Friendship First: From New Sparks to Chosen Family, How Our Friends Pave the Way for Lifelong Happiness

by Gyan Yankovich

Our friends enrich every part of our lives. Now you can make them matter the most. Despite modern technology and the ample ways we have to keep in touch, we risk neglecting our relationships with the people who have the most profound effect on our well-being: our friends. Weaving together personal stories, interviews with experts, and social research, Friendship First empowers you to nurture relationships with friends both new and old. Journalist Gyan Yankovich reveals how friendships play a vital role in our happiness with insights on how to:

Deepen workplace friendships outside the office
Invite friends into activities typically reserved for families
Use social media to strengthen connections
Maintain friendships through major life transitions.

An ode to group chats and chosen family, Friendship First invites you to care for and count on those who matter most.

Genres: Nonfiction, Friendship, Relationships, Self Help, Psychology, Health

240 pages, Hardcover

Published September 10, 2024

Reviews

[Lydia Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I would have read this book when I was younger. I am fixing to be 67 years old and I let a few really great friendships dissolve by not staying in touch. I had some friends that were always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on or just to talk. In this breezy, smart book, journalist Gyan Yankovich takes a deep dive into the challenges and triumphs of friendships today. FRIENDSHIP FIRST has personal stories and scientific evidence about the importance of friendship. Highly recommend!

[Zac Sigler · Rating 4 out of 5]

On one hand, a lot of this is, "duh." I know that to make friends I need to put myself where I might find friends to be had. No advice was given about living in a place where, frankly, things that interest me rarely happen. But, I greatly appreciated the author's inclusion of LGBT+ specific friendships and romantic relationships. It greatly broadened perspectives on "chosen family." Also, I like how Yankovich boldly states that it's foolish to expect one solitary person to fulfill all of a person's needs. And, why don't friends celebrate anniversaries?

PS. Thank you to Mandy, Sylvia, and Casey for making the place we reside far more fabulous than it would otherwise be!

[Literary Redhead · Rating 3 out of 5]

FRIENDSHIP FIRST has personal stories and scientific evidence about the importance of friendship, but not a design to make this info easily read. What I would have liked was a different presentation, with a bullet-listed synopsis for each chapter and an accompanying action list to more cleanly illustrate concepts. That would have made the ideas more readily digested.

[Phil Mendez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some essays didn’t land for me. And the style also. But what worked for me is the research put into the book.

[Neeyati · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5*

[LA · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is something of a "Friendship 101." If you're hoping to give the friendships in your life more attention and are looking for your first non-fiction book about the topic, there is a lot to get out of this. It is exactly as billed: examining friendship through the lens of anecdotes, interviews, science, etc, starting with the ways a friendship can begin and moving all the way through to friendship lost. I particularly appreciated the chapter about dealing with a friend's death, as I've not encountered nearly enough discussion about this topic in the media.

I've read multiple books about friendship, and I get a lot out of them when they are about a specific topic, such as the science of friendship or about platonic bonds that are the most important bond in your life. I was hoping that this book might touch on topics I haven't given much thought to -- some of the early anecdotes had me realizing I'd love to learn more about strong platonic bonds between elderly people -- but ultimately, this book wound up being mostly a rehashing of ideas I've spent a lot of time learning about.

Friendship is a really broad topic, so in trying to write a book about the totality of it, there's not much room to give a lot of depth to any specific element. I think the author could have written an entire book about any of the topics that she introduced and I would have found that more engaging.

PS I always feel bad giving less than 3 stars on a book with fewer reviews, but I like to stick to my system that helps me remember my own reading experience. For me, a 2 star is just a reminder that a book wasn't for me -- it helps me when I'm sorting through books months later to remember which books to give away since someone else is likely to enjoy having more than me <3

[Elaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Friendship First might sound like one of those pop psych type reads that draws flimsy conclusions from a variety of sources (which I'm not saying it's not), but I absolutely love this topic and the burgeoning media around the importance of friendship.

I relate heavily to Gyan Yankovich (who I've previously read in MR and enjoy) in her studious approach to care and tending of friendships, which she traces from tenuous beginnings to a garden in full bloom in her thirties. I found myself constantly sending screenshots to both individual close friends and my group chat - 'Both vulnerability and action are key ingredients of the friendship recipe.' 'There's a certain kind of satisfaction I can only find after a delicious meal .. a joyous kind of fullness .. one of the only feelings I can compare to the sensation in the hours after spending time with my closest friends'. This is EXACTLY how I feel and I love seeing these words printed on the page!

Yankovich addresses grief, friendship endings, LGBTQ+ and non-traditional unions, and more throughout the rest of the book. It's a comprehensive look at connection in the 2020s era and leads the reader to really appreciate their chosen people in their life.

Thank you to The Experiment for providing this book for advance review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

[Ray boycott Reading Challenges until they fix app]

No rating, due to my policy of refusing to rate "self-help" and other nonfiction genres where being facts-based and repeatable results is important and, therefore, can have serious consequences and in turn I feel inappropriate to rate until I can personally vet for the factual accuracy and repeatability of said book (which I recognize in many cases is going to be impractical if not impossible and otherwise excessively time-consuming)

That said, I did like it - although, well, it is more than a bit biased towards advice towards women - for example, the final chapter is almost entirely dedicated to how women naturally accrue friendship circles that end up taking on many of the "emotional responsibilities" that are traditionally associated with marriage - while there's not so much mention in terms of a male equivalent, cis trans or hell nonbinary/non-gender-conforming or otherwise; hell, the only male profiled in that chapter, and one of the very few in the entire book, is happily married and makes that whole thing rather stick out like a sore thumb especially in a chapter entirely dedicated to friendships as substitutes for a lot of marriage "emotional" roles.

[Rukhsar (rukhsandbooks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really love reading about human relationships. Lately, I've been specifically interested in reading about non-romantic relationships. I'm so glad The Experiment publishing thought I would enjoy this book and sent me an ARC. I particularly enjoyed this read because it referenced many other pieces and studies that I am familiar with and did a good job of not only synthesizing those bodies of work but also weaving them into the narrative being discussed.

Reading this book made me reflect on the kind of friend I am. It made me feel better about what many people think of as my special quirks like celebrating friendiversaries and telling my friends I love them or miss them the way most would say to their romantic partners. It also made me realize why I like shows and stories like Council of Dads, A Million Little Things, and even Full House.

Thank you Ceci, Netgalley, and bookstagram for this e-ARC

[Joyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

Young Australian journalist is making the case through stories and research for the importance of friends in life -- friends as chosen family, friends at work, friends through bad times and good times. She really speaks to the role of friendship at a certain age. She is young -- 20s or 30s -- before kids, at the beginning stages of romantic partnership. She is at the stage where she is free to go out after work and has come from friendship intense environments (school, university, etc). The author is a natural extrovert with tons of people (friends?) in her life and in this way, this was not a how-to-develop friends book. This book had some interesting stories but was not particularly memorable in my view. The one interesting concept I learned and never heard about before was "breadcrumbing" where people string you along with little tidbits of intimacy to keep one hoping for real connection. I think this was a useful concept

[Kalyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is an insightful journey through the role that friendship plays in our lives. It explores both the sheer complexity of the many types of friendship we have as well as the way society's perception of theses relationships have changed over time. Gathering together real stories of friendship, insights into the psychological role friendship plays, and gentle advice on how to be a friend, Yankovich has written a book that is both informative and easy to read.

[Sean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book. I listened to it and decided to purchase a physical copy for our chosen family bookshelf. My favorite part was the diversity of relationships the author explores, in terms of the closeness of friendships, other relationships, and social identities of the people involved.

[Nick Salenga · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book that empowers you to nurture relationships with friends both new & old weaving together personal stories, interviews with experts, & social research.

[Cassie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up to 4

[Krystal Weiner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Always love finding little gems in my local library’s staff picks ✨ was like reading a good therapy session

[Grace Hollmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very special read. Everyone go tell your friends you love them!

[Trisha Hatfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

Surprisingly interesting and thought provoking. Standards we don't even realize we have, are questioned.

[aj · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book that I had hoped “Good Friends” would be.

[Abby Carpenter]

Read half and lost interest

[caroline · Rating 2 out of 5]

a very interesting read! i like that the author included diverse research studies to back up her points throughout the book. that being said, nothing about this was particularly life-changing to me.

[Christy · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Friendship First: From New Sparks to Chosen Family, How Our Friends Pave the Way for Lifelong Happiness" puts nurturing relationships, both personal and professional, front and center. We often get busy and lost in the craziness of life, and during those times our relationships tend to fall off. This book goes into the ins and outs of working towards bettering interpersonal relationships - improve connection, integrate better, and perhaps the hardest subject of all for me personally: maintain those relationships.