Othered: Finding Belonging with the God Who Pursues the Hurt, Harmed, and Marginalized

by Jenai Auman

God's people are meant to be a blessing to others. Yet in the Scriptures, throughout history, and in our own times we too often see the people of God causing harm to people on the margins. Rather than caring for the widowed and the orphaned or loving the sojourner, too often we see abuse of power that breaks spirits and inflicts lasting harm.

For anyone who has felt left out or pushed out of the church, Othered is your invitation to find spiritual rest and belonging in a God who loves, restores, and blesses the outcast and the marginalized. Jenai Auman draws on her experience growing up as a biracial kid in the American South as well as working within toxic ministry environments to reveal a hopeful, trauma-informed way forward. This book illuminates how hurt and betrayal in the church are longstanding problems that God neither sanctions nor tolerates. It offers holistic responses to the grief, anger, and trauma that come with being ostracized or oppressed by the church. And it shows how God provides shelter and provision in the midst of the wilderness.

Because God sees, hears, and loves you--even if the church has failed you.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Church, Christian Non Fiction, Religion, Spirituality

220 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 25, 2024

About the author

Jenai Auman is a Filipina American writer and artist. She draws from her years in church leadership as well as her trauma-informed training to write on healing, hope, and the way forward. She is passionate about providing language so readers can find a faith that frees. She received her bachelor's degree in behavioral health science and is currently pursuing a master's in spiritual formation at Northeastern Seminary. Jenai lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Tyler, and their sons, Quinn and Graham.

Reviews

[Jenai Auman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I lived it. I researched it. I wrote it.
I think I can review it.

This is a good book.

[Richard Propes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I still remember the initial days after reading Beth Allison Barr's "The Making of Biblical Womanhood," one of my favorite books in recent years and a transformative yet challenging book that I knew would also meet with resistance. Having had a few social media encounters with Barr, I'll confess to having become concerned about that response and wanting to do what I could to support her as a human being and as a writer.

I found myself feeling somewhat similarly as I wound down my time with Jenai Auman's "Othered: Finding Belonging with the God Who Pursues the Hurt, Harmed, and Marginalized," a profoundly engaging yet vulnerable work in which Auman recounts with truth and grace her experiences of othering as a Filipina woman and staff member at a church where she once found safety and mentoring before experiencing the abuse of power and authority while in her staff position.

In "Othered," Auman writes from a foundation of Jesus loving the outcasts and, in fact, recruiting a lowly group as disciples. Jesus healed the unclean, dined with sinners, and created belonging for those who often had never belonged before.

Yet, quite often, the Church does the exact opposite.

Auman's vulnerability radiates throughout "Othered." It's a vulnerability that is at first jarring, a willingness to lay out both her wounds and her healing in equal abundance. "Othered" is both theologically deep and deeply personal, a compelling blending together of biblical historicity and personal applicability. Auman explores the historic othering of God's people and Jesus himself, always leadingus back to God's hesed, his "lovingkindness," and the fact that it never wavers.

Made in the image of God, Auman trusts that God's offer of belonging is unrelenting and safe. Auman boldly invites us to name the abuses that harm us and joins us in the invitation. As someone who has been kicked out of two churches early in my adulthood, it's likely unsurprising that I resonated deeply with "Othered" and openly wept at times from remembering and the places that remain fragile within me.

And yet, I also found myself grieving the othering that occurs from being an adult person of faith with a disability, a person often left behind or placed in a corner where I am often expected to stay. "Othered" reminds me that God doesn't place us in corners or leave us behind or limit us in we exist within faith communities and within ministry.

"Othered" is a beautiful, honest calling of sorts to those who live on the margins of contemporary Western Christianity. It's a call into belonging and a hope-filled honoring of our journeys out of abusive situations and into the arms of a God who pursues the hurt, harmed, and marginalized even when it seems as if no one else does.

For those who have been othered, "Othered" is a sacred balm and gentle breeze in the wilderness. More peaceful companion than prescriptive tutorial "Othered" is an invitation back into community for those who've experienced spiritual harm.

[Esther · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a balm for the othered—a balm for me. It’s going to be one of my go-to recommendations for anyone who is struggling to stay in or has been pushed out of a faith community.

[Justme · Rating 2 out of 5]

Othered by Jenai Auman

2 stars
I am having a hard time with the review and rating of this book. Jenai Auman was very hurt by her church and this book relates to much of that horrible experience.
First, I wish this was more of her story and less of her theology, as some of her wording gets strange. For example, Ms. Auman states that by reading the Bible and understanding it, you become a prophet. I do not believe this to be true and I am not sure where that belief comes from because it certainly is not a biblical concept. I don't know if it that is just poorly worded on her part or if she truly believes that to be true.

There is a lot of good and helpful bits in Othered for those who have been harmed by the Christian Church and the people within its walls. It helped as it is so nice to know you aren't the only one to have been harmed by the church. But then... the theology gets questionable and my discernment starts yelling at me internally saying “no, that's not right”.

Her intent is good as is her heart . I wish there was more of her story and less of her theology.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher and Netgalley.

[Robert D. Cornwall · Rating 3 out of 5]

The issue of people being othered is a serious problem in our society . We need to hear stories about such realities. Jenai Auman offers her own story as a multiethnic person (filipina/caucasian) who was othered by her evangelical church.

I received a review copy from the publisher and read through it. I found her story compelling but at times confusing, especially as she mixed a more evangelical theological reading of scripture with more progressive (liberationist) sources. I chose not to write a full review because I wasn't sure how to speak to the book. That being said, it should find a welcome audience in evangelical circles.

[Merideth Estevez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenai Auman’s story is particular and yet somehow at the same time universal. We all want to feel loved and seen by God just as we are and Jenai gently call us to our truest and most beloved selves. So grateful for this book. Sharing it with any friend who has experienced church hurt.

[Cat · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful book. Never have I read a book in the "spiritual abuse" category, that radiated as much compassion and hope as Jenai's book does. She has so intentionally cultivated grace and truth in the midst of her own pain and she has authority to speak into the brokenness and questions that naturally arise. She so beautifully portrays the heart of Jesus for the suffering and speaks hope and life over her readers. My favorite chapter was about the Wilderness. She acknowledges the loneliness but also the healing and becoming available there. If you've ever been made to feel "other" by people who should have been representing Jesus to you, you will find acceptance and grace in these pages.

[Emily MacGill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can relate to a lot of the spiritual abuse that Jenai & her husband experienced, although the details vary, of course.

[Abigail Westbrook · Rating 1 out of 5]

As one who has been “othered” my whole life I had hoped this book would hold encouragement and healing for me. Instead I found a confusing mix of “theology” that is deeply lacking in consistent logic and heavy with woke terminology and ideas. I appreciated a few things, like the thoughts on fauxnerability, but otherwise see this as a dangerous book with just enough Christianese to be deeply deceptive to those who don’t know their Bible well. When an author says she is cringing to even use the word “sin”, says she thinks Paul’s letters were for a first century context, and gives totally unbiblical definitions for salvation and redemption, that’s a HUGE red flag.

It was hard to understand exactly why the author was and is so upset at the church. She doesn’t share many actual details from her story, but it seems like she was rude and whiny during her employment, and feels hurt because she was let go from a job that she wasn’t a good fit for and never enjoyed to start with. She does not admit to anything she could have handled better, and the church leaders apparently could not do anything right in her eyes - even when they met with her to apologize (which is far more than I’ve ever gotten in my various situations of spiritual abuse!).

The author admits she is still hurting and has not found another church yet. I think she would have been wiser to hold off on writing a book on this topic until she could do so with a perspective that is more grounded in actual Biblical truth. I hope she is able to find healing.

[Rohadi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenai Auman's debut pierces the dark places of church abuse exposing malformed leadership practices to the light. Her prophetic voice extends a wide embrace to bring those othered by the church into a renewed space of belonging. Her invitation: remember you're not alone...your liberation is near.

[R.L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came at the perfect time for me. Even though I've read reams of material on spiritual abuse at this point, I'd not read a book on this topic from a fellow woman of color before—so much of what Auman describes in Othered resonated with thoughts I've been slowly detangling and learning to verbalize myself.

Much of the first half will be familiar to anyone who's studied spiritual abuse dynamics, but Auman brings insights into American evangelical racial dynamics that are worth a read. Especially for evangelical POC who may not realize how much they've been impacted by them. The second half, though, might have been my favorite. Auman consistently affirms the goodness of God and the goodness of His word (while also offering grace and space to those who are still recovering from wounds inflicted by scripture wielded with cruelty and insensitivity). She refuses to dehumanize anyone, even perpetrators who dehumanize others. She doesn't erase harm, and instead points to a God who laments, bandages, and redeems harm. And she offers encouragement that while evangelical systems may be shattered to the foundations, one person's individual choice to heal and offer safety to others can truly make a difference.

I would give the one caveat that some theological language is used rather ambiguously in the book, and Auman is coming from a different perspective than mine in some places. But I would also urge anyone who comes from a theologically exacting background (such as myself) to not miss the forest for the trees.

One of the most encouraging things I've read on this topic in quite a while—it's much-needed, and I'm grateful Auman wrote it.

[Camden Morgante · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written and powerfully convicting, Othered doesn't hold back from revealing the sin and pain of abuses of power. But then through stories in Scripture, it also shows the beauty of God's pursuit of the marginalized and broken-hearted, showing how God cares for and redeems both the abuser and the othered. This book will be a comforting balm and a soothing companion to anyone who feels less than and left out by the church.

Disclaimer: I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for a review of the book and am personal friends with the author.

[Joshua Wold · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been listening through this book since yesterday. It’s been such an encouraging read. The author narrates the Audible version, and you can hear the care and empathy in her voice as she navigates this delicate topic.

The book has been an inspiration and also introspective for my own journey. I’m grateful to the author for sharing her story. The way she weaves personal experience with understanding on what spiritual abuse can look like helps to really lay out where things go wrong and how we can do better. I’ve already recommended it to several friends!

[Nick O'Brien · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful book to help those who have faced wolves in sheep's clothing, to remind us that God's heart for all of his people - who bear the Maker's Mark - is healing, wholeness, and peace. Jenai Auman weaves her personal story with Scripture and trauma-informed wisdom to help the "othered" find themselves belonging in the Kingdom of God, no matter how they've been treated by churches who take His name in vain with their harmful behavior.

[Marie Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenai Auman bravely shares her experience of being marginalized in a church community where she previously served. With empathy and compassion, she invites readers—who may have been in a similar toxic environment—to recognize and name the harm done, validates their feelings, and offers guidance to process their pain. She gives voice to church hurt by redefining this vague term and calling it as it really is—betrayal of trust. This book helps readers discern whether you are in such a situation. The book explains how theological terms, such as grace and sacrifice, may be distorted to protect perpetrators, and it helps readers distinguish true discipleship versus "a demand for control." Jenai brings awareness about "fauxnerability," a false vulnerability and transparency that hides a leader's greater character flaw and abusive actions. Furthermore, power and growth can be detrimental when improperly used to boost a leader's identity and self worth. Yet, despite the harm Jenai experienced from church leadership that rocked her faith, she still found solace and belonging in Christ.

Jenai shares her journey of being mixed race and how the othering she experienced in this unhealthy church environment denied the "imago dei" in her that God created as good and unique. I like how the author brings another layer and nuance to this area and challenges American churches to evaluate how they need to grow in their awareness of the diverse needs of their congregation instead of assuming members should just assimilate.

I find this book a unique and valuable resource as Jenai also includes research about attachment theory and trauma and how it relates to faith. Although my viewpoints may differ from the author on specific issues, I found this book is still valuable and worth reading to gain a deeper understanding of othering and a more trauma-informed perspective about how to process and approach situations and organizations that may be toxic. Jenai provides the reader with hope that leaving a toxic church environment doesn't mean abandoning your faith in Jesus. God is still faithful in the midst of brokenness.

[Tasha Jun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenai Auman has given those of us who have experienced the pain of othering, a tender and honest guide in Othered. She’s offered us her heart and story in these pages, and her fiercely compassionate words will give many the permission and space to name, be, and become, as they wander towards healing. This is a needed book today.

[Matt Mattson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Raw, Tender, Thoughtful Book. Beautiful and Smart. Provocative and Intelligent.

I loved every word. It was personal and raw and real…. it was also smart and academic and brainy… and far more than a personal telling of Jenai's life story… this book found a way to be universally embracing for everyone who has felt OTHERED in a faith community.

Far too many folks have felt themselves pushed out (blatantly or subtly) of faith spaces. They've been hurt, they've been rejected. Their whole view of the world has been shattered because the stable faith foundation they'd built their life upon left them out in the cold wilderness all alone. This book by Jenai Auman stands next to those people and lets them know they are not alone, and resurrection is possible.

I was continually impressed by how this book seamlessly weaves together Jenai's personal story with Biblical stories (offered in revelatory new ways) and trauma-informed guidance that comes from outside traditional faith spaces.

I learned. I felt. I grew. I discovered a mature new voice calmly reassuring folks in the faith wilderness.

This book is so important. There are millions of people out there who rightly feel that they have been OTHERED. This book is healing. This book is provocative. This book should be read by clergy and congregants alike. This book is about the hurt we humans have done to each other over and over throughout

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’ve survived the fire of faith communities like me, this book will feel like water to soothe your scorched soul. For those who have felt moved to the margins due to gender, sexual identity, race, politics, you will feel seen, included, and welcomed. If you’ve experienced the diminishing or dismissal of your voice, presence, or personhood, may you discover validation and reclaim your agency.

By sharing parts of her own story, Jenai demonstrates a courageous path forward for those who want to name abuse in the church. She serves as a trustworthy guide to help you name your experience, make space to grieve your losses, and rediscover your deep roots of belonging.

OTHERED offers an eyes wide open kind of look at the parts of the American church that many would prefer not to acknowledge, much less address. She provides a prophetic call for those who claim to follow Christ to make way for the least of these, to build bigger tables, and to “expose and oppose injustices.”

If you’re tired of spiritual bypassing and weary of advice to just try harder, may you find rest and comfort in OTHERED.

[Graydon Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listening to Auman’s story is sacred work, and it’s important for church leaders to hear it. “Othering” is one of the greatest challenges to the church today, and this book offers a way forward.

[Eleanore · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Othered, Jenai Auman presents a work that is part memoir, part guide to those who have experienced hurt and harm at the hands of religious institutions (Christianity in particular) and does so with all the gentleness and compassion of someone who really, truly, has been there herself. There are perhaps few things so devastating as finding oneself betrayed and wounded by a religious or spiritual community of which one has been a member, of which one has felt a valued part, in which one has found belonging and purpose, friends and family. When that happens, the results can and often will be devastating, and the aftermath an absolute minefield, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, physically, and mentally, to navigate. Of her own experience, Auman writes, "Exile, sojourner, orphan, widow, and stranger are words that name me" (Location 111). Having been effectively "othered" by what might have once been one of one's deepest and closest communities leaves one, entirely validly, adrift, lost, lonely, abandoned, questioning, doubting, angry, hurt, grieving, and a thousand thousand other things.

Today, particularly among evangelical Christians, the term "deconstruction" is used frequently as a buzzword, either for or against: either "pro" the process of disentangling oneself from experiences, legacies, teachings, or other aspects of a church (or of the church collectively) when one has been abused, mistreated, injured, or traumatized by them; or "against" what some see as a mass exodus out of flawed institutions that won't ever be fixed if nobody stays. Auman is less concerned with buzzwords and one stance over another, and far more concerned with the hearts and souls and hurts of those who have been the ones abused, mistreated, injured, and/or traumatized. She writes with tenderness and vulnerability, sharing her own experiences of betrayal and loss after the leaders, members, and culture of a church harmed her. In her story, I found so much of my own, and was so incredibly thankful not only for her quiet honesty but also for the threads of hope throughout that bind the hard parts together. Those of us who have been wounded by a religious institution, a religious authority figure, a difficult historical legacy, or any other aspect of a religion wielded against us either overtly or covertly will find succor and companionship in Othered, for Auman is our kindred spirit.

Content warnings: Do be aware that this book, per its very nature and subject matter, contains discussions of religious and spiritual abuse in many of its forms. Also be aware that these topics are treated with the utmost care and consideration for survivors of such experiences.

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest, though not necessarily positive, review. The opinions expressed are my own.

[Ellie Jewett Towe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Othered by Jenai Auman offers an incredible exploration of spiritual abuse, highlighting the subtle yet extreme effects it can have. This book dives into the complexities of religious trauma, emphasizing the nuanced ways it manifests. The book provides a hopeful and compassionate perspective on healing, encouraging readers to embrace the messy, nonlinear journey of recovery and finding your way forward. I’m sure I be will return to and suggest this book time and time again!!

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

jenai’s story felt like a foil to my own; i appreciated her honesty and humility

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summary: How God sees, loves, and pursues those hurt, harmed and marginalized by the church and offers them rest, healing, and hope.

Jenai Auman grew up as a bi-racial child in the South, so the experience of feeling marginalized or “othered” was not new to her. But the last place she expected to experience othering was on the staff of a church where she and her husband worked, a church that had been formative in her faith journey. In Othered, she describes the experience of being subject to leadership abuse resulting in a forced “transition” out of her position. She names the abuses, reinforced by the ways it was rationalized, the ways she was blamed, and forced out. But this is not a bitter book. Auman did not abandon her faith. Rather she describes how God embraced her when the church did not.

It began on her first day of work. She was five minutes late for an optional staff Bible study. She was late because her four year old son needed extra attention on the first day of camp. Rather than being given grace, she was upbraided for ten minutes for her lateness. Her executive pastor concluded, “You need to listen to me and respect me, but you also need to give me grace. I had a rough morning.” This was an example of a pattern that only worsened. That is, until Jenai spoke up. That led to her firing.

In succeeding chapters, she describes coming to terms with the abuse. First, it was important to name the abuse. In this case, it was an abuse of power and spiritual authority. Such abuse, she writes, is like the devastating effects of Hurricane Harvey on her city of Houston. The winds weren’t so bad as the insidious flooding from days of rain. She describes “fauxnerability” by which abusive leadership confesses small vulnerabilities to cover up and hold onto larger ones. From a therapist, she realized the broken trust from a former friend for what it was–betrayal. Naming her betrayal helped her see why she struggled to find peace and rest. And it drove her to the God of hesed who doesn’t break trust.

But healing required going deeper into the naming of the dysfunctions in her church. In particular, she describes the love of comfort that shields congregations from seeing abuse.–things like toxic stress, triumphal Christianity, and bypassing pain. In response, Auman discovered the power of lament which names the truth and is met by a God who never outlawed the cries and the tears of the marginalized.

She describes how the longing for belonging can be used to rob a person of the sense of oneself. She learned about DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender). This gave her language to describe her treatment by elders at a severance meeting. She is able to exercise a prophetic voice against the abuse of others, having found this language for her own.

But this is a book that goes beyond naming the ways othering inflicts harm. Auman describes how God met her as she named her grief to Him. He met her, as he met many in scripture, in the wilderness. Wilderness became a space of safety to learn to trust again. She learned flourishing in Jesus who was both othered and welcome the othered to his table.

Paradoxically, repentance precedes a life of blessing others. Auman writes, “I will not become the hammer that hurt me.” We must break the cycle of trauma and sin or perpetuate it. Auman concludes by urging remembering rather than forgetting, of refusing rushed forgiveness, just as we refuse to rush to resurrection without the waiting of Holy Saturday. For Auman, honestly facing both her own brokenness and that of the church leads her to Jesus who prayed forgiveness for those who know not what they do. And behind it all is the God Who Sees and the One who is preparing for us a home.

Auman’s personal narrative of othering is powerful both for naming the evils of church abuse and offering hope for the abused. She never names her abusers in this book. I think that may have detracted from the power of naming the abuses she suffered. Instead, she describes how one may heal even when the perpetrators of harm do not repent. In this, she speaks both for and to many in similar situations who live in grief and anger. She reminds us that God especially sees, loves and pursues the marginalized–even those marginalized by the church.

____________________

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review through LibraryThing’s Early Reviewer Program.

[Adam Shields · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summary: A discussion of how churches can harm, paraticularly those who have been previouly traumaized. 

I think one of the reasons that people resist hearing about abuse is that trauma and harm are reception events. In other words, they are not universalized objective realities but subjective realities. Two people can experience the same events and be from similar backgrounds, and they can perceive those events differently. And in the research into trauma, it is not that one person is "right" and another person is "wrong" but that both have their own perception.

We have also had other people misunderstand us. We said something, and the other person either misheard what we said or what we said was accurately heard, but its meaning was still misunderstood. I think this is a universal experience, but moving that universal experience of misunderstanding to discussions of abuse and trauma is still difficult. I distinctly remember having a conversation with some guy friends about parenting and how we can't just assume that what was helpful with one child will work with another. We lamented that children need different things from us because they are different. It makes any relational connection difficult because it takes work to monitor the relationship and seek to understand differences.

Author Jenai Auman uses her own experience as an illustration of the process of "othering." This is not a memoir as much as an exploration of a topic where the author discloses her connection to it. The book opens with her very first day on the job, when she came to work an hour early to participate in a Bible study (unpaid) and was berated for being five minutes late. (She had just dropped her child off at daycare for the very first time.) I know some will read that description as not being abusive but simply a misunderstanding. But this is an important section because it sets up her discussion of definitions, and part of what is important about those definitions is that she is naming that the reception is what makes the harm harmful.

Leaders, in particular, seem to have a difficulty seeing that other's perceptions are their perceptions, not a direct attack on them. Othered spends a lot of time talking about leaders and narcissism because narcissism so often is connected to abuse and harm precisely because the narcissist does not perceive or care about the harm.

I spent way too long working through Othered because I just kept needing to put it down and pick up something else for a while. I very much want to understand trauma and how it works and learn from those who are in some place of healing, but I have a low tolerance for it in my reading. I find it easier to be with people who have a trauma background in person or in my spiritual direction work than I do reading about it. I am not completely sure why that is, but it is something that I keep running into as I read. I spent nearly 2 months slowly reading Othered, a fairly short book.

There is a lot that I appreciate. Jenai Auman has done good work to understand the current state of trauma research. And she explains it well. She connects her personal harm and the harm of others well to how churches work. And I think one of the ideas she articulated well and I just had not explicitly thought out was that part of why churches need to work to understand trauma isn't just so that they do not harm, but that so they can respond well to those who have been harmed in other spaces. As I said above when talking about parenting, something that isn't harmful to one person who does not have a trauma background, very well may be highly damaging to another person who does have a trauma background. (Again all that caveats about not all people who are traumatized will react or respond in the same ways.)

If we as the church are called to love and accept all and work to incorporate them into the body of Christ well, that means we need to do the work to understand and respond. It is not unlike the problem many churches have with disability. In a theoretical way, most Christians believe that the church should be inclusive of disability, but disability it comes to actually making their buildings and programming inclusive for people with disabilities, and the costs and work that it takes, many churches do not actually complete the work that is required.


This was originally posted on my blog at https://bookwi.se/othered/

[Nichole · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd rate this at a solid 3.5 but ultimately rounded down. (When I reference 'the church' in the review below, I refer to Christianity/church body as a whole. I am not calling out any one congregation over the other)

My brother-in-law and I routinely have theological discussions and one thing we tend to come back to is the harm/trauma done by the church in the name of God. My brother-in-law is always quick to say that 'isn't real Christianity'. While I don't disagree with him, it does nothing to repair or heal the very real harm done by the church that often causes generational trauma. And if the intention of the church is to continue to bring people to salvation, the church has to do something to heal the rift caused by harm perpetrated in the name of the church.

So with that, I was excited when this book came on my radar. While this book centers more specifically on Jenai's personal trauma with being othered by her church, it does have strong callbacks to the Bible and particular messages within the Gospel. I do wish that Jenai had found a way to incorporate more stories of those harmed by the church. I don't doubt anything that Jenai had written, but with more stories comes more credibility and I wonder how easy it would be to discount this book as 'one person's experience'.

I read this hoping to learn how the church as a whole could find a way to heal the (often) systemic issues they have caused, but this is more of a personal journey in repairing an individual's relationship with God. This is what lead to my 3 Star rating.

(thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the ARC in exchange for an honest review)

[Joey Chiang · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a helpful book as I found it delivered on the promise of being written for those who've had the experience of being marginalized by a church. I was encouraged that Auman writes as one whose hope is still in Christ, to which I can relate, and that she's seen similar disappointing and hurtful things in spite of different circumstances.

I admit my own experience is the lens through which I read this book and had such a wonderful experience. But I believe that was part of the goal—to affirm and confirm the experiences of those who've been othered, to recognize that what happened was sinful and not reflective of a gracious, heavenly father.

A few distinctions made in the book were particularly helpful—Comfortable Christianity, Triumphant Christianity, spiritual bypassing. You can read how these concepts are described and I'm hopeful it will give language to your own experience of grief and lament.

A number of the referenced works I've also read—DeGroat, Langberg, Mullen, etc.—so it's worth noting that Auman brings those ideas together by relating her own experience of being othered and the subsequent fallout. The aforementioned writers are therapists and researchers (perhaps with their own respective experiences of being othered). It seems that Auman instead offers a voice as one who's lived through the trauma about which those experts speak, as one who's gained perspective from those experts, and as one who's ultimate hope is still in Jesus. That's what made this book worthwhile and hopeful for me and I hope it does for you, too.

[Fable · Rating 4 out of 5]

In so many ways, this is a very good book. I agree with much of Jenai's theology on othering and her conclusions but I feel she undermines her message somewhat by the repeated use of 'she/her' pronouns for the Holy Spirit (aka the Spirit of God aka the Spirit of Jesus). This isn't because I disagree theologically (I have yet to do the research to either affirm or reject the use of she/her to describe the Spirit or any part of the Trinity) but simply because it's distracting. I was so focused on the sudden and unexplained use of she/her that I wasn't focused on what she was saying in these parts. I am happy to disagree and still appreciate a book, I can read a book and take what convicts and leave which I do not agree with without othering the author or giving a negative rating or review if I overall found it useful. Maybe it is because I am not as familiar with the arguments about the pronouns of God (God is not male, he is Spirit and thus genderless but the Bible uses he/him and haven't seen any arguments yet to say his is an incorrect translation). I am familiar with LGBT+ affirming theology, so even where I disagree, I can read the message and learn wisdom, but the unexplained us of she/her for the Spirit of God threw me, hence, why 4 stars, not 5.

[Stacy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Jenai Auman’s writing is strong and articulate, but her content focused solely on her damaged soul and left little room for any kind of testimony to the healing work of the Holy Spirit. I forced myself to finish this book in the hope that I would find some piece of joy at the end of her pain, but I honestly found none. She has been deeply wounded, but that remained the theme of her entire book.
It is difficult to be a woman in ministry in the South. No matter how solid the scripture flows, or how deep the relationship with Holy is, the fact that the message comes from a woman keeps the majority at bay. But that truth does not silence me, nor does it cause me to vent. Instead, it pushes me forth with the felt-grace of Jesus who saw the people with compassion and in need of His shepherding, and it beckons me to be a part of leading others to His pasture. I cannot do that if I hold to a constant theme of being “othered-out”.
There were so many opportunities for hope with this story, but sadly those just never came forward.

[AM · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very repetitive. Stopped reading the whole thing at 50% and then skim read the chapters that sounded relevant after that. I was very hopeful when I started the book.

I did like the parts where Auman tied things back to the Bible and her theological reflections on othering.

However, she tells the same story over and over throughout the book, and the repetition is distracting, to the point where I had trouble finding the useful, relevant information in the book.

My other complaint was that Auman is writing for two different audiences - the general church doing the othering and people who have been othered. This makes the book hard to understand in some places.

I think two shorter texts with narrower audiences and one brief recounting of her own experience of othering would have worked better.

[Kitty · Rating 2 out of 5]

I hoped for a thought provoking exploration of how outcasts and “othered” people are treated in a biblical sense and gain more understanding of what that means for a modern church setting.

What I enjoyed: There’s a lot of well-cited arguments and examples of how to approach and care for “others” in society. I did get new perspective on a lot of points I hadn’t considered before.

What I didn’t love: It didn’t seem like this book had a strong enough focus to be compelling. It wasn’t clear who the audience should be, and even though the author self-admitted at the end, the pain of her experience seemed too fresh for her to write about it.

Bottom line: I probably would not recommend this one.