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281 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 1993
I don’t know how to nurture the plant or make it bloom. All I have is the feeling or hope that it will grow leaves of poetry or of something that could become poetry when seen by certain eyes.
But at night in the woods the trees attack us from all sides. Some stagger and sway as if about to fall on us, and others trip us up or reach out and grab us with their branches.
A few summers ago I began to suspect I had once been a horse. At nightfall the thought would stir in me like a horse in a barn. As soon as I put my man’s body down to sleep, my horse memory would begin to wander.


At his best, Felisberto Hernandez astonishes. He has a way of seeing. From that stems his charm, his magic, his aura. His gaze penetrates the core of things. Sometimes it strips apart the story that encloses it – the story another object that the gaze penetrates – and the fractious shards-of-mirror effect of the exploded vessel becomes the story.
She went on seeing it inside her own eyes, then it seemed she and the water were both contemplating the same object – so she could not tell whether a premonition she had later had come to her from depths in the water or in her soul.
Not all of these stories pleased me. In ‘The Daisy Dolls’ he tries something different (third-person, more plot-driven, more conceptual) and the result is dry, programmatic. But some of them (‘The Stray Horse’, ‘The Two Stories’, ‘The Woman Who Looked Like Me’) were so good they threatened my entire ratings-system, moved the goalposts. Difficult to read – certain sentences needed untangling before I could decipher them – but these mental contortions were medicinal, freeing up new portions of my mind for blood to flow through.
Something unexpected has happened and I’ve had to interrupt my story. For days now I’ve been at a standstill. Not only am I unable to write, but it’s a great effort for me to live in the present, to live forward... In the end I had lost even my desire to write. And, as it happens, this desire was my last tie to the present. But before this tie came loose, the following occurred: I was quietly enjoying one of those nights of the past. Although I had been stepping slowly, like a sleepwalker, suddenly I tripped over the wisp of an idea and fell into a moment full of events. The place into which I’d fallen was like an irresistible centre of attraction, where a number of muffled secrets lying in wait for me seized and tied down my thoughts, and it has been a struggle ever since.
... I was thinking the ‘someone’ in the back of the room communicating over my shoulder with my memories must have been this partner of mine, who was speculating with those memories as if they belonged to him: he was the one who had written my story.
These memories did not arrive from distant places or know any ballet steps: they came from underground, loaded with remorse, and slithered around under a heavy sky, even during the brightest hours of the day.
To me, Felisberto is the Uruguayan Robert Walser – less lovable maybe, less driven to explode received prose-strictures on a line-by-line basis, but more potent, in that every story is unique, every story seems it could be the last, the first, the only.
I’ll let Felisberto tell it:All I have is the feeling or hope that it will grow leaves of poetry or of something that could become poetry when seen by certain eyes. I must take care that it does not occupy too much space or try to be too beautiful or intense, helping it to become only what it was meant to be. At the same time, it will be on guard against the mind contemplating it when that mind suggests too many grand meanings or intentions.
(‘How Not to Explain My Stories.’)
I've lived near other people and collected memories that don't belong to me.Where did Felisberto Hernández come from? I imagine him suddenly materializing from the dream realm onto a piano stool at some hole-in-the-wall bar in Montevideo. Nightly he bangs out tangos on a battered upright while plotting how to enter unknown homes. His days are spent cloistered in his room transcribing these stories shunted from his febrile brain. These stories which are at times completely bizarre yet follow an impeccable inner logic, leading along the hypnotized reader who is unsure of the destination but quite enjoying the ride.
Since it was winter, night came early. But the windows had not seen it come in: they had gone on absently gazing at the clear sky until the last bit of light faded. The night floated up around our legs from under the furniture, where the black souls of the chairs grew and spread. Soon the white slip covers were quietly suspended in the air, like small harmless ghosts. Suddenly Celina would rise, light a small lamp on a coil and attach it to the candleholder on the piano. When my grandmother and I lit up in the light it was like being in a blaze of bright hay.
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Celina would make me spread my hands on the keys and, with her fingers, she bent mine back, as if she were teaching a spider to move its legs. She was more closely in touch with my hands than I was myself. When she made them crawl like slow crabs over white and black pebbles, suddenly the hands came upon sounds that cast a spell on everything in the circle of lamplight, giving each object a new charm.
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Meantime I would be watching for signs of affection and hiding in the bushes that I assumed would line the road leading to her. Besides, if she had the feelings I thought she had, she would see into my silence and guess my wish. I couldn't help trying to imagine what such a stern person would be like when she softened and yielded to someone she loved. Perhaps her gnarled hand, the one with the scar on it, would be capable of a gentle caress, in spite of the thick black sleeve stretching down to her wrist. Perhaps the whole scene would take on the beauty and charm of the objects around us when struck by the sounds rising from the piano. Perhaps caressing me she would bend forward, as she did to light the lamp, and meantime the piano, like an old man half asleep, wouldn't mind holding the lamp on its back.
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Now Celina had torn up all the roads between us, she had torn up secrets before knowing what they contained. Of course, grownups were full of secrets: the words they spoke out loud were always surrounded by others you couldn't hear. Sometimes they pretended to agree on something even though they were saying different things, and it was as surprising as if they thought they were face to face while turning their backs on each other or in the same room while wandering far apart.
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It was on one of those sad nights, in bed, as my thoughts edged toward sleep, that I began to feel the presences in the house around me, like furniture that kept changing position. From then on I often had that thought at night: they were furniture that could hold still or move, at will. The ones that held still were easy to love because they made no demands on you, while the ones that moved demanded not only love and kisses but harsher things, and were also likely to spring suddenly open and spill out on you. But they did not always surprise you in violent or unpleasant ways: some provided slow, silent surprises, as if they had a bottom drawer that gradually slid open to reveal unfamiliar objects. (Celina kept her drawers locked.) I even knew some persons with closed drawers who were nevertheless so pleasant that if you listened quietly you heard music in them: they were like instruments playing to themselves. Those persons had an aunt who was like a wardrobe in a corner, facing the door: there was nothing she didn't catch in her mirrors and you couldn't even dress without consulting her.
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The painful and confusing story of my life separates the child I was in the days of Celina from "the man with his tail between his legs."
Some women have seen Celina's child in the man while talking to him. I hadn't known the child was visible in the man until the child himself noticed it and told me he was visible in me, and that the women were seeing him and not me. Moreover, he was the first to attract and seduce them. The man later seduced them by appealing to the child. The man learned deceit from the child--who had much to teach him in that area--and practiced it the way children do. But he did not take into account his remorse or the fact that, although he practiced his deceit only on a few persons, they would multiply in the events and memories that haunted him night and day: which was why, fleeing his remorse, he wanted to be let into the room that had once been his, where the inhabitants of Celina's parlor were now gathered for their ceremony. And the sadness of being rejected and even totally ignored by those inhabitants increased when he remembered some of the persons he had deceived. The man had deceived them with the wiles of the child, but had then, in turn, been seduced by the child he had just used, when he had fallen in love with some of his victims. These were late loves become mythical or perverse with age--and that wasn't the worst of it. Worse still was the fact that the child had been able to attract and seduce the man he later became because his charms were more powerful than those of the man, and because life held more charm for him.