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Darling, You Can't Do Both: And Other Noise to Ignore on Your Way Up

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From the award-winning advertising team, a creative, fresh and brutally honest guide taking on the working world on your own terms.

Janet Kestin and Nancy Vonk have built their careers on unconventional creative thinking. As two of the leaders behind Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty, they famously championed stripping away the photoshopping, lighting and make-up to sell real beauty. After years of rethinking brands, they decided that they wanted to focus on rethinking the way we work--or, in many cases and places, the way our work doesn't work for us---especially for women. And so they've tackled the problem in their hallmark style--by turning expectations upside down and shaking them. Soundly.

Darling, You Can't Do Both is a smart, relatable guide for all of the women who embraced the spirit of Lean In but were left wondering where to start--how could they, in all industries and at all levels, really begin to change their realities and maybe even their companies, from the ground up? Janet Kestin and Nancy Vonk's answer is that women need to start breaking the largely unspoken rules of business that they've always tacitly accepted. Darling will spark a new thread of conversation about women in the workplace--one that's about new strategies for every woman with ambition moving (and looking) forward---with motherhood not a roadblock but an unfair advantage.

304 pages, Paperback

First published June 3, 2014

48 people are currently reading
732 people want to read

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Janet Kestin

4 books

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5 stars
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130 (38%)
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89 (26%)
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25 (7%)
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6 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
Profile Image for Lisa (Remarkablylisa).
2,509 reviews1,811 followers
May 26, 2019
Overall, an empowering career book for females who have children or for females not having a single idea of how to handle a growing career or workplace. I wish I read this one way before my first job. However, some ideas weren't fresh or innovative as I thought it would be.
Profile Image for Syahra .
119 reviews
March 26, 2022
I never really thought that I'd say I do something because I'm inspired by a book, but I did.

The book title tells about how women could be both great at the two things of what it seems to be distant and disconnected: a family and a career person at the same time.

Darling, You Can't Do Both was written by two women "who've-seen-it-all", they really highlight and include all the conversations, feelings, thoughts, and perspectives in the workplace that I could relate to closely, and would absolutely be missed if the book was written by a male author.

There were certain parts that I found to be really eye-opening. During my job application, offering, and even to now where I'm starting to work in a new team where I'm the only woman, I kind of feel the relief for having the knowledge passed to me by this book. I wouldn't be this confident if it hadn't been my journey reading the book for the past several months, really.

It may be just another okay read if you're a woman and already in your mid-senior years in your career, but for women in their career beginnings, this would definitely be a good pick. :)
Profile Image for Wendy.
23 reviews6 followers
March 20, 2017
Darling, I Could Barely Finish This Book

There's nothing in this book that you haven't read in any other female-written book about how to be successful in business if you identify as a woman. This one is different because it's written by two female authors that are in high paying positions/careers. Maybe it's more applicable if you're in the advertising field or if you've never read a book about females in leadership roles and/or the working world in general. I wouldn't recommend adding this to your list of books to read unless you've read all the other books there are out there surrounding this topic. And I really do mean all of them.
Profile Image for Yulenka.
359 reviews20 followers
September 13, 2014
Good book, especially for a girl in advertising. I enjoyed the voice of the writer as well as the anecdotes that were sprinkled generously throughout the book. Good insight, advice, and a decent kick in the pants to act like big girls and take life by the balls.
11 reviews
September 12, 2018
This was given to me to read by a mentor at work to read as a woman in a competitive and male-dominated work environment. Interesting and slightly better than other books I've read on the topic
Profile Image for Petula.
7 reviews4 followers
January 12, 2016
I found it very funny and inspiring, an easy reading that should not be read as fast as a novel.
Every story inspire us to think about the lessons learned. We should meditate after every chapter, sometimes after every session.
Most importantly: it is not only about women, but about "feminine", docile or somewhat introvert personalities and how to gain ground understanding who you are in the professional set. Many men could benefit from this reaeding too, both to open up their views of feminine world or if they do identify with a more feminine approach to life and feel they have been losing the spot to more agressive peers.
Profile Image for Yvette Cano.
56 reviews1 follower
October 8, 2018
Better books out there

I’d rather read Lean In, which was more insightful and had a lot of the same ideas and themes. This was poorly written and hard to follow. I skimmed most of it
Profile Image for Jina.
66 reviews
September 5, 2017
I really enjoyed this very readable book by Janet Kestin and Nancy Vonk, who rose up through the ranks of the ad biz and for years were the co-CCOs of Ogilvy and Mather Toronto. They wrote with warmth, humor, and frankness about what it took to do that as women and moms.

I was left with no desire to work for an ad agency (I think it was the part where they talked about reclaiming their Sunday evenings -- I frankly can't work weekends and still be productive), but it's always been a life I've been curious about, since it does seem like the most fun environment to be a copywriter in.

The stories are great. For example, about halfway through, they describe the Diamond Shreddies ad campaign (watch Rory Sutherland's TED talk, "Confessions of an Advertising Man," if you don't know what that is). But the lessons probably apply outside of advertising, outside of art directors and copywriters.

My only complaint is that it's hard to tell who's writing at any time. I think Janet is the one who says she's always been outspoken, so it took her a pretty in-your-face moment to realize the sexism that was all around her. And I think Nancy is the one who said she was always embarrassed to ask for a raise until a woman colleague took her aside and said, "You're always complaining about being broke. What do you make?" and then informed her she was underpaid. More importantly, the woman pulled out a notebook from her desk, and read from it her list of ammo: wins she had had, successes she had contributed to. Those were the things she used to ask for more money, and she told Nancy to do the same.
112 reviews
December 9, 2023
As a businesswoman (with a farm and a writing/freelance business), I enjoy reading books about business. This one caught me from the title. Many people have said that women can’t have both. They can’t have the family that they want, with a rising career. They have to pick one or the other.

In Darling, You Can’t Do Both, authors Janet Kestin and Nancy Vonk aim to tell you that you can do whatever you set your mind to! You can have a family and the job that you want. They even bring plenty of examples of women at the top of their careers who have become moms and continued working their way up even further.

In fact, moms are often better than their male counterparts. They are willing to work hard, just to prove that they can still do their job and raise their children.

Women are also less likely to bring up difficult conversations with their bosses, in order to keep rising to the top. Men have no problems asking for a raise and other things that they want, while women have been told from a young age to not rock the boat!

If you are looking for a book to make you think about motherhood and business (or career), this should be one that you start with. Both authors have worked hard over their entire careers to show themselves (and others) how much is possible, if you are only willing to ask for it and work hard once you get it!
Profile Image for Kayse Maass.
153 reviews20 followers
July 2, 2018
I’ve read other books like this and didn’t find anything novel about Darling, You Can’t Do Both. It was a quick read with some good suggestions, but would have been more effective as a paired down blog post or article. Also, I found it ironic that a book aiming to empower women and change gender stereotypes often referred to bosses using male pronouns, even when no specific male boss was being referred to.
Profile Image for Krystal Valencia.
2 reviews7 followers
February 28, 2020
Great read for women with kids, or considering having kids, while in leadership roles.

Written in a unique way, where you can go-back and reference a myth to gather insights and advice, if it arises in reality.
Profile Image for Amy Egbert.
287 reviews1 follower
March 20, 2017
A fantastically validating read

I'm so glad I read this. Besides being fun and entertaining it is motivating and empowering. Mostly it just feels true. So unapologetically true.
Profile Image for Gillian Baigorri .
5 reviews1 follower
September 16, 2014
This review first appeared in its entirety on Your Library Card

From the publisher: From two of the real women behind Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty, a creative, fresh and brutally honest guide to making it in the working world on your own terms… Filled with steps you can take and advice you can test drive, Darling, You Can’t Do Both will spark a new thread of conversation and a new wave of action for women in the workplace—one that’s realistic, positive and filled with effective strategies for every woman with career goals.

I’m not sure what made me pick up this book - the catchy title? Wanting a change from my preferred fiction genres? Whatever it was, it caught my eye and made me add it to my “To-Read” list. When Lean In was released I had absolutely no desire to read it, and despite all the hype surrounding it I still have no plans to pick it up. Typically, nonfiction and advice on career/work-life balance and having it all/doing it all type of books do not appeal to me. Perhaps it was the lack of publicity around ‘Darling You Can’t Do Both’ that made me actually follow through on reading it.

I was surprised how quickly I read this book (usually a sign that I’m enjoying what I’m reading). I found the narrative style engaging and the book reads as if you were having a personal conversation with Janet and Nancy (apparently after reading their book we are on a first name basis!) rather than listening to them dictate how to “have it all”. Their combined voices were authentic, however sometimes it was difficult to follow which author was speaking until they mentioned the name of the other. Their individual voices, tones and experiences are similar enough that it was not easy to tell them apart. When this is the case for dually authored books, my preference would be for a clear labeling of who is speaking so that I don’t have to work out who is talking and can instead concentrate on what they are saying.

I liked the format of the book which is presented in chapters, each one a “rule” to be broken. In each chapter the authors give a story of personal experience relating to the rule and how they broke it. Some of the stories share not only their successes but mistakes that were made or things they wish they had done differently. When reading this type of book it is common to start thinking about mistakes you as the reader made too, so hearing from the authors that their paths to success were not nicely paved is encouraging and builds a stronger feeling of connection to the material. Prior to reading Darling You Can't Do Both I did not know that the authors worked in Toronto which instantly made me feel more connected to the book, being from Toronto myself. What disconnected me from the book was all of their experience being in the advertising industry. This line of work is very removed from mine so it was sometimes hard to draw parallels with the situations and strategies they were suggesting. Some may be transferable but advertising is a unique industry, and I wonder how applicable their experiences are to other professions (front line nurses, lawyers, doctors, teachers etc.).

Overall I would recommend this book. For early career, it is a good eye opener to a different approach and things you can do right away to set yourself up with options when it comes to having both the career and family life. For mid-career it is a good reminder to reflect on the path you have taken to date and that there is still time to adjust and make changes if that’s what you feel you need. Personally the biggest message I took away from it was to overcome the fear of stepping up and asking (for a raise, promotion, more responsibility, flexibility to work from home, for anything really)... as Janet and Nancy say in the book; The worst someone can say is no.
Profile Image for Barbara.
126 reviews
January 4, 2015
Darling, you know my struggle to a tee.
That's certainly how I, as a young career woman, felt after picking up the cheekily-titled book "Darling, You Can't Do Both."
Celebrated ad executives Janet Kestin and Nancy Vonk perfectly capture the struggles of so many 21st century career women in their quasi-self-help book/memoir. They discuss all the dirty little trends in the workplace, from women underselling themselves through to bosses passing them up for jobs if they are of childbearing age.
But unlike other self-help books, Kestin and Vonk tackled these difficult topics in a lighthearted manner, providing tips based on their own and other successful women's real life experiences.
At times, I felt like I was sitting with Kestin and Vonk on my couch, listening firsthand to wisdom from two women who have managed to crack the glass ceiling in their own way.
And that itself -- the ability of each woman to break 'the rules' and build their own unique life -- was a point that Kestin and Vonk beautifully underscored throughout their book.
Despite their refreshing tongue-in-cheek writing style, I did find "Darling, You Can't Do Both" to be too long.
I believe the last quarter of the book could have been tightened up because I felt there was some redundancy happening in the subject matter.
Otherwise, I adored "Darling, You Can't Do Both," and I'd recommend it to other young career women as well.
Profile Image for Jessica Woodbury.
1,918 reviews3,080 followers
December 14, 2015
I admit, I tend to avoid nonfiction about things like work-life balance. But the title of this book intrigued me so I gave it a whirl. I wasn't disappointed.

Kestin and Vonn are a real-life, wildly successful advertising team. They are both mothers, they have both worked their way through several jobs and life crises. This book has, in my opinion, a perfect blend of anecdotes and advice. While they focus on the advertising industry, anecdotes from women from a variety of other professions are included.

You can't be a working woman and not see yourself in these stories. There will be some chapters that you'll breeze through, but others will make you stop and read every word because they are just what you need to hear.

This book made me stop and realize that I've been sitting back and going where my career takes me instead of envisioning my own idea of success. The stories made me think about what I could do in my role, even though I'm not in advertising or a traditional creative position. I will happily recommend this. It addresses such a wide variety of the issues women face, whether or not they have children. There is much of the sexism women face from the outside and the doubts and worry we face from within.

Kestin and Vonn take turns with the story giving you each of their perspectives as well as a look at their unusual and powerful partnership.
Profile Image for Sarah Butland.
Author 22 books80 followers
June 6, 2015
An extremely empowering collection of stories about woman who succeeded in balancing their lives and passions.

Many woman feel they have to make a choice - climb the latter or be a parent. Janet and Nancy share experiences where they felt they were failing when they were really just discovering what was important to them and how to value both.

There is a gap in gender's in the workplace but we can close that gap and raise a family, we just first have to recognize there is a gap to close. Once we admit to the problem and recognize our own passions and strengths we can prioritize to rise to our abilities and the top!

Through hard work, time off and being authentic, many woman have gone back to work after maternity leave to become even better employees and parents. Not only can we live the life we do deserve we can show our kids how to juggle and climb!

A great read that motivates, inspires and reveals just how important for all of us to know who we are and be that person.

Thanks for reading and being you ;) ,

Sarah Butland
Profile Image for Jess.
53 reviews
January 27, 2022
I decided to stop reading 1/3 of the way through.

I saw this book on the shelf at Chapters and the title intrigued me right away. How could it not? Figuring out the real meaning of career and personal identity has been a fascination of mine for a couple of years now, and here comes a book that promises to bust a bunch of myths about exactly this topic. Unfortunately while the title and chapter headings sounded amazing… I found the content to be very disappointing.

Here I was hoping for relatable, inspiring stories that proved the myths to be false and offered practical advice for how to do your own thing despite the expectations of those around you… but what I got was the author's highly anecdotal advice based on her experiences in a specific industry. As a result, the viewpoint felt narrow and often hard for me to relate to. It felt a lot more like a stranger giving me life advice than a coach empowering me to make my own way.
Profile Image for Michelle.
18 reviews
February 11, 2017
Great advice for women that want both a career and a family. You CAN have both.
Profile Image for Alyscia Cunningham.
Author 4 books24 followers
November 3, 2014
Darling, is a must read for women who've been told...you can't do it...and still do! I can relate on so many levels to the stories and examples in this book. Sometimes as women we get so caught up with helping everyone else, including our jobs, and forget about ourselves. I made the transition a few years ago by going into the direction of my dreams. It was not an easy process but I have no regrets. With the naysayers and all. Thank you for this gift of empowerment. I will pass this on to my daughters when they get older.
Profile Image for Sasha Boersma.
821 reviews33 followers
November 24, 2014
Many, many truths here. Nothing revolutionary for me, but I know many people who I will refer this book to. Very down-to-earth, conversational. Nice mix of stories and tips. Excellent read for folks trying to navigate careers in media/communications specifically.

I would have liked the book to delve more into how women hold back other women when they see deviation from protocol. Plenty of stories of guys standing in the way, but not much in how other women try to keep a certain order.
165 reviews1 follower
March 23, 2015
What I needed to hear what I needed to hear it. Even though the authors come from the world of advertising their message is for all working women. We need to not only lean in, but to ask for what we need and want. To find the supportive environment to do our best work and be our best selves. We can work and be wives an mothers. We can be successful. But we must not settle for environments that won't let us be authentic.
Profile Image for Karen.
94 reviews
February 24, 2016
This is like a Canadian sequel to Lean In. Kestin shares her career adventures in advertising and brings in advice and anecdotes from other successful women in her network. It's a great read for women who want to advance their careers, enjoy what they're doing and maybe also have a life outside of the workplace. This is especially for you if you look at the title and say "that's not me"; you'll have to read the book to find out why.
Profile Image for Marilyn.
33 reviews
January 6, 2016
An inspiring read loaded with good advice for women juggling everything in life. It's all about: knowing what you need to make you happy; asking for what you want (and expect); building our personal advisory board to help make it happen (and accepting help when it is offered); and being open to sponsors who will guide you along. Full of thought-provoking questions.
Profile Image for Katie.
96 reviews
March 6, 2016
This was the first book for our office book club made up of all women. It was a quick read and engaging, and especially applicable if you work in a creative field. I was surprised by how much it made me question or feel conflicted about many of my own opinions, expectations, and assumptions about myself and my female colleagues. Worth a read.
Profile Image for Elizabeth.
552 reviews5 followers
April 5, 2016
I'd give this a 2.5 if it were available. The concepts are good but I got irritated with their personal stories constantly coming up over and over. It was like part work-autobiography and part coaching. I appreciated that they included experiences from other women, but I would have made those the main examples instead of putting myself in the center over and over.
Profile Image for Barb Wiseberg.
172 reviews1 follower
June 23, 2014
Excellent book from a dynamic duo.

Janet Kesting & Nancy Vonk, two of the best creative minds in the ad business, offer some great advice about "leaning in".

It's a great book for a recent graduate, it's a greater book for those who are in other stages of their career as well.
Profile Image for Elizabeth Ruth.
174 reviews
January 5, 2015
Hands-down the best professional development book I have ever read. Highly recommended, whether or not you want to have kids. Really smart, realistic advice-- everything that Lean In wasn't, and then some.
Profile Image for Ashlin.
67 reviews2 followers
October 29, 2020
An excellent read for a millennial on her way into the workforce. It was nice to hear both Kestin and Vonk's perspectives on work-life balance, especially because they're Canadian! It was an easy read and highly relatable.
Profile Image for Kari.
19 reviews
March 2, 2015
Good info, could have been shorter

It's nice to read books like this every once in a while to remind yourself where you want to go with your career. There's a lot of good advice in here. I just think it could have been said a little more succinctly.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews

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