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It's Not the Same Without You: Coming Home to the Catholic Church
In a heartfelt invitation to lapsed or estranged Catholics, Mitch Finley takes a realistic look at the various reasons people feel alienated, and proposes ways to overcome the anger, bitterness, and resentment, so that they may return.
Sixty million people in the United States claim a Catholic identity, the largest religious affiliation in the country. The next largest group–approximately nine million–is made up of people who are “fallen away” or “lapsed” Catholics. Mitch Finley addresses this audience, as well as parents struggling with the almost inevitable teenage rebellion against religion, in It’s Not the Same Without You .
Finley examines a wide variety of reasons Catholics choose to leave the Church, treating each one in a balanced and fair-minded way. He recounts dozens of true stories about people who have left and returned, a few about those who have yet to return, and candidly acknowledges that many–perhaps most–active Catholics experience periods of estrangement or conflict. Asking forgiveness on behalf of the Church for the ways lapsed Catholics may have been hurt by the institution or its official representatives, he also reminds readers that forgiveness needs to go both ways, and that false humility or arrogant pride all too often stand in the way of admitting to our own errors and failures.
Encouraging Catholics to begin a new relationship with their religion, Finley suggests specific ways to become part of the active life of a parish once more. He also discusses the Church’s obligations to those who have left, highlighting successful outreach programs developed by parishes throughout the United States. In guiding readers along the path from alienation to reconciliation, Finley shows that there are many good, objective reasons for “coming home again.”
Sixty million people in the United States claim a Catholic identity, the largest religious affiliation in the country. The next largest group–approximately nine million–is made up of people who are “fallen away” or “lapsed” Catholics. Mitch Finley addresses this audience, as well as parents struggling with the almost inevitable teenage rebellion against religion, in It’s Not the Same Without You .
Finley examines a wide variety of reasons Catholics choose to leave the Church, treating each one in a balanced and fair-minded way. He recounts dozens of true stories about people who have left and returned, a few about those who have yet to return, and candidly acknowledges that many–perhaps most–active Catholics experience periods of estrangement or conflict. Asking forgiveness on behalf of the Church for the ways lapsed Catholics may have been hurt by the institution or its official representatives, he also reminds readers that forgiveness needs to go both ways, and that false humility or arrogant pride all too often stand in the way of admitting to our own errors and failures.
Encouraging Catholics to begin a new relationship with their religion, Finley suggests specific ways to become part of the active life of a parish once more. He also discusses the Church’s obligations to those who have left, highlighting successful outreach programs developed by parishes throughout the United States. In guiding readers along the path from alienation to reconciliation, Finley shows that there are many good, objective reasons for “coming home again.”
208 pages, Paperback
First published February 18, 2003
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September 23, 2024
A BOOK ADDRESSED TO THE DIVERSE CATHOLICS WHO ARE NOT "ACTIVE," FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS
Mitch Finley has written many other books, such as 'The Rosary Handbook: A Guide for Newcomers, Old-Timers, and Those in Between,' 'Key Moments in Church History: A Concise Introduction to the Catholic Church,' 'The Patron Saints Handbook,' 'Whispers of God's Love: Touching the Lives of Loved Ones After Death,' 'The Seeker's Guide to Being Catholic,' etc.
He wrote in the Introduction to this 2003 book, "The reasons for alienation from the Catholic Church are many. Parish priests or diocesan marriage tribunal personnel occasionally operate in an insensitive manner with divorced Catholics. Catholics remarried outside the church sometimes conclude that by doing this, they permanently alienate themselves from the church..." (Pg. 3)
He adds, "Now and then you hear that people who are alienated from the Catholic church constitute the second-largest denomination in the world, after people who continue as 'active Catholics.'" (Pg. 6) He explains, "I decided to write this book for various reasons. As a Catholic who cherishes his faith and the Catholic tradition, who loves being Catholic, I would like to help as many alienated Catholics a possible to come home to the church." (Pg. 8)
He further adds, "I hope that this book will also offer some encouragement to anyone who would promote efforts to bring about reconciliation between alienated Catholics and the church... I want to encourage reconciliation efforts to spread and grow by leaps and bounds." (Pg. 10)
He points out, "An annulment does not say that the marriage was illegal or that any children born to the couple are illegitimate, or anything like that. An annulment says nothing about the children at all. It is purely an acknowledgement that the marriage never actually existed from the beginning, as far as the church is concerned, due to some impediment. Once the nullity of the marriage is established by the annulment procedure, both parties are free to remarry in the church." (Pg. 28)
He observes, "Today the overwhelming majority of Catholic married couples see no need to choose between remaining in the church and using artificial contraceptives. Most use contraceptives and continue to practice their faith in good conscience. So the decision George and Clara made to leave the church over this issue back in 1969 may seem like an overreaction. Today's younger couples find it difficult to imagine a church whose dictates people would obey in what may seem like a blind and unthinking manner. But this overlooks the way most Catholics understood faith prior to the papal birth control encyclical. In those days, to be 'a good Catholic' meant you followed the rules, period." (Pg. 39)
He notes, "Sometimes lapsed Catholics come home when they realize that you don't have to be a perfect Catholic to be a Catholic. Indeed, the Church's official Code of Canon Law declares that once a person is baptized, he or she remains a Catholic until he or she formally declares otherwise." (Pg. 52)
He states,, "The pre-Vatican II church was a Counter-Reformation church, a church on the defensive that placed a great deal of emphasis on structures, laws, and formal ways of doing things for the sake of holding the church together after the Protestant Reformation." (Pg. 76)
Later, he adds, "Prior to the Second Vatican Council, Catholic parishes were generally cut from the same cloth. Differences from one parish to the next were incidental... the Mass in the big-with parish was identical to the Mass in every other parish. In the decades following Vatican II, Catholic Parish life became far more pluralistic. Most parishes can be characterized as middle of the road, but medium to large cities seem to have their 'liberal' and 'conservative' parishes, too. In some parishes the liturgy on Sunday tends to be low key to dull. In some parishes liturgy committees are heavily involved in planning Masses, and Masses on big feast days, such as Easter or Christmas, can take on the characteristics of a multimedia event that includes slides or videos, liturgical dancers, and musical instruments you might not expect to hear in church." (Pg. 109-110)
This book will be of interest to those Catholics considering returning to the church, but also to those in the church who are involved in ministry to such "returning" Catholics.
Mitch Finley has written many other books, such as 'The Rosary Handbook: A Guide for Newcomers, Old-Timers, and Those in Between,' 'Key Moments in Church History: A Concise Introduction to the Catholic Church,' 'The Patron Saints Handbook,' 'Whispers of God's Love: Touching the Lives of Loved Ones After Death,' 'The Seeker's Guide to Being Catholic,' etc.
He wrote in the Introduction to this 2003 book, "The reasons for alienation from the Catholic Church are many. Parish priests or diocesan marriage tribunal personnel occasionally operate in an insensitive manner with divorced Catholics. Catholics remarried outside the church sometimes conclude that by doing this, they permanently alienate themselves from the church..." (Pg. 3)
He adds, "Now and then you hear that people who are alienated from the Catholic church constitute the second-largest denomination in the world, after people who continue as 'active Catholics.'" (Pg. 6) He explains, "I decided to write this book for various reasons. As a Catholic who cherishes his faith and the Catholic tradition, who loves being Catholic, I would like to help as many alienated Catholics a possible to come home to the church." (Pg. 8)
He further adds, "I hope that this book will also offer some encouragement to anyone who would promote efforts to bring about reconciliation between alienated Catholics and the church... I want to encourage reconciliation efforts to spread and grow by leaps and bounds." (Pg. 10)
He points out, "An annulment does not say that the marriage was illegal or that any children born to the couple are illegitimate, or anything like that. An annulment says nothing about the children at all. It is purely an acknowledgement that the marriage never actually existed from the beginning, as far as the church is concerned, due to some impediment. Once the nullity of the marriage is established by the annulment procedure, both parties are free to remarry in the church." (Pg. 28)
He observes, "Today the overwhelming majority of Catholic married couples see no need to choose between remaining in the church and using artificial contraceptives. Most use contraceptives and continue to practice their faith in good conscience. So the decision George and Clara made to leave the church over this issue back in 1969 may seem like an overreaction. Today's younger couples find it difficult to imagine a church whose dictates people would obey in what may seem like a blind and unthinking manner. But this overlooks the way most Catholics understood faith prior to the papal birth control encyclical. In those days, to be 'a good Catholic' meant you followed the rules, period." (Pg. 39)
He notes, "Sometimes lapsed Catholics come home when they realize that you don't have to be a perfect Catholic to be a Catholic. Indeed, the Church's official Code of Canon Law declares that once a person is baptized, he or she remains a Catholic until he or she formally declares otherwise." (Pg. 52)
He states,, "The pre-Vatican II church was a Counter-Reformation church, a church on the defensive that placed a great deal of emphasis on structures, laws, and formal ways of doing things for the sake of holding the church together after the Protestant Reformation." (Pg. 76)
Later, he adds, "Prior to the Second Vatican Council, Catholic parishes were generally cut from the same cloth. Differences from one parish to the next were incidental... the Mass in the big-with parish was identical to the Mass in every other parish. In the decades following Vatican II, Catholic Parish life became far more pluralistic. Most parishes can be characterized as middle of the road, but medium to large cities seem to have their 'liberal' and 'conservative' parishes, too. In some parishes the liturgy on Sunday tends to be low key to dull. In some parishes liturgy committees are heavily involved in planning Masses, and Masses on big feast days, such as Easter or Christmas, can take on the characteristics of a multimedia event that includes slides or videos, liturgical dancers, and musical instruments you might not expect to hear in church." (Pg. 109-110)
This book will be of interest to those Catholics considering returning to the church, but also to those in the church who are involved in ministry to such "returning" Catholics.
Displaying 1 of 1 review