A Catholic Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss: Compassionate Answers to Difficult Questions

by Abigail Jorgensen

Losing a child is devastating. For Catholic parents who lose a child before or shortly after birth, this profound grief often comes with distinctive, sudden, and difficult questions about God, the Church, and who they are now as parents to the child they have lost. Why did God let this happen? Where is my baby? Can the Church help me make sense of this? What do we do now?

In A Catholic Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss, Abigail Jorgensen serves as a companion and guide through perinatal loss in light of Catholic teaching. She addresses difficult medical, theological, and practical questions asked by loss parents and the friends, family, pastors, ministers, and medical professionals who support them.

Jorgensen has first-hand experience, both as a mother who has lost children in miscarriage and as a Catholic bereavement doula—someone who walks with families through early child loss. Through her own experiences, she discovered how hard it can be to find adequate answers and spiritual help from the within the Church, so she wrote the book that she and her clients have needed.

This first-of-its-kind resource blends Jorgensen’s professional expertise with the wisdom of the Church to provide an essential guide through the most pressing concerns that arise during this difficult time. Drawing on the Bible, the Church’s prayer traditions, the saints, sacraments, official teaching documents, and grief support research, Jorgensen offers comfort, hope, and compassionate responses to tough questions,

Why does perinatal loss happen? Will I be with my baby again? What are normal emotions, and when should I seek extra support? How should we grieve as parents? What saints can I turn to as a loss parent? How do I approach God with these painful questions? Why would God allow such a short life? How can I honor my baby’s memory? What if I say the wrong thing to someone who is grieving the loss of their child? How do I support someone who experiences anger during their grief?   Through easy-to-navigate question and answer sections, helpful definitions, and practical takeaways, A Catholic Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss provides parents and their support networks a crucial lifeline through this heartbreaking experience.

225 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 19, 2024

Reviews

[Alexander Pyles · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly excellent book that I hope to see used as a resource everywhere. Full review coming soon!

[Sarah Milliard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fiercely compassionate. This much-needed reference book is accessibly and thoughtfully written. As a support person several times over I am relieved and grateful to have this on my bookshelf.

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a loss sister and lay staff member hoping to help grow a miscarriage/early loss ministry, I was eager to get my hands on this book. My hopes were exceeded. Abby shares her unique perspective as a Catholic loss mother and a bereavement doula to address dual sides of loss: walking through grief first-hand and supporting those closest to the loss. This book is an invaluable resource for families and clergy/support people alike! She discusses such sensitive topics with true love- compassion and facts- with enough detail that I think most questions a reader has would either be answered by reading, or give a better foundation for asking the question to the right people. I can imagine families picking up the book to read the one section they most need that day, and setting it down while they reflect and process the words until they're ready for more, or a support person reading a chapter they need to be able to accompany someone where they are. What a gift to know where to find so many of the answers grieving hearts are likely yearning for!

[Brea Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have had several miscarriages over the past decade, and I wish that this book could have walked along side me during it. Abigail’s empathy pours through the pages. It’s not easy to be Catholic and wrestle with questions like “Did my child go to heaven?” Or “Why does a good God allow this to happen?”

Abigail quotes saints of the church, theological heavy hitters, and the Catechism of the Catholic Church in this work that sits solidly in the realm of pastoral advice and moral theology.

As much as I hope I never have to purchase this book as a gift for someone else because the pain of loss is a heavy weight to bare, I am comforted knowing that such a comprehensive piece is available.

Thanks to Net Galley and Ave Maria Press for providing an advanced readers copy.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book I needed after my loss

A Catholic Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss: Compassionate Answers to Difficult Questions is the both the book that I really needed immediately after my loss as well as the book I needed 3 years later. Reading it provided healing as well as comfort. Reading many of the sections of this book left me in tears because I finally felt seen in my grief and in my experience parenting my baby who died. I appreciate that the book did not shy away from asking the tough questions. Abigail Jorgensen brings her experience as a loss mom herself and a bereavement doula with over a decade of experience to address these questions. Dr. Jorgensen weaves the writings of the Saints, Scripture passages, and her own stories of grief into the text as she addresses the common questions that Catholic loss parents have. She does not shy away from asking the tough questions. At the same time, she doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. The questions we loss parents have in the wake of our children’s deaths most often do not have easy answers. We wrestle with God and with the answers to these questions. This book is a trustworthy guide to have at your side in that journey of wrestling.

The book speaks to parents who have lost a child to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss as well as those who support them. I hope priests, doulas, parish staff, friends, and family read this book to grow in understanding how they can support loss families. I hope they can become better companions for the journey of grief. You don’t have to have all the right answers to accompany someone through grief. In fact, it’s not your job to fix the other person’s grief and to provide neat, tidy answers to the questions that they’re wrestling with. It is your job to be there and listen. However, it is also important to have a correct theological understanding related to the questions that loss parents grapple with. This book is a great guide for those looking to better support Catholic loss families and to become more grief-informed.

“The Creator of the entire universe reaches for us in our grief, just to hold us, to love us, and to remind us that we are not alone. Just as how a shared traumatic or important event can strengthen our relationships with other human beings, a shared experience of suffering can deepen our intimacy with God.”

[Lettie · Rating 5 out of 5]

After my miscarriage in July, I went looking for books and resources to help me understand why I lost my baby and to help me cope with my grief. There really isn't much out there written from a Catholic perspective, so finding Jorgensen's book was such a blessing.
I think what I enjoyed the most is that this book is written in a way that if you are the husband, care-giver, or supporter of a woman who is grieving, each chapter has a section just for you!
It took me longer to read this than I thought...because each time I sat to read I would become overwhelmed with emotions and have to drop it and cry.
The resources and personal stories scattered throughout the book helped me to remember that I'm not alone in my loss and suffering, that I have a sisterhood of other mothers (even Saints!) who have walked this path before me. The section on Saints made my heart so happy, even if Jorgensen left out my favorite...Saint Catherine of Siena...she did mention St. Zelie Martin and St. Catherine of Sweden, and included prayers to them.
If you are a Catholic woman who has experienced the dreadful and painful loss of a child...Pick this book up. You won't regret it.

[Taylor Elias · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wowowowow this is the exact book I’ve been looking for. I highly encourage all to read this - whether you’ve had a miscarriage, care for those who’ve had one, or know someone who’s had one (i can guarantee you probably do). There is such deep and reassuring truth in these pages and the author answers so many difficult theological questions I’ve had since my baby died. The section in the back with a great list of saints who’ve lost babies, and the included prayers, was a lifeline for me.

[Linds · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is super gentle, clear, and pastoral. Super helpful for my job as a perinatal palliative care chaplain. I’m grateful!

[Sophia Kiernan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I hope no one ever needs this book, but if you, it's a good one!

[Danielle Dyann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly appreciate this work! As a woman who has had a miscarriage, who also has had significant Catholic theological training, and who has work in the fields of infertility and miscarriage, I find that this book is a much needed piece of scholarship in the world of miscarriage/child-loss.

When I first went through my miscarriage (over a decade ago) I searched high and low for a resource like this one and asked the very questions that are answered in this book. Jorgensen, as a loss mother herself and loss doula, does a beautiful job of addressing the many questions that run through a loss-parent's mind with both compassion and truth.

I found this book to be a very emotional read, even years after my loss. However, I think that it is very powerful and should be spread far and wide so that it is readily available to every couple whenever they are faced with a child loss.

Thank you so much to Ave Maria Press and to Ms. Jorgensen for braving this difficult topic with such great love!

I appreciate NetGalley for giving me a review copy of this special book.