I Will Do Better: A Father’s Memoir of Heartbreak, Parenting, and Love

by Charles Bock

I Will Do Better is New York Times bestselling writer Charles Bock’s frank and tender memoir of parenting his toddler daughter in the wake of his wife’s untimely death.

The novelist Charles Bock was a reluctant parent, tagging along for the ride of fatherhood, obsessed primarily with his dream of a writing career. But when his daughter Lily was six months old, his wife, Diana, was diagnosed with a complex form of leukemia. Two and half years later, when all treatments and therapies had been exhausted, Bock found himself a widower—devastated, drowning in medical bills, and saddled with a daunting responsibility. He had to nurture Lily, and, somehow, maybe even heal himself.

I Will Do Better is Charles’s pull-no-punches account of what happened next. Playdates, music classes, temper tantrums, oh-so-cool babysitters, first days at school, family reunions, single-parent dating, and a citywide crippling natural disaster—were minefields especially treacherous for Charles and Lily because of their preexisting vulnerability: their grief. Charles sought help from friends, family, and therapists, but this overgrown, middle-aged boy-man and his plucky child became, foremost, a duo—they found their way together.

By turns comical and heartbreaking, I Will Do Better does not shy from moments of sadness, anger, or awkwardness. It’s the remarkable journey of two defiant and wounded people, and their personal growth in the name of love.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Parenting, Audiobook, Biography Memoir, Death, Family

208 pages, Hardcover

First published October 1, 2024

Reviews

[Richard Propes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Charles Bock's "I Will Do Better: A Father's Memoir of Heartbreak, Parenting, and Love" tells an honest, engaging story about life after Bock's wife Diana passed away from a complex form of leukemia when their daughter, Lily, was a mere three-years-old.

A New York Times bestselling author, Bock writes with refreshing honesty about his reluctance as a parent. He was obsessed with his career, a happily married man tagging along for the ride of fatherhood but in many ways still a man-boy himself. Diana was diagnosed with leukemia when Lily was only six months old and over the next two plus years she would do everything she could to spend as much time with her daughter as possible.

"I Will Do Better" is no miracle story. Instead, it's the story of an exhausted widower in many ways ill-prepared for being a single parent who was left with his grief, drowning in medical bills, and having to heal himself and his young daughter.

He failed a lot. Until the two of them started figuring it out amidst playdates, music classes, temper tantrums, babysitters, and even a natural disaster. Bock shares vividly his experiences with a therapist who helped him and his child, however, most of what we see in "I Will Do Better" is a family learning how to be a family.

The story begins ten years ago - it's as if Bock had to wait to write it to make sure they really, really, really made it. They're still making it. Occasionally quite funny and other times filled with sadness and anger and unknowing, "I Will Do Better" shares a beautiful journey of two people and the family they became as they learned how to love one another.

[Katie B · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a DNF for me at page 135. I've finally accepted that I do not like the author at all. I hung with him for a while for the obvious reasons- he's grieving, he's trying his best, blah blah blah. But then I started to question if he really was trying his best? He refers to being a single father as his "extended indentured servitude". Coming from a guy who's supposed to be trying to "do better" throughout this book, statements like that left me feeling skeptical. His Ashley Madison fiasco was off putting but this is a short book and I hate not finishing a book if I can help it so I pressed on. But now that the guy who said he doesn't have time for a girlfriend because he's all about his daughter is spending his days hiding two different women from each other all while his THREE year old who still doesn't understand where her mom went is spending a WHOLE EFFING month in a completely different state. I cannot hold space for this trash bag of a man one moment longer. Maybe it's because my daughter is the same age as his was when his wife died and I'm feeling everything a little personally but I honestly don't care. This book is garbage.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway contest in exchange for an honest review. 

Charles Bock' wife Diana loses her battle with leukemia when their daughter, Lily, is only three years old.  He proceeds to describe the first two years of raising Lily as a single father while mourning the loss of his wife. 

I loved the raw honesty the author used in telling his story. Such as struggling to pay his wife's medical bills, his sessions with his therapist, and attempting to build a healthy relationship with his daughter. 

[Laura Donovan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I initially didnt want to read this book because it’s based on my biggest fear: leaving my children behind.

Perhaps that’s why this book is so short. The subject matter is devastating, but the author doesn’t make you sit in his grief for very long. There are many tender hearted moments in this book. I loved the author’s silly nicknames for his daughter. I also appreciated the sections about his difficulty relating to other parents. I don’t think it’s fair to judge him for dating around after the death of his wife. I can’t imagine being in his position.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this (audio)book mere days after it was published on happenstance. Throughout listening to the author himself read the book, I waffled between sympathy, heartbreak, shock, disapproval, and understanding. I don’t think I will understand a lot of tue author’s personal actions in the book—affairs with married women, dating two women at the same time—but the struggles and difficulties he described concerning raising his daughter reminded me a lot of the parents I work with as an early childhood therapist, and it’s the insight and stories in that vein that I connected with and valued most from this book

[Trisha Lepa · Rating 5 out of 5]

A memoir where you grapple with multiple feelings of sympathy, sadness, sometimes frustration and happiness with the author. Very much real, cut to the bone in describing some of his inner thoughts in raising a young daughter following the untimely death of his wife. The idea that he initially was hesitant to be a father but semi-caved to his wife’s desire only to then be the sole caregiver stuck with me especially as he grew through the years and recognized how life, interests, relationships and needs can change or adapt through time. Also, a fitting and beautiful tribute to his wife weaved throughout the book. And his toddler daughter, Lily, carried the storyline with her strong and innocent voice of a child trying to navigate the world following the loss of her mother—much more similar to her father than some might think.

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a digital ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Bock's memoir explores the early years after the death of his young wife from cancer, when his daughter was about three. He is extremely candid in sharing their hardships, his shortcomings, and the relief that friends and family brought him. Some of the exchanges with his young daughter are heartbreaking, and it is in bringing to life their relationship that the book shines. He is also forthcoming in his stories about his first attempts at dating as a widower, but I found these stories less compelling and felt that they could have been abridged given how short the memoir is as a whole. At times, Bock's raw honesty is almost shocking, particularly in regards to his doubts about single parenting. I enjoyed the book overall, but having finished it a few weeks ago I can't say that it is one which really sticks with me.

[Christina T · Rating 1 out of 5]

No idea why this has so many good reviews. This man is garbage. There’s no “doing better” or any growth. Dating two women and hiding them from each other so they wouldn’t find out he was dating two women? Horrible book, can’t believe I finished the whole thing.

[Shelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

A biography by author Charles Bock, detailing how his life forever changed when his wife lost her battle to leukemia; leaving him to parent their three-year-old daughter Lily on his own. Even though the subject matter will pull on your heart strings and occasionally make you reach for a tissue box, Bock does a good job of infusing humor throughout. My only real criticism of the novel is the faint details on some topics, when others are detail rich. Example, when Charles badly injured himself shortly after the death of his wife and was bedridden for more than a month. How was that navigated while having a toddler? I’m assuming family and friends swooped in to take care of Lily, but that information was glossed over.

[DeLauné Michel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bock's memoir of the first years of caring for his young daughter after his wife's death is a beautiful testament to healing through the daily actions of love. I couldn't put it down. Lily is a darling, incredible child with a determination of spirit that is at turns heartbreaking, and comforting because you know she will need it in the years ahead without a mother. To his credit, Bock has no vanity, and it is a joy to be allowed in with such intimacy, humor, and warmth. The connection with the reader is immediate, as though we sat down with Bock for coffee, even though he states in the book that he doesn't drink it. Not sure how he got through parenting a small child without that, but some are more heroic than others! In short, this a stunning book, and a beautiful exploration of how commitment and love do heal. Bravo!

[Ian · Rating 5 out of 5]

A rare view into the private world of a widower raising his daughter. Grappling with the loss of his wife, the emotions are tangible. I almost wanted to hold this book delicately, as I felt like I was handling a topic so tender. The subject is hard to look at, let alone discuss, but there is something so strong and admirable about the authors resiliency.

The author didn’t pretend to be perfect, and what is perfect anyway? But the imperfection and mistakes are what made this story valuable.

I can only hope when I am put up to the test and face a tragic loss, I can be a stronger, better, kinder as a person too. I feel thankful to witness the beautiful, but messy, relationship between father and daughter. My key take away is that life may not be forever, but love is.

[Lane Leal · Rating 2 out of 5]

I honestly spent a lot of my reading time being disappointed with the dad in this book. I know he suffered an almost unimaginable loss but I’ve known loss too and found his behaviors, his self-pitying complaining difficult to put up with. My heart broke for his daughter. At times I nearly stopped reading but I kept at it and he “came around” (sort of) at the end. But he needed to put his big-boy shorts on and grow the f*** up

[Margaret · Rating 2 out of 5]

Of all the memoirs that I have read that were written by widows or widowers ( I myself was widowed in my 30s and raised 3 kids alone), this is the absolute worst! I read about half of it before I had to stop. This is only the second book ever that I have only given two stars to.

[Chris Martin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not much of a story arc to it. The dad is really just a man-child who never really grows out of it. Not a book I would to read unless you want to see how not to respond to becoming a single dad unexpectedly.

[Katie Hoffman · Rating 3 out of 5]

A man’s perspective….

[Xheni · Rating 1 out of 5]

He got dealt a bad hand in life, for sure. However, he is a disgusting man-child. Every woman should read this book as a cautionary tale on who to procreate with.

[Doreen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perhaps my most popular and controversial review here on Goodreads is of an absolutely abysmal "parenting" memoir by a blogger who lost his wife in childbirth and struggled to raise their child on his own afterwards. I have genuine sympathy for his situation -- with my co-parent overseas for weeks at a time, my experiences single parenting our three youngsters have been tough to miserable -- but the prose is atrocious and the absolute lack of self-reflection worse. So when I started this book, I had an immediate flash of "oh no, are we going to go through that bullshit again?"

Readers, to my relief and hopefully yours, we are not.

Which isn't to say that our author here, the novelist Charles Bock, is perfect. There are points in this memoir where I found this grown-ass man to be deeply and unnecessarily self-centered and irritating. But crucially as he's writing about his past experiences, he recognizes that he really sucked during those less than stellar moments he's describing. Most importantly, and as stated in the title and echoed like a refrain in the text, he affirms that he "will do better" and strives to follow through, for the sake of himself but mostly for the sake of the little girl who depends on him for everything.

Lucy Bock was almost three years old when her mother Diana died of cancer. In an effort to cheer her up on her first birthday without her mom, Charles ends up putting himself in the hospital. It's a disastrous start to single parenthood but Charles resolves to keep trying, to keep doing better. Plenty of mistakes are made along the way, but he's only human. And unlike some other oblivious parents, he knows when he's messing up, knows when he's being petty and selfish and unreasonable. He's not a natural dad, admitting his thorough ambivalence to parenthood from the start, but he keeps choosing love, even when it's hard and he's ill-equipped to either give or receive it.

There's a lot of self-owning here -- the two-girlfriend situation is clearly the acting out of someone late to young adult drama, while the weird bargaining with both Lily and another exasperated parent when Lily refuses to give an acquaintance's hairclip back is neediness presenting itself as permissive parenting -- but Mr Bock doesn't tell us these things to have us feel sorry for him or, worse, absolve him of his immaturity. Instead, he exposes the painful truth about himself to show that it's possible to fuck up, and then to learn from it and become both a better father and person. There's a particularly evocative passage near the end of the book, where he's considering punching out a guy during the blackout that came on the heels of Hurricane Sandy. I was so worried that he was going to do something stupid, but reading his in-the-moment evaluation of all the repercussions that would come if he allowed himself to lose his temper finally assured me: he's going to be okay. The Charles in the memoir is embracing maturity and accepting responsibility for his actions and learning how to be a good human being, one day at a time.

And so, ten years on (for writing the memoir, plus a few years for getting it polished and published,) he's raised a child he's proud of, and is deeply grateful for all the help he's received along the way. Life hasn't turned out the way he's expected but he's navigated the journey the best he can, accepting the existence of his negative feelings but refusing to wallow, and always, ALWAYS thoughtfully seeking to improve. That's honestly a lot to be proud of, and an excellent lesson to share with other people and parents -- and especially dads -- who are going through what he did and/or want to know how he managed.

I Will Do Better by Charles Bock was published October 1 2024 by Abrams Press and is available from all good booksellers, including Bookshop!

This review originally appeared at TheFrumiousConsortium.net.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Will Do Better: A Father’s Memoir of Heartbreak, Parenting, and Love – Charles Bock – 2024 –
This sincere, delightful, and thoughtfully written story covers a two-year period following the death of his beloved wife Diana Colbert, 41, of leukemia. Bock reluctantly embraced his role as a single Dad to their 3-year-old daughter, Lily. As a writer and educator, he had not studied parenting books that focused on the growth and development of young children, or read the mommy blogs, single fathers were less inclined to write about parenthood. He would contemplate Lily living with her maternal grandmother Peg for an extended time. Diana’s final wishes included the importance of Lily knowing Diana’s family.

Lily Starr Colbert-Bock aka “Silly Lily” or the “Tornado Tomato” unable to stand still, was a bright, charming, creative, inquisitive child. Bock enrolled her in a Manhattan music centered pre-school after discovering that dependable home childcare was nearly impossible to attain. Although Lily would never become a violinist, she bossed her table friends and wanted to be in charge of all games/activities. Her sympathetic teachers observed: “Lily had been through a lot.” Bock, had his own therapist, and scheduled regular appointments for Lily with child psychologist Dr. Jennifer Melfi who assured Bock: “You can’t ruin this child.”

Eventually Lily would inquire about the possibility of a new mommy. Bock vowed to never orbit areas of “mother spaces” at Lily’s school and public parks-playgrounds to check out single moms, and left dinner parties and literary events early to rush home to pay a babysitter. Despite Lily’s embarrassing toddler horror movie screaming tantrums in public places, Lily, (as a teen) was pictured with her father, and continues appointments with Dr. Melfi. Still, she seems happy and well-adjusted considering the shifts and changes in her family dynamics over the years. * Many thanks to Abrams Press via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

[Jenni V. · Rating 2 out of 5]

For marketing purposes, I added this book to my 'to-read' list after seeing it in People Magazine.

Reviews of memoirs make me uncomfortable, especially if I'm skewing negative. But I start with the caveat that I'm not judging the experiences themselves, I'm judging the way they were written about which is something the author can expect after publishing a book.

Sooo...this was a tough read. I expected it to be tough based on the subject matter but it was tough for other reasons instead. Although he was incredibly incredibly honest on his negative feelings there wasn't a balance of positive feelings/redemption. I'm not expecting him to magically change fundamental personality traits but the title of the book is I Will Do Better...does he feel he did (and still is as Lily was 13 at the time of publishing)? Also he did a current update/epilogue but didn't mention having another child? His author bio mentioned that he has two daughters...I would've loved a little insight into his thoughts after reading so much about how he didn't want to have kids at all but reluctantly had Lily because his wife wanted to be a mother.

Grieving doesn't take away from the unpleasantness of him talking about the women around him. Besides seeing two women, 'A' and 'Z', at the same time and not telling them, he dismissed them as "Whichever Letter" when recapping the month spent without his daughter as though they were interchangeable.

An interesting note: his story isn't the first time I've read about widows/widowers tasting their spouses' ashes. I'm guessing it's more common but untalked about than people may think.

Basically, if he'd never wanted to share anything that is completely his right. But if he's taking the time to write a memoir about this time and around this subject, a fuller picture and more introspection would've been appreciated.

Quote From the Book
"I wished I would have gotten to see the powerhouse mom my wife would have become."

Find all my reviews at: https://readingatrandom.blogspot.com

[Siqiwang · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like this book a lot. This is a book full of energy of love. I am still reading one third part of it, but I did a little reading every night before I go to bed. I lived in new york, and i found this has quite became quite a therapeutic read for me, an escape that I felt from the bustling of people, superficial small talks, the culture of pretending care about other people's life while you actually don't. it makes this book a true gem by just feeling the authenticity. It reminds me of who we are as human being, what we essentially care about in the end. a type of ceramic technique in japan - Kintsugi some how jumped into my mind. It was an artistic technique invented by the Japanese technician, that they amend the ceramic of gold and powdered gold, silver, or platinum in a beautiful way. I think this is how authors weaves his cracks of life into a beautiful yet mystic discovery journey of how flow shared within human emotion. I also like the less-grandeur, stay-true description in this book. His interactive moment with his loved one, his daughter, or his past just make sense beyond the simple logistic. The free flow of text has uncovered the complex taste of life that transcend beyond the ethnicity and gender.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir offers a tender and brutally honest account of parenting his infant daughter after the tragic loss of his beloved wife, who endured a painful battle with cancer. His wife, Lily, was diagnosed with advanced leukemia when their daughter was just six months old. She underwent two bone marrow transplants and initially achieved remission. Though she fought hard for nearly a year, the cancer returned. Diana passed away just three days before Lily's third birthday, leaving him to navigate parenthood alone amidst his profound grief.

The book paints a vivid picture of grief, parenthood, and childhood while also serving as a coming-of-age story. I found the epilogue and the updates particularly meaningful. While parts of the memoir are humorous, much is deeply emotional. A significant theme is learning to be physically present for his daughter and grappling with the emotional truths associated with acceptance. From this narrative, we can all understand the importance of appreciating life's joys, being honest with ourselves, and making responsible choices about the challenges we face in parenting.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars for this memoir by Charles Bock. I was impressed with its candor and emotional range and engaging, smart writing. The whole premise of the book is wonderful and parts of it are completely unique. Bock is very observant and descriptive, especially with his interactions between himself and his daughter Lily. I would have liked to keep reading a few more years' worth of those interactions, to see how their relationship matures. I suspect Lily surpassed Bock by the age of 18. If I were rating the author rather than his book, I'd have given him 2.5 stars. He seems a bit too immature for a 40-year-old who has lived in the real world, earned both his undergraduate and graduate degrees, married, experienced the stress and trauma of a terminally ill wife, wrote novels, taught college students, and fathered a child. He calls his own book a "ramshackle love story" and I think that's very apt, because he clearly loves his daughter but is often flailing and overwhelmed by the responsibilities. He just didn't seem ready to be married and have a child. To his credit, though, he WAS willingly engaged in psychotherapy, trying to figure himself out. Trying to do better.

[TL Thomas · Rating 1 out of 5]

The child was more mature than the adult in this one. It's hard to rate a memoir, because the experience they had is the experience they had, whether you like it or not. But in this case I'm judging it on readability, enjoyment, and my own thoughts. Readibility was it was fine. Clear, followed a timeline, characters all laid out, etc. Nothing was deep about any of it, but that is author's choice. Enjoyment was this was a pass for me. The author presents nothing likable about anyone. The way he describes his child is always in the negative. All of her negative traits, all the negatives of a child being a child, and only in response to how he feels about it. The child doesn't exist here except as a burden to him. And judging it as a memoir, I expect a memoir to share some insight, tell us about interesting experiences, or show growth. This has none of that. It's a man's complaints about having a child and that's it.

[Lua · Rating 2 out of 5]

Usually I like it when I feel like a memoir author is doing a good job of being honest and admitting to their faults while telling their story, but I really didn't like hearing about the author's dating (and sleeping with) two women at the same time while pretending to each one that they were the only one. And this was while his toddler child is off visiting Grandma for a month, and he's trying to decide if he should let Grandma have custody of her so he can have more free time. Then, after reading this, I find out that he later met and married a woman and fathered another daughter, before divorcing this second wife -- and the second daughter isn't even mentioned at all in the book, while he claims repeatedly to love Daughter #1 with every fiber of his being. I don't usually feel so judgmental about the authors of the memoirs I read, but this man is the exception to the rule.

[Julia Carr · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir itself is a sweet story. Any parent’s heart will go out to someone left to raise a toddler alone. Parts of the story lag, but that could be because parts of parenting lag. The audiobook was read by the author, which is normally my favorite way to experience a book; however, this author’s style of reading—with affected pauses and emphasis on every.single.word—reminded me of the way some poets read their work. It was hard to listen to a whole book being read like this. He also mispronounced (or pronounced differently than my learning) several words (denoument, the last name of Elie Wiesel, and I forget the others). If the story sounds like one you would like to try, I suggest the print version. Some of his lines were laugh-out-loud droll.

[Susanna Rance · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exceptional read which I appreciated as parent and memoir writer. Its 200 pages condense a lot of depth and unrelenting transparency in revealing pains, joys and daily struggles of lone, bereaved fathering in New York City. Passages of writerly craft and upbeat humour alternate with brutal honesty of the author's observations and exchanges with his daughter, therapist, knowing relatives and dire parent huddles. One of those books I was sad to finish, as I felt involved with the characters and got to care about what they continued to go through together. And imagine being able to write a memoir your teenage child could bear to read. How? Find out.

[Ryan Brandt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to understand the author’s actions more than I did. I’ve never been in his situation, so can’t fault him, but many times I felt like I would have taken the opposite path. We all handle grief in our own way, and this story is his (and his daughter’s). While I didn’t relate to much of it, I think we all share similar concerns about raising our children and wondering if we’re doing the best possible thing for them and replaying our faults over and over…wondering how and when we’ll be better.

[Daniel S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully Done

So well done. Beautiful. Inspiring. The honest reflections are helpful to anyone interested in how people grieve - for real! Bock’s willingness to share his honest story is impressive and to be applauded.

He adds evidence that grieving comes from deeply loving someone and it’s a privilege and an opening to more fully know our humanity. Thank you for this book.

[Kim Hooper]

Is it just me? I had a really hard time getting a sense of the author's true feelings and inner life. I listened to the book, so maybe that was the problem? His reading is very flat. I wanted to feel moved and I just... didn't. Also, I wish I hadn't realized that the author is Leslie Jamison's ex-husband, who she writes about (as "C") in her memoir, Splinters... Her portrayal of him was not very glowing and I had a difficult time getting that out of my head.

[Maya · Rating 3 out of 5]

cool! it felt repetitive tho and i guess maybe that’s symbolic of the ups and downs of parenthood but eh it annoyed me
like he was always just wanting quit on his kid then would be like “no this is what it’s all about” and ready up to take care of her and then she’d throw a tantrum and he’d want to quit again
like not that crazy tho and why were there too many grammar and punctuation errors for comfort
if i was the daughter and i read this i’d prob be pretty offended