I think once you find one thing in a book that you don't like and then you find the second thing, you can't stop looking for the flaws. At least that's how I felt with this book, which is a shame because it's not a bad book. But at a certain point it just got frustrating. I was constantly moving back and forth between bored and annoyed.
spoilers ahead
I want to emphasize that it's not the thousand kinks that make this book unappealing to me, I dig all that smut, it's the way the scenes are strung together, the lack of depth, the not speaking out about the difficulties Mouse is struggling with (even though he later takes therapy, too much is half-heartedly hinted at for me, but there's no good deep conversation between the MCs, which I think is absolutely necessary). And what really frustrated me concerning the kinks is a lot is mentioned ... yes big, but almost none of it is put into action.
I very rarely read books with pain kink, it's just always a heavy thing, but when it's done well, it's always wonderful. Here you get fed nice things like CBT and needle play and then none of that happens. Instead, a fisting scene comes almost out of nowhere.
The initial problem I had with this book: Mouse gets hurt really badly and Callum saves him - wonderful. It doesn't take long and Mouse falls into his middle space, even though he's hardly ever experienced anything like this before, okay, Callum responds wonderfully, even though he's not really a Daddy, but he can be for Mouse. It's all very good, but suddenly we find ourselves in a kinky relationship, and I don't think the two of them really speak well with each other in terms of their relationship status, or rather we know that Mouse has pined for Calum forever, but Cal's feelings are suddenly there ... that wasn't enough.
And the thing that really threw me out of the book was that just one day after Mouse's injury there are kinky sex scenes. That's too soon for me. Even though this is about pain kink and Mouse is really into it, but his back has been brutalized and emotionally it's nothing for him? He just brushes it off and Cal can't keep his hands off him ...
I was tempted to stop early, but I was hoping that maybe something would come along that would give the whole thing a positive spin. Unfortunately, the 90% mark came and I was so repulsed that I really struggled to read another sentence.
“Daddy, there will never be a time when you’re too much. You gave me everything I needed and more. Now make with the cuddles.”
Daddy pulled me against his chest, letting out a slow breath as he did.
“I want to give you everything. You make me feel things, Mitchell Johannsen. You make me want to unleash myself, to take and take, and that scares the fuck out of me.” There was a vulnerability in Cal’s voice I’d never heard before.
Oh, no. Daddy didn’t sound good. “Daddy, sit up. It sounds like you need to have some cuddles just as bad as I do.”
That reads quite nicely, doesn't it? It's actually wonderful to see the insecure side of Cal. BUT: this is right after Mouse hasn't really come out of his sub space yet. On an emotional level, that's really messed up, in my humble opinion. If it's meant to be a Dom drop, which it probably is, then it doesn't come across right. Maybe it would have been better told from Cal's perspective to really get his feelings across. It just doesn't fit for me.
Unfortunately, the remaining 10% were not for me either. There was one more dramatic scene (way too short and way too close to the end of the book), Mouse got hurt again (I think he already had enough to endure, it just wasn't necessary), one more kinky scene without good preparation and without good aftercare - too short, too little emotional depth ... I don't know. And the epilogue, no sorry, that didn't fit at all.
I'm not rating the book because I think I'm just too frustrated to be objective. I think it definitely deserves probably three stars, but I just can't right now.
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Content warnings: death of a parent, car accident (on page), physical and mental injuries of a main character in the car accident, self-harm due to bad BDSM scenes (consenting and non-consenting), abuse of a main character in a previous relationship (off page), MC is beaten bloody and whipped and bitten in a non-consensual BDSM scene (on page), age gap 20 years, age play (on page) - one main character is a middle (coloring books, Lego, children's language)
Cheating between MCs: No
Other person drama: No
Breakup: No
Kinks: most of them are not on page: piercings, spanking, flogging, whipping, caning, lace, cockwarming, cock cage, age play, pain play, fisting, pinching, biting, CBT, needle play, mild breath play, degredation, face-fucking, sub space, Dom drop?