First half 3 stars anyway. Props on formatting 10x better than most indie books. Very clean cute ch headers like a boutique logo. Trisha-core opening when contemplating a stripper name: “I like Quickie because it reminds me of oatmeal.” MC Mary is indifferent about sex just wants cash and does okay w/ flirty men at the diner, but she wouldn’t mind more attention—especially if genuine. Her wanting to strip—at a place hilariously named Beaver’s Damn—is in part to upset her parents, make them question what a poor job they did.
Things are a little too dramatic physically with Mary practically collapsing when she gets fired from the restaurant or all the casual nakedness around her roommate, but at least it’s fast paced, people talk realistically w/ insults, and punchy when it comes to humor—though she keeps using the word quip wrong.
Some things need more explanation, like her throwing the coffee at the creeps—did it land, did they grab her? At the club, how does she go from shy to stage queen before she’s officially hired? All of a sudden there are so many nicknames I’m unsure how it lines up w/ how Preston seemed before. She reacted too much to guys staring at her in normal clothes but not at all to the super grabby boss.
I wish there was more about how self-conscious she felt just in pasties as the new girl. If she norm dresses kind of grunge, and maybe has the freshman 15 going on, shouldn’t there be more commentary on that? Things get really dark all of a sudden and not in that sexy a way. That’s a twist for ya, though the back of the book did warn about the dangers of SW. it’s nice that soon Mary can turn the situation around to think she should start taking what she wants from life like the perverted or mean men.
Omg, is “freshly popped boner” a gross phrase. The idea of tricking the bully BF is good but I hope she gets revenge on his worse GF and it’s unclear how she gets all that revenge loot. She should’ve said he left his keys and wallet in his pants in the room. The split personality of Priscilla to compartmentalism her trauma is good. But at the halfway point things change again too starkly with no real lead in. Plus, how are there no witnesses when there were a minute ago? Good idea but poorly executed without another few chs of padding. I get the diversion she’s going for but it just is too jarring to work.
I actually don’t like when the book gets sweet again because it feels unnatural. I mean, we’re dealing with two psychos but them not knowing they are makes it less fun, more annoyingly sappy. If the tone was kept dark and she saved the fairytale stuff for a different book w/ new characters, that would be the best of both worlds. At least the parents and Gwen are acting normal—plenty of these books would have had them magically charmed by her (mirror image) of a captor. The time jump is a little too much at the end, her personalities muddled.
At least this kept me on my toes and was written more than competently the first half. A quick session with a developmental editor could whip it into shape but I know Trisha is all about instant gratification. The last ten pages are absolutely ridiculous though, clearly less time was spent on them. Like WTH about the parents flip flopping? That all knocks my star rating to a 2 but I’m putting a 3 since most ratings are from people who don’t like the author personally and most modern romance and erotica is this OTT and people rave about it. The very last page is okay, back to dark comedy after splatterpunk I guess.