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Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
They came close. Oh they came close. Was all set to put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. But there was a computer glitch. Isnt that something? A stupid glitch and I had to wait a few days and then I saw the errors of my ways, saw so clearly that I was killing the wrong person. Its not me that needs killing, its them. Funny how things can change in the wink of an eye.So now his anger is turned towards the outside world and his initial target is Barnard ('...it would be nice to strangle that son of a bitch Barnard at the VA, to just wait for him some night and force him to drive out of town and slowly choke the bastard...'), a government employee, whom the narrator decides has acted against him. The narrator isn't an idiot and he doesn't want to get caught so he decides against shooting Barnard and instead opts for contaminating Barnard's food with E.coli. He finds out where Barnard eats his lunch and does some internet research on cultivating E.coli cultures.
It always amazes me how inconsiderate most drivers are. A little common courtesy would prevent 90% of the accidents. Just let the other guy have the right of way. Krist, youd think their lives depended on getting ahead of everyone. Weave in and out, cut people off and for gods sake dont use your directionals, whatever you do dont signal you dumb son of a bitch, just wander back and forth, zip across 10 lanes of traffic, thats fine, maybe cause a few accidents, even kill a few people, but what the hell, you own the fucking street so you can do what in the hell you want and whatever you do, dont go to all the trouble of pushing the lever up or down, please, please, I know it takes too much energy so dont bother, please, dont bother just go your merry way and dont fucking signal you numb nuts son of a bitch jesus krist common courtesy is ancient history with these maniacs...This section goes on for a bit with the narrator getting increasingly irate until another driver lets him move lane and he calms down a bit. Of course it's all amusing as he's getting worked up over driving etiquette while he's on his way to commit a murder.