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The Jane Austen Rules: A Classic Guide to Modern Love
What Would Jane Do?
What’s a strong, independent-minded woman supposed to do in a world of insipid dating guides? Sinéad Murphy responds by Who has more time-tested secrets than Jane Austen, whose novels continue to captivate us almost two hundred years later?
Whether you can recite paragraphs from Pride and Prejudice or just admired Colin Firth in his wet shirt, the romance of Jane Austen’s world is one you’ll never forget. Does love like that even exist today? Yes, it does . . .
If you look closely at the women of Jane Austen’s books, as the witty scholar Sinéad Murphy has, you’ll discover Austen’s countless tips for finding the right leading man, navigating the ups and downs of courtship, and building a happy, independent life for yourself.
What’s a strong, independent-minded woman supposed to do in a world of insipid dating guides? Sinéad Murphy responds by Who has more time-tested secrets than Jane Austen, whose novels continue to captivate us almost two hundred years later?
Whether you can recite paragraphs from Pride and Prejudice or just admired Colin Firth in his wet shirt, the romance of Jane Austen’s world is one you’ll never forget. Does love like that even exist today? Yes, it does . . .
If you look closely at the women of Jane Austen’s books, as the witty scholar Sinéad Murphy has, you’ll discover Austen’s countless tips for finding the right leading man, navigating the ups and downs of courtship, and building a happy, independent life for yourself.
132 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
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November 12, 2014
When author Sinead Murphy chose to title her guide to modern dating The Jane Austen Rules it was guaranteed to generate a certain amount of controversy. In the mid-1990s, a dating guide titled The Rules became famous (or infamous, depending on your point of view) for imparting to women “a myriad of tricks and schemes” (p.14) for finding Mr. Right.
Does Murphy seek to replace one set of arbitrary opinions with another, using Jane Austen’s name as a marketing ploy? Happily Ms. Murphy has not taken this approach. Rather than a narrowly focused “how-to” for dating, she takes readers through the novels of Jane Austen, examining the women and men Austen created and the way their character informs their actions, whether in the pursuit of love or in making other important life decisions.
As such this is not really a dating guide at all; its scope is much wider. In the introduction titled “The Real Thing” Murphy proposes that modern dating guides have a Regency ancestor in the conduct book, full of dos and don’ts for women wishing to succeed in society:
…the Regency conduct book tended to judge a woman by how she conducts herself–that is, by how she acts, by how she seems. The novel, by contrast, was concerned with what women are really like, admitting—perhaps for the very first time—that women too have a fulsome interior life, with thoughts and feelings that are as crucial to get right as the actions that follow from them…And Jane Austen was at the forefront of it all, presenting to the Regency world a host of real women—so determined to do so, indeed, that she invented her very own narrative style, which gives the reader almost unrestricted access to the internal life of her female characters. (p.4)
Readers unfamiliar with The Rules may be puzzled or offended by Murphy’s manner of presenting her “Classic Guide to Modern Love.” However, those willing to take it in a playful spirit similar to Austen’s own treatment of “horrid novels” in Northanger Abbey will enjoy the humor the author uses to support her argument: that Jane Austen’s rules are the kind worth following.
For example, where The Rules advises women to keep quiet to allow their dates to drive the conversation, The Jane Austen Rules counters with “Don’t Just Sit There, Say Something!” Of course, we think of Elizabeth Bennet here, verbally sparring with Mr. Darcy on any number of occasions, and Murphy includes several examples from Pride and Prejudice. But she does not stop there. While a conduct book or dating guide might say otherwise, all women are not required to act in a particular way. Murphy offers the example of a very different Austen heroine:
Consider Persuasion’s Anne Elliot: though perfectly good humoured, she is, on the whole, a serious person, even a grave person, for whom the sparkling repartee of an Elizabeth Bennet would be utterly out of character. Nevertheless, Anne Elliot is not silent, waiting patiently in the passenger seat while Captain Wentworth carries the day with his gregarious personality. (p.75)
Anne may often operate on the sidelines, but she does and says a great many things in the course of the story. Wentworth praises her capability when Louisa Musgrove is injured in Lyme. Overhearing her conversation with his friend Captain Harville, he writes, “You pierce my soul.” What finally recommends Anne to Wentworth is her demonstrated character, not her ability to make coy remarks or flatter his ego, as Louisa Musgrove does.
Other Jane Austen rules include “Be a Woman, Not a Girl,” “Find a Man, Not a Guy,” (this chapter is especially painful for Frank Churchill fans) “Listen to What They Say,” “Be Quite Independent,” “Prove It,” and “Have Great Expectations.” In the final chapter “Reader, Marry Him!” Murphy presents a take on the institution of marriage that may surprise some readers and also addresses Austen’s personal choice not to marry. Each chapter includes a black and white Victorian-era illustration from an Austen novel that ties in with the chapter’s subject and adds just the right touch of visual interest to the text. Whether readers ultimately agree with Murphy or not, she presents thought-provoking viewpoints on women’s lives today, including but not limited to building healthy relationships.
For me, the only strike against The Jane Austen Rules was its excessive use of non-standard punctuation and the overuse of exclamation marks. Editing these minor flaws would place this book firmly in five-star territory. Ms. Murphy has done an excellent job of blending light-hearted charm with reflections on the serious business of love and life.
Source: Free copy from Melville House Publishers in exchange for a review. All reviews expressed are my own opinion.
Does Murphy seek to replace one set of arbitrary opinions with another, using Jane Austen’s name as a marketing ploy? Happily Ms. Murphy has not taken this approach. Rather than a narrowly focused “how-to” for dating, she takes readers through the novels of Jane Austen, examining the women and men Austen created and the way their character informs their actions, whether in the pursuit of love or in making other important life decisions.
As such this is not really a dating guide at all; its scope is much wider. In the introduction titled “The Real Thing” Murphy proposes that modern dating guides have a Regency ancestor in the conduct book, full of dos and don’ts for women wishing to succeed in society:
…the Regency conduct book tended to judge a woman by how she conducts herself–that is, by how she acts, by how she seems. The novel, by contrast, was concerned with what women are really like, admitting—perhaps for the very first time—that women too have a fulsome interior life, with thoughts and feelings that are as crucial to get right as the actions that follow from them…And Jane Austen was at the forefront of it all, presenting to the Regency world a host of real women—so determined to do so, indeed, that she invented her very own narrative style, which gives the reader almost unrestricted access to the internal life of her female characters. (p.4)
Readers unfamiliar with The Rules may be puzzled or offended by Murphy’s manner of presenting her “Classic Guide to Modern Love.” However, those willing to take it in a playful spirit similar to Austen’s own treatment of “horrid novels” in Northanger Abbey will enjoy the humor the author uses to support her argument: that Jane Austen’s rules are the kind worth following.
For example, where The Rules advises women to keep quiet to allow their dates to drive the conversation, The Jane Austen Rules counters with “Don’t Just Sit There, Say Something!” Of course, we think of Elizabeth Bennet here, verbally sparring with Mr. Darcy on any number of occasions, and Murphy includes several examples from Pride and Prejudice. But she does not stop there. While a conduct book or dating guide might say otherwise, all women are not required to act in a particular way. Murphy offers the example of a very different Austen heroine:
Consider Persuasion’s Anne Elliot: though perfectly good humoured, she is, on the whole, a serious person, even a grave person, for whom the sparkling repartee of an Elizabeth Bennet would be utterly out of character. Nevertheless, Anne Elliot is not silent, waiting patiently in the passenger seat while Captain Wentworth carries the day with his gregarious personality. (p.75)
Anne may often operate on the sidelines, but she does and says a great many things in the course of the story. Wentworth praises her capability when Louisa Musgrove is injured in Lyme. Overhearing her conversation with his friend Captain Harville, he writes, “You pierce my soul.” What finally recommends Anne to Wentworth is her demonstrated character, not her ability to make coy remarks or flatter his ego, as Louisa Musgrove does.
Other Jane Austen rules include “Be a Woman, Not a Girl,” “Find a Man, Not a Guy,” (this chapter is especially painful for Frank Churchill fans) “Listen to What They Say,” “Be Quite Independent,” “Prove It,” and “Have Great Expectations.” In the final chapter “Reader, Marry Him!” Murphy presents a take on the institution of marriage that may surprise some readers and also addresses Austen’s personal choice not to marry. Each chapter includes a black and white Victorian-era illustration from an Austen novel that ties in with the chapter’s subject and adds just the right touch of visual interest to the text. Whether readers ultimately agree with Murphy or not, she presents thought-provoking viewpoints on women’s lives today, including but not limited to building healthy relationships.
For me, the only strike against The Jane Austen Rules was its excessive use of non-standard punctuation and the overuse of exclamation marks. Editing these minor flaws would place this book firmly in five-star territory. Ms. Murphy has done an excellent job of blending light-hearted charm with reflections on the serious business of love and life.
Source: Free copy from Melville House Publishers in exchange for a review. All reviews expressed are my own opinion.
March 24, 2016
I can't...I'm not even sure how to begin with this. I was SO looking forward to it because quite frankly I'm more old fashioned then current fashioned when it comes to my life expectations. Unfortunately the author seemed obsessed with comparing this book to a currently popular self-help guide series called "The Rules". I'm not sure if I was missing context (and this was meant to be a comparative book in that way), but it made the author come off as more bitchy/catty then helpful.
And while this is an ARC the constant use of "?!" as punctuation really grated on my nerves.
The high points for the guide included the examination of the various characters in Austen's works against common types (guy vs man, girl vs woman) and how to spot them in today's society.
And while this is an ARC the constant use of "?!" as punctuation really grated on my nerves.
The high points for the guide included the examination of the various characters in Austen's works against common types (guy vs man, girl vs woman) and how to spot them in today's society.
March 26, 2015
Well, there are some good lessons about love and money and life in Austen's fiction but DID NO ONE PROOF READ THIS? Come on, Fanny Harville was Benwick's FIANCEE. You've completely lost all credibility. I shall smack you now.
August 15, 2019
The Jane Austen Rules: A Classic Guide to Modern Love is a self-help/relationship handbook that uses all of Jane Austen's beloved novels as a guide to your love life. It's worth noting up front that you do not have to have read all of Austen's novels before reading. Author Sinead Murphy does an excellent job of retelling them as she uses them and there is a chapter of synopses at the end of the book. Also worth noting is Murphy's use of The Rules, an older conduct guide from the 1950s (I believe), as a direct comparison with Austen's novels. The point here is to offer advice to any young woman (or man - doesn't matter) on how to be your best self and catch a love interest similar to Mr. Darcy - no Mr. Wickham's please. Each chapter is a "new rule" for every outdated one from The Rules guide and Murphy supplements examples of said rule through Austen's many characters. For example, in chapter 2 "Find a Man, Not a Guy" sheds light on the importance of finding a partner who is an equal - not someone looking to be the center of all your attention to the point where you're their mother. Murphy supplements the contrasts in Austen's characters using the charming and eventually misleading Mr. Wickham for the grumpy but eventually wonderful Mr. Darcy. Mr. Wickham's character catches the eye but deep down he's just a guy who will break your heart in exchange for your money - literally! And honey, you deserve better than that! You deserve a fully fledged and well-rounded person in your partner. There are ten rules in total and each chapter is peppered with at least three separate examples from Austen's novels.
Again, I absolutely loved this book and am ecstatic I picked it out. Who doesn't seek out love advice from time-to-time? And who better to look up to then the woman responsible from Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy? We've all heard bogus "rules" on how to find love so this was a refreshing and all-around cheeky take on them. I will say you have to read this with an open mind; it's meant to be funny and not taken literally. Murphy's writing style has a flair for language and major tongue-in-cheek attitude. She is as engaging with her views on how women should act and what relationships should be as she is thorough with her Austen research and usage. A main reason I love Austen overall is because her stories center on women, love, and society. I've only ever read Pride and Prejudice, which is a top tenner for me, but I felt like this was a great introduction to Austen's other works because it enables you to fall in love with all her characters on a different plane. Chapter 8 "Don't Just Sit There, Do Something!" was my favorite chapter and featured the idea that in a relationship you need to show your affection and respect for your partner. It's the actions that show you care - not your words. I can tell my boyfriend I love him until I'm blue in the face but he knows I love him the way I make him a plate at parties, go on nature adventures with him, and set up his breakfast in the morning. Murphy's prime example here was Anne Elliot's relationship with Captain Wentworth in Persuasion, which has propelled itself to my end of the year list. It's no surprise I rated this a five out of five stars and I would highly recommend this book to anyone remotely interested in Jane Austen, relationships, classic British literature or someone looking for a fun feminist read!
Again, I absolutely loved this book and am ecstatic I picked it out. Who doesn't seek out love advice from time-to-time? And who better to look up to then the woman responsible from Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy? We've all heard bogus "rules" on how to find love so this was a refreshing and all-around cheeky take on them. I will say you have to read this with an open mind; it's meant to be funny and not taken literally. Murphy's writing style has a flair for language and major tongue-in-cheek attitude. She is as engaging with her views on how women should act and what relationships should be as she is thorough with her Austen research and usage. A main reason I love Austen overall is because her stories center on women, love, and society. I've only ever read Pride and Prejudice, which is a top tenner for me, but I felt like this was a great introduction to Austen's other works because it enables you to fall in love with all her characters on a different plane. Chapter 8 "Don't Just Sit There, Do Something!" was my favorite chapter and featured the idea that in a relationship you need to show your affection and respect for your partner. It's the actions that show you care - not your words. I can tell my boyfriend I love him until I'm blue in the face but he knows I love him the way I make him a plate at parties, go on nature adventures with him, and set up his breakfast in the morning. Murphy's prime example here was Anne Elliot's relationship with Captain Wentworth in Persuasion, which has propelled itself to my end of the year list. It's no surprise I rated this a five out of five stars and I would highly recommend this book to anyone remotely interested in Jane Austen, relationships, classic British literature or someone looking for a fun feminist read!
November 23, 2024
Enjoyed. Great humour . . .
September 21, 2014
Quick, cute read. The over-enthusiastic punctuation was annoying, but this was an ARC, so hopefully the punctuation is fixed in the final copy.
I liked the homage to Jane Austen and the surprisingly in-depth analysis of love, romance and relationships in Austen's works.
Not a bad book. Not overly amazing, but worth a read through.
I liked the homage to Jane Austen and the surprisingly in-depth analysis of love, romance and relationships in Austen's works.
Not a bad book. Not overly amazing, but worth a read through.
July 11, 2014
This book is amazing! I loved absolutely every word! This advice is the real stuff!
December 15, 2014
Meh. I was hoping this would be a light, fun read, but instead it was more academic, philosophical and to be honest, boring.
November 19, 2015
Oh so THAT'S why I'm not married to Colin Firth.
July 20, 2020
The Jane Austen Rules es un ensayo por capítulos sobre el amor en Jane Austen. A través de cada episodio, que habla de una "regla" a "no cumplir" de las que sugieren las guías modernas de ligue (ésas que pueblan la sección de autoayuda y las estanterías de Bridget Jones), la autora desgrana a través de ejemplos de las novelas de Austen, el motivo por el cual hacer lo contrario, si eres una mujer que se quiere enamorar de verdad, y no ser una "chica" más, dependiente, voluble y poco decidida.
Muy interesante y una perspectiva eficaz de lo que haría Austen en caso de que hubiera que ligar.
Muy interesante y una perspectiva eficaz de lo que haría Austen en caso de que hubiera que ligar.
August 7, 2017
I'm not much for dating guides but I"ll read anything pertaining to Jane Austen. This was well written and rather clever - a quick and enjoyable read.
November 4, 2014
I won a copy of this book from Goodreads First Reads program.
So full disclosure I didn't read the blurb very well when entering and missed the it's a dating guide bit. I saw Jane Austen and rules and was thinking it was a book about Regency culture. That said it was what I expected crossed with The Rules or some such. It was entertaining light little book somewhat serious somewhat tongue in cheek. I very much enjoyed Sinead Murphy's writing style. The overall lesson is that Jane Austen's novels can teach us about how we should conduct ourselves today and draws examples from all her books various relationships. It makes a broad argument that Jane Austen meant to send lessons to her readers that I am not convinced was her actual intention, but nonetheless enjoyed this book. It was a new take on old characters somewhat like a dissertation drawing themes out of Austen novels but in much better writing style.
So full disclosure I didn't read the blurb very well when entering and missed the it's a dating guide bit. I saw Jane Austen and rules and was thinking it was a book about Regency culture. That said it was what I expected crossed with The Rules or some such. It was entertaining light little book somewhat serious somewhat tongue in cheek. I very much enjoyed Sinead Murphy's writing style. The overall lesson is that Jane Austen's novels can teach us about how we should conduct ourselves today and draws examples from all her books various relationships. It makes a broad argument that Jane Austen meant to send lessons to her readers that I am not convinced was her actual intention, but nonetheless enjoyed this book. It was a new take on old characters somewhat like a dissertation drawing themes out of Austen novels but in much better writing style.
August 19, 2015
I picked this off the local library's new books shelf as a lark. One of my deep dark secrets: I'm not even much of a Jane Austen fan, though I like a good Emma Thompson movie. I'm definitely not the target audience in several ways, but it was actually an entertaining read with more substance than I expected - mainly because, unlike the neurosis-enducing tones of a lot of dating advice for women, it essentially advises women to have substance, be mature, be witty, and be proactive. It doesn't give a great deal of concrete advice on how to do this, but still, I appreciate the message.
I'm sold that Jane Austen was a better feminist and a more interesting human being than the authors of The Rules, but then, that's not a very high bar, is it? *sits back and sips tea with subtle catty look* ;)
I'm sold that Jane Austen was a better feminist and a more interesting human being than the authors of The Rules, but then, that's not a very high bar, is it? *sits back and sips tea with subtle catty look* ;)
February 4, 2025
Fun and true guide to dating. Loved that this made me nod my head and laugh.
2025: I still love this book and it's analysis of Jane Austen literature. Even after 6 years of marriage, I feel it really rings true. So clever.
2025: I still love this book and it's analysis of Jane Austen literature. Even after 6 years of marriage, I feel it really rings true. So clever.
August 20, 2014
It's an interesting concept for a book. You have to really like Jane Austen novels to enjoy it. Book review to come at Numero Cinq in October.
October 28, 2014
A quick fun read that was enjoyably Austen.
January 3, 2019
I love Jane Austen. The proof is my tattoo on my left hand, where I used the font to make it look like a signature of her. I love that time when it was hard to steal a kiss, in which the feelings were expressed in long letters and full of pathos, when honor and reputation were coins of exchange. Sometimes I wonder if I was born in the wrong century.
Of course, I couldn`t help loving Mr Darcy, charismatic, mysterious and intelligent, the image of chivalry and elegance.
And, it will not come as a surprise, but I’ve seen all the adaptation movies and all the movies that have little to do with it.
But I do not have as many words of praise for the present book. I did not find in it tips to apply when looking for Mr Darcy, but I found many references to the characters in his famous books, and made me remember them. And even references to her life.
The thing i liked most in Jane’s novels is the way she chose to portray independent, educated and spiritual women, much different from what they were usually seen at that time, when it was more important to be married than education or aspirations. Unfortunately, when I look around, I see that for many women things have not changed much.
Just like in Jane’s novels, the advice is feminist, with examples of being a woman, not a girl, how to look for a man, not a boy, how important it is to tell your opinion, to be concerned about how you look and have high expectations because you deserve it.
But it looks more like a heading in Cosmo where, instead of having examples like Meghan Markle, Beyonce or JLo, we have Elizabeth Bennet, Emma or Miss Bingley.
If you liked Pride and prejudice (it’s impossible not to have read it at least once) you can also try:
1.First read everything from Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and sensibility, Emma, Persuasion, Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park
2. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte, where instead of Mr. Darcy we have Mr. Rochester and the protagonist of the love story, Jane, is an equally ambitious governess with strong principles from which he does not deviate despite his heart’s desire. She ultimately proves us what a good and warm soul is, despite of all life’s attempts.
3. Wuthering heights- Emily Bronte, with a different love story, like a war out of which Heathcliff and Catherine forget to stop to see what really matters in life.
Read and be happy 🙂
https://abookaffair.com/2019/01/03/ja...
Of course, I couldn`t help loving Mr Darcy, charismatic, mysterious and intelligent, the image of chivalry and elegance.
And, it will not come as a surprise, but I’ve seen all the adaptation movies and all the movies that have little to do with it.
But I do not have as many words of praise for the present book. I did not find in it tips to apply when looking for Mr Darcy, but I found many references to the characters in his famous books, and made me remember them. And even references to her life.
The thing i liked most in Jane’s novels is the way she chose to portray independent, educated and spiritual women, much different from what they were usually seen at that time, when it was more important to be married than education or aspirations. Unfortunately, when I look around, I see that for many women things have not changed much.
Just like in Jane’s novels, the advice is feminist, with examples of being a woman, not a girl, how to look for a man, not a boy, how important it is to tell your opinion, to be concerned about how you look and have high expectations because you deserve it.
But it looks more like a heading in Cosmo where, instead of having examples like Meghan Markle, Beyonce or JLo, we have Elizabeth Bennet, Emma or Miss Bingley.
If you liked Pride and prejudice (it’s impossible not to have read it at least once) you can also try:
1.First read everything from Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and sensibility, Emma, Persuasion, Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park
2. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte, where instead of Mr. Darcy we have Mr. Rochester and the protagonist of the love story, Jane, is an equally ambitious governess with strong principles from which he does not deviate despite his heart’s desire. She ultimately proves us what a good and warm soul is, despite of all life’s attempts.
3. Wuthering heights- Emily Bronte, with a different love story, like a war out of which Heathcliff and Catherine forget to stop to see what really matters in life.
Read and be happy 🙂
https://abookaffair.com/2019/01/03/ja...
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 2, 2020
If I didn't hate leaving books unfinished so much, I would probably have dropped this after the first 20 pages.
To be fair, I am not the type of person this book is aimed at (I guess you should probably have some interest in dating to read a "guide to modern love") and I really should have paid more attention to the title before actually reading it. Austen is my favourite classic author but her works chopped and changed into a poor-quality dating guide was really not what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting - I guess more of an autobiography outlining Austen's life lessons or something?? Either way, it wasn't that.
I pushed through 130 pages about why women need men and how to get men and what friends to have and all types of thinks I am highly capable of determining for myself. Plus, it was all framed from a would-be feminist angle ("Rule 6: Don't just sit there, say something, tells readers to speak out on their opinions in order to get a ring on your finger), only to then completely undermine itself by informing women that they needed to "Rule 4: Dress Up" and to only have a particular type of female friend because some women are just so awfully tedious due to whatever part of their personality. Nothing like tearing down another women because they like a cheeky gossip, ey?
Basically, I wanted to get through the whole thing to see how tragic it got, but it took me ages because sometimes I just couldn't will myself to pick the damn thing up.
To be fair, I am not the type of person this book is aimed at (I guess you should probably have some interest in dating to read a "guide to modern love") and I really should have paid more attention to the title before actually reading it. Austen is my favourite classic author but her works chopped and changed into a poor-quality dating guide was really not what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting - I guess more of an autobiography outlining Austen's life lessons or something?? Either way, it wasn't that.
I pushed through 130 pages about why women need men and how to get men and what friends to have and all types of thinks I am highly capable of determining for myself. Plus, it was all framed from a would-be feminist angle ("Rule 6: Don't just sit there, say something, tells readers to speak out on their opinions in order to get a ring on your finger), only to then completely undermine itself by informing women that they needed to "Rule 4: Dress Up" and to only have a particular type of female friend because some women are just so awfully tedious due to whatever part of their personality. Nothing like tearing down another women because they like a cheeky gossip, ey?
Basically, I wanted to get through the whole thing to see how tragic it got, but it took me ages because sometimes I just couldn't will myself to pick the damn thing up.
September 8, 2025
I love the premise where Murphy compares and contrasts Jane Austen’s Regency guide to dating to its more modern tome.
Some of Murphy’s observations are very insightful such as the notion that women will never dominate men until they have their female counterpart’s backs. Modern women—like their ancestors—don’t see themselves as sisters rather as competitors. Instead of considering themselves as a collective WE, women still behave as a singular threat to her sisterhood.
As in centuries past, Murphy acts as Austen in showing us through insights and actions just how she feels women should conduct themselves in the marriage mart by paying close attention to the chats and chiding and then trust their own instincts in conjunction with the following rules:
Rule 1 Be a Woman, not a Girl
Rule 2 Find a Man, not a Guy
Rule 3 Listen to what they Say
Rule 4 Dress Up
Rule 5 Be quite independent
Rule 6 Don’t just sit there, Say Something!
Rule 7 No Girlfriends
Rule 8 Prove it
Rule 9 Don’t just sit there, Do Something!
Rule 10 Have Great Expectations
Some of Murphy’s observations are very insightful such as the notion that women will never dominate men until they have their female counterpart’s backs. Modern women—like their ancestors—don’t see themselves as sisters rather as competitors. Instead of considering themselves as a collective WE, women still behave as a singular threat to her sisterhood.
As in centuries past, Murphy acts as Austen in showing us through insights and actions just how she feels women should conduct themselves in the marriage mart by paying close attention to the chats and chiding and then trust their own instincts in conjunction with the following rules:
Rule 1 Be a Woman, not a Girl
Rule 2 Find a Man, not a Guy
Rule 3 Listen to what they Say
Rule 4 Dress Up
Rule 5 Be quite independent
Rule 6 Don’t just sit there, Say Something!
Rule 7 No Girlfriends
Rule 8 Prove it
Rule 9 Don’t just sit there, Do Something!
Rule 10 Have Great Expectations
August 7, 2019
This was certainly an enjoyable read.
Some reviewers have described it as boring, which I think is very unfair. Murphy's detailed examples and comparisons of Austen's characters may at times seem a little... stuffy in contrast to her otherwise lively and light-hearted tone, however they are necessary for the book's function. This is not just a dating guide, but a guide to Austen and modern feminism too.
However, this does not invalidate the book as a dating guide - far from it! The Rules themselves are not only relevant to a modern life, but come with the guarantee of being time-tested.
Some reviewers have described it as boring, which I think is very unfair. Murphy's detailed examples and comparisons of Austen's characters may at times seem a little... stuffy in contrast to her otherwise lively and light-hearted tone, however they are necessary for the book's function. This is not just a dating guide, but a guide to Austen and modern feminism too.
However, this does not invalidate the book as a dating guide - far from it! The Rules themselves are not only relevant to a modern life, but come with the guarantee of being time-tested.
November 3, 2019
I found this a humorous, almost satirical, well-thought-out analysis of popular advice given to women taken in stark contrast to what Jane Austen wove into her novels as parts of her strongest characters. I’ve always loved them, and now I have more clear reasons why: they are strong, they have opinions, they don’t wait around for men to do everything for them, walk all over men, or act like wimpy, wishy washy damsels in distress. I didn’t necessarily agree with all the advice, but I found the vast majority of it to be sound, and the connections to Austen were great!
January 28, 2024
I was gifted this as a Jane Austen fan. I am married and not looking, but I wondered how it held up ten years later. I was pleasantly surprised the first 9 rules make sense, and I love how they are backed up by examples from the novels. I have never read the Rules this book is refuting, but the points make logical sense. I had forgotten there was ever a book called The Rules till this brought it up. I can't imagine anyone being happy pretending to not be themselves to get a husband.
Romance is best served with a dollop of reason- this is a lovely line
overall a quick and easy read.
Romance is best served with a dollop of reason- this is a lovely line
overall a quick and easy read.
March 11, 2017
I picked that book on a whim while visiting a Brick Lane bookshop, intrigued and amused by its title.
I saw interesting premises : looking at love in Jane Austen's novels to apply it to today's feminism.
I never quite understood how Jane Austen has turned into that sort of romantic figure. She sure deals with the matters of love, but in no romantic ways. And I have always felt that the real spice of her novels are her observations of people around her. I actually look at her as some sort of pre-feminist writer : as a woman full of wits and intelligence and snarky comments who portrays female heroines full of wits and intelligence and potential for growth and with the nerves of expecting to marry for love rather than mere duty or compliance to the expectations of an era. Indeed she paints pretty pictures of well suited couples in her books, but not of any true romantic relationship (I'm looking at you, Brontë girls). So surely the Jane Austen rules can't be real rules.
When you buy things on a whim you take risks...
But looking back I'm not sure why I was expecting all this from this book, that actually is a guide for love and dating - albeit one that claims to hate dating guides. It isn't quite so in the first chapters. It started good, a mixture between a pamphlet against those said guides, a literary analysis of love in Austen's works, and a sort of feminist manifesto. In the end, when the thing fully transformed into a love guide (not quite avoiding that wonderful twitch that consists of telling you rather peremptorily how to be free by being this or that), it's too far gone from the interesting literary analysis that peppered the first chapters.
There are some funny and interesting bits throughout, and it's not unwise, but I'm left overall disappointed. Or else I missed the point.
I saw interesting premises : looking at love in Jane Austen's novels to apply it to today's feminism.
I never quite understood how Jane Austen has turned into that sort of romantic figure. She sure deals with the matters of love, but in no romantic ways. And I have always felt that the real spice of her novels are her observations of people around her. I actually look at her as some sort of pre-feminist writer : as a woman full of wits and intelligence and snarky comments who portrays female heroines full of wits and intelligence and potential for growth and with the nerves of expecting to marry for love rather than mere duty or compliance to the expectations of an era. Indeed she paints pretty pictures of well suited couples in her books, but not of any true romantic relationship (I'm looking at you, Brontë girls). So surely the Jane Austen rules can't be real rules.
When you buy things on a whim you take risks...
But looking back I'm not sure why I was expecting all this from this book, that actually is a guide for love and dating - albeit one that claims to hate dating guides. It isn't quite so in the first chapters. It started good, a mixture between a pamphlet against those said guides, a literary analysis of love in Austen's works, and a sort of feminist manifesto. In the end, when the thing fully transformed into a love guide (not quite avoiding that wonderful twitch that consists of telling you rather peremptorily how to be free by being this or that), it's too far gone from the interesting literary analysis that peppered the first chapters.
There are some funny and interesting bits throughout, and it's not unwise, but I'm left overall disappointed. Or else I missed the point.
July 3, 2017
I bought this because I was in England and it looked nice.
It's terrible. Heteronormative, relies on outdated gender stereotypes, and generally doesn't really add anything at all to the empowerment of its demographic audience. I highly doubt Jane Austen would approve, and I don't either.
It's terrible. Heteronormative, relies on outdated gender stereotypes, and generally doesn't really add anything at all to the empowerment of its demographic audience. I highly doubt Jane Austen would approve, and I don't either.
March 17, 2019
"You see, not everything worth knowing is to be found between the covers of books; and not everything worth listening to is to be heard from the mouths of those who read them."
December 15, 2021
This was fun to read🤞🏻
June 4, 2023
was an enjoyable read! i love the idea of having a classic take on a modern dilemma, and i think the author executed it well. 💐🎀🐇
August 28, 2023
I wanted to love this and i tried hard to get into it. But each chapter just took out segments of each book.
June 19, 2024
curioso
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