What do you think?
Rate this book
The Gates of Valhalla
From the very beginning of the Universe, to primitive man's invention of Time, through the distant future when countless souls populate vast swaths of empty space, Valhalla shows us what really becomes of mankind when we let the politicians run the show.
In an age where farce is the Universe's only unifying principle, where the only requirement for faster-than-light travel is proper footwear, where a cheap catchphrase and an orange brochure constitute what passes for religion, Stan has the audacity to resurrect his failing church business by turning the place into a bar and giving his customers what they really want. Stan's is the only church with the recipe for Salvation. They sell it on tap.
Meanwhile, crotchety curmudgeon Gumballs finds himself trying to navigate the mind-numbing bureaucracy of the afterlife, his sin-surance policy wholly inadequate, the specter of eternal Hell looming every bit as wretched as an afternoon on C-SPAN.
The Gates of Valhalla offers a hilarious yet biting satire on the foibles and fallibilities of everyday people, what they believe, and how they somehow manage to govern their daily lives. It dares to tackle such trivialities as life and death, heaven and hell, sin and redemption, Earth's corned beef claim to galactic fame, and the very survival of mankind. Jasper Grawl's side-splitting novel leads you straight to the gates and dares you to step through.
In an age where farce is the Universe's only unifying principle, where the only requirement for faster-than-light travel is proper footwear, where a cheap catchphrase and an orange brochure constitute what passes for religion, Stan has the audacity to resurrect his failing church business by turning the place into a bar and giving his customers what they really want. Stan's is the only church with the recipe for Salvation. They sell it on tap.
Meanwhile, crotchety curmudgeon Gumballs finds himself trying to navigate the mind-numbing bureaucracy of the afterlife, his sin-surance policy wholly inadequate, the specter of eternal Hell looming every bit as wretched as an afternoon on C-SPAN.
The Gates of Valhalla offers a hilarious yet biting satire on the foibles and fallibilities of everyday people, what they believe, and how they somehow manage to govern their daily lives. It dares to tackle such trivialities as life and death, heaven and hell, sin and redemption, Earth's corned beef claim to galactic fame, and the very survival of mankind. Jasper Grawl's side-splitting novel leads you straight to the gates and dares you to step through.
246 pages, Paperback
First published January 13, 2014
3 people are currently reading
20 people want to read
About the author
Jasper Grawl
1 book4 followersJasper Grawl is an English Teacher and copy writer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is a Badger, a graduate of the University of Wisconsin—Madison with a degree in The Art of Making Mountains Out Of Molehills. His diploma calls this field “Political Science.”
"The Gates of Valhalla" is his debut novel.
"The Gates of Valhalla" is his debut novel.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
February 28, 2014
Insurance.
That's really all that matters.
Having enough insurance AND having the RIGHT KIND of insurance can save you from an eternity of jury duty.
Wha...?
It's all explained here, in Jasper Grawl's delightfully hilarious book. Indeed, Grawl has an answer for everything, and is more than happy to explain the universe's many kinks and peccadilloes.
--Who cares about stealing candy from babies when the real crime is giving candy to a baby in the first place. Who does that?
--Need to increase attendance at your church or synagogue? Hand out brochures that say Just have sex as much as and with whomever you like!
--In a political race, even an unqualified candidate can win with a platform of Fuck taxes!, Yay puppies! and This Bud's for you!
Grawl's novel is absurdist in nature, yet wholly believable. He's got us humans nailed down, or possibly pinned to a flannel-covered board for easier study. He knows what makes us tick-a-tick-a-tick and he's not afraid to use it against us.
Strange, funny and completely unexpected, this book is very Vonnegurtish... Vonneguterrific... Vonnegutteral - Yes! That's the one! - very Vonnegutteral - managing to skewer religion, business, politics, and everything else in its path.
And, it's even better than Matlock.
(Inside joke, but I bet it made Jasper smile.)
That's really all that matters.
Having enough insurance AND having the RIGHT KIND of insurance can save you from an eternity of jury duty.
Wha...?
It's all explained here, in Jasper Grawl's delightfully hilarious book. Indeed, Grawl has an answer for everything, and is more than happy to explain the universe's many kinks and peccadilloes.
--Who cares about stealing candy from babies when the real crime is giving candy to a baby in the first place. Who does that?
--Need to increase attendance at your church or synagogue? Hand out brochures that say Just have sex as much as and with whomever you like!
--In a political race, even an unqualified candidate can win with a platform of Fuck taxes!, Yay puppies! and This Bud's for you!
Grawl's novel is absurdist in nature, yet wholly believable. He's got us humans nailed down, or possibly pinned to a flannel-covered board for easier study. He knows what makes us tick-a-tick-a-tick and he's not afraid to use it against us.
Strange, funny and completely unexpected, this book is very Vonnegurtish... Vonneguterrific... Vonnegutteral - Yes! That's the one! - very Vonnegutteral - managing to skewer religion, business, politics, and everything else in its path.
And, it's even better than Matlock.
(Inside joke, but I bet it made Jasper smile.)
August 3, 2016
The Gates of Valhalla is an amusing little novel by a young man fresh out of college. Weaknesses? Admittedly. But wins on charm and humor. The Gates of Valhalla stumbles along in a bit of a confusing clatter at times and ends without much of an ending, I still found the author's voice and the funny business...well, funny! It's that Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy humor but a bit edgier, a little bit raunchier. The story is set in the far future. It involves some folks living on the moon (mostly geriatrics) and other folks who live in the afterlife, which is unsurprisingly rather like Cleveland.* There's something about a universal insurance company, some business with starting a bar on the moon, some characters who come together then...don't. Overall the plot heads off in a few directions without ever coming back together. This may be intended as part one of a series, but it never comes out and says that, so the ending feels incomplete.
Despite the minuses, the author's voice is smart, consistent and the jokes won the day for me. The satire skewered religion, politics, and economics. I ended up liking it more than I didn't. You might get a kick out of it, if you go in with light hearted expectations.
*Not really. I made that bit up.
Despite the minuses, the author's voice is smart, consistent and the jokes won the day for me. The satire skewered religion, politics, and economics. I ended up liking it more than I didn't. You might get a kick out of it, if you go in with light hearted expectations.
*Not really. I made that bit up.
June 1, 2018
Better than Matlock! And dieting!
This was a very fun read. It has hints of Douglas Adams-esque absurdity, and I have to admit that I chuckled (out loud, even) numerous times. All in all, a short and sweet read with plenty of humor. Let's hope that Jasper will be able to skip the bread lines and go on to write many more titles like this one.
This was a very fun read. It has hints of Douglas Adams-esque absurdity, and I have to admit that I chuckled (out loud, even) numerous times. All in all, a short and sweet read with plenty of humor. Let's hope that Jasper will be able to skip the bread lines and go on to write many more titles like this one.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews