Hurt and Healed by the Church: Redemption and Reconstruction After Spiritual Abuse

by Ryan George

What would you do if you learned-from a podcast-that your dad (a pastor) was a serial sexual abuser?



For Ryan George, this isn't a hypothetical question. He knew the faces behind the stories he heard. In fact, his mind flashed with memories of the abuse he'd endured from that same pastor as he listened to news that would change his life. In time, as he processed the destruction rampant in the cult of his youth, he found predatory behavior to be more of a feature than a bug of his former religion as both abuse and coverups were baked into its theology.



Rather than spiral into an understandable deconstruction of his faith, Ryan instead leaned into the intimate embrace of a winsome Jesus. Hurt and Healed by the Church details how he untangled Jesus from the harmful tenets of American fundamentalism. Ryan describes the mental shifts and the restorative relationships he experienced on his journey of healing from church trauma and spiritual manipulation. If you are someone looking to heal church hurt-by leaders or institutions-Ryan shows how rebuilding your faith doesn't have to look like abandonment. He offers hope and inspiration through his story of an unorthodox redemption.



If Ryan could find a thriving and contagious faith after experiencing deep church wounds, so can you.

256 pages, Paperback

Published April 12, 2024

About the author

Ryan George co-leads spiritual adventure community. During business hours, he works as a virtual marketing assistant; and his work has won more than 250 state & national awards for projects spanning 49 states and seven countries.

Ryan enjoys conversations about the connection between faith and adventure. His goal is to help you embrace a life of spiritual awareness and discovery. Whether on stage or on social media, he hopes to inspire you to follow Jesus outside your comfort zones. In his books and blog posts, Ryan invites readers to explore a rich faith experience available in the midst of doubt, fear, and pressure.

Ryan has traveled to all seven continents and both polar circles across 30+ countries, searching for spiritual discoveries. He looks for Jesus in places and activities that don't look like Sunday morning church services. And, because Jesus promised it would happen, Ryan has found profound moments with Jesus in all of them.

Reviews

[Brandi Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ryan George grew up in the IFB movement with a pastor as a father. He attended an IFB college and was deeply entrenched in the movement and its doctrine. It wasn't until he was an adult that he discovered his pastor father was a s*xual predator with a consistent pattern of abuse against minors. While he knew of his physical abuse first-hand, he never imagined he'd have to reckon with the news of his abuse toward others, including close friends.

This book is a story of that reckoning—not just with his father, but with the toxic religion that allowed (and in many ways empowered) his father to commit such heinous acts.

In many ways, it reminds me of Becoming Free Indeed by Jinger Duggar Vuolo. Ryan walks through the toxic theology of the IFB movement and juxtaposes it with the truth of the gospel message. He shows how the movement's highjacking and distortion of Scripture create a culture that enables abuse—whether abuse of power or abuse of people. Like Jinger, he laces in his personal story throughout—one that comes out on the other side of the muck and mire with a vibrant faith in the true gospel.

This was a worthwile read! In a culture where deconstruction is rampant, it's refreshing to read stories of believers that deconstructed to reconstruct. Stories like Ryan's are a powerful testimony of the truth of this. @ryplane—thank you for sharing your story!

Thank you to @weareiconmedia for gifting me a copy of this book to read and review. All opinions are my own.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this powerful book, Ryan George shares his personal story about surviving spiritual abuse and coming to know the real Jesus through genuine Christian community. He explains that even though he experienced great harm in his childhood church, which his pastor father led, he was able to experience redemption and reconstruct his faith within a healthy church. He reflects on the truth that just as trauma happens within relationships, it heals in the context of relationships, and he shares his story of unraveling toxic beliefs, finding the real Jesus, and growing in his faith. However, even though this book draws deeply from the author's personal experience, it is not primarily a memoir. Rather, it is an exploration of how the cult he grew up in contrasts with genuine, biblical Christianity.

Each chapter focuses on a different theme, and begins with a statement in bold font that summarizes the message. For example, one chapter begins with the statement, "Unsafe churches forbade me from asking questions, but Jesus has often assured me that truth isn't afraid of inspection." Ryan George weaves in his personal story throughout these chapters, exploring how the false teachings in the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement contrast to truths from the Bible. He also engages with the harm done to many people through this fringe group's belief system and practices, particularly when it comes to IFB churches sheltering sexual abusers, such as his father. As he explores institutional problems in the IFB movement, he also includes quotes from current IFB preachers, showing that a wide range of issues are still happening now, and aren't a relic from his childhood.

I appreciated Ryan George's passionate writing, vivid personal stories, and clear love for Jesus. He is also very honest about his own sins and failings, and he explores how his church community, wife, and friends have challenged him and helped him grow. This book is an encouraging story about healing and redemption, and the author's passion for helping others by sharing his own story comes through clearly. However, even though the personal nature of this book is one of its strengths, this can also be a weakness, since so much of it focuses closely on specific problems and extreme practices within the separatist IFB cult. Some of the issues explored here generalize to evangelicalism more broadly, but many others do not. Readers with trauma from other denominational backgrounds should be aware of this limitation.

This book is a powerful exploration of the author's experiences growing up in a fundamentalist cult, finding his way out, and healing from the trauma that he experienced due to his religious upbringing and ongoing family issues. This book is well-written, touching, surprisingly funny, and full of important truths, and the author's passion for Jesus and genuine faith come through clearly. I recommend this to people who have similar backgrounds to the author, and to those who want to better understand others' experiences in cult-like environments.

I received a free copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Kristi Witmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started off feeling a bit cynical about this book, ironically expecting it to carry its own cynicism and self-righteousness about what went wrong with the church, etc. But what I heard instead was the heartfelt story of someone who experienced deep pain and the subsequent grief and questions that arise from broken representations of Christ and the church, fatherhood, our relationship to God as father, etc. He processed them with therapists, Scripture, and safe people, and came away with deeper understanding and conviction of who Jesus really is, and a broader love for God and the Church. I found this book extremely hopeful.

[Bill Lueg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wonder how pervasive spiritual abuse is in the church. What Ryan George exposes here is despicable. I too am a victim of spiritual abuse and when I read of the crimes his father, a pastor of an independent fundamental Baptist Church, I wondered if I had a right to read this book if I made that claim.

I applaud the author for his exposé if these IFBs. But, (you knew there was a ‘but’ coming) I kept wondering if he shouldn’t have mentioned other denominations or traditions. I feel like these IFBs already have a reputation for being as legalistic as he portrays. But if he wanted to keep his focus that narrow, part of me would have appreciated a disclaimer.

That said, he primarily wrote out of his own experience and so the personal touch was successful in drawing the reader in to empathize with victims of spiritual abuse of all stripes. I do tend to appreciate truth in story form more than in more academic approaches so I can commend him for his approach.

The elders and pastor of my church in a Reformed church denomination are guilty of less heinous crimes in that I’m not aware of any sexual abuse going on. But that makes their lies, slanders, abuses and appeals to non-Biblical forms of church discipline all the more heinous than I would have thought. In other words, what they were covering up was not so “worthy” of hiding as something like what this book describes. Yet they did it anyway.

I don’t know what my next steps are, if any, but the author is wise in at least giving some “don’ts” like public social media denunciations, etc. All of our stories are different and he, like I, would advise that you seek counsel and Biblical advice from wise Christians.

The truths and testimony written here are done humbly by a wise disciple of Jesus Christ who suffered as we do, yet without sin. I would recommend anyone who has been hurt by the church to find healing in the loving arms of Jesus. Don’t abandon the church lest you suffer alone. As the low whisper comforted Elijah at the mouth of a cave he was taking refuge in, the Lord has reserved for himself people who are not bowing the knee to unfaithful men. Find them.

[Loretta · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book because I heard the author interviewed on Natalie Hoffman’s Flying Free podcast. As one that spent 25 years in Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches and suffered many abuses, I can (sadly) testify on so many levels to what the author has written.

Christianity is a cult when men believe they are “anointed” or “called of God” to lead people and then twist Scripture to fear you, control you, hurt you, abuse you, and all the while they are excusing and justifying their own sin.

The chapter introductions are profound statements about unsafe churches and the counter to what Christ actually is. Some of the chapters are long because of the author’s style of writing, so they were a bit challenging to push through, so I didn’t read each chapter word for word, because the gist of the intro statements was clearly there without all the extra story telling.

I commend the author for his courage and boldness to write this book as an indictment against his own dad. But before you think these things only happen in IFB churches, let me just say you are wrong. They happen in all church movements. This book will educate you on so many reasons why.

I have been personally HURT (lifetime scarred) by the church, but I have never once been lead to “deconstruct” (leave my faith) because of what’s been done to me. I have been HEALED by Christ and know the things I have suffered are for God’s glory even if I can’t figure it out. I don’t leave CHURCH because I love God’s people, but I do walk soooooo carefully wherever I go.

[Marbeth Skwarczynski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listening to Hurt and Healed by the Church by Ryan George is like sitting with a friend who opens his heart to reveal life's good and bad moments. I commiserated over his family circumstances, growing up and rejoiced over his ability to break cycles as a father. George's discovery that his IFB pastor father was a serial predator prompted the book's writing, but the crux of his message is how insidious IFB teachings create systems of abuse. In chapter after chapter, George exposes IFB teachings as unbiblical and ungodly. For readers with no background in the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, this work is an excellent introduction to the teachings and practices of the system.

But George doesn't stop with the bad news. In every chapter, he shows that the Christian life, as patterned in Scripture, is full of kindness, grace, and peace. Hurt and Healed by the Church is a brilliant and insightful book for those who have walked away from abusive churches to deepen their faith in Christ.

[Aubrey Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

NOTE: The recorded version could use some edits—there are a few places the words just get cut off, but that does not take away from the overall performance—Ryan does an excellent job.

I love this book’s heart of reconstruction as opposed to deconstruction. Most of us have not suffered under a church leader like the author's father, but many of us carry wounds inflicted by the church or other religious atmospheres.

For those in that situation, there is much comfort and encouragement in this book. Sometimes, the author’s snark bothered me, but I understand he is still working through things, and even he admits that he will probably wish he had said things differently in 10 years.

Still, one has to applaud him for writing this much-needed book. He really does a very thorough job of describing his specific situation in such a way that it can apply to others’ experiences as well. There is hope and healing without deconstructing our faith and leaving it that way.

[Marsha Iddings · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Timely Book

While I don’t agree with everything the author has to say, and some things challenged my thinking and others made me squirm, this is a book that is needed among all the others that advocate for deconstruction from Christ without reconstruction of a good relationship with Christ.

Having grown up with some legalistic church experience and then later spending a year in the IFB and then 16 years a Reformed Baptist, I identify with much of what the author has to say about legalism while observing from a distance the carnage caused by “upstanding men of the church” who either prey on innocents or try to hide or defend those who do.

[Kelsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A timely, well-written and beautiful book. Though tackling tough topics, Ryan balances writing with conviction and grace. He is honest about his own struggles and his feeling towards his father. His journey is raw. I love how he unpacked different topics to compare and contrast healthy and unhealthy churches.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many healing, insightful and enlightening thoughts in this book. The author has an IFB background but I think many who have been influenced by fundamentalism would likely resonate with parts of his story.

[Esther Tolle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful story of growing up IFB fundamental and finding one’s way out of the superstition of legalism to true love, peace and freedom in Christ.

[Jeremiah · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars rounded up. I appreciated the author's authenticity and grace in telling his story of being immersed in unhealthy church and family settings. There is a very heartfelt and healthy processing of pain, and a Jesus-centered exploration of what genuine faith and church life looks like after experiencing extremely poor examples of religion.

Though it seems to try to be a more all-encompassing read for Christians on a wide range of topics, it is more of a personal memoir, and while there is a lot of crossover to other unhealthy church systems, the book can be pretty specific to the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist movement. As such it may not resonate with everyone. Still, an encouraging read by someone who saw some of the worst elements of religious systems and has held onto Jesus as being better than all the counterfeits.

[Ricky Schille · Rating 5 out of 5]

Writing about his own escape from cultic right-wing Baptist churches that were obscuring abuse, Ryan George speaks to what still gives him hope about Church and Christianity in spite of all that - as well as changes that he would like to see happen. The tale of hope moved me as I grapple with my own history, and also filled me with a desire to keep on in my pursuit of pastoral ministry. More memoir than theological treatise, this book is a great recommendation for those who find themselves undergoing processes of deconstruction, whatever the level may be.

[Joel Wentz · Rating 3 out of 5]

A thoughtful reflection on a powerful story, with a hopeful tone. Will probably connect more with those who have IFB backgrounds or experiences.

Full video review here: https://youtu.be/D3MEkHOHF9c