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Toxic Striving
Reconnect with what matters, reclaim your mental health, and live by your own rules.
Do you strive to have the perfect body, the perfect relationship, the perfect diet and wardrobe, the perfect job, and the perfect life? Have you worked tirelessly at your job—even during illness—so that you can further your career? Do you feel like no matter what, you’ll never be as smart, as attractive, or as rich as you’d like? If so, you are far from alone. External influences like social media, wellness culture, and hustle culture pressure us to strive toward unrealistic goals that leave us feeling anxious, burned out, and like we’re never enough. Isn’t it time we say, enough?
In this groundbreaking book, clinical psychologist Paula Freedman offers a clear path to help you move beyond toxic striving—the relentless pursuit of perfection, societal ideals, and external validation at the expense of your physical, mental, and emotional health—and instead turn inward for guidance. Using a combination of evidence-based tools and strategies grounded in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and intuitive eating, you’ll gain the insight needed to reconnect with your true values, reclaim your physical and mental health, develop unwavering self-compassion and confidence, and live by your own rules.
You’ll also find profound and practical guidance
Identify how and when you stopped trusting your own mind, body, and emotions—and started living according to society’s standards Set goals that align with your personal values—instead of society’s expectations Develop skills to defuse from restrictive and self-punishing thoughts, so you can be kinder to yourself Learn how to be an observer of your emotions—rather than letting them control you Stop beating yourself up for gaining weight, and view yourself and your body as more than just the perfect selfie Set effective boundaries with anyone who makes you feel ashamed of yourself for how you look, how much you get done in your day, or anything else! If you’re exhausted from the daily grind and fed up with feeling like you aren’t enough—it’s time to look within yourself. From now on, you are the expert on you.
Do you strive to have the perfect body, the perfect relationship, the perfect diet and wardrobe, the perfect job, and the perfect life? Have you worked tirelessly at your job—even during illness—so that you can further your career? Do you feel like no matter what, you’ll never be as smart, as attractive, or as rich as you’d like? If so, you are far from alone. External influences like social media, wellness culture, and hustle culture pressure us to strive toward unrealistic goals that leave us feeling anxious, burned out, and like we’re never enough. Isn’t it time we say, enough?
In this groundbreaking book, clinical psychologist Paula Freedman offers a clear path to help you move beyond toxic striving—the relentless pursuit of perfection, societal ideals, and external validation at the expense of your physical, mental, and emotional health—and instead turn inward for guidance. Using a combination of evidence-based tools and strategies grounded in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and intuitive eating, you’ll gain the insight needed to reconnect with your true values, reclaim your physical and mental health, develop unwavering self-compassion and confidence, and live by your own rules.
You’ll also find profound and practical guidance
Identify how and when you stopped trusting your own mind, body, and emotions—and started living according to society’s standards Set goals that align with your personal values—instead of society’s expectations Develop skills to defuse from restrictive and self-punishing thoughts, so you can be kinder to yourself Learn how to be an observer of your emotions—rather than letting them control you Stop beating yourself up for gaining weight, and view yourself and your body as more than just the perfect selfie Set effective boundaries with anyone who makes you feel ashamed of yourself for how you look, how much you get done in your day, or anything else! If you’re exhausted from the daily grind and fed up with feeling like you aren’t enough—it’s time to look within yourself. From now on, you are the expert on you.
209 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 1, 2024
16 people are currently reading
2619 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
February 14, 2025
Tell me how Paula Freedman-Diamond managed to see directly into my soul. I realized how much I needed this book when she’d discuss her clients’ over-the-top controlling goal-setting systems and diet plans and I began to mentally flag them as great ideas instead of the red flags they clearly are. This book is for people-pleasers and overachievers who need someone to, very kindly, tell them to chill. And then explain how to actually do that.
This book is super practical, with hands-on tips and exercises. Whether you’re a perfectionist about your health, your appearance, or your career: if you are recovering from hustle culture, you need this book.
This book is super practical, with hands-on tips and exercises. Whether you’re a perfectionist about your health, your appearance, or your career: if you are recovering from hustle culture, you need this book.
January 2, 2025
Narrated by Stefanie Kay
Presented by Tantor Audio
This was BRILLIANT.
Loved it and would happily listen again. Plan to get a physical copy.
Everything in this book just made so much sense. It was easy to digest and logical, without forcing the reader to do an abundance of long activities and set impossible goals.
There's science behind the claims, and there are anecdotes (both personal and otherwise) to help reinforce points.
In particular, I really enjoyed the way the author wasn't claiming to have all this sorted and down pat. She emphasises that she's human like the rest of us, and sometimes that means messing up. I really liked that.
The audio was fantastic, delivering the information in a bright, easy manner. It was easy to take in and understand with this delivery, and her voice was soothing and comforting to listen to.
This just really worked for me. 2024 was a rather disappointing reading year for me so getting this one towards the end of year was a blast of fresh air to clear out all the stale reading energy. Very happy with it.
Highly recommend to those who love a good self-help book, and particularly this time of year where we all want to improve ourselves without having to set unrealistic expectations.
With thanks to NetGalley for an audio ARC
Presented by Tantor Audio
This was BRILLIANT.
Loved it and would happily listen again. Plan to get a physical copy.
Everything in this book just made so much sense. It was easy to digest and logical, without forcing the reader to do an abundance of long activities and set impossible goals.
There's science behind the claims, and there are anecdotes (both personal and otherwise) to help reinforce points.
In particular, I really enjoyed the way the author wasn't claiming to have all this sorted and down pat. She emphasises that she's human like the rest of us, and sometimes that means messing up. I really liked that.
The audio was fantastic, delivering the information in a bright, easy manner. It was easy to take in and understand with this delivery, and her voice was soothing and comforting to listen to.
This just really worked for me. 2024 was a rather disappointing reading year for me so getting this one towards the end of year was a blast of fresh air to clear out all the stale reading energy. Very happy with it.
Highly recommend to those who love a good self-help book, and particularly this time of year where we all want to improve ourselves without having to set unrealistic expectations.
With thanks to NetGalley for an audio ARC
April 27, 2025
Everyone should read this book. We will never be good enough until we realize that we are already good enough.
January 2, 2025
This one is a must read! I am a millennial that grew up in the era of the "gifted child" classes and label which I was constantly given every year from a very young age on. It is sooooooo toxic to development and self esteem and just being happy in general and is really so ablist and frustrating and leads to burnout later and anxiety (both in the thick of it, and after burnout...ask me how I know). Not every person grows up with certain privileges but that doesn't make them any less intelligent, compassionate, creative, etc. These qualities are constantly changing and she touches in the book how we should never be so attached to a certain identifier (for example: being a doctor, lawyer, runner, thin friend, no wrinkles, basketball player, lover of tacos, etc) because these things can change and we are supposed to change in life. The idea that we can't or shouldn't is not only silly and holds us back, but also downright harmful for our well being. We will naturally resonate with multiple identifiers at any time (some change and some don't), but we can also learn to view these with a fluid approach of letting go of ones that no longer fit, seeing multiple instead of being overly attached to any one, and taking on new ones instead of trying to hold tightly to ones that don't apply anymore or serve our growth and development as a person.
The book discusses a wide range of other issues on the topic and gives approachable ways on how the reader can work on how they view their self. It would take far more time than I have right now to give a thorough synopsis, but there really is so much great information!
The book discusses a wide range of other issues on the topic and gives approachable ways on how the reader can work on how they view their self. It would take far more time than I have right now to give a thorough synopsis, but there really is so much great information!
October 2, 2024
Toxic Striving was just the book that myself and many other millenial women need! Dr. Paula Freedman gives an interesting perspective on wellness culture, hustle culture, and also the lack of boundaries many women set. I found the information given in this book to be easily digestible for everyone. If you have never been inside a therapist's office you will learn SO much without being overwhelmed or feeling like it's all clinical jargon. As someone who has been in therapy for 10+ years, I still learned new things. I particularly enjoyed the chapters discussing setting boundaries and how wellness culture is a multi billion dollar industry made to keep women stuck is a subset of very rigid "rules" on how to look to be considered good and attractive. It really opened my eyes to the business side of it all. I highly recommend this book for any woman or man who feels social media really affects how they view themselves and wants to learn to find out what truly fuels them and how to live up to our own standards not society's. Thanks to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications, Inc. for this eARC.
December 20, 2024
An excellent book about the lies we tell ourselves about how to survive in this world, with some nice exercises to help identify them. I absolutely loved the little vignettes used to explain some concepts and how they might show up in unexpected ways. The book itself is digestible and easy to understand. Came for the bitching about hustle and wellness culture, stayed for the takes on self-judgement.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an audio ARC.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an audio ARC.
July 2, 2024
In Toxic Thriving, Paula Freedman goes after two of my greatest nemeses : wellness culture and productivity culture which I didn’t even realize are actually two sides of the same coin. Making yourself feel guilty for something you have very little control over and « selling » you a solution that is not sustainable in the long run. It’s everywhere on social media and very difficult to escape. If you are already struggling with anxiety, depression and a general feeling of low self esteem this is downright dangerous.
In this book the authors tried to entangled the myths both industries are forcing down our throats and I’m sorry to say that escaping those might take work. This book uses ACT therapy but I feel like you can take just a few pointers if that’s not something you like.
One thing I really appreciated was that she had advice for neurodivergent folks, the whole listen to your body and yourself doesn’t really work for some of us.
A really good read.
Thanks to Netgalley for the arc
In this book the authors tried to entangled the myths both industries are forcing down our throats and I’m sorry to say that escaping those might take work. This book uses ACT therapy but I feel like you can take just a few pointers if that’s not something you like.
One thing I really appreciated was that she had advice for neurodivergent folks, the whole listen to your body and yourself doesn’t really work for some of us.
A really good read.
Thanks to Netgalley for the arc
January 24, 2025
3.75 Stars. I resonated with much of what "Toxic Striving" suggested, particularly in regards to its topic on hustle culture and productivity. It provided several key and compelling insights, ancedotes to help tie lessons together, and was well written. However, there were times I felt my attention shifting. I do not know if it was because of my own attention span or some aspect of the book that I can't fully put into words just did not compel me. There were several instances where I had to go back and reread passages. If you asked me to summarize the book, I would be hard pressed to recall anything but broad strokes. Perhaps it was because I could not relate to the wellness aspects of the book personally, or that the issues discussed did not fully encapsulate my own? Make of this assessment as you will. But if you can focus on the messages being presented, it is a good and quick read
October 26, 2024
As a recovering pathological people pleaser, as well as a therapist supporting clients who struggle with perfectionism and burnout, this book was fantastic. I loved that the book touches on several areas that someone engaged in toxic striving and self-judgment may struggle with. This seems like a particularly useful tool for those who struggle with over-control behaviors and disordered eating. I appreciated that Dr. Freedman-Diamond emphasized movement towards values-driven actions and highlighted the ways that hustle culture and larger systems, like capitalism, influence our behaviors and beliefs about how we should be living. I appreciate the guided exercises and will definitely recommend this as a resource to clients.
November 2, 2024
I really enjoyed the journal prompts in each chapter for contemplating patterns and assumptions. The book is very easy to read, and the author has a very compassionate approach. TW: Most of the wellness sections focus on diet and weight. But I thought it was interesting to see the similarities between Wellness and hustle culture in the attributes they share! I tended to focus more on the hustle parts because that's what I struggle with more, but I think almost anyone would get a lot out of this book!
December 18, 2024
Thank you to NetGalley and Tantor Audio for an ARC in exchange for my honest review.
This self-help book was exactly what I needed for this current stage in my life. I'm going to do my best to apply the things I read about here in my every day life. If you need to better yourself in terms of getting over toxic behaviours, I cannot recommend this book enough!
This self-help book was exactly what I needed for this current stage in my life. I'm going to do my best to apply the things I read about here in my every day life. If you need to better yourself in terms of getting over toxic behaviours, I cannot recommend this book enough!
September 4, 2025
Incredibly insightful and transformative read. I highly recommend it to everyone.
January 3, 2025
Toxic Striving is a book that examines “grind culture,” and the way that it is harmful to us as individuals and as a society. Freedman-Diamond takes time to both deconstruct the unrealistic and hyper-capitalistic culture around over-achieving, as well as giving the reader tools to examine the ways in which it impacts their thoughts. She also includes workbook activities for the reader to examine and unpack their relationship with toxic grind-culture, as well as tools to try and build healthier relationships with productivity, weight, and other aspects of our culture.
Toxic Striving takes an insightful and rightfully critical eye to hustle-culture and related aspects of diet culture. It gives the readers useful tools to help examine their own relationship with hustle-culture, as well as separate themselves from the ways that it creeps into their world view. Although some of the workbook activities seemed rather common-sense, I still feel that I benefited from them. I feel that being asked to specifically examine my behaviors allowed me to identify even more behaviors that may be more related to the culture I was socialized in than my own personal values.
I was also incredibly pleased with this book's acknowledgment of diet culture and fatphobia, as well as the ways it relates to the modern hustle-culture, and even the way that hustle-culture can promote disordered eating. A lot of times self-help/self-improvement entirely shuts out people in marginalized bodies, even when their experiences are directly related, and I was relieved to see that this book did not succumb to this pitfall.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is feeling disillusioned with modern hustle-culture, those who are feeling burnt out by it, those who feel crushed under the weight of their own perfectionism.
This book, like most self-help style books, can be a little surface level, but this is a subject that is quite complex and personal, and therefore hard to generalize. However, for this reason, I do not feel that I took away a substantial amount from this book. I learned a few new tools, got some more insight into the ways in which my behavior is impacted by the world around me, and left feeling a bit more positive and hopeful than I went in, which is perhaps all I could have asked for.
Toxic Striving takes an insightful and rightfully critical eye to hustle-culture and related aspects of diet culture. It gives the readers useful tools to help examine their own relationship with hustle-culture, as well as separate themselves from the ways that it creeps into their world view. Although some of the workbook activities seemed rather common-sense, I still feel that I benefited from them. I feel that being asked to specifically examine my behaviors allowed me to identify even more behaviors that may be more related to the culture I was socialized in than my own personal values.
I was also incredibly pleased with this book's acknowledgment of diet culture and fatphobia, as well as the ways it relates to the modern hustle-culture, and even the way that hustle-culture can promote disordered eating. A lot of times self-help/self-improvement entirely shuts out people in marginalized bodies, even when their experiences are directly related, and I was relieved to see that this book did not succumb to this pitfall.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is feeling disillusioned with modern hustle-culture, those who are feeling burnt out by it, those who feel crushed under the weight of their own perfectionism.
This book, like most self-help style books, can be a little surface level, but this is a subject that is quite complex and personal, and therefore hard to generalize. However, for this reason, I do not feel that I took away a substantial amount from this book. I learned a few new tools, got some more insight into the ways in which my behavior is impacted by the world around me, and left feeling a bit more positive and hopeful than I went in, which is perhaps all I could have asked for.
March 23, 2025
Using a combination of evidence-based tools and strategies grounded in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and intuitive eating, you'll gain the insight needed to reconnect with your true values, reclaim your physical and mental health, develop unwavering self-compassion and confidence, and live by your own rules.
This book was a good reminder to maintain balance in life. In a world where ‘more’ (more outcome, more work, more social activities, and even more time with family) is always considered better, it’s getting really hard to fit everything into the time we have. I initially thought the book would focus on work-related striving, but it turned out to cover more, including body-image striving.
I’ve always been an outcome-focused person, so I have a high risk of falling into the toxic striving trap. I particularly liked the advice on making sure to keep living my values, setting boundaries and disengaging from harmful influences.
This would be a good book for anyone striving, especially for those who start feeling overwhelmed.
(Thanks to NetGalley and Recorded Books for a gifted review copy)
See my bookstagram review.
This book was a good reminder to maintain balance in life. In a world where ‘more’ (more outcome, more work, more social activities, and even more time with family) is always considered better, it’s getting really hard to fit everything into the time we have. I initially thought the book would focus on work-related striving, but it turned out to cover more, including body-image striving.
I’ve always been an outcome-focused person, so I have a high risk of falling into the toxic striving trap. I particularly liked the advice on making sure to keep living my values, setting boundaries and disengaging from harmful influences.
This would be a good book for anyone striving, especially for those who start feeling overwhelmed.
(Thanks to NetGalley and Recorded Books for a gifted review copy)
See my bookstagram review.
August 16, 2024
I would like to thank NetGalley, the publishers and the author of this book for the ARC. I know I requested it and I'm really obliged to read it. Honestly, this one's the third book I read under this category. I dropped it because I read too much with the same context and the previous ones were too lengthy.
I rated it 4 stars because I wanted to rate it higher but I don't want to give it 5 stars because I find it a bit like textbook or a case study. I know that the author wants to show readers like me the basis of the book entries but for someone like me who have her personal struggles, I usually opt for an easy read that feels like a friend talking to me and sharing some advice that might help my situation.
Still, I like the effort and I know this book will be valuable to some people and it just happen that it doesn't fit my needs at the moment.
I rated it 4 stars because I wanted to rate it higher but I don't want to give it 5 stars because I find it a bit like textbook or a case study. I know that the author wants to show readers like me the basis of the book entries but for someone like me who have her personal struggles, I usually opt for an easy read that feels like a friend talking to me and sharing some advice that might help my situation.
Still, I like the effort and I know this book will be valuable to some people and it just happen that it doesn't fit my needs at the moment.
March 31, 2025
In Toxic Striving, Paula Freedman-Diamond unpacks the exhausting cycle of constantly pushing for more—whether in work, self-improvement, or even wellness—only to feel like it’s never enough. She explains how hustle culture and societal pressures fuel this relentless drive and offers practical ways to break free, using tools like acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and intuitive eating. What makes this book stand out is its relatable tone and interactive approach, with journaling prompts and exercises that encourage deep self-reflection. Rather than just calling out the problem, Freedman-Diamond provides actionable steps to help readers let go of perfectionism and find balance. If you’ve ever felt burned out, stuck in the grind, or like you have to earn rest, this book serves as a much-needed reminder that your worth isn’t tied to constant achievement.
November 3, 2024
I would like to thank NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the ARC of Toxic Striving.
Hustle culture, toxic positivity and boundaries have become buzzwords but there is a reason for that. Everyday there are new influencers or wellness gurus that pop up and tell you exactly what you are doing wrong. I had not heard of acceptance and commitment therapy before this book, and now I am wanting to learn more. The journal exercises really make you think and are a great addition.
I would recommend this book to anyone that feels burnt out or is starting to feel burnt out.
Hustle culture, toxic positivity and boundaries have become buzzwords but there is a reason for that. Everyday there are new influencers or wellness gurus that pop up and tell you exactly what you are doing wrong. I had not heard of acceptance and commitment therapy before this book, and now I am wanting to learn more. The journal exercises really make you think and are a great addition.
I would recommend this book to anyone that feels burnt out or is starting to feel burnt out.
April 26, 2025
My sister is a mental health counselor specialized in disordered eating, and she recommended this book to me as a fellow Millennial who grew up in the era of thin is best and perfection even better. This book felt like Paula gave a voice to all the Millennial women out there who silently suffered during childhood and are now trying to come to terms with that experience as an adult. She not only addressed the issue that is causing our burnout culture but also provides practical tips in each chapter for overcoming this behavior that is so deeply ingrained in all of us.
January 19, 2025
I have read dozens of self-help books on diet and wellness culture but have never seen any book that dives into the intersection with hustle culture! With that being said, I would have loved even more content about perfectionism, productivity, and burnout.
April 7, 2025
This book is a good overview and reminder of the importance of being realistic in our expectations of ourselves and what we can accomplish. It's a good resource for tools that will allow you to thrive instead of just constantly chasing the next indicator of success.
December 2, 2024
Gives permission to relax and enjoy the ride.
January 11, 2025
All truth.
June 9, 2025
This book, quite possibly, is the worst New Harbinger book I have ever read. And I've read many of them.
July 7, 2025
DNF — repetitive, unhelpful, and felt targeted in a bad way towards specific female demographics when it was unnecessary (imho)
October 24, 2024
loved this but didn't feel like it was about toxic striving more so about food - think Dead Weight by Emmeline Cline
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews