Yes, even after seeing the title, I still decided to go ahead and read this book. The premise sounded at least somewhat intriguing, and I was bored. Many rash book decisions have been made by the bored. This review/rant contains spoilers for basically the whole book. You have been warned.
We start off with Kat Varland. Poor, oppressed Kat. You see, for her entire life, Kat has had to live in the shadow of her younger sister, Stella. (Except for, you know, when Stella wasn’t born.) Stella is pretty. Clearly, this makes her superior in the eyes of the Varland parents. Stella is also blonde, which is a fatal flaw in her personality. This is because Kat had an old boyfriend who dumped her and decided to ask Stella out instead, ostensibly because Stella was blonde and Kat had dark hair, although personally, I think the breakup may have had more to do with Kat’s extremely bitter and resentful personality. The resentment about the whole blonde hair thing was kind of confusing and totally illogical on Kat’s part. Blonde is apparently Stella’s natural hair color, AND SHE TURNED THE GUY DOWN WHEN HE ASKED HER OUT. What more do you want from her, Kat? Maybe if Stella had dyed her hair green as an act of contrition, it would have appeased Kat’s wrath. Anywho, this event apparently completely dictated the direction Kat’s life took after the breakup, as the memory of her old boyfriend, Chase, continues to haunt her. He apparently took a major toll on Kat’s self-esteem and ruined her life forever, but the only evidence we see of that is the fact that Kat and Lucas both say so. It doesn’t seem to affect anything else in Kat’s life or personality, except maybe that it’s made her really bitter and resentful towards her sister. But wait! Who is Lucas, you ask? Oh, how could I have forgotten to introduce Lucas? Silly me! Lucas is Kat’s best friend. He is sweet, humble, funny, smart, and totes adorbs. He’s always there for Kat, except when he’s busy being the totally amazing coach of the local football team. In short, Lucas is perfection. He is also really, really creepy. More on that later.
Other characters in this colorful cast include:
-Aunt Maggie. Relies on structure and stability in her life and bakery, probably partially due to the life-threatening cancer that she has been diagnosed with. Kat resents her.
-Mrs. Varland. Disappointed in Kat for absolutely no reason except that she isn’t more like Stella. She’s a very deep and complex character, if you couldn’t already tell. Kat resents her.
-Mr. Varland. I think he’s a pastor? Not much to say here, other than Kat resents him.
-The Best Friend (a.k.a. Rachel). The Best Friend is self-explanatory. They exist for no other reason than to push our protagonist out of their comfort zone and into a world of more attractive hairstyles, makeup and clothing. Also, for sending cryptic text messages at inopportune times. Kat doesn’t actually seem to resent that much about Rachel, except for her hair. Rachel’s hair is the only real description we get of her character, though, so who knows?
The story starts out in the town of Bayou Bend. Kat is working at her Aunt Maggie’s bakery, Sweetie Pies, and absolutely nothing about this bakery makes sense. They literally only sell three kinds of cupcakes. If it’s not a chocolate, vanilla or strawberry cupcake, they don’t sell it.
Issues with the bakery that came to mind while I was reading the book:
-How does this bakery stay in business selling roughly two dozen cupcakes a day? (The numbers were vague. Kat mentions selling two dozen cupcakes every Friday to the football team, and no other customers were really mentioned besides a few regulars who decided to treat themselves to a cupcake once a week. I decided to be charitable and assume that they managed to unload about two dozen a day, although customers really seem optional when it comes to keeping Sweetie Pies financially afloat.)
-HOW DOES THIS BUSINESS SUPPORT THREE PEOPLE? Not only does this bakery somehow manage to keep one part-time employee; it apparently generates enough profit to completely support both Kat and Maggie. HOW? How much are they charging for these cupcakes?
-Any profits the bakery makes go completely out the window whenever Lucas stops in. I don’t know why he bothers even buying cupcakes for his football team, since he seems to freely munch on complimentary cupcakes whenever he stops in to chat with Kat. Which, incidentally, seems to be nearly every day.
-And finally, why is it called Sweetie Pies if they only sell cupcakes? There is nary a pie in sight at this bakery. Also, this name seems oddly quirky for the utterly prosaic Aunt Maggie to have dreamed up.
Poor Kat. She’s trapped in Bayou Bend. Nobody believes in her. Nobody supports her dream to make more than three types of cupcakes. And it’s not as if she earned a business degree in college that might land her a job in another town where she could make a fresh start or anything. Nope. Poor Kat. Stuck forever in miserable Bayou Bend. However, Lucas, the knight in shining armor has a plan: He secretly enters Kat in a reality TV cupcake-baking competition. After initially refusing to go and kicking up a huge fuss, Kat exhibits one of the most ridiculous mood swings I’ve ever read, and decides that she should participate after all. Cupcake Combat, here we come!
This leads to all the problems I had with the competition, and there were a lot of them.
-How does this TV show actually work? Kat was gone for five days to film what I can only assume was one episode’s worth of material. Granted, they did say it was a special episode, but why did Kat qualify to be on this special episode? Was she competing for the grand prize? And if it’s not the grand prize, then did they really give away these internships to the winners of every single episode? I mean, they can’t possibly be handing out internships to a very prestigious bakery to like, twelve people, can they? Why is this not more clearly explained?
-The competition was really boring. This was supposed to be the main part of the book, and, amazingly enough, it was even more boring than the Lucas and Kat drama. And sticking caramel corn and animal crackers on top of your cupcake does not make it gourmet, Kat.
-Mean teammates. The drama! And then they unexpectedly turned nice. Must have been because of Kat’s winning personality, even though Lucas describes her as being a totally different and slightly less likeable person the whole time they were filming the episode.
-The end of the competition. This one is extra spoilery, so, SPOILERS!
Kat loses the competition. Oh no! But really, she won it fair and square. She only lost it because a judge was taking his revenge on her for refusing his advances. Maybe I might be able to buy this, if it weren’t for the way the people running the show treated the whole thing. Allegedly, they fired the sleazy judge after the whole scandal threatened to break loose. Cut all ties with him, so to speak. But guess who owned the bakery that offered internships to the winner of the show? That’s right! The sleazy judge himself! And guess what the show offered Kat as a consolation prize after they found out that she should have won the show? An internship to the bakery!
WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD ACCEPT AN INTERNSHIP AT A BAKERY WHEN THE GUY WHO OWNED IT HAD TRIED TO HIT ON YOU AND CAUSED YOU TO LOSE A VERY PRESTIGIOUS COMPETITION? And who in their right mind would offer it? Why would the cupcake competition continue to support his bakery after they had allegedly severed all ties with him?
But really, as bad as all of this is, my main problem with the book was actually Lucas. Lucas is so utterly creepy that I don’t even know where to start. Let’s forget the fact that he is basically Kat's only friend (aside from Rachel, who doesn't seem to see Kat that often and doesn't really count). Let’s forget the fact that he seems to see Kat almost every single day. Let’s forget the fact that he winds up at her house pretty late at night fairly routinely. Because Lucas’s creepiness really seems to start when he signs Kat up for the competition without her knowledge or consent. And how does he do this? By using a video of Kat that she didn’t realize existed. Creepy enough for you yet?
Later, after the show is over, Kat is being offered a consolation prize over the phone. Unbeknownst to Kat, Lucas has been listening on the other phone, and proceeds to haggle over the prize, once again without her consent. He refuses the internship and demands a cash prize, stooping low enough to hint at blackmail towards the TV network. Kat doesn’t even seem mildly bothered by all of this, so whatever. I guess they deserve each other.
But what I found to be the most disturbing scene was when Kat and Lucas are off in LA, and they have a disagreement about something. Kat tries to leave, and it’s at this point that Lucas grabs her ankle, trips her, pulls her onto his lap, covers her mouth, and tells her not to disagree with him. Totally normal, right?
And then, finally, at the end of the book, Kat and Lucas confess their love for each other… and promptly get engaged. They haven’t even been dating and they’re engaged.
And just like the book ends on this abrupt note, so ends my review.