Confessions of an LDS Sex Researcher

by Cameron Staley

"I’ve never been afraid to write anything before. Well, until this book. I’ve published a dozen research studies in peer-reviewed medical and psychological journals. I’ve spoken from the pulpit to my congregation countless times on a myriad of religious topics. Those were easy. I knew who my audience was. I can talk openly about sexuality in the academic realm and about faith with my fellow parishioners.

The problem with writing this book is I can’t tailor the message to my audience. I can’t censor my thoughts as I talk about discipleship or hold anything back as I share my experiences as a graduate student in a human sexuality research laboratory.

I’m just a little-known name on a research paper. No one knows my I’m also a Mormon, or as I prefer to be identified, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Somehow, I found a way to simultaneously offend the “sex addiction” treatment community as well as members of my own faith who believe in “sex addiction.”

As a clinician, I work with many individuals who feel like they can’t fully express themselves within their own religious communities. There is a high level of fear about being ostracized if others truly know the doubts they hold or the beliefs they have. I share this fear. This is one of the primary motivating factors behind the undertaking of Confessions of a Latter-day Saint Sex Researcher. I believe that times are changing. Individuals are more willing to express themselves openly. It’s exciting to witness how often people who take these risks are embraced by others who hold similar views, whose fear has also made them reluctant to speak.

This book explores the frenzy surrounding pornography, advancements in treatment, and the integration of science, religion and sexuality. Confessions also explores the impact of culture, beliefs, and church policy on sexuality, the realities of being a mental health provider and a disciple of Jesus Christ, and my hope in fostering connection, healing wounds, and giving voice to marginalized individuals."

**Finally! A candid book about sex that challenges the “porn addiction” model and the fear-based hysteria that has gathered so much momentum in the past few decades. With a unique blend of personal experience and professional insights, Dr. Staley sensitively challenges the status quo and gently suggests a healthier, respectful way of thinking about sex and sexuality. A must-read for all Latter-day Saint families and Church leaders seeking more insight and compassion around complexities of human sexuality.—Dr. Julie Hanks, therapist and author of The Assertiveness Guide for Women

Yay! for a book that gives the word “sex” the place of honor it deserves in a society that claims we are that we might have joy but often dispenses fear and confusion. Confessions is both light-hearted and seriously helpful, a great gift to families and individuals needing a friendly scientific and spiritually-attuned guide to walk with them on this awesome and challenging territory.—Carol Lynn Pearson, author of The Love Map

Dr. Cameron Staley brings fresh perspectives and unique insights on sensitive subjects in the Latter-day Saint community. Subjects we need to discuss in our congregations and families so we can better understand and support each other. This is a book I wish I’d read decades ago before becoming a husband, father, and having church assignments. Dr. Staley’s work—because of his education, clinical experience, and understanding of gospel principles—brings better pastoral insights to help others. This book is a must read for every Latter-day Saint.

Genres: Religion, Nonfiction

275 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 1, 2024

About the author

Cameron Staley is a clinical psychologist and an advocate for truth, equality, and compassion. He lives with his wonderful wife and four incredible children in southeast Idaho. You can learn more about his professional work and resources on his website: https://cameronstaley.com/

Reviews

[Kitanna Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

A breath of fresh air

I picked up this book and read it in a night. This is what every church leader, church member, former member, or anyone interested in understanding Mormonism and its relation with sexuality needs to read. Not only my is this book an entertaining read, it is also a breath of fresh air as Dr.Staley is able to approach sensitive topics in a rational, scientific, spiritual, straightforward, and light-hearted way. Dr. Staleys confessions are so humanizing to topics that can be filled with shame and embarrassment. This book starts the discussion of what can be harmony in spirituality and sexuality.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

The chapters on what research currently shows (and doesnt show) about unwanted pornography use and the type of therapy (acceptance and commitment therapy) that best helps someone heal from their unwanted viewing (and all the shame they've internalized for so long), well those chapters are absolutely phenomenal. I also enjoyed learning more about the other sensitive topics brought up in this book. Some or all of the topics might feel heavy/uncomfortable for others for any number of reasons. But the author jokes a lot and brings in some levity too. His humor can be very tongue in cheek, and all of these topics are areas of much needed conversation regardless of personal views. There should be no fear in learning about how others experience the world even if the topic of sex is involved (he covers pornography, same sex attraction, sex offenders and victims, and how some cultural aspects of the church can perpetuate shame and harm).

My only reservation with this book is whether or not I'd recommend it to those outside my religion. Ultimately I'd recommend it to anyone. Again these are great topics we shouldnt run from. He also makes it clear that you don't have to agree with him to participate in the conversation. For those curious: The author is a faithful member of my faith, you can see in his writing that he has a strong love for his faith and Savior. You can see him follow the example of Christ and apply his faith to his psychology practice in the best of ways (a desire to know truth outside of personal bias, and empathy and compassion to all seeking for relief of their internal pain, and a respect for agency and the values of others). Its also so good to see someone be very sure in their faith even when addressing all the rough stuff he brings up (especially aspects of church culture that perpetuate harm). The raw edges he exposes in some of the church's cultural aspects are areas that do need discussed (how we sometimes perpetuate shame through perfectionism for example). I can take everything the author says and say to myself yep I can see those rough edges, I can see your faith and why our faith is still very much good, and I can see how you are encouraging us all to grow. Please don't take the raw edges and assume all members of our faith act that way or believe that way. Remember that the author sticks with his faith for a reason but he zooms in on these raw edges because these are the parts that relate to what he is sharing and areas he is trying to enact change, growth, or at least understanding and respect. I wouldn't change anything in this book, its all great topics of conversation. I'm not sure I agree with every opinion he sets forth but I do agree with a lot of it. My only wish is that when the views of church culture get pretty heavy (again he loves his faith), I would have liked a gentle statment reminding readers that this culture is just experienced by some in the church (and in varying degrees) and not a reflection of how beautiful our faith truly is. He does reflect the beauty of our faith numerous times though and in numerous ways. The main purpose I got though was to wake people up to be willing to engage in these conversations and be ok with where truth and Christlike love guides (especially for building bridges).

[Ashlynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! I loved this book!

Cameron is a mentor, colleague, and friend. We frequently have conversations that enlighten and strengthen me. Reading his book was incredible for me. I cried and laughed. There were moments I wanted to shout “yes! If only everyone would read this and understand!” And moments where my own painful experiences were validated and I felt less alone. My faith is strengthen after reading his book. I have a stronger desire to “grow where I’m planted” and not just run away.
He also does an exceptional job of writing and showing how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is effective in use for Unwanted Pornography viewing. Chapter 11 is gold! I was blessed to be trained in ACT by Cameron and his colleague Matt Ashton and it has changed my life forever!
Make sure you read all the way to the end. The last chapter is the best! But have a box of tissues.

[Sara]

This is hard for me to rate so I’m not going to haha. I really like Cam Staleys interviews/Tedx talk. I am a big fan. I think his research is a really important part of the discussion on Pornography. And not using the addiction model for treatment. His use of ACT makes much more sense to me.
But I did not love the way this book was written. There was a lot of church stuff intermixed with his academic research . I feel like it could have been 2 different books. That would have made it easier to read. And it would be easier to share with people who don’t share those religious beliefs.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not LDS anymore, but I really appreciated this book, and I wish I had a resource like this when I was in the church. I feel like it should be required reading, especially in regards to pornography. I think it could heal a lot of shame and trauma for folks.

[Reed McRae · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super intriguing.. definitely had some interesting views, didn’t agree with everything but some of his studies were good. Needs to be a much healthier and positive conversation around sex within the gospel and church culture. It’s way too taboo and shouldn’t be at all.

[Drew Tschirki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting. A book most Latter-day Saints should probably read. Review forthcoming.

[Mark Halvorsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cam, thank you for telling the truth and providing hope to all those who are caught up in unwanted porn use. thank you for your courage and vulnerability.

[Ferren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Each chapter is kind of random but the book is what it states, confessions of Cameron Staley.

[Norm Reece · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book. Honest and sincere perspective. Independent of our personal backgrounds or cultures, the author dives into his experience and demonstrates all of our backgrounds and experience are unique and common all at the same time. We all are human and can reach across our artificial boundaries with understanding, love and appreciation, without risk of personal compromise. The behavior the author models and discusses is more of what our communities need. Definitely worth the read.