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Redneckedness: Living with, loving & surviving a redneck
True tales of an award-winning writer who tripped over a cowboy and wound up up to her eyelashes in cowboys, cow poo and more rednecks than you can shake a stick at . . .
~Grandma Jessie used to say there are only three kinds of men in this the ones you play with, the ones you stay with and the ones who just need killin’.
With a redneck, you get a three-fer. I know this because I went through all three of these stages with a redneck of my very own.
And she warned me, the only difference between a redneck and a monkey is better use of opposable thumbs and the ability to buy beer.
In the beginning (the play-with and stay-with stages), my own personal redneck could do no wrong. The man practically farted hearts and flowers which is a neat trick if you can get him to do it. But as we neared the killin’ stage, I was tempted to chop off some his favorite parts and duct tape them to his forehead.
Since the law (even in Texas) frowns upon maiming your loved ones, I’ve amended Grandma Jessie’s Rule of Three to include two alternative endings.
The first is that if you can’t beat ‘em, you’re not using a big enough stick. Face it. You’re just gonna have to out redneck your redneck. This isn’t hard, if you have in fact decided your redneck is worth keeping. The trick is to just hang around with a redneck—any redneck—as long as you can possibly stand it, because sooner or later the redneckedness is gonna rub off on you.
~Grandma Jessie used to say there are only three kinds of men in this the ones you play with, the ones you stay with and the ones who just need killin’.
With a redneck, you get a three-fer. I know this because I went through all three of these stages with a redneck of my very own.
And she warned me, the only difference between a redneck and a monkey is better use of opposable thumbs and the ability to buy beer.
In the beginning (the play-with and stay-with stages), my own personal redneck could do no wrong. The man practically farted hearts and flowers which is a neat trick if you can get him to do it. But as we neared the killin’ stage, I was tempted to chop off some his favorite parts and duct tape them to his forehead.
Since the law (even in Texas) frowns upon maiming your loved ones, I’ve amended Grandma Jessie’s Rule of Three to include two alternative endings.
The first is that if you can’t beat ‘em, you’re not using a big enough stick. Face it. You’re just gonna have to out redneck your redneck. This isn’t hard, if you have in fact decided your redneck is worth keeping. The trick is to just hang around with a redneck—any redneck—as long as you can possibly stand it, because sooner or later the redneckedness is gonna rub off on you.
49 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 17, 2012
1 person is currently reading
12 people want to read
About the author
Kit Frazier
9 books11 followersAs an Air Force brat, Kit grew up all over the southern United States and spent countless hours on front porches, listening to stories and tall tales and the extraordinary goings-on south of the Mason Dixon line, some of which were the basis for her first mystery novel.Kit is a professional journalist and is the two-time, first-place winner of the Writers' League of Texas and Merritt awards. She is a member of the Texas Press Association, and is certified in Search & Rescue.Kit lives on Lake Travis just outside Austin, Texas, with her dog, Tahoe, who plays a significant role in the mystery series.
Series:
* Cauley MacKinnon Mystery
Series:
* Cauley MacKinnon Mystery
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