40 Days of Dating: An Experiment

by Timothy Goodman, Jessica Walsh

When New York–based graphic designers and long-time friends Timothy Goodman and Jessica Walsh found themselves single at the same time, they decided to try an experiment. The old adage says that it takes 40 days to change a habit—could the same be said for love? So they agreed to date each other for 40 days, record their experiences in questionnaires, photographs, videos, texts, and artworks, and post the material on a website they would create for this purpose.
What began as a small experiment between two friends became an Internet sensation, drawing 5 million unique (and obsessed) visitors from around the globe to their site and their story since it was launched in July 2013. 40 Days of An Experiment is a beautifully designed, expanded look at the experiment and the results, including a great deal of material that never made it onto the site, such as who they were as friends and individuals before the 40 days and who they have become since.

40 Days of Dating has a special binding that allows it to open very flat by attaching the endpapers to the inside covers.

Genres: Nonfiction, Design, Relationships, Art, Memoir, Self Help

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 20, 2015

Reviews

[Michelle Curie · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Of all the emotions or experiences I've had on this earth, love is the one I understand the least."

Love, ah, what a desirable and yet inexplicable little thing. It's funny how most adults have had their share of experience with relationships, and yet it's a topic that is so hard to fully comprehend. We all seem to struggle with defining what is right and wrong, what we're looking for and why we're chase what we chase.



Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman are no different – two friends in New York City, both graphic designers and workaholics, both with a belt full of failed relationships. They decide to start an experiment and date each other for 40 Days. Every day they would see each other, every day they would engage in what is defined as a relationship. Will their friendship sustain or even true romance evolve?

"You don't realise how bad it was until it's gone. My mom always said you should never chase affection; people usually show you what they're willing to give rather quickly and if it's not given freely, it's not worth having."

I don't actually remember when I first heard of this experiment, it certainly was many years after the two launched their blog and publicised their daily journal entries online. This book is a collection of said entries in addition to some writings of the aftermath and some essays and contributions from friends, fans and family.

I was intrigued by the general idea of this and enjoyed reading how their relationship developed over the forty days. Dating these days seems to be so strangely formulaic and it was fun reading retellings of the events from both perspectives, as occasionally they would describe specific situations completely different or even contradict what the other person said. They were both utterly honest about their motifs and feelings, which is admirable and made this more interesting. What I didn't care about were the essays on love by friends or messages they had received from fans after their website launched. All in all, still a project that is curious as well as it is intriguing.

[Molly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stumbled upon accidentally, this book was a mistake that wormed it's way, happily, onto my reading list. I found the concept and design of this experiment fascinating, especially because it was both emotional and intellectual. It spurred me wondering if I would ever be bold enough to undertake such an experiment with a male friend of mine. Could I risk such a friendship? What are my main relationship hiccups? Can two people develop enough feelings for each other to override their shortcomings? I desperately wanted to know if Tim and Jessica were able to make it work. And reading through their journal entries was psychologically and emotionally fascinating.

I struggled, however, with the second half of the book: the entries that each person made post-experiment. Perhaps I am just a snob about organization, but it infuriated me that I was reading them side by side when one person was writing about June and the other was writing about August. I truly felt that those entries following the initial experiment would have been better organized in chronological order instead of having the left pages reserved for Jessica and the right pages for Timothy. It would have made more sense. I ended up flipping pages fifteen times with two bookmarks so I could read them in chronological order anyway, which was tedious and annoying.

Overall, though, I think this was an interesting portrait of modern relationships. It reminded me in some ways of Adele Waldman's "The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P." Such an honest look at an attempted and failed relationship.

[Babsra · Rating 3 out of 5]

For two graphic designers, this book was pretty poorly designed.

[Stephanie Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars because the book itself is truly beautiful, as it is written and created by two designers. I enjoyed rereading this (read the original blog back when I was in college) and being older definitely lends a new perspective to some of the issues they write about.

[Andrej Garaj · Rating 2 out of 5]

Vlastne som to nedocital... 70 stran pred koncom. Vadilo mi ako je kniha koncipovana i pribehovo to bolo kinda meh. Občas rozosmialo ale skor som cakal kedy budem mat knihu z krku. Nakoniec som to vzdal lebo ma nezaujimalo co sa dialo este potom - ups and downs, nope.

[Vijay Chengappa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Realistic account of contemporary dating and first world problems.
Very context heavy, outside the world of self absorbed millenials, most wouldn't see the fuss about this story.

[Shannon Callahan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting style but raw.

I really did somewhat enjoyed the different type of writing style. With a big plus of raw information. Both of them blend together pretty well for me to be constantly curious. Personally, I never had a relationship or dating too much. Of course, I have my own issues but I do enjoying hear the “the language of raw affection”. However, I gave this story three stars not because of what happened in the end. It is more about the difference between enjoying it and hooking into it. That’s why...

[Ville Verkkapuro · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wonderful format. Both ”characters” were likable. I loved how real they were. How much they shared, in a very fearless way.
Story-wise, nothing special. But offered some great insights.
Both Jessica and Tim are extraordinary people and I’m happy I got offered to be a part of the ride.
Would recommend to anyone! It’s free online, very nicely done with all the pictures and everything!
There was something very American in this.
Very New York.
But hey: I love New York.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

A visually stimulating and honest recount of two designer friends who decided to date for 40 days as part of an experiment.

I always wonder is love more nature or nurture. In this case, they are trying to nurture a relationship but met many roadblocks due to their nature (different love languages and expectations). I guess a healthy relationship requires a fine art of balancing of both aspects.

This experiment made me felt like I just read up a fiction novel as so many things happen in these 40 days, but I guess this is how it is in an American millennial context. I’m curious to see how it will pan out if two asians decided to carry out this experiment.. without being killed by their parents.

[Yvett Krilek · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this in one of my favorite local coffeeshops. As it sat there on the shelf with its bold red cover, it really caught my eyes and made me curious. Flipping through the first pages, I really liked the main idea. Besides, the look and feel of this book is so awesome, full of creativity, great artworks, photos and typography. However, the content itself didn't really live up to my expectations. I don't feel like I've learned much from their story,sometimes I got annoyed with Jessie and Tim and all their miscommunication. It had some great moments though, so there were parts I enjoyed. If I had to share something as a takeaway, it would be this: "Normal people are just people you don't know well enough yet.". A good relationship means you find someone who doesn't expect you to be anyone but your authentic self. And that person will love you for that. If you find this person and feel the exact same thing about them, don't let the opportunity pass you by because of minor things. Learn to make the necessary compromises. Making excuses and blaming the bad timing won't make you happy in the end. Enjoy the little moments and cherish the time you can spend together. After all, this is what actually matters.

[Anneke · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5/5

I really do like the idea of life being an experiment or, rather, a continuous string of opportunities for experimentation. The premise of this book is so interesting to me and it’s kind of inspiring as a meeting point between artistic practice and scientific experimentation, although for me this would play out more like trying to write with my left hand for 40 days (real ones know I do this for brushing my teeth w my left hand and training myself to drink water that way). Anyways, I think that the two columns of writing and the format of their daily entries was fascinating and worked in their favor for comparative analysis, but the design of the book overall was lacking. Aesthetically, I found that many of their choices often detracted from rather than enhanced the narrative structure or content of their lives. Whether this is simply a reflection of the twee design sphere they were operating within, or of something else is beyond me, and I’m curious now to see what their other work is like and what their professional and personal relationship has morphed into. The honestly and commitment to vulnerable documentation of both Jessie and Tim is what makes 40 Days of Dating work.

[Jantine Zandbergen · Rating 3 out of 5]

'40 Days of Dating: An Experiment' is a fun book on an interesting experiment: two friends with opposite relationship issues find themselves single at the same time and decide to date each other for 40 days. What starts as a fun idea develops into something much deeper, becoming an interesting look at the (love) lives and psyche of the two authors.

The book looks really nice; which isn't a surprise coming from two designers. I found the lay-out a bit uncomfortable though; you have to read the diary entries with the book turned for instance, and the set-up in the final chapter make you have to flip the pages several times. But hey, I've read 'House of Leaves' so I'm used to having to work for reading a book ;) A fun and original read which looks great on your coffee-table.

[Fernanda Renton · Rating 5 out of 5]

it's quite an inspiration for everyone who love arts, since it's as important as Tim and Jessie for the story and make it all even more interesting. I love this experiment, I love Tim and Jessie as characters, I love how they don't try to be any other thing than themselves, opening their qualities and flaws, thoughts and feelings. It was, at least for me, a little hard to "watch" things and knowing it was real and it is life. It is a genius idea for me. It makes you think about things, question, and learn a little more about you and about differences from others.

It's an incredible piece - as a book story, as a piece of art, as an experiment, as a way to analyze yourself and, of course, as a way to meet your two new friends. Thanks, Tim and Jessie, for this.

[Ana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved the blog and I remember devouring it daily, along with my feeling and interpretations at the time. Like the blog, the book is graphically stunning, incredibly insightful and just a sheer pleasure to read or just flick thorough for the quirky artsy bits. I haven't read a physical book in such a long time and I must say I love even its smell, haha. Definitely the kind of book that makes my shelves prettier.

If you're wondering whether you should buy it after already reading the blog, I would definitely recommend it; if not for the creativity, for sure for the end part about how they dealt with this project after its completion.

[Angelina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very cool, visually appealing book that tells the pre- and post-experiment details not found on the blog. I really enjoyed this book and all the insight about relationships, love, and perception that was examined throughout the pages. My only real negative feeling about this book has to do with the way it was printed. By keeping the blog format, sometimes the images or headers for a day were cut off/separated between two pages (requiring a page flip)/lost in the center fold of the book. This wasn't an every page thing, but it did bug me when it occurred because I felt like I was missing something.

[Amy Michelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a mostly enjoyable and quick read, but I can definitely see it working better as a blog. I never read the blog, but I found that while I was interested in the experiment, the day to day minutiae bothered me as I was binge-reading the book. Also, the design of the book was really cool, but also really impractical - It was difficult to read. Some of the text is sideways and her story doesn't always line up with his story, so you end up having to go forward and back several pages to understand what's going on. Many of the images were cut off, too.

[Kayla Burress · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the content of this book is pretty interesting, the format is RIDICULOUS. It was such a pain in the neck trying to flip back and forth between all of their responses, and their headings (while attractive at first glance) are just about IMPOSSIBLE to read. For being designers, you'd think they'd be more mindful of making an accessible format. Then again, maybe that's the issue; they focused much too hard on design rather than functionality.

[M Heller · Rating 4 out of 5]

When 40 Days of Dating was released as a beautifully designed blog back in 2013, I read it along with a lot of other people. It went viral and the authors, designers Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman were all over the web. It was even in talks for a movie or TV series. I knew that they were going to turn it into a book, but I never got around to reading it until now. I will say that OVERALL I really liked the book, but there are a few things I have issues with.

FIRST OF ALL, this is a book made by graphic designers... I believe they hired an external team to design the book, but as a book, it is NOT designed well. Book about graphic designers, not designed well. :/ I'll be more specific: the bulk of this true story is the 40 days/dates that are documented meticulously with a consistent set of questions. This content presents very well on a widescreen high resolution computer monitor, but for the book they essentially copy/pasted the website onto the pages and make you rotate the book in order to read it like a website, and it's not done well. Graphics that are bold and colorful and meaningful are just cut at the edge of the page, so you see the top of the graphic on one page and the bottom when you flip to the next. It doesn't make any sense.

There's an awful lot of content in the book, so I can see why they'd print small and do it this way, but it is really annoying and I think it could have been way better. The page is split into two columns with Jessica Walsh's answers on one side and Timothy Goodman's on the other, so in order to read both answers to the same question you're jumping back and forth a lot. I don't know if this will bother the average reader though. Maybe to someone who hasn't read the site, it will be a fun and playful reading experience. The sections of the book before and after the 40 dates are designed much better and feature nice photos and illustrations. Also! There were even a few places where content was omitted. Like a sentence would not finish on one page, and then you'd flip to the next and it would just not be there... It seems like the designers were like, "let's just cut out some stuff to make it fit," and that's annoying. The website is the better version, but since these days digital content is disappearing all the time I had hoped the book would be the superior way to view this whole project.

Okay, now that I've yapped on about the design, let's talk about the experiment itself, or the story/plot. A man and woman are good friends and have not been successful in dating. In fact they seem to have the opposite problems. Jessica falls in love too fast, and Tim cannot seem to commit to anyone. In the world of heterosexual couples this seems to be a common stereotype. So they decide in order to know themselves better and figure out what their deals are, they'll try dating each other for 40 days and thoroughly document the whole process. Chaos, fun, and love(?) ensues.

There's a lot I love and a lot to relate to in this book, and I think that's why I wanted to re-read it. That being said, it's a fairly narrow snapshot. This is what dating looked like in 2013 for two white attractive heterosexuals living in New York. In some of the introductory and concluding sections we hear from other couples but not a whole lot.

I think what's most enjoyable for me is seeing their relationship ebb and flow over the course of the 40 days. The couple runs into quite a few conflicts and they don't always handle it well. It's both comforting to see another couple struggling with silly miscommunications and issues but also upsetting. You see them when they are good, and you want that to continue and then suddenly it spins out and both people are yelling and/or crying. Relationships are tough. This book didn't do anything to make it seem like that was not the case... but it does do one thing towards the end I wanted to mention:

/// SPOILERS ///

After the project ends and both of them feel defeated and maybe a little heartbroken, they spend some time apart. Jessica talks to a friend and gets the idea to write down all of the things she wants in a potential partner. Jessica knows what she wants and she states it loudly and proudly, and very quickly she meets someone who turns out to be her person. Meanwhile, Tim is walking around confused, "Did I do the right thing? Is this what I want?" etc. etc. I think I'm a little hard on Tim because I relate to some of the stuff he's thinking: He wants to be free and have fun, but he also wants to find love. But then he won't commit and decide *this is what I truly want* and go for it.

/// END SPOILERS ///

Anyway, this review turned out being way longer than I planned. I do recommend this book, but it can be a little bit of a chore to read. It's kind of like a science experiment so you're reading a lot of data about what both people are going through, and sometimes it feels a bit mundane and like nothing is happening. But that's life! I do think there is an emotional pay off though. The last few dates are a wild ride, and some of the stuff after the project ends is some of the best in the book. That being said, you might want to check out the 40 Days of Dating blog first and read a few entries to see if you're interested before getting the book.

[Erin Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the blog, but was very excited to read the book. Will suggest, if you plan to read this book buy it in print it is definitely a coffee table book.

I was really excited to see what happened at the end. However, I learned it from Instagram because I couldn't wait.

[Mapet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a big fan of the blog and the works of Jessica Walsh and Tim Goodman so it wasn't much of stretch that I would love this book.

[Pulga Haza · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an addictive read, you can read the main bits on the blog however it is a beautiful book! Just because of that and all the extra bits is worth it all the way :)

[Amrutha Maddala · Rating 3 out of 5]

How do I get a refund on the 12.99 and the 2 days I spent on this book?

[César Reyes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a sucker for a good RomCom. This pretty much hits that spot in a very nonfiction way. As a story, it has all the moments one wants: hope, longing, adventure, drama, and personability. I found myself reflecting on my own relationships and how I've occupied the spaces of boyfriend and lover, as well as friend.

The design work is pretty phenomenal, which, unfortunately, is where this book falls short. It cuts into a lot of the deign work when turning to the next page, which is frustrating when the writing and art communicate with one another. I wish the editors had planned the page breaks better. This book feels much like a supplement to the website. The Website shows more graphic works and motion graphics that aren't shown (or can't be shown) in the book. I found myself reading from the book while being on the website to experience the full impact of the art work.

All in all, it's a great book to read and find more insight to the before and after of the project. As well, to relate to the ups and downs of love. 4 out of 5 stars.

[Laura Dimová · Rating 3 out of 5]

Veľmi zaujímavá kniha, ale bavila ma tak po 3/4. Zvyšok - čo sa dialo po experimente, som sa len donútila dočítať. Ako graphic designer som neskutočne ocenila dizajn knihy. Ako inak, keď ju napísali dvaja dizajnéri. Je neuveriteľný, niekedy však na škodu pri čítaní. Ku koncu mi už veľmi vadilo, že príbehy Jessie a Tima boli v layoute súbežne a ja som si musela v knihe zakladať dvoje záložky, aby som sa držala rovnakých dátumov, v ktorých boli ich zápisky.

Nie som tu však na to, aby som opisovala vizuál. Kniha je aj pútavá, aj miestami nudná. Občas zábavná, občas smutná. Určite si autorov dohľadom na internete aj si pozriem blog. Nápad je to super a ešte viac super je, že z toho vznikla kniha. Obsahuje veľmi pekné úvahy o láske pri konci. Obzvlášť ma zaujala tá prvá o single ľudoch, ktorí by sa vôbec nemali cítiť zle. Tak by to (ne)malo byť.

Trvalo mi to dlho, ale na to že som medzi jej čítaním prečítala ďalšie 3 knihy, že som ju čítala po anglicky a že má 300 strán.. tak dobre.

[tisasday · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read about this project back when they launched it online on a blog. Stumbled upon this book while I was browsing the shelves at the library. Brought back so many memories of back when I was following their posts and updates with a friend with whom I was writing a blog with. This 'social experiment' might sound silly to some people but I think it is a brave endeavour to explore the vulnerabilities in all of our psyches, things that we grew up being influenced by and how we process our lives. It is not an easy feat to conscientiously discuss the things in our lives and how they made us feel and influenced the way we process and make sense of ourselves. Perhaps if more people were brave like this and incorporate such a habit into their daily lives, there would be a little less troubled relationships in the world.

[Cindy Pham · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a lot more criticisms about the concept when I was younger - that it was self-absorbed, that it was obviously a publicity stunt - but now that I'm a designer around their age, I have a lot more empathy for what they went through and the emotional turmoil that comes with opening yourself up to vulnerability, honesty, and publicity. For this reason, I was surprised to find myself much more engaged with the content and story, and I was much more interested in what happened to the two of them after the experiment when they were free from arbitrary rules and structure. Unfortunately, the design and structure of the book layout was not up to par, requiring several page flips back and forth to get the chronology right. It did not do justice to the designs as it should have.

[Jen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, the two star is a bit generous for having read this on the Kindle but I did really enjoy the project when they put it out in 2013. This just...didn't...translate very well to the print. They're both designers and they make super cool things but when it's grainy or impossible to see because your Kindle won't blow it up...it's not nearly as enticing. They also filled the book with what felt like nonsense simply to have enough to write a book, which was disappointing. I don't care about tweet-length stories about what love is or your first date from completely random sources with no description of who they are or why I would care in relation to the story. I enjoyed the "what happened after" but then that also abruptly stopped so there was no following the journey. Meh. Just Meh.

[Lindsay]

Putting personal deep emotions and thoughts for the world to see between a man and a woman isn't a new concept. What makes this book interesting is how Jessica and Timmothy after their blog posts go back into each others comments and write in additional thoughts, saying how they interpreted a shared situation differently. I had a lot of "ah-hah" moments in my mind while reading this in relation to my own experiences. In addition, they had some incredible typographic illustrations to energize some of the posts. Easy, quick, and formulaic blog posts which was fun to see how each person put their style to make things interesting. I wish there were more "experiments" done such as the hand holding day. Maybe someone else can take this on :) .

[Lorena · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's interesting to read this, as I followed the og 40 days of dating blog ten years ago. Growing older and tbh more cynical gave me a whole more appreciation for Tim, who yes, could be kind of a dick sometimes, but also: it's fine to be overwhelmed? I guess the dichotomy of being too forward or too coy can be confusing to people who are easily overwhelmed by decisions.

I guess the true experiment was the self discovery we made along the way. And in my case, that I would never want to date someone who falls fast.

I did enjoy reading the book, not so much the extra bits at the end. Beautiful design, much like the blog itself;

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting

Interesting read. I think they definitely got way too Freudian in explaining why things were the way they were, which wouldn't be a problem if all of Frued's work wasn't debunked. It and they are also very NYC, which will be readily apparently to anyone who has ever lived in NYC or has someone that they are close to who is NYC. This isn't bad, it's just NYC, especially Manhattan is a very specific mentality that doesn't extend out which hinders the relateability and ability to extrapolate their story or lessons.