they experience serious distress when those standards aren’t met. This extreme mind-set often carries over into unrealistic expectations of others his rings a bell). Perfectionists view many aspects of life as all-or-nothing terms.
Wow, speaking from my own personal experience: This sounds so familiar—never looking into the hidden meaning behind my reactions. Over the course of my career, and in my consulting business with specific projects— I found myself giving up on a job, after putting in so much time, passion, and planning to perfection—to have someone else drop the ball, with no control over the situation—giving up, frustrated. If it cannot be perfect, the desire is to walk away— I did not want to be a part of a project with my name behind it, and ultimately not turn out the way I intended. (this is a perfect example of the all-or-nothing). Reality check . . .
Dr. Lombardo guides you on a journey. A journey to ditch perfectionism and live free. She walks you though the steps, by providing advice, great tools and a thriving community to aid your personal trek.
Perfectionists beat themselves up in their endless drive to be better. They also tend to be reliant on other people’s praise, often basing their worth on how others react to them. Perfectionists are more motivated by fear, than they are motivated by the prospect of fun, especially fear of failure and being seen negatively by others. Perfectionism can be self-defeating. (Wow, do I know it)
We all are seeking balance between work and personal, and the lines are becoming unclear, in today’s technology, as working from home we stay connected through social media 24/7—there is no down time. For those of us who are perfectionists, we continue to strive in excess toward unattainable goals, causing much added stress, and insomnia; thereby, affecting our psychological health and wellness. (I’m constantly stressing- the blog, website, copywriting, design, deadline--it has to be perfect).
As Dr. Lombardo describes, on some level perfectionism— is rewarded in our society. We may be the person who consistently stays at work until midnight—to complete a project in particular, or to excel at our job in general. (that’s me). Most of us do not see anything wrong with being a perfectionist, as we just want our work to be perfect and cannot go to bed, or stop until we are satisfied with our work. (3am this morning)
Perfectionists require a tidy environment, in our homes and workplace (yes, always); extremely detailed oriented, they value productivity over fun. (we cannot work or live unless our surroundings are ideal). With a life purpose focused on not failing, perfectionists often miss out on a greater sense of spiritual meaning.
Lombardo also explains, while the goal of perfectionism is to feel good about yourself, it actually has the opposite effect. Why? Because, there’s always that awful inner critic constantly judging you saying “You’re just not good enough, or worse.”
“Perfectionism becomes a badge of honor with you playing the part of the suffering hero” –David D. Burns
How do we stop this madness? Suggestions may make rational sense; however, most perfectionist don’t actually believe in them. We also don’t know how to apply them, or don’t really want to. Think of Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo as a happiness coach and guide.
Better than Perfect helps define perfectionism, making it easier to break down barriers, with a better understanding, with simple assessment tools and case studies of Lombardo's patients. She offers other helpful practical exercises and suggestions for behavioral changes, including seven ways to overcome perfectionism that include choosing passion over perfection, while reminding readers, you’re more than what you do.
In summary, you learn how to share your Better Than Perfect statements with friends, social media, and the world. With the ultimate goal of achieving happiness and prosperity, without the stress of making sure things are perfect, as we find an easier and simpler way to live.
A “Must Read” guide for all us perfectionists— looking for a simpler way to live! This is not a one-time read; however, a guide and invaluable reference, to refer to, often.
Boy, am I ready to take begin this journey— as being a perfectionist is exhausting! Join me as we begin this adventure, as we embrace who we are. Highly Recommend!
The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake. You can’t learn anything from being perfect.” –Adam Osborne
http://www.judithdcollinsconsulting.c...
January 18, 2022
This book went a long way in helping me to unpack my own attitudes about perfectionism. However, it is certainly not the only thing that helped me in my journey of perfectionism recovery. I found this book to be rather repetitive and the examples to be a tad shallow for me to feel truly understood. I hope that others find this book a helpful tool in their movement toward increased grace for self and others.
May 13, 2016
Однажды преподаватель по английскому сказала, что она отъявленый перфекционист. "Круто ей," подумала я "мне такой никогда не быть". В моих глазах перфекционизм был таким супер положительное качеством человека. Пефекционист все делает хорошо, аккуратно и в срок. Он знает чего хочет от жизни и у него все получается.
Каково же было мое удивления, когда она с горьким вздохом возразила: Совсем наоборот. Ты просто вообще ничего не делаешь, потому что боишься сделать плохо и неидеально. В общем-то эта книга и развенчивает перфекционистский миф и более подробно объясняет почему так и как жить. Жить учат как всегла в духе "помоги себе сам": будь собой, поверь в свои силы, не обращай внимание на окружающий мир, а просто возьмись и сделай. Сомневаюсь, что это хоть кому-то помогло. Ну серьезно.
Тем не менее "поставить диазноз" самому себе по прочтении вполне реально. А знание "истории болезни", это уже сила. По крайней мере понимаешь, что ты не один такой.
Каково же было мое удивления, когда она с горьким вздохом возразила: Совсем наоборот. Ты просто вообще ничего не делаешь, потому что боишься сделать плохо и неидеально. В общем-то эта книга и развенчивает перфекционистский миф и более подробно объясняет почему так и как жить. Жить учат как всегла в духе "помоги себе сам": будь собой, поверь в свои силы, не обращай внимание на окружающий мир, а просто возьмись и сделай. Сомневаюсь, что это хоть кому-то помогло. Ну серьезно.
Тем не менее "поставить диазноз" самому себе по прочтении вполне реально. А знание "истории болезни", это уже сила. По крайней мере понимаешь, что ты не один такой.
December 22, 2016
Читаю "Лучше совершенства. Как обуздать перфекционизм" Элизавет Ломбардо.
"В частной практике большинство моих клиентов вовсе не приходит со словами: "Мне нужна помощь в борьбе с перфекционизмом". Обычно они ищут помощи в устранении губитель��ых последствий перфекционизма: депрессии, стресса, бессонницы, напряженных отношений, нарушений здоровья, трудностей на работе".
Делюсь наблюдениями с Олей. Хорошо, говорю, что я не перфекционист. "Ага - отвечает. - Это ведь не ты пришел после напряженной недели и полез смотреть, что там еще непрочитанного по психологии осталось".
PS А вы знаете, что для невест, которые считают грядущую свадьбу событием мировой важности и изводят этим окружающих, есть специальный неологизм. BRIDEZILLA называется.
"В частной практике большинство моих клиентов вовсе не приходит со словами: "Мне нужна помощь в борьбе с перфекционизмом". Обычно они ищут помощи в устранении губитель��ых последствий перфекционизма: депрессии, стресса, бессонницы, напряженных отношений, нарушений здоровья, трудностей на работе".
Делюсь наблюдениями с Олей. Хорошо, говорю, что я не перфекционист. "Ага - отвечает. - Это ведь не ты пришел после напряженной недели и полез смотреть, что там еще непрочитанного по психологии осталось".
PS А вы знаете, что для невест, которые считают грядущую свадьбу событием мировой важности и изводят этим окружающих, есть специальный неологизм. BRIDEZILLA называется.
June 21, 2024
Do yourself a favor and skip this book.
Why shouldn't you read "Better Than Perfect"? The information inside is solid, but the tone is condescending and, well, perfectionistic. The author puts her ego on nearly every page. She seems to take every opportunity to demonstrate how accomplished she is, while the personal experiences she shares about overcoming her own perfectionism somehow seem to reinforce her flawless image rather than make her feel approachable.
The opening says it all:
"I've been a perfectionist all of my life. In all honesty, I've been rewarded quite nicely because of it."
And that pretty much sums it up. Dr. Lombardo implies that she overcame her perfectionism and is now guiding us to do the same, but the way she flaunts her achievements makes the reader feel insecure rather than understood. Personal stories that should be vulnerable somehow come off as self-aggrandizing.
Fuethermore, nothing about this book convinces me that Dr. Lombardo ever overcame her perfectionism. From the pristine cover to the flawless author image to the over-the-top alliterative anagram she uses in the table of contents, every aspect of the book screams "I was made by an extreme perfectionist." These details make the book beautiful and make the author look clever and competent, but they do not serve the author's stated purpose of helping the readers overcome their own perfectionistic tendencies.
A great alternative is Feeling Good by David Burns, a pioneer of Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which is one of the leading treatments for anxiety and depression. Feeling Good is overflowing with concepts, strategies, and exercises to help overcome perfectionism, presented matter-of-factly with an appropriately approachable tone.
Try reading the first few pages of Feeling Good and compare them with the first 2 pages of Better Than Perfect and you will immediately see what I mean. Dr. Burns' book is about you, the reader, and he walks alongside you as a knowledgeable but humble guide. Dr. Lombardo is a Sage on the Stage, who promises to save you from the mess you've gotten yourself into while looking down on you elegantly from above.
Why shouldn't you read "Better Than Perfect"? The information inside is solid, but the tone is condescending and, well, perfectionistic. The author puts her ego on nearly every page. She seems to take every opportunity to demonstrate how accomplished she is, while the personal experiences she shares about overcoming her own perfectionism somehow seem to reinforce her flawless image rather than make her feel approachable.
The opening says it all:
"I've been a perfectionist all of my life. In all honesty, I've been rewarded quite nicely because of it."
And that pretty much sums it up. Dr. Lombardo implies that she overcame her perfectionism and is now guiding us to do the same, but the way she flaunts her achievements makes the reader feel insecure rather than understood. Personal stories that should be vulnerable somehow come off as self-aggrandizing.
Fuethermore, nothing about this book convinces me that Dr. Lombardo ever overcame her perfectionism. From the pristine cover to the flawless author image to the over-the-top alliterative anagram she uses in the table of contents, every aspect of the book screams "I was made by an extreme perfectionist." These details make the book beautiful and make the author look clever and competent, but they do not serve the author's stated purpose of helping the readers overcome their own perfectionistic tendencies.
A great alternative is Feeling Good by David Burns, a pioneer of Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which is one of the leading treatments for anxiety and depression. Feeling Good is overflowing with concepts, strategies, and exercises to help overcome perfectionism, presented matter-of-factly with an appropriately approachable tone.
Try reading the first few pages of Feeling Good and compare them with the first 2 pages of Better Than Perfect and you will immediately see what I mean. Dr. Burns' book is about you, the reader, and he walks alongside you as a knowledgeable but humble guide. Dr. Lombardo is a Sage on the Stage, who promises to save you from the mess you've gotten yourself into while looking down on you elegantly from above.
April 4, 2018
If there is one book I've read this year that's been the most life changing, this is it (and I've read a lot of good books this year!) It's a book I'm sure I will reference and highlight and dog-ear for years to come.
I hadn't realized how much the perfection infection had taken over in my life until I read this! It was SO eye-opening to me! I realized that I have placed extremely high (nearly impossible) standards on myself, and often feel like a failure when I don't meet them (while totally disregarding the amount of effort I DID put into them and how close I got). I've been more motivated by fear instead of passion, worried about how I appear to others, and have been SO indecisive.
After reading the chapters and completing the exercises in the book, I've worked through these things and I'm feeling more at peace with myself and my life. I've realized that there is a difference between being at peace with myself, and being complacent with myself. I can be grateful for where I am and what I've learned, while still reaching forward to better myself; I am not a failure just because I didn't *quite* reach my [often unrealistic] ideal.
One of the most freeing concepts I learned was to replace the word "should" with "it would be great if". So instead of "I should get the dishes done," I say, "It would be great if the dishes got done." This removes the self-judgement and actually kind of inspires me to do the dishes. And if the dishes don't get done, I don't feel like a failure.
There's still a lot more things I need to let go of, and a lot more growth for me to experience, but I know I'm on the right track. I'm so grateful to Dr Lombardo for writing this book! A defining book in my life!
I hadn't realized how much the perfection infection had taken over in my life until I read this! It was SO eye-opening to me! I realized that I have placed extremely high (nearly impossible) standards on myself, and often feel like a failure when I don't meet them (while totally disregarding the amount of effort I DID put into them and how close I got). I've been more motivated by fear instead of passion, worried about how I appear to others, and have been SO indecisive.
After reading the chapters and completing the exercises in the book, I've worked through these things and I'm feeling more at peace with myself and my life. I've realized that there is a difference between being at peace with myself, and being complacent with myself. I can be grateful for where I am and what I've learned, while still reaching forward to better myself; I am not a failure just because I didn't *quite* reach my [often unrealistic] ideal.
One of the most freeing concepts I learned was to replace the word "should" with "it would be great if". So instead of "I should get the dishes done," I say, "It would be great if the dishes got done." This removes the self-judgement and actually kind of inspires me to do the dishes. And if the dishes don't get done, I don't feel like a failure.
There's still a lot more things I need to let go of, and a lot more growth for me to experience, but I know I'm on the right track. I'm so grateful to Dr Lombardo for writing this book! A defining book in my life!
May 2, 2023
Chasing perfection is a loosing game yet so many of us do it. It can be exhausting. This book is great for those who are ready to let go of some of those unrealistic expectations of self. There is a quiz at the beginning and then a lot of practical exercises to guide you on this journey. It's not a simple process and root causes are rarely simple but for those readers who are in the right frame of mind and willing to do the work, this book will be of great help!
Grateful to NetGalley and Perseus Books Group for gifting me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
Grateful to NetGalley and Perseus Books Group for gifting me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
August 3, 2018
Better than average as self-help books go. As an admitted perfectionist, this book highlighted my tendencies quite well. Not a quick-fix as there is no such thing. But certainly good ideas to follow in my quest to overcome this ....ism.
Then again isn’t that a sign of perfectionism I want to overcome it and be more perfect? 😊
No, seriously, I get it.
Then again isn’t that a sign of perfectionism I want to overcome it and be more perfect? 😊
No, seriously, I get it.
February 21, 2019
There's some great, practical stuff here...and some cliches straight out of pop-psychology. The bit about entitlement, millennials, and "participation ribbons" seems unnecessary and based more in stereotype than actuality.
November 26, 2014
I saw this book on the new non-fiction shelf and after looking though it, decided to read it. I do like to try to do things perfectly, and I do have an inner critic as suggested in the sub-title of the book. I also believe people should be as happy as possible. The book reads very quickly, has several quizzes to take, and has seven chapters actually giving doable suggestions for creating a happier, healthier life.
After completing the book, and with the new year starting soon, I am going to try several of the suggestions, and see if I can achieve some of the changes she suggests. She includes a spiritual component which I appreciated, and also talks about less judgment of yourself and others.
After completing the book, and with the new year starting soon, I am going to try several of the suggestions, and see if I can achieve some of the changes she suggests. She includes a spiritual component which I appreciated, and also talks about less judgment of yourself and others.
November 3, 2014
Great work on perfectionism.
I found myself to be in the category of mildly perfectionist. that is the reason I got this book. even if one isn't a strict perfectionist one would still benefit from this book from all the small changes one can make outlined in this book.
Great work Dr. Lombardo!
I found myself to be in the category of mildly perfectionist. that is the reason I got this book. even if one isn't a strict perfectionist one would still benefit from this book from all the small changes one can make outlined in this book.
Great work Dr. Lombardo!
October 16, 2016
Good Suggestions
I found worthy suggestions in this book. Loved the test. Every person who wrestles with perfectionism should read this book.
I found worthy suggestions in this book. Loved the test. Every person who wrestles with perfectionism should read this book.
November 28, 2022
Good information in this one-inspirational as well
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